Books - It's the end of 2022 and I consumed 100 books this year

2022 is my good 'book-consumption' year.

I read & listened to 100 books. Before you start judging whether my ‘greedy’ consumption this year is good or not (as people looove to mention quality over quantity every time I mentioned how many books I finished each year). 

In 2022 :

1. I didn’t socialize, so I had extra time (same as all the years before, lol)
2. I didn’t binge-watch movies & series as much this year, so I had the extra time
3. I borrowed a lot of books from my friends, so I had the pressure to read instead of keeping other people’s books for long
4. I tried to make it my habit to read every night (I’ll be sitting on my bed by 8 pm, trying to read, no longer in front of my computer after a long day of work)
5. I listen to an audiobook during cooking and sometimes while working
6. 1 year = 365 days, so roughly 1 book around every 3 days, which is fairly manageable.

If you are an avid reader, you will understand how hard it is to find a ‘GREAT’ fiction that you will want to reread over and over again, if you are lucky you might find 1 in every 30 books, so in order to find more great books that suit your exact taste, you had to read a lot, there is no other way. People can recommend books, but good for them doesn’t usually be good for you. Was it a high-quality reading/listening experience? - Not all, of course. But among those 100 books, I found at least 15 books that I might reread for a slower reading experience, but many of them that I won’t want to reread - ever.

Back in 2018, I read 114 books, so this isn't my first time. But in 2018, I consumed a lot of non-fiction books and I didn't write down about each book. So I tend to forget which book is which. I wanted to make a change from that past experience, and I wanted to remember the things that I learned from each book. That's why I created the Notion book club :

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What do I do to read better?

1. I have my Notion book club to write my thoughts, ideas, personal arguments, analysis, and yes, perhaps reviews (for me, I feel like reviews are very subjective so I usually don’t focus on that).
2. By having to keep track of my reading/listening experience, I have to stop and put myself into a thinking mode, then I have to sit to do some light research and then write about it. It’s like a personal practice to learn how to think and hone my writing skill.
3. I also have a commonplace book where I write things that capture my interest, words that I don’t understand, or lovely quotes that I want to reread later

My good book list this year :

1. A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
2. Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens
3. The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greaves
4. I Remain in Darkness by Annie Ernaux
5. Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman
6. The Invisible Life by Addie LaRue by VE Schwab
7. The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller
8. The Unseen Body by Jonathan Reisman
9. How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee
10. Non-fiction books by Ann Patchett & Rachel Cusk

Books that make me stop & think :

• Huge-gap relationship, the age of consent, abusive relationship - Consent by Vanessa Springora, My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth, The Enchanter by Vladimir Nabokov
• Mental health - Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man by Vladimir Nabokov, The Upstair House by Julia Fine
• New ideas - The Scent Keeper by Erica Bauermeister - the idea to store memories in smell, Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens - POV of a ghost falling in love with a writer, Meet me in another Life by Catriona Silvey - Deja Vu, stuck in the unconscious mind
• Why did I cry ? - The Reader by Bernhard Schlink, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
• Good entertaining story-telling: The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes, The Story of Achilles by Madelline Miller, Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman, The Story of Gilgamesh by Yiyun Li, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab
• On long marriage, separation - The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greves, Aftermath by Rachel Cusk, The Good Mother by Sue Miller, This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
• The Life in the 1900s - Anne of the Green Gable series
• Losing & grief - I Remain in Darkness by Annie Ernaux, Farewell Ghost by Nadia Terranova
• Motherhood, post-partum depression, parenting - Black Milk by Elif Shafak, I’ll Show Myself Out by Jessi Klein, The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine N Aron, The Good Mother by Sue Miller, The Upstair House by Julia Fine
• Friendship - Truth & Beauty by Ann Patchett, The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
• On health - The Unseen body by Jonathan Reisman & How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee
• What gives a bad taste? - The Maidens by Alex Michaelides, A Cold Trail by Robert Dugoni, The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, Regretting You by Colleen Hoover

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All the page covers in my Book Club Notion were done by me, each and every one of them (look at the whole year's dedication !), I am so proud for reaching the end of 2022 with one thing that I promised I do throughout the year. The writing was a pain - I DIDN'T KNOW WRITING MY OWN OPINION IS A SET OF SKILL ONE NEEDS TO LEARN :F There are books that I didn't write anything in - those are the books that didn't leave any thoughts that I want to remember or it was so dull I just don't want to write anything about.

Anyhow, the one book that gave me the experience to remember in 2022 was A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. It took me 1.5 months to finish it - a book that makes me feel so much. Thank you, Hanya for writing such a masterpiece. One day I will want to reread it again, in the meantime, I'm waiting for my preorder copy of To Paradise early next year.

Thank you 2022, to finding more good books next year! ⚘

Check out my Year in Books compilation (Goodreads). If I were at school and there was another reading competition, I would probably win this again ❤

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2022

A 2022 compilation :

1. On health :

Remember in 2021 I had severe anxiety that I collapsed? Well, it took around 6-8 months for the anxiety to clear up. Even after that, I started having chronic pain for another half of the year, which I think was related to anxiety. I spent thousands to recover/manage/heal. 

But I learned a lot. It taught me resilience, it taught me to understand that some things need to be experienced, it taught me humility, it reminded me of the shortness of life, and it taught me to have more backup plans than I already have.

But I'm well now, and my health in 2022 was better.

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2. On finance :

We struggled throughout the year, it was a slow year, financially. As a freelancer, there are months with no money and there are months with doubled/tripled from what I usually get. But all in all, we struggled a lot this year, which led to a decision to make a change in my career.

Note: I spent a lot of my savings surviving and recovering in 2022, so I wish to earn more in 2023 to financially recover and prepare for the future. 

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3. On projects, career, and work :

In Nov, I started working full-time again. This decision was made out of necessity and although I was the one that made the decision, I'm actually still very disappointed with this. But we have to be ready for the economic downturn, we need to have enough to survive without having to struggle on a monthly basis kan. This is the sacrifice that I need to make.

It has been 2 months and I'm adapting well. We are still working full-time remotely in the comfort of our own house. We got connected through Slack and Zoom, we have office lunch every month and weekly get-togethers for a seminar/talk, all online. They actually make an effort to connect us together even though we are separated by countries. 

They offer a good salary, enough annual leaves, 3 months maternity leaves, birthday day off, flexible-work time, trust us as a fully responsible adult (I mean, we are fully remote and all work are manageable), work-life balance, no OT needed, etc etc etc. All the things I wanted in a work environment.

I work as a designer/illustrator where I can use my skills in different projects. It's a remote office where all are treated like an adult and I like it. 

I also did several more projects with Noko this year and most of the things came out before Christmas.

In mid-Dec, I joined Comic Fiesta but it was not as fun. 

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4. On Sofi :

I waited for 2 years and 8 months to hear her call me "mami". She finally started learning to talk 3 months before she turned 3. Soon she started to catch up, she mimicked us and 6 months later she can even use up to 4 words in a sentence. 

It wasn't just her time yet and we waited ever so patiently :F

She is also potty-trained and no longer uses nappy except at night time. She stops drinking milk lying down, she wants me to read her books every night, and she refuses to nap during the afternoon. She started her 1-week trial at a kindergarden in Nov as well. 

A lot of major changes. 

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5. On passion :

I consumed more than 100 books this year.

Letting myself nerd out and doing research on books and writers feels so good (I usually write something in the early morning before Sofi gets up). I learned something from reviewing these books, I decided on certain matters that I was not sure about before, and I discovered things about myself that I didn't know.

It is so good to still like something so passionately even after 30 years. Also, it feels good to nerd up and write about books with invisible audiences. 

1. The Book of Goose by Yi Yun Li 
2. Gilgamesh by Yi Yun Li 
3. Briefly, a Delicious Life by Nell Stevens 
4. Black Milk by Elif Shafak 
5. The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller 
6. The City of Mist by Carlos Ruiz Zafon 
7. The Prince and the Dress Maker by Jen Wang
8. The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak

At this point in my life (mid-30s), I'm beginning to enjoy reading classic literature, and fiction with beautiful prose and calm slower vibes. Life is already too messed up, I just want to read/listen to something soothing for my mind. 

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Things I'm excited about :

1. The book I pre-ordered in Nov for my upcoming birthday month: is the paperback version of To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara. 
2. The Last of Us series will be out in mid-January, but it's on HBO Max.
3. I am waiting for the time to watch The House of Dragon - because I've been so busy for the past couple of months.
4. I'm also extending my stay at Disney Hotstar to finish up Andor - and write something about it because I'm inspired. Fun fact: I waited for a year+ to wait for the release of Andor. (DONE)
5. The home massage session on my birthday, I pre-booked on Sentuh App :F
6.  Getting my Kindle back and reading Hamnet (I bought it in Aug). I expected it to be returned to me in Dec, but I guess getting it returned wasn't in her main plans.

Work Related : Back Working Full-time Again

After 5 years of working full-time as a freelance independent designer/illustrator, I decided to find a full-time permanent job under a company. This decision was made after almost a year of struggling trying to take care of the whole family, wanting a proper plan to send Sofi to kindergarden and saving enough money to build a house in rural area. 

I am actually disappointed, because it leads me to this. I loved my flexible time, the fun time I had creating art and working with client projects. But we were in a desperate phase, and I needed to sacrifice my freedom to have a better living. I know with my experience and skills, my salary can reach to a 'comfortable' level. But the catch is, I had to let my freedom go. 

I applied to many jobs in October, by the end of October I received a job offer from a Singapore-based agency which I accepted. Since then, I've been working with them, at home, but full-time. Even with all the perks, benefits and high-salary, nothing can be compared to the joy I had with having freedom to do anything I want. And I miss that, so much.

I am still adapting I know.

But I tried the taste of freedom and I'm still remembering the after-taste.

What changed since then ? :

• we sent Sofi for a trial week at a chosen kindergarden to prepare her for next year
• I've been working at home 8 hours a day, 5 days a week
• we expended our working setup, now I got 2 work desks : 1 for office's iMac (which took the whole table) and another one my old original setup
• I turned off the Patreon monetization, so I just update free contents when I have the time
• I've been having a mild vertigo again, due to the long hours sitting/drawing and I'm trying to use a pomodoro method to remind myself to move every once in a while
• my mind is always at work because I have so much to do, but now, I have money and security
• I started reading less, and perhaps taking a slower time to finish a book because I already reached 95 books and I'm not competing with anyone (but I miss reading)
• I started to have a proper better skin-care routine because I am now 35 (hahahaha), honestly for almost my whole existence, I only use face wash, perhaps toner (when I remember). Now I'm in my mid 30s, and I noticed that I'm beginning to show a sign of aging: my skin is no longer supple (like in my 20s), maybe wrinkles will start showing (it might take few more years if my skin is this oily for long), maybe hair will start turning grey. I don't know, I don't really mind much. But this year I added spf, serum and eye-cream. Still can't convince myself to use moisturiser because my skin is so oily :F  
• Oh, I found this drip coffee that is 'just enough' to start the day. I stopped drinking coffee since I had Sofi, and after the anxiety, it somehow triggers the coffee-jitters. But I needed stronger caffeine than matcha, but not too strong until I got the jitters or palpitation, so I tried this and it works for now ! I drink it early when I started working at 9 am.

Note : Also, it is so cool to be working with a full-remote Singaporean agency kan, I was curious at first too. But since then we had so many online meetings, briefing, discussion, also once-every-month online makan2 and seminar as well. Plus, I am the only Malay for now (it's hard not to notice this). 

image by Patrick Perkins

Little Thing 255 : The Maya Channel and Random Babbles

Okay. Let me let it out in the maya (because I need to let this out to free up the burden of talking alone in my head, did I forget how I manage the last 15 years - I've been writing to the invisible people in the internet as a coping mechanism kan). Plus, lately it's been mentally hard to survive one more waking day. I'm not depressed yet, just really stressed out, surviving. And I don't have friends, so I need a channel to express. 

Anyway, random sharing session.

Last week I went out twice to focus on work. I've never left Sofi for work in the past 3 years+ so this is a start. I searched for any coworking space in the area but couldn't find one suitable for me so I spent 4 hours sitting in my brother's cafe, finishing up my first draft for the Noko project I'm currently working on. I even brought my own matcha powder and soy milk (so my brother can make it for me - I'm lactose intolerant and I can't drink coffee anymore). Oh, I also already cooked foods in advance for the 2 days I'm away for work.

4 hours of uninterrupted working hour is a bliss. I forgot what it feels like, to focus solely on your task alone (I've been working while trying to take care of a toddler, so you can imagine if you tried doing that, not impossible - just chaotic). 

Then after the 2 days of working, I went out to socialize (for the first time in a loooooong time). I went out with Ms Chin, we watched Where the Crawdads Sing, we walked, we ate ramen, we chatted, after Ms Chin went back, I sat at a cafe for another 1 hour to continue on another client project. It's like, I actually have a life outside being a mother to a toddler. I forgot what it felt like.

The two things I bought when I went out that day were Muji's open-flat notebook for me to start writing a proper journal to manage my stress + anxiety, and also a croissant.

Next : one more thing I want to do is spent few hours at Kinokuniya. My current physical book wishlist : Hanya Yanagihara's To Paradise and Nell Stevens' Briefly, A Delicious Life in small paperback version. The 2 times we went to Kino, Sofi didn't even give me a chance to browse through and decided to play run and tag in the maze of books. 

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Well, it is then decided that I'm going to send Sofi to a play-school next year and I'm going to start working full-time again (because I'm getting ready for the recession). She's finally potty-trained (except at night when sleeping and for poopoo - still refuses to take it out in the loo). And she can't wait to make friends and have a teacher, so I guess she's ready to socialize. She's a total opposite of us, so we had to provide what we can't offer ourselves. 

Okay I just put Sofi to nap and reread the draft for the final time before clicking on publish. 

Little Thing 254 : Solving my First 1,000 pcs Puzzle

 

I finally finished my 1000 pieces Intergalactic Flora puzzle by a local illustrator and an online friend, @eurekartstudio. 

The gold hot stamp on the black background, the various colours from the amazing floral on galaxy illustration, it is beautiful! I took probably around 2 weeks (on and off) to finish up the puzzle. I took my sweet sweet time. There was a time when I spent 3 hours at night straight listening to an audiobook (I remember it was 'My Dark Vanessa'), then I had neck and shoulder pain the next few days later. 

It is my first 1000 pieces puzzle and surprisingly I learned a lot from this experience. 

• The first few hours were overwhelming. I felt like it is impossible to finish such a huge puzzle. 1000 pieces puzzle is crazy, whose idea was it to start a puzzle this big? I didn't think I can do it. I even felt anxious during the first week. 
• Then slowly, I took the smallest step : separating the puzzle into different colours. Different coloured flowers, leaves, gold stars, the black background. 
• I chose the smallest flower and tried to do that, slowly. Step by step, it started to become a bigger piece. I felt less overwhelm and became excited. The endorphins started kicking in every time a flower is formed. 
• Sometimes you can just put a random piece next to another random piece and it is somehow the right piece. Sometimes you have to come back to the same piece over and over again because it is not the time yet. 

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It felt like a metaphor to life. 

The 1000 pieces puzzle is connected but we need to find a way to connect each piece with one another. It feels overwhelming and impossible at first, but you need to take the smallest step and keep on moving forward. You'll feel like you won't make it and at times, you'll even stop and ignore it for a while. But sometimes, you can just sit and try again, ever so slowly, piece by piece, and it will form a bigger piece. Then you'll see the puzzle more clearly and everything will make sense. It gets easy when you know how to play the game. 

I'm happy I tried my first 1000 pieces puzzle. I'm off to find other next challenges for me to try next. 

Here are other great illustration puzzle pieces that you can buy online my personal favorite from Mideer

• Dragon Dance (220 pcs), 
• Firework Fair (1000 pcs), 
• Magic Book & Fairy Tales (280 & 330 pcs), 
• Human Geography (204 & 247 pcs)
• Feast in the Forest (528 pcs)

I'm teaching Sofi to play puzzles (since she turned 1.5 yr old), now she's 3 and she's currently up to 48 pcs puzzles. I'm surprised that she still gets excited about puzzles, and she plays puzzles daily. I usually buy puzzles from Mideer, Mr Diy, or Shopee (anything with good illustrations). She calls it "Pazo".

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Here I compiled some takes :

Books - Finishing Good Books Lately

I've been reading/listening to good books lately. The best thing is, I picked them knowing near-to-nothing about these books, so it was a nice surprise. I gave 4 stars on Goodreads for books listed here :

• Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens
• The Good Mother by Sue Miller
• Three Daughters of Eve by Elif Shafak
• The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greaves

So I decided to go to Goodreads to read some of the comments but I was left disappointed by the never-ending detailed complains (or 'critiques') from other fellow readers. I'm sitting here in front of my monitor, imagining the lives of people who hated something and chose to make an effort to write something so detailed about the hundred reasons why they don't like it. If they like it, I understand the strong urge to share with others about the excitement, but imagine when it is the opposite feeling. 

For example, among the books that I consumed this 2 months, I also finished Lady Sunshine by Amy Mason Doan and Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn, but I don't feel the urge to share my thoughts on why I didn't like the books. I can't even write the reviews on my Notion bookclub because the books weren't that good for me. It didn't leave any marks except for 'don't feel like rereading these books'.

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Anyway, I'm currently listening to more books by Nell Stevens. I would love to buy a physical copy of Briefly, A Delicious Life - it is a combination of Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman, Call Me by Your Name by Andre Aciman and The Invisible Life by Addie LaRue. First person view, silent love story, and giving a mellow vibe. 

Other than that, I wrote some of the reviews on my Notion Book Club (that I can't catch up to write in). 

Extra note : I just finished My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth Russell (book 77). It was another good read, but uncomfortable to listen to (Exploring a relationship of a young naive 15-year old Vanessa and a manipulative 42 year old teacher). It reminds me of The Enchanter / Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov. Perhaps it is fair to say that it is a modern take of Lolita from the girl's point-of-view. It was not an easy read, quite uncomfortable and dark, but an interesting story nonetheless. 

Little Thing 253 : Drawing/Journaling Playlist

I made a 15 minutes drawing/writing playlist, or less. Well, at this moment I have 2 videos that I use when I wake up early in the morning and try to write/draw something before Sofi wakes up. I created my own calm playlists and I hope it is somewhat useful to some of you. 

Draw with Me : Mushroom Edition

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Draw with Me : Peach Edition

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Or you can play it on background here :

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Little Stories 245 : Cleaning up My Childhood Room, Recycling Old Books & Magazines

We've been spending a lot of time at my dad's to clean up our old stuffs (I left the house when I was 18 and the room kinda stuck in time). There are so many stuffs to do.

The Early Story : Basically what happened was the water tank beneath the ceiling in our old room was leaking badly, so it needed a change + the old roof was in bad shape. Our room was flooded by it so we had to do massive clean up and renovation. I think we already spent around a month on and off at the house since August. 

The Renovation : Repaired the old roof, cleaned up the ceiling, changed new water tank, hacked broken tiles in the kitchen and filled it up with new concrete, filled up cement in the toilet's drain, repaired broken door, rented trash tank and all those stuffs. We called 'tukang rumah' for all those stuffs that we can't do - we spent around RM 4,700 for all those renovation.

While we (mostly Af and I), we organized the stuffs, threw things that can't be used, recycled things that can be recycle, cleaned up the room and a lot of other small stuffs. My brother and sister came twice to help with the heavy stuffs especially the dismantling and lifting. 

The recycling part : The first time we send all our plastic stuffs to the recycling center, we only got RM 1 (it was in 3 huge plastics). We gave away 1 bag of tins & aluminium to the DBKL guy because he wanted it - he also requested to take the metal springs in 2 of the old mattresses that we put in the trash tank in front of the house. 

Here are all the books, magazines, old documents (paper/board related) that we sold, including 2 old bulky monitors, 3 old keyboards, 2 old radios, and a fax machine. We got RM 81 for all those. It's at the nearest recycling center to our house :

Some recycling centers won't take badly damaged books by termite, some just take them, so you need to ask ahead. This is only books and magazines from 2 rooms, we still have 2 rooms to go through :

Note : Most of the magazines were from my sister because she's the one that spent the most on magazines, and already I brought all my books when I left the house (so I don't have this problem).

Moving forward :

• we have around 15 huge bags of old clothes, bags and fabrics but we don't know where/how to send. Maybe to the Recycling Center in Precinct 9 Putrajaya because they take old clothes (I'm not sure about this yet). 
• we need to clean up the kitchen after the renovation
• we need to find a way to clean up the garden
• more magazines and termite-destroyed books in the library room :F

Anyway, it is a long process and I will maybe update again when I have the time. 

Little Story 244 - The Session

 

I went to get a full body massage last Friday (after a week of feeling nauseous, full and bloated). Usually I get extra 'bloaty' during PMS but last week been awful, I can't eat, I got heartburn and extra anxious as well. It has been a cold week and I'm prone to sickness during cold season. 

I wore extra layers, I drank warm drinks during the day and hot tea at night, I took hot shower, soak my legs in epsom salt bath, I wore socks when I sleep, I even bought long sleeve pajama set and took out my 'cold-season' sweater. I don't know how other sensitive-to-weather-changes people survive this without falling sick 😂 I feel old, I even look old, like granny in a sweater and socks, holding hot tea and massaging body with ginger oil after meal. I didn't know what else to do.

Anyway, I had to let this 'wind' (angin badan) out - I don't fart/burp as much as normal people do, so I get sick often because there is too much wind. This pinching pain on my abdomen (like heartburn) + chest area, the nauseousness, the fatigue, the wind, there is no medical term perfect to summarize this (I asked a doctor before and the doctor said there is no such thing as 'angin badan', but I choose to disagree). 

When this happen, I usually go for a massage, specifically to let out the 'angin'. Before this, I also tried acupressure, acupuncture, dry cupping (bekam), and guasha massage : these also help with letting the 'angin' out, relaxing the muscle and just help me with my conditions.  

So I contacted a 'Muslimah' massage therapist near my house, she specifically focused on helping female clients, and she does it at her house. Honestly, I don't know whether I should blindly trust someone I found online (well don't - it's dangerous). But I went to her house anyway, creeped out a bit, a nice decent flat home, really dark when I came in (perhaps to create a 'private/intimate' atmosphere), she gave me a cold water that I pretended to drink because I was a bit worried, then she sent me to the middle room to get change. The room was decorated with decent looking mattress, there was massage certificates on the wall, a small banner for her business, some candles and also some massage equipments. She provided a piece of 'batik lepas', asked me to take off everything except for the underwear. Redho je lah kan. 

But despite that, it was an amazing massage session. She even gave me extra 15 mins of head/face massage. It was a bit painful when she focused on some troubled points (especially the abdomen part and the 'sengkak'). She said everything was good, just a bit of 'wind' here and there. Nothing too problematic, she said my body frame is quite small, so it was really easy for her physically compared to other clients. She mentioned to take care of my consumption, don't drink 'cold' water or foods, choose veggies & fruits that are suitable for my body type. 

All in all, the massage session was a bliss and it helped me. I mean, she burped like no one's business the whole session, like the sound of wild animals - other than that, it was a great session. I would want to go for another session if she could go to my house instead because I am NOT comfortable getting a massage at a stranger's house. 

Right after the session, I ate like I fasted for a week, and the nausea wasn't that bad anymore. The day after, the symptoms subsided and there is still a remaining feeling like a small lump left in the small corner of my abdomen. I still drink hot drinks and really picky with my food consumption because I miss not feeling awful. I even lost almost 2 kg not doing anything :F

There is no lesson from this story : it is just something I put my trust on blindly because I was desperate for a solution after I tried everything I can myself. 

image from unsplash

Little Thing 252 : Wordless

When you wake up really early in the morning and you stare at the computer screen, thinking what to write but everything you wish you could capture from your thoughts dissolves into mists. 

> Here is the playlist I listened to. <

Image from unsplash

Books - Borrowing Books

I've been borrowing a lot of books from my former teacher and my online friends (I'm making a huge effort !) I'm proud to say that I now have 3 online friends that I manage to talk about books and borrow books from. 

In this current phase, I'm slowly changing to become my 'real' self and accepting that I feel so comfortable with being alone (and it is okay), I'm getting more and more socially awkward. I did have the same tendency since I was young, but I had to 'fit in' into the societal requirements, so I had to always make an effort. Now I don't.

So I'm really proud of myself for making effort to go out from my comfort zone and make online friends :D

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Here is all the graphic novels and fiction books that I borrowed from Maisarah :

I'm excited for the Handmaid's Tale (because I want to read it for awhile), also Wonder by Beatrice Blue - I want to enjoy her artworks and read her process (but I don't want to buy and keep the physical book), Anxious People by Fridrik Backman is probably a good read for me (because I've been anxious a lot since the pandemic and since Sofi), and sure books by Lucy Knisley (because I read all the early years book but somehow fell out of love from her art), the Nutcracker and the Mouse by Natalie Andrewson (I can enjoy her artwork - it reminds me of Over the Garden Wall series), other than that Feelings : A Story in Seasons by Manjit Thapp & The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang (recommended by Maisarah herself). 

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The left one is books from Ms Chin (my former English teacher), most of the books were thriller and written by female writers. Our agreement is to let me read the book and then help her sell the preloved books on my Shopee after I finished it. By now I think I've already read and sell at least 5-6 of her books. 

All the Elif Shafak's books on the right side is from DD. I love Elif Shafak and if I still collect books, I would love to have a row of her works on my book shelf. I already read Black Milk (about motherhood) and currently reading Three Daughters of Eve (about God).

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So I currently have a bunch of books around in my bedroom : on the right table (where I put all the TBR books), on the left (where I sleep, the books that I'm currently reading & my Kindle), and on the bed's front (all the TBR novel graphics). 

I have so many books to read and these books will be returned to the owners when I finish it. I'm not tied to the physical thing but I can still enjoy reading the physical books. Isn't it amazing ? 

I don't know about other people, but for me, this is an amazing setup. But IF I could change one thing, I would want the busy side road window to change into a nature view, no vehicle sounds, or morning trash trucks or busy road bustling with life, just the sound of nature and fresh air. 

Books - I Listened/Read to Anne of Green Gables Book Series (11 books)

I've been having some thoughts after finishing 7 of the Anne of Green Gables book series, that, we will eventually forget our childhood excitement. That we will become tired and hardly ever feel excited about everything anymore. Here's a good comic about what I'm writing about. 

Anne starts the book with so much joy and excitement towards life, she is innocent, she has an amazing imagination, great friends and she is a big-hearted person. She cares so much about people around her, the trees, the animals, the littlest things. Those are the things that make me adore Anne so much. 

After more than 20 years (I only read 3 books when I was in school), I decided to reread these series and finally finish them up so I listened to her story throughout July. 

Afterward in the series: she went to school, she graduated, she became a teacher, she got married, she became a mother, she had many children, then WW1 happened, her children were big enough to get listed to the war and throughout the war, there were many sadness and war anxieties, later there was grief. Anne wasn't the same jolly kid she was, she grew up and grew old. In Rilla of the Ingleside (the last book in the series), Anne & Gilbert were hardly there, or mostly just in the background. I'm a bit surprised by how seemingly abruptly their life stories ended. Where was dear Marilla? Where was Diana? I need closure.  

Anne is one of my favorite characters. What happened to her in the end? Did she die old and content among her family and friends? Did they get over the grief? I felt like it wasn't fair, life isn't fair. She had so much hopes for life and I wanted her to be happy in the end. 

But, that was written around 100 years back and nothing could ever be changed now, can it? What can I expect from the war? It was such a terrible time and it was fairly expected. Nothing good can come out of such sadness. 

**Books in the series (based on the publication order)

1. Anne of Green Gables (pub. April 1908) - finished
2. Anne of Avonlea (pub. August 1909) - finished
3. Anne of the Island (pub. July 1915) - finished
4. Anne's House of Dreams (pub. August 1917) - finished
5. Rainbow Valley (pub. August 1919) - finished
6. Rilla of Ingleside (pub. autumn 1921) - finished
7. Anne of Windy Poplars (pub. August 1936) - currently reading
8. Anne of Ingleside (pub. July 1939) - can't find yet

Short stories/poems compiled (about residents of Avonlea) :

1. Chronicle of Avonlea (pub. 1912) - finished
2. Further Chronicles of Avonlea (pub. 1920) - finished
3. The Blythes Are Quoted (pub. 2009) - can't find yet

I wish we had more. 

I know WW1 was a terrible time and L M Montgomery was writing during such a difficult phase in the 1900s. Imagine having to write something so hopeful and innocent in the early years and slowly turning into something darker and sad over time. The writer went thru WW1, battled depression, survived 'The Spanish Flu', and didn't even see the end of WW2. 

Her final note was found on her bedside :

... I have lost my mind by spells and I do not dare think what I may do in those spells. May God forgive me and I hope everyone else will forgive me even if they cannot understand. My position is too awful to endure and nobody realizes it. What an end to a life in which I tried always to do my best."

😢

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Side note :

So as a mother, I feel like I need to freeze these childhood moments. We decided to record and compile them in videos, so we can see them again and again, especially when things are tough and we forget these little things that make us happy or excited. Eventually, all these little memories that we are creating for Sofi will be gone or forgotten, she wouldn't remember them when she is all grown up.

This is where we keep our videos - her first Ikea trip, her first Kidzoona, her first Aquaria, her first dinosaur park, etc. I love sharing these videos with my family especially. You have no idea how many times I've rewatched these videos myself. I'm that kind of mother, I love to rewatch Sofi's videos like any normal mother would. Even my mom loves to rewatch Sofi's videos over and over again when I share them on our family Whatsapp. 

Mommy Post : Kids-friendly Places in Klang Valley

Places we went to in Klang Valley after the lockdown was lifted:

Note : Most of the places we went to are outdoor, we also opted for weekday and at the earliest time possible (right when it is opened) to avoid the crowds. Usually people start coming in around noon (11am+).

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1. KL Bird Park ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 35 (adult, Mykad) , RM 15 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 3 is free
• Opening Hours : 9 am - 6 pm, open daily

Extra notes :

• Wear light & airy clothes, it is hot, some places are shaded, some are open under the sun
• Drink water, there is also several little cafes/shops inside.
• The place is huge, we spent almost 3 hours inside the park

You can see the clip starting from 8:30 - KL Bird Park Outing from this video. During this time, it was our first proper outing and we didn't make any dedicated video for it :

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2. Farm in the City, Seri Kembangan ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 39 (adult, Mykad) , RM 32 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 90 cm is free
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 6 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

Extra notes :

• Wear light & airy clothes, it is hot but mostly shaded. 
• Drink water, there is also an indoor cafe in the farm to rest.
• You can have direct interactions with the animals so wash your hands frequently, there are a lot of sinks in the farm.
• You can buy foods for the animal/birds/fishes 
• We spent 2 hours at the farm.

So far, this is the best farm/zoo experience that we had. It is not too big and not too small, it is hot but mostly shaded, there were a lot of direct interaction (we were in the huge cages with the animals), it is near our home, it feels very interactive and personal. 

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3. KL Tower Mini Zoo & Blue Coral Aquarium ★★★

• Ticket Zoo : RM 45 (adult, Mykad) , RM 35 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 3 is free
• Ticket Aquarium : RM 15 (adult)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 9 pm,  Monday - Sunday

Extra notes :

• At the zoo, wear light & airy clothes, it is hot.
• Blue Coral Aquarium is a small aquarium, it is a bit depressing and dark, indoor but no aircond. 
• Prepare yourself for the toy shop in the middle of the zoo
• Love the entrance, direct interaction indoor petting zoo, that was fun

We didn't really like it. It was hot and Sofi didn't cooperate much. There was a shop in the middle of the zoo and you know how kids react to toy shop - it was her biggest distraction and she started to throw tantrum because she wanted something. Usually toy shops are the last stop before we go out and it should be, with that exact reason. 

Well, it wasn't a good experience for us.

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4. Aquaria KLCC, Kuala Lumpur ★★★

• Ticket : RM 52 (adult, Mykad) , RM 42 (children + senior, Mykad)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

This was one of the place that we went with 'many people', even though we went on weekdays at 10 am and after the school holiday ended. We couldn't avoid the crowd, so most of the time, we walked fast and didn't enjoy as much as all the other places that we went to before. But Sofi enjoyed the experience so far, there were a lot of sharks and huge fishes and it was her first big-tunnel aquarium experience. 

Unfortunately we only spent around 40 minutes inside.

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5. Kidzoona ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 14 - RM 18 (kids, weekday) , RM 22 (kids, weekend & holiday)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

Extra notes :

• Need to bring your own socks, or buy at the entrance
• Fill in a form before entering
• Guardian can enter for free
• Maximum 3 hours per entry

We went to the IOI Putrajaya one, right after it is opened at 10 am. The place was empty, no kids except for Sofi. It was her first time so she explored the place first. The place was clean & very organized, all toys were arranged neatly, we even put them back nicely after play. I looooooved it and Sofi seems to enjoyed it too. We spent around 1.5 hours in there, oh, there is a massage chair inside as well, so I had the chance to get a short 10 mins massage when Sofi was playing. 

Sofi at Kidzoona, IOI City Mall Putrajaya :

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6. IKEA ★★★★

• No tickets needed
• Sofi explored and tried out the kids' room setup
• We ended the playful exploration with soy ice-cream & frozen yogurt

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7. Jungle Gym, Bangsar Mall ★★★★

• Ticket (toddler) : RM 25 (weekday) , RM 35 (weekend & holiday)
• Ticket (kids) : RM 48 (weekday) , RM 66 (weekend & holiday)
• Ticket (adult) : RM 10
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

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Other places we haven't visited together with Sofi :

• Pusat Sains Negara
• Zoo Negara
• Butterfly Park
• Kidzania
• Petrosains
• KL Forest Eco Park

Little Story 243 - The Pixie Cut

Photo by Giorgio Trovato, Unsplash

I am 35 and I pixie-cut my hair last month.

I think it would me my first, it's my first time that the hair stylist ever used a hair clipper on my head. I still touch my hair behind my neck because it feels odd, new, alien. My hair is so short, and I'm still surprised when I look at the mirror (it's been 2 weeks). 

It is so easy to wash my hair now, less shampoo and less maintenance. I don't have to comb my hair (well, I hardly do because my hair is naturally so straight and thin, I don't really need a comb before). This is so liberating. The short hair. The last time I cut my hair was during the first lockdown, it was shoulder length and done at home.

When the hair stylist asked me for a sample photo, I showed her Zoe Kravitz's short hair. I said I needed a less maintenance hair, very-short, pixie, and I don't want to have to use products for a hair volume, but I needed my bangs to almost reach my eye-brow because I do still feel insecure about the wide forehead style. 

But eventually I look more like Elliot Page than Zoe Kravitz, Af been jokingly calling me Elliot or whether I'm in a boy band. But I now have hair volume, something I've never had before because my my hair type and I appreciate the chance to see a hair volume on my head even though it does look like a boy's hair. 

Ohh, and I also got hair wash and hair treatment (the firsts to everything). 45 minutes of blissful silence and I read The Inheritance Games the whole way. 

It is still new and odd. 

Sometimes Sofi come to me and touch the hair behind the neck, "short hair" she said. 

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The hair salon to go : D Aura Spa Salon Muslimah, Putra Walk, Seri Kembangan

Books - Halfway through 2022

Photo by Cristina Gottardi, Unsplash

It's July now, more than half of 2022 already.

I still read and listen to books, almost religiously lately. 

The book slump is over. 

By now I've finished 53 books.

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My current read :

• physical book : just finished The Silent Patient by Alex Michealides
• audio book : Beautiful World, Where Are You by Sally Rooney
• ebook on kindle : Braving the Wilderness by Brene Brown

My favorite ones this year :

• The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes - I haven't enjoyed YA fiction for so long. This book is written in short chapter, so it was easy to keep on reading just to finish a chapter, nothing worth remembering, just pure entertainment. 
• The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller - Beautiful prose, simple innocent love story.
• I'll Show Myself Out by Jessi Klein - Relatable mommy story, this book make me feel seen and connected and not alone. 
• A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara - Just a 700 pages of beautiful & painful stories of these 4 boys throughout their life.
• Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman - Beautiful prose and a nice fiction to enjoy for the day, I think I finished it in a day or two. 
• The Unseen Body by Jonathan Reisman - Nice anecdotes during his medical years, I love reading about medical-related experience. No medical jargon, easy to read for normal people like me. 
• How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee - I love nutrition, I love his easy to follow guide in life, I followed his podcast on Youtube afterwards and enjoyed his free content there.
• The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by VE Schwab - Same as Magic Lessons, it has a lot of beautiful prose and enjoyable fiction of the day. This book made me think for several days. 
• Any non-fiction books by Ann Patchett - I read them all. 

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I love it.

I love the entertainment, I love finding good stories, I love reading beautiful prose, I love discovering great authors, I love anecdotes, I love the written words. I wish I can get access to any books that I want, I wish books are cheaper, I wish I can borrow and exchange books more than I've been doing now. 

This year I read a lot of fiction, essays, parenting and health related books. 

Moving forward, I want to borrow more books to read and possibly read more classics. I think I need more reader friends to exchange/borrow books. Anyone ?

Books - Reading Slump and Random Stuffs Stuck in my Mind

 

I've been stuck in a reading slump. After 'A Little Life', I haven't been able to enjoy reading. Sure, I finished 'The City of Mist' by Carlos Ruiz Zafon and 'After the Quake' by Haruki Murakami soon after, but I didn't enjoyed it. I'm also trying to continue my current books : 'Less' by Andrew Sean Greer and 'Love from A to Z' by S. K. Ali. But I can't seem to enjoy them.

I hate reading slump.

This usually happens after a great book. I feel like there is nothing else worth my time.

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Random - 

• It's raining heavily since 4 pm (right now it's almost 10 pm)
• I'm tired every day due to the fasting month. I don't do well with less food intake. I'm exhausted, I'm tired, and I'm cranky. My blood pressure is low, and I feel like blacking out every time I stand up. Sure, I didn't lose that much weight, maybe just 1-2 kg. But if I lose more weight than that then I'll be underweight and I'm trying to avoid that.  
• But my skin is clear, and there is almost no acne. Actually, it was since February. Since I decided to change my skincare to Aiken Prebiotic, everything went smoothly. I stopped having random acne, and I'm happy. I don't really wear make-up so having clear skin is my dream (or maybe I'm just older now so I suddenly stopped having adult acne?). 
• I've been watching the 'This Is Us' new season on Hotstar+. It is so amazing. I always tell Af that I want to write stories about normal life and normal people, and this is the exact representation of what I imagined it should be. Complicated stories and daily dramas of normal people. I can't really share with anyone that I know about the series because I don't really know anyone that watches this. But man, I really love the series. The story and character developments are just amazing. 
• And yes, I enjoyed Bridgerton Season 2 for the pure love of love-tension between those two. I enjoyed it so much too. I giggled like a school girl, I can't remember when was the last time I felt so excited about romance series (I bet it was in my school years). It's been a while and I'm happy that I felt so entertained by Shonda Rhimes' creation again. 
• I think I had 5 interviews and 2 design tests this month. I hate trying to prove that I can work, I hate selling, and I hate having to explain. I'm not sure whether I should start working full-time again. I seriously don't want to prove anything to anyone. 
• Well, it's 10 pm now. I'm sleepy and I am so tired. I'm glad we had this random chat. Good night.

Books - Slow Reading Month in March

I think this blog soon to be a blog dedicated to my reading habit :F 

I have nothing else new in my life except for these books.

1. Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke (letter collection)
2. Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michealeen Doucleff (parenting, non-fiction)
3. The Hard Tomorrow by Eleanor Davis (graphic novel)
4. The Deal of a Lifetime by Fredrick Backman (novella)
5. Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman (novel #1/4)
6. The Museum of Extraordinary Things by Alice Hoffman (novel)

Image by Mikolaj

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Journey with 'A Little Life' :

When I first started to write this post, I just entered the second chapter (The Postman) of A Little Life, roughly just finished the first 10% of the thick book. I realized that I might not be able to finish the book this month because reading physical book while taking care of Sofi is a challenge. But I promised that this month would be my slow month, so I'll try to enjoy the process. 

Here is the only paragraph that I underlined in the first chapter :

But these were days of self-fulfillment, where settling for something that was not quite your first choice of a like seemed weak-willed and ignoble. Somewhere, surrendering to what seemed to be your fate had changed from being dignified to being a sign of your own cowardice. There were times when the pressure to achieve happiness felt almost oppressive, as if happiness were something that everyone should and could attain, and that any sort of compromise in its pursuit was somehow your fault. (page 41)

It is so beautiful !  This is the reason I wanted the physical copy and bought a preloved one, I wanted to underline, make marks, write notes and make the story mine.

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Update on Journey with 'A Little Life' (in early April): 

Like I've predicted, I will need more time to finish this book. I've been slow reading this almost every day now. Imagine me sitting on my bed, usually I read for 1-2 hours. This is the life. This is what I missed the most from my younger years, the time when I stayed on bed reading. 

Anyway, I'm already on chapter 4, almost halfway through the book. I haven't cried yet, but I felt the pain. I wish I can beg the writer to stop hurting the character. The past 3 chapters felt like a slow introduction to Jude and his friendships with Willem, Malcolm and JB, to get readers invested in them. I can imagine the back story, but I don't know how painful or complicated it is yet. 

I've been recording progress video since April, where I share my progress, updates and just reading scenes. I'll edit it once I finish the book, which is taking longer now since the night to read is much shorter during Ramadhan and I've been too distracted in the day.

Books - I Finished 12 books in Feb (month of novella, essays & personal memoirs)

 Books I consumed in February :

1. The Guest List by Lucy Foley 
2. This is the Story of Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett (Essay/Personal Memoir)
3. On Writing by Stephen King (non-fiction)
4. What Now ? by Ann Patchett (Essay/Personal Memoir)
5. The Enchanter by Vladimir Nobokov (Novella)
6. Aftermath : On Marriage and Separation by Rachel Cusk (Essay/Personal Memoir)
7. Lord of the Flies by William Golding (Novella)
8. I Came All This Way to Meet You by Jami Attenberg (Essay/Personal Memoir)
9. Survival Lessons by Alice Hoffman (Essay/Personal Memoir)
10. Truth and Beauty by Ann Patchett
11. The Woman in the Purple Skirt by Natsuko Imamura (novella)
12. Marriage Story by Richard Russo (Essay/Personal Memoir)

My fav book in Feb : Personal memoirs and essays by Ann Patchett.

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Personal memoirs/essays are a new favorite genre of mine. This is the month I found : Ann Patchett, Rachel Cusk, Alice Hoffman, and Jami Attenberg. The books are honest, heart-breaking, loud, soft, witty, warm, and every human emotion mingled into one. I've never felt like I've been surrounded by female writer friends until I found them in their books this month. It has been a joyful ride. These books are written for someone like me, a woman, in my mid 30s, searching for the meaning of life, relationship, love and beyond all these. 

Detailed reviews of each book can be read here on my Notion.

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Random updates about books :

• Feb felt really short and quick. I'm glad I decided to only pick : novella, essays and personal memoirs. My aim for this month was to at least finish 10 books, but on the last few days I manage to finish up the 'currently-reading' books in my list simultaneously and finished 12 instead.
• I bought The Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara from @sukhabuku, I'm planning to read it in March. Am I ready to go on a whirlwind of emotional ride ? 
• March is supposed to be a slow-reading month so I might turn-off Scribd for a month as well.
• Ohh, my books from BookDepository arrived in a month. I got my copy of the last book by Carlos Ruiz Zafon (that I'm reading slowly before sleep at night) and also some of the Penguin Classics :

Books - I Finished 12 books in Jan and my Fav One So Far is..

I love to start a new year with consuming as many books as I can muster. This year I want to read more fiction, in hope of finding more good stories. Last year I ended 2021 with the best fiction I read in that year : The People of the Trees by Hanya Yanagihara, and then I reread Siddhartha by Herman Hesse because that's one of my fav simple philosophical fiction to wrap up the year. 

Books I consumed in January :

1. The Invisible Life of Addie Larue by V.E.Schwab
2. The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
3. Three O'Clock in the Morning by Gianrico Carofiglio
4. The Upstairs House by Julia Fine
5. Anthem by Ayn Rand
6. The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
7. A Cold Trail by Robert Dugoni
8. How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee
9. The Maidens by Alex Michaelides
10. These Precious Days by Ann Patchett
11. The Sound of Waves by Yukio Mishima
12. The Unseen Body by Jonathan Reisman, MD

9 fictions, 2 health-related non-fic, 1 essay compilation. 

9 audio books, 2 physical books, 1 digital book.

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My favorite fiction is The Invisible Life of Addie Larue. I also loved both the health-related non-fictions because I am indeed a very curious person. The essay compilation by Ann Patchett was also very enjoyable. 

Detailed reviews can be read here on my Notion. 

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Random updates about my life as a book nerd :

• A borrowed a bunch of books from my ex-English teacher, Miss Chin early this month. So I have physical books to read during the first quarter of 2022. 
• I read all books I borrowed from @sukhabuku and considering to ask her whether she wants to sell her The Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara so that I can own it and treat it like my own because I think I'm ready to read the beast. 
• I'm still waiting for Haruki Murakami's paperback - First Singular Person that will come out in April 2022 and I just ordered Carlos Ruiz Zafon's last book - The City of Mist online from Bookdepository.

Here are the books I borrowed from Miss Chin. 

I already finished The Girl on the Train and currently reading The Guest List :