Little Stories 280 : Final Stretch

Intense final week:

I dreamed of my work last night, in my dream, I was managing which task to do first. Lining up all the tasks in their order and priority, thinking about how on earth to manage multiple tasks concurrently so I wouldn't be late to submit everything. Whole day working and I continued working even in my dream. But despite that, because it is week 8 of the training, I have managed my expectations and possibly my stress as well. 

BUT, I might be in denial - maybe I am just not as hysterical as before, but the stress is still really high. Or else, I wouldn't be waking up late in the night, sleeping back, and feeling tired even after a long sleep now, wouldn't it? Current weight is 47 kg, which might be because of puasa, or overwork, or possibly both. Ma jokingly said there is no point in wearing a kebaya with a flat body like mine - which I should take offense to, but seriously, do you think I have time to think about how my body looks when I have more important struggles to manage?

Payung Teduh said :

Mengapa takut pada lara

Sementara semua rasa bisa kita cipta?

Akan selalu ada tenang di sela-sela gelisah

Yang menunggu reda 

I'm waiting for everything to calm down, then I'll pack up and leave.

Little Stories 279 : The Other Hike, Dune and Peaky Blinders

 

The Taman Tugu Hike:

The latest hike we did was on the 29th Feb - we planned to redo the hike (full trail version this time) since our first hike in Taman Tugu last June. Here, please refer is the map - we did it from CP1 until CP 30 and it took around 2 hours, started around 8 am and finished the hike around 10-ish.

I was really hungry after starting half of the hike because I didn't have my breakfast beforehand, I didn't bring any snacks because I was busy preparing Sofi for school before we went out so I forgot. Rookie mistake - always bring snacks and a water bottle during a hike. Then you can calmly consider extending your hiking session and even have a calmer walk in the forest. Kalau tak, apparently I annoyingly keep on thinking about my grumbling stomach and mentioned food to them. Which I don't usually do, but this time I did feel extra hungry. 

It was a nice hike, even though the sun was quite high, it wasn't that hot. I enjoyed the hike, it was another good hike (but a hungry version). Thank you to Ms Chin and my brother. Oh, and we had brunch afterward.  

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Watched Dune 2 on iMax

I did it, I watched both Dune & Dune 2 in the same week before puasa. Just because I wanted to watch AND eat something during the movie, so for the butter + sugary popcorn effect, now I got myself a pimply face. Kudos.

Anyway, the story was not something new - Star Wars said Dune copied Star Wars, and Dune said Star Wars copied them. In reality, it is just a representation of what's been happening in the real world kan so I think there shouldn't be an argument about that. They just turned something that is already there, into science fiction.

I was a bit uncomfortable with the Islamic/Middle Eastern "inspiration": the chanting, the language, the name, the prayer session, the messiah premonition, the clothes, the culture, etc. "Lisan Al-Gaib", the jinns in the desert, the "Mahdi" - come on, calling Paul "Mahdi" when Paul is a white character as a savior in the foreign land, the so-called "savaged world". A white character comes as a savior, making use of a fictitious premonition done by the more powerful tribe, the "Bene-Gesserit" into his own agenda. 

To be fair, the writer himself didn't intend to make Paul a hero, he wanted to show the world the danger of a false messiah, he was an anti-hero. BUT, by putting Timothee as the main character, I know for sure, that not many people would see him as that, we can't deny that we rooted for the character. I mean, look at his hair and his doe-eyes:

Why is it dangerous though? For most people, it is because of these kinds of representations that we create our perceptions with. The white character is always the 'hero' - even though in the story he is the manipulative one, and the other races are always shown as uncivilized or savaged characters which I really don't appreciate. They came to this foreign land, stole all the herbs, made money out of it, and treated the locals like criminals, and they are the hero? Have you ever heard this storyline? - always, all-the-time, it's live right now, all around the world. 

So yeah, I don't appreciate this kind of representation because I really feel like they have been holding on to the 'story' for a bit too long. I think it is time for people to realize that, yeah, the story-maker is always going to create the story that they intend to structure. By using stories we can control the people.

In Dune, they used the premonition that the Bene Gesserit created and planned themselves. They foresaw his arrival, they implanted the idea for so long that it would look like a prophecy that came true. Look at how they show the Fremen when it really happened, is this how the writer thinks of our religions?

Ok ok ok, I'm a bit too deeply emotional about this. But yeah, if you can, take into account the stories, the representation, and the message when you read or watch something. Then you can see, the real story outside of the story.

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Peaky Blinders 

Lately, I've been watching Peaky Blinders when I have the space, between works. 

So, of course, let's talk about why a character like Thomas Shelby could be seen as attractive? Hahaha. I don't talk from everyone else's pov, but from mine alone. Yes, I could see his charisma and intelligence, they are undeniably attractive features. But at the same time, can we really make a clear distinction between whether he is a bad guy or a good guy who had to do bad stuff? We could discuss that, and probably not have any definite answer.

Sometimes people have to do something morally wrong, just to survive - maybe, in his situation, for him to not be bullied by the authority or other 'gangs', he knew what he really needed to protect his family was to go beyond what's wrong and what's right, he needed power. So that's what he did. He bent the rules, he closed his eyes, and he chose his battles. 

When I discussed with Af about this, he said that men adore his character, and I understand that. He has the power, intelligence, charisma, will and motivation. He is a good leader of his clan. But despite all the good qualities, I still feel that he is a bad person that shouldn't be adored. The only time I found him attractive was when he showed his softer side. See, women always see the softer side. The power doesn't impress us. We are physically weaker creatures, why do you think more power would impress us? I feel icky with the word "power".

Every time he chose to do the right things, I approved, every time he showed his softer side, I rooted for him, when he fell in love and he was in pain, that's when I could relate and started to see him as a human. He is not a machine, he is not a good person, so psychologically, why do you think men want to be like him? 

But, between these 3 brothers, I would definitely go for Tommy (as a nerd, I am attracted to highly intelligent people). I rest my case. 

Ok, I think enough for the puasa rambling.

PS - I rushed to finish my work yesterday before the weekend so now I had free time and neck pain. 

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Books - The Courage To Be Disliked and Adler's Theory on Separation of Tasks

 

I'm continuing back this book: The Courage to be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. I bought this book last year and have been trying to finish this up (but it is taking too long).

The issue with this book is how it is written, the penyampaian of these philosophies - it is boring, well not as boring as reading a textbook, but boring enough. In this book, the philosopher is having a conversation with a youth, explaining the philosophical theories by Alfred Adler. No stories, just a really long conversation so it felt like ideas were being preached to me instead of reading a story. Why pretend like it is a story when the writers didn't want to explore the story properly? 

Why take this road?

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Opinion: I rather have not the teacher-student dynamic in a story because I don't feel comfortable with the idea of one person who feels like they are all-knowing and another is lost and seems 'empty'. 

I feel like choosing the teacher-student dynamic in fiction is a bit lazy. Just to tell/explain your ideas/thoughts as a writer, you write about an all-knowing character and then this character feeds all the ideas to this other character who seems like needed your input. Instead of exploring the other ways to present these ideas. Every human with 'akal' is capable of constructing their own wisdom if they really make use of it well, so why would you deny that part. Why feed everything in one go, what's the thrill in that? Where is the human complexity in the characters? 

I love it when ideas are being presented most subtly or in stories within stories. I love when I have to do my own digging just to understand the idea, or when I have to think and discuss to know the possibilities of the ideas. 

Any fiction, so this also goes into movies - not just books. 

So for me, a story that explains everything *especially by its character is just not challenging enough. I'll get bored and even sometimes even offended when the character explains just everything. 

But, that's just on my part. That is why I think this book is boring because it is just a conversation between the philosopher and the youth. But this might be my unpopular opinion, 3 million other people who bought this book might not agree with me :F

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On a second note, maybe the reason why I'm taking too long is because I need to think as these new ideas being presented in every chapter (especially when I haven't decided to agree or disagree with an idea). Here's a sample: 

Separation of Tasks-

1. Everyone has their own tasks, so your task is to fulfill yours
2. Do not intrude on other people's tasks

In this chapter, the philosopher said that in general, all interpersonal relationship troubles are caused by intruding on other people's tasks or having one's own tasks intruded on. The philosopher gave an example of a child and a parent, where a child, has the responsibility to do his/her own homework, and as a parent, his/her responsibility is to provide all the assistance one possibly can and to remind the child of the task. That's it.

Not to force, beg, manipulate, or negotiate with the child, even though as a parent, we know better. Forcing the child and ignoring the child's intention will only lead to an intense reaction like anger or frustration. This goes on towards adulthood, for example when we want to choose our own path in the future, or regarding family responsibilities, or anything lah. Especially with family, we feel like we have the right to give our unsolicited advice kan.

Adler said that it is better if you just focus on your tasks. Let everyone else focus on theirs - and don't intervene. You know what you need to do, and that is what's important. Macamana orang lain nak deal with their own tasks will be entirely up to them (their way, their pace, their decision) - even if you feel like you know better. Keep your right distance - macam kaonashi in Spirited Away, ada when needed kat sebelah.

So, I've been thinking about whether this idea works in every situation or not, and whether it is valid. In a way, it's true lah, every family disagreement comes when one crosses their boundaries and starts to mess with other people's things. Wait, what if, this one person doesn't fulfill their responsibility and it affects the others? Arguments are bound to happen, kan. And to what extent? How about in a relationship, there are 2 people, and each with their own tasks - when to interfere?

Ok, I haven't decided, yet.

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Last night, I dreamed about going to the library and it then rained hard.

Super-nerd dream. 

Note: Selamat Berpuasa !

Little Stories 278 : This Phase - 17 More Days

A couple more weeks to survive this crazy work phase (17 days to be exact) - of working full-time with 2 companies. At the same time, I managed to officially finish all my client work yesterday and that felt like a burden being lifted off my shoulder - a bit. 

Last night, I slept through the night for the first time. 

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I work on weekdays and weekends, early morning until night time, which includes public holidays. None respected my time because apparently as a "freelancer" I made myself available all the time (because I always work odd hours to manage multiple projects, so I just can't avoid contacting my clients during odd times as well). So we don't have the "after-hour" working limit. Af took Sofi out every weekend and I stayed home alone - working.

At times, my stress level is at its peak all day long and I can feel it in my body. That's how sensitive I am now, I learned to feel the changes. When I'm stressed, I can't eat, usually, after I send my submission, all the hunger comes right in and I'll eat anything available then I'd have a stomach ache (perhaps due to indigestion). This keeps on repeating over and over again. 

I can't talk about anything else than work - because that's what I do every day. Multiple works. I feel like the agency is eating my soul (maybe because we have a beef with each other) and it is unhealthy - but what else can I do except to endure this craziness. 

Every time I tried to talk about it with someone they would always mention the money - "ohh, the money would be worth it", "masyukk la kerja double duit double", "at least ada kerja dari takda kerja". Like everything is only about the money. The money does sound nice, yes, but money disappears like water, it helped in certain ways that I needed, but it won't stay for long. To have that much money, in exchange, it will drain my time, my energy, and my mental + physical health. I just want them to realize this part as well. It comes with a cost.

So then, I realized that any problems that we have, we don't have to share it with anyone because no one wants to know - they don't really know what to say (yes, even family). I told Af that I would need to whine and complain for these 2 months because it need them all out of my system - verbally, and I don't need a solution because sometimes, I just want someone to listen to my daily problems. 

I write here - to remember, if you happen to stumble on the blog where I whine and complain about work like any normal human - well, this is the current phase that I'm dealing with right now and I have nothing else to say other than about work. 

Tapi ok lah, only for 2 months. 

But a really unhealthy 2 months.

Ok - see you after the typhoon ends.

PS - I'm reading "The Days of Abandonment" by Elena Ferrante - which triggers the woman angst theme for this post.