Little Stories 330: Quiet Trust

I survived the Sabah trip, four cohorts (behind the scene), 200 pages of PDFs, Sports Day, and organizing a birthday party—all in three weeks.

Every single overwhelming instance was noted and considered. I knew I would be okay. I don't spiral into anxiety anymore. I let myself feel fear and insecurity, as I should. I make myself heard by letting myself feel. But these days, I know how to regulate my own emotions. I know when I have to face my demons, and I know when to let go.

So I am fine.

Even when I am not fine, I know I will be fine. 

That's the difference; I now have that quiet trust to find my way back to myself.

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Mini story:

Sofi got water beads as her present.

They were playing in the new Kuromi tent when all 2,400 pieces of beads fell and scattered all over the tent. She panicked, it was an accident. I know well that she wouldn't like her beads mixed together, and 2,400 pieces in 24 colours are a lot to separate alone. They tried to scoop them out, they tried to pick them one by one.

"How, Mami? How, Mami? Please, I don't want to do it alone." 

- waktu ni ateeya nak lari dah, ngelat.

I gave her a mini broom, a dustpan, and a small container.

I asked them to put everything into the container.

When everything was in the container, we would find the time to separate them back into their colours.

We'd do it when we had the time and energy, slowly.

When we wanted to separate them, we'd pick the obvious colours first because they were easy to spot.

The almost identical colours would come later, after the other colours were done.

I told her later while we were separating them together, "This container is like all your problems. Instead of letting them scatter everywhere, you put them into one container. Then you need a strategy. Pick the ones that are easy to solve first. Do it slowly and patiently. Then move on to the next problem. If you're tired, you can continue another time. Okay?" - you know I love to use analogy and metaphor, kahkah.

So, we've been separating the 2,400 water beads since Sunday.

And it is almost done.

Happy 7th birthday, bb.

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