Little Stories 284 : Little Mami's Stories

On Celebrating Mami's Day:

I just packed my bags and went to my mom's to stay over for the weekend. Sofi had a fever the day before so I decided to let her ponteng on Monday so that we would have an extra day to sleep over. There was not much planned, we just had walks in the mall and ate out, that's it. 

Chill day to spend with my mom and my daughter ♥

 

-

Sometimes I feel like I'm getting more and more like my mom - which I ultimately avoided when I was younger. But lately, it feels like our lives mirrored one another, and there's a mutual understanding that we don't have to voice out in fear of getting into more arguments. I always ask myself, is it possible to live with her peacefully in one household? To have 2 queens in one home? How to find harmony to live with a strong complicated character? 

But lately, just lately, I've more understanding in the situation. I can sit in the audience's seat and watch the whole dramas being presented on the stage - and say " I feel you ". I do. But as long as no one comes in my way and tries to mess with my seat, I'm ok. 

-

 

Sofi vs The Worms

I decided to give Sofi Champs' deworm tablets for the first time. Around 30 hours later, she was nauseous and vomited 3 times in the car on her way back from kampung. She vomited again when she arrived, so we decided to go to the clinic to get it checked. The doctor said her abdomen felt okay, with no tenderness and no other symptoms, so it might be nothing serious. 

I tried giving her the medication for nausea, but she vomited again afterward. She couldn't even eat or drink anything, other than sipping some salt water. Later that night, she woke up to vomit again several more times, I persuaded her to try the nausea medication again (to the point of several briberies). Then after 4 am, the vomiting stopped. She probably vomited more than 10 times in 12 hours.  

The next day she was fine.

But she continued with watery-liquidy poops throughout the whole week. By day 7, she finally had a perfect normal stool again, and so I guess the worm-cleansing phase ended. For that, my friend, it was a nervous week for a first-time mami. Can't believe looking at a perfect shaped stool would make me so happy. Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah.

Note: I've eaten deworm tablets many times, and there was nothing significant happened. But for Sofi, something had happened, they warned in the small paper in the box about the 'possible' side effects (May cause gastrointestinal disturbances, abdominal pain or upset, diarrhoea, nausea or vomiting, headache or dizziness.) - never thought that would happen to Sofi though. 

-

Sofi's Getting Self-Conscious

"Mami, mami, look at my ears mami"

"What"

"My ears are big mami, why mami, why my ears big?"

"You have dadi's ears, dadi's nose, and dadi's eyes, that's why. You have mami's hair and mami's fair skin. You look pretty in your big ears, that's okay". 

I always tease her ears because they are a bit protruding for her tiny delicate face.

Sorry, bb, mami won't tease you again.

-

Sofi is still at the age where she calls banana a "babana" ♥

Little Stories 283 : We Choose Our Battle

Here is a post dedicated to nice vibes at Pizza Mansion BB after I walked from the event venue (8k steps!). It was late, and I was famished, so I just chose the spot because I was in the area but I had to wait for my brother to finish his shift. Ordered carbonara pizza and it was ready after 5 minutes, tried asking the guy to keep it until my brother arrived but the policy is they can't keep it, and can't reheat the pizza because it will overburn because they use a manual fire stove. 

So the pizza was just a bit warm when he finally arrived, dusty from all the bread flour.  

I did eat my lactase pill pre-pizza, and Moom's debloat later that night because I knew I would bloat and I did, later that Sunday morning. I felt somewhat awful but not as bad as usual, it was manageable - perhaps it was due to the mushroom, or the heavy cheese, only God knows. 

That's okay, it was for a special occasion, and I chose my battle. 

Tiny thanks to my brother for entertaining me while I'm not at my best :F 

May we fight, discuss, and argue as long as needed and we can be the whatever-I-don't-want-to-pretend self without ever having to lose one another over futile matters in life. 

Little Stories 282 : KLIF for the Second Time

On Saturday, I was supposed to go to the library again to return the books and get new ones. But on the way there while on the train, my tiny heart said that it was closed that day, so I checked on Google and I found out that it was closed (the first Saturday of the month). The instinct was right.

So I had to change my plan. I was contemplating whether I should go to find huge mahjong papers at the art store and a big brush to do painting exercises OR to go to KLIF which was held that weekend at GMBB. I was not mentally prepared to deal with the crowd, and it was a bit overwhelming to go there alone. But, I'm making an effort, right.

I chose to only have the goal of going to KLIF and improvise the plan from there. From MRT Bukit Bintang, I turned on my Moovit and followed the walking path (less than a 15-minute walk). But BB paths were sketchy, and I wasn't familiar with the new paths but I managed it somehow. I did the scariest part of walking in BB area unattended, and I am so proud of that achievement. 

Next was buying the walk-in ticket for RM 15, and I did that too. Then I explored the 3 levels of KLIF event twice, the crowd was a bit crazy, so sometimes I wore the mask, and sometimes I opened it because lemassss. I didn't stop at every booth, and when I felt too overwhelmed to make a conversation, I just chose to distance myself and watched from afar. It was like my personal social experiment, where I tested what level of discomfort I could manage in the said situation. 

Then I also tested, I greeted some people that I recognized, it was a struggle to keep a conversation with K from B&B because I think we are both introverts but I stayed the course and stayed until I didn't know what else to say, then I decided to say hi to LT (we both knew each other online), she was super excited and she naturally has great-people energy so that was super helpful and last one was Aa from SxP, we knew each other for years so that was okay as well. He got a good friendly vibe.

They asked me why I didn't participate (no KLIF, CAFKL, or CF since last year) - and I said that I needed some time to rest and find inspiration and that I was a bit burned out and couldn't produce anything that part, everyone understood. 

There were many great international artists that I adore, like Sarkodit, Nasaya Mafaridik, Sad Shrimps, Liunic, etc. But I just watched from afar, hihi. 

Did I get any inspiration? Daww, no. 

I guess I'm still in that depressive mode, but at least I tried. 

Anyway, good practice. 

Kudos to myself.

Little Thing 278 : The Repressed Feelings Part 2

 

TMI but Important to Remember:

I've been missing my period for almost 2 months (It was probably due to being underweight and stressed out and not eating much during Ramadhan). And so, I was trying my best, giving my whole effort in helping my body regulate all the imbalances that it was having these past few months. 

I'm making an effort:

Remember the crying week? (it was done, I cried, I let them out from the system). Then I went outside, I started walking, and in just a week, I walked for more than 40k steps, just to move, to manage the stress or whatever the things that I was hiding in the back of my mind. I went to find books at the library - the thing that I'm passionate about and I read (to feed my serotonin). Then I socialized - I went to Sofi's party, went out with my sister, had dinner with my brother, went back to Nilai, and scheduled a meetup with Ms Chin even though honestly, I didn't want to meet anyone. Then I went to the sukiyaki and yaniniku buffet to eat meat, when I didn't want to, because I thought my body needed it. Then I went for a massage to release the pain muscles last week and to continue with a better routine, I top up with morning yoga stretches these days and I dance because I'm making an effort. 

I was spiraling, my hormones were chaotic, I couldn't eat, I had constant indigestion and I was nervous all the time. BUT, I know our brains can be tricked into believing and adapting to anything. So, I'm making an effort. 

Go for that walk, go meet that friend, go do your thing, go feed your passion, go dance it out, go enjoy being you even when you don't want to. 

A week later, this morning, I finally had my period. 

See, most of the time the only person that can help you is YOU.  

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just a bit too old to be feeling or experiencing all these, kan. Macam sentiasa kena beringat then kena regulate emotion and take a mental note of these small little things yang boleh accumulate into a much bigger problem. Tapi yang membezakan keadaan ni dengan 10-20 tahun lepas adalah, the fact that you learned and supposed to use the things that you've learned when needed. Tapi kita manusia, selalu lupa, selalu abai sampai lah dah terlambat.

-

But then, why do I write it all down here? 

I think we aren't used to sharing honest vulnerabilities with society. In social media, we choose to only share the good parts of us. Even though in reality we might be in constant pain, confused, feeling dejected, alone, scared, and fragile - we think we are alone, and we aren't supposed to share anything that resembles weakness. 

But we are not alone, and weakness is a part of us as humans. 

I think normalizing this is important because it stays with us all throughout our lives. 

I always voice out my vulnerability, and people do use that to point out my weaknesses back at me at times - and I do feel attacked when that happens. Perhaps I shared with the wrong people, or perhaps they just don't know how to use that information in a constructive way to help me. But I want to normalize this important part of being human.

For the sake of our mental health.

For perhaps in growing into a much better kinder human.