I got this quote from Schopenhauer:
"Life swings like a pendulum backward and forward between pain and boredom."
Schopenhauer is the father of misery (in philosophy). He was pessimistic and dark, preaching about pain and the roles behind it. He figured out early on that pain is inevitable in life and he tried to make peace with it throughout his life. He was one of the early philosophers that combines ideas from Western and Eastern philosophy. I am usually interested in fusion ideas and teachings (like from Carl Jung or Hermann Hesse) instead of all based on the Western mind.
He said that the will in our lives will drive our needs and desire, and our motivation to act in the world but this will can also be our source of dissatisfaction and misery in our life. We are often disappointed and frustrated. He called this "wille zum leben" or the will-to-live. For Schopenhauer, the will is in our unconscious mind and its core purpose is to keep us alive, to survive.
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Schopenhauer said there are 2 options to deal with the problems of existence.
The first option is to practice asceticism, he called these people, the 'sages', the special individuals that manage to rise above the demands of the will-to-live, the people that can see the natural drives in humans: sex, ego, selfishness, the need for a partner, validation, social approval, fame, money, etc, and to rise above these natural drives and make peace with them. They can overcome these desires and be at peace without them like a monk or a hermit. But this is a rather extreme approach.
The second option is a friendlier approach, he recommended the 'higher pleasures': meditation, reading, and philosophy, we are also encouraged to spend our lives engaging with art: poetry, music, and culture. To find the beauty in everyday tasks, to search for the distinct smell of hope in destruction, to see light in the most hopeless condition, to find meaning in our pain, to be content in the chaos.
The safest way of not being very miserable is not to expect to be very happy.
He reminded us that we are not crazy, that our pain and sadness are valid, that suffering is inevitable, we are not alone, the world is crazy, and that it is okay. This is the reality that we need to accept as a part of our lives and try to go on with it. For him, life got no greater purpose, we are here, we are alive and we pass on.
So why I took note of Schopenhauer then? Not to say that I agree with everything he held on to, for me, what he shared is mostly the things that I already figured out, not something of a new revelation. But it is nice to see it in writing, I feel validated and entertained. But when Schopenhauer said love is a powerful illusion that can be the greatest force in human life but it actually leads to our unconscious need to survive mankind aka make more offspring for the next generation, I laughed, because it was a very cynical viewpoint.
Is it fair to just treat love as an illusion that humankind needs?
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I always remind both my younger siblings about pain and love - because they both came from a broken traumatic childhood early on so they have deeper issues dealing with relationships. I know it is scary to commit to love, to put your heart on a pedestal, to be weak, and to rely on others for your happiness. But to feel happy, you need to feel sad, to know what is love, you need to know what is pain, to see the light, you need to be in the dark.
Once, I fell in love, hard. The epic love story, I guess.
But I know the drama it brings onto the table, the mess, the chaos, the instability, the shame. There were so many emotions, so much pain, but yes, so much love as well. As someone that grew up in a dramatic environment and faced traumas throughout most of my teenage and early adult life, I couldn't put myself on that rollercoaster ride again. I wanted a normal drama-free life, so I left the relationship and I married a friend. Af is the friend, a partner, and someone I can rely on 24/7.
This was a clear choice. I still feel it is the most realistic and rational choice that I made for the life that I needed. I learned that I don't really need something epic, something huge, something that shines across the universe, I need just the basic things. So what if I had to deal with the heartbreak? Life is layers of heartbreaks, it is meant to be painful, and bitter. Love doesn't necessarily mean to own. Why I didn't choose the other love? Because at that age, during that phase, I know I'd break. Now I'm older, I see life with a much broader view, the painful wounds of traumatic family dramas are mostly healed, and I've made peace with a lot of turbulence in my life. I needed the healing time.
As Thom Yorke said in this: "I will see you in the next life."
And yes, so that's my take on pain of the unrequited love. Wait, did I get to the point yet?
Okay, so life is painful, can't avoid it, pick your ride, and be ready to feel stuff. It's always a choice, don't be scared to make one and try to enjoy the ride. Fall in love, fall out of love, feel the pain, feel the heartbreaks, that's life. You don't have to choose the extreme way of avoiding all the things that make life colourful, but you can choose to pick your colours.
Note: I haven't read any original works by Schopenhauer, but I compiled this based on my readings from articles/books and compilations written and compiled by others. So I'm making assumptions based on others' assumptions after reading him. Hihi :F
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