Little Things 163 : 2014

Another year almost reaching the end. It flew like a hummingbird, silencing the air between its soft vibrating wings. I learned a lot of things throughout the walking days, I experienced so many pain and joy, transitions and phases, regrets and hopes. 

I mourned for so long. Over decisions and false hopes, plans and misguided goals, most importantly, over blindness in obsession to create a superficial future. 

Was is it that I wanted so bad in life? 

Is it the chance to understand it all? Or the need of reasons to answer questions that longing for some explanations? Another year ended and still, some questions remain the same.
I grew older but not yet any wiser.

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On work :

Bad things happen in this world. I'm learning to accept that. A year in the news team taught me how to accept the harsh reality. I grew distant to all misery and pain of the world. When being put in a daily news of worst case scenarios, our mind will build a thin layer of self-defense, like a sponge to absorb things more slowly and silently. We'll get used to things. We won't get too distracted over bad news, we'll put some time to mourn a little and continue our work to get the news up, to tell the story. I might not agree on all things over the news, I might have some difficulties reasoning it all, but I managed to get it through. I had fun working this year, it's officially one of my favorite personal achievement.

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On transition :

I managed to stay strong on my own two feet.
I wanted, no, I needed to prove to myself that I can be independent, free from parental shield. I managed to be financially independent from them for years since I started working, and the last one on my list was to be able to rent my own place. My own little fortress, a place to call my own. Third month, of ups and downs, regular unhealthy cheap foods and traps behind the door, cranky Minka and beautiful baby plants, worried ma, empty apartment and beautiful solitude.

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On love :

Maybe it took years to accept and maybe it took mere seconds to realize that we can't have it all. So we need to prioritize on what we really want in life. Ask yourself. What is the one important thing that you want in life. Honest truth, I did a lot of decisions that I don't regret, I did it because I need to know, to make things clear. Wrong step and it will jeopardize the whole system, so I ask myself over and over, what do I really need in a relationship? Do I really need to be in pain to love? Do I really need to romanticize past memories? No, I need all things in present. Not future, not past, but right now in the moment.  

Him, the one that has been there since I had my fall, day to day. The one that neutralize my instability, my clouded emotions, my worries. The one that help me with littlest things and listens patiently to everything that I can possibly talk about. Him, that taught me about the surrounding nature and try to be in the present. Him, that lives in his flaws and being able to accept it all. Him, that always here and try to make me happy. Maybe I speak less of my personal life before, but this time, I am really thankful for all these and I want him to know that.

I got engaged last weekend, and I'm more than ready to have someone in my close circle.
And I'm really glad that I found my person.

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Google - 2014 Search Compilation :

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