Random : May Post

On Running :

That morning I ran again and it felt good. I haven't run early in the morning for quite a while. 

Whatever problems and pain I had were all forgotten during the run, it was just running bliss. The morning mist, the playlist, the cold, all just perfect. I can't believe it was that special. I started running at 7 am and ended the run by 8 am when it started getting hotter. I ended the run with this song.

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On Taking a Walk Alone and Books :

The day before I walked alone at the mall after meeting up for coffee with Miss Chin. Only managed to get a 5 km indoor walk that day. 

I bought 2 books: Beyond Order by Jordan Peterson and A Brief Guide to Philosophical Classics by James M Russell. I noticed that there weren't that many female philosophers or books written by women writers on topics that I want to read - and I wonder why that is? In A Brief Guide to Philosophical Classics, there are introductions to 66 of "the most thought-provoking books ever written" and among that, only 6 were written by women: Ayn Rand, Tove Jansson, Emma Goldman, Naomi Wolf, Luce Irigaray, and Julia Kristeva. 

I haven't finished reading To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara yet, it's been more than a month. I started early in April during Ramadhan and I enjoyed the slow-reading process whenever I feel like reading it. I am now in chapter 3, the final story based in a dystopian world about 100 years from now (and I don't like reading about a dystopian world because it gives me anxiety).

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On Working During PMS :

I think it's fair to say that the only person that can decide whether they can work during PMS is the person enduring the phase because everyone has a different level of pain and stages. For me, sometimes the cramps are so bad, my face winces for having to hold in the pain, and sometimes my migraines are as bad as feeling like someone is hammering my head while having to focus on a task, not only that, sometimes it is not only the cramps and the migraine, there are few more other worst symptoms to have to deal with along with that: like the painful bloat, or the swelling in certain areas, nausea or fatigue. 

I mean, aren't we all superhuman for having to deal with this as a daughter, a student, a worker, or a mother. We can't simply ask for a 'rest' whenever we are in pain, we probably feel ashamed to even voice out about this and we have to deal with this, for most of our lives, every single month. Imagine that. 2 weeks of rest, and 2 more weeks of pain - every month. 

Our bodies are built differently. Yes, it is definitely not as 'physically' strong as men, but look at how much pain can we women endure throughout our lives. The monthly pain, the pregnancy phase, the childbirth, and the menopause. 

We are superhuman.

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On Raya :

Like all of my raya, it was mostly an anxiety-filled celebration packed with dramas and crowds. We went back to Raub, then Pekan, Kuantan then Nilai. A week of food and people. Sofi fell sick soon after, she had a really bad loud cough with phlegm and cold, a minor fever. But only for a week, then she recovered - quite fast. I don't know whether this was a help, but we gave her pure honey 3 times a day when she was sick. It worked, always. 

Oh yes, I posted a Raya reel on my personal IG. Made a personal IG so I could still post my older version of obnoxious selfies and personal photos (like beautiful foods - haha). The older I get, the more self-conscious I get about everything so I created another IG just purely to self-indulge.

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On Going to KLIF :

I didn't decide on going until the very last minute. Why? Because it was located in the middle of the city center during a heatwave, I had to walk in the heat if I want to only take MRT (the paths Google Maps shared were not fully reliable), and it was my 2nd day of period. 

But, somehow, I bought the ticket and I was there on the first day. Thankfully, I didn't get any headaches until much later in the evening. 

In my mind, I wanted to spend time there, get inspiration, meet like-minded people, and support other artists or anything equivalent to that. But apparently, I'm still in my depressive mode - I didn't feel like anything had changed at all. I just felt old and I felt like I rather spend time reading somewhere silent, nice, and cold. I rather write and listen to poetry music. I rather not mingle with the crowds. 

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On Annoyance :

It has been 12 days since the alarm goes off (probably at one of the factories near my house). 12 days of the sound of the siren-like alarm repeating throughout the whole day, nonstop.

I can't wait, for someone to buy this house. 

I can't wait to leave. 

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On the Memory of Smell :

Do you know that you can keep memories in smell? Sometimes I walk in crowds, my nose captures a smell that I used to know, and I remember these memories far from my past. Then I go to Sephora and asked the seller to give me a smell from a certain tester perfume. I keep the fragranced thin paper as my bookmark because what else can I keep except for the memories?