Random : End of May Post

 

The books I consumed :

• Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (recommended*)
• No Happy Ending by Nora McInerny
• Good Girls Don't by Mara Wilson
• Cassandra Speaks by Elizabeth Lesser (recommended*)
• Transit by Rachel Cusk
• Happening by Annie Ernaux
• Yasmin, How You Know?
• To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara
  
• Anxiety by The School of Life (recommended*)
• Wandering Souls by Cecile Pin
• C. G. Jung: The Basics by Ruth Williams

During Ramadhan, I hardly finish any books. I can only start but can't seem to finish it (that's why reading To Paradise took 6 weeks). But I'm no longer fasting so I've been listening and reading to books again at my normal pace. So those are all the books I finished since Ramadhan. 

I'm reading 50 philosophical classics (a summary by Tom Butler-Bowdon), every day familiarizing myself with 1-3 philosophers and their most basic ideas/teachings. Some are pretty basic, some are interesting and some are just a bit too hard to chew. I'm almost halfway through and I found some that I would be interested to dive in, so I scribbled in my commonplace book for more reading. 

Wait, I actually want to say that, even with my reading intensity, I realized that there are so many things that are still hard to understand; reading philosophy is one, reading scientific articles is another, and not starting on educational textbooks yet. At most, learning is always a humbling experience, because you are being reminded that you are not that smart ALL THE TIME. So I'm being left feeling dumb every day and demotivated because I don't know who to ask? 

 

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Waking up:

I've been having a nice daily routine of sleeping at 8.30 pm and waking up early for a few weeks now. But lately, I always wake up around 2.30 am and then again at 3.30 am, but I'm training myself to wake up after 4.30 am instead. That's an ideal time. The subconscious realm is a bit calmer during those hours. Maybe because people sleep much later than that (possibly after 12 am?), and by the time they start to dream, I'm starting to wake up. 

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The pain:

8 days in, the muscles around my shoulder and neck are still tight. I still can't draw and it is annoying but healing takes time. I know I've been extra tense lately, and I try to move to destress but heyyy, I need to rewire my mind. 

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Trying Out Fujifilm X30:

Miss Chin wanted to sell her camera and asked me to help. I went on a short outing to take some photos and it turned out so good. I want it instead! But I don't have the money yet.

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On Joining Sofi's School Picnic:

If it is not for Sofi, I don't think I would enjoy an outdoor activity with the crowds. But this is special, it was her first picnic with her school (and I promised I wouldn't be my parents - so I'm making an effort). Thank God my brother was there to accompany me, then also my sister and his husband as well or I don't know how would I survive it.

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Suffering:

I think I'm dwelling well, the right amount of sadness, the right amount of grief, the right amount of stress, the right amount of effort to keep on moving to cope, the right amount of study and reading to distract, the right amount of isolation and the right amount of socialization. 

I'm suffering, but I'm managing it. I don't know how I do it, but every day is another challenging day to endure. I know this will pass and I know it's going to be okay.