After the 3 months of probation, I decided to not continue working at the agency.
I can give many reasons and they will sound like excuses. But honestly, I think I just couldn't keep up with the pace and the expectation. Not at my age, not after I tasted freedom. I've begun to feel anxious and jittery while working. I can feel my anxiety build up and I don't even have time to manage it (like going out to run).
Right now, I'm pushing myself to heal it again, I need to go outdoors and have a long walk.
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I don't have any plans because it is sudden.
But I do feel like all the emotions were starting to get ready to erupt: constant nausea, indigestion, minor migraines when I wake up in the morning, shaky hands, tense shoulder, and rapid heart rate. I was under so much stress and they kept on pushing me to the edge.
So, this week is my final probation week and I told them that I decided to not continue working there.
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Even days after, I'm still jittery, still with indigestion and I'm still feeling nausea. I had to work on healing that again, need to tell my mind that I'm okay now and I can relax a bit. It will take some time, again. Anxiety is weird like that. But it is not my first rodeo, so I'm hopeful.
Kelakarkan, being hypersensitive ni :F
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