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Another Trip : Eid Version

March 31, 2025


I couldn’t do it—I’m just not ready to meet anyone this Raya, and I didn’t want to spend the whole week being a party pooper. I needed to go somewhere, distract myself, and do a lot of reflection. I thought about planning a family trip for Raya, but I just didn’t have the energy or mental space for something that big (and if you know us, you know I’m usually the planner, but this time, I just couldn’t). On top of that, I felt overwhelmed and wasn’t ready to deal with more drama.


They’re bitter about it, and I get it. It makes sense to feel upset—after all, it’s Raya, and once again, I left to focus on my own thing. But I really need you to understand that I just don’t have the mental or emotional capacity to pretend that I’m the same person, like nothing has changed. So I had to do this. And honestly, Raya has never really been my thing.


I’m not ready to give full context, so I’ll let you assume whatever you need to assume and leave it at that.


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Like the last trip, I planned it a month early. D'oa for me to be back safe, better, and refreshed ♥︎ I did some scheduled posts during this holiday, if you need to distract yourself by stalking some random blog on a Raya week, I'm here for you. 


Enjoy your food, enjoy your family time.

Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

For all the hurt, confusion, and uncomfortable emotions I may have caused.

I tried my best to give my best version, but being human with emotions is just, complicated.


Little Stories 305: Showing Up and Moving Through

March 28, 2025


 

Yesterday was a rough one. The build-up of emotions had to go somewhere, so I did what any mentally strong person does when things get overwhelming—I sobbed. And, of course, life being life, I had a 1:1 call with my boss in 15 minutes. Perfect timing. Miserable condition. But responsibility called, so I pulled myself together and joined the call.


My boss asked how I was doing, and I decided to be honest:
"Honestly, I'm not in a good place today. I'm feeling really low right now."


Amazingly, I have an emotionally mature and understanding boss. Instead of brushing it off or making it awkward, she told me to take all the time I needed to process my emotions, cry it out, and feel whatever I needed to feel. Then she asked, "What can I do to help make your day a little better?"


I asked her to distract me—tell me about her week, her plans, anything at all. 😊


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A Great Reminder from Our 1:1 Session

Regular communication is crucial in any organization, group, family, or relationship. Why?
To avoid misunderstandings. To stay connected. To build trust. To solve problems. To create togetherness. To grow.


She shared a perspective that stuck with me. During COVID, everyone was scared, but what she remembered most was how our government prioritized communication—giving regular updates, sharing what they knew (and even what they didn’t), and being transparent about possible solutions. Even when there was uncertainty, they kept communicating as best as they could. That made me realize how much I was stuck in my own anxiety back then, unable to see that perspective. Yes, they did the best they could in communicating with us on daily basis!


She emphasized the importance of communicating what we’re going through while also trying to understand the other person’s perspective. Finding balance in communication means not just expressing our needs but also asking, "What do you need from me?" and "What do I need from you?" to work toward a solution together.


It always starts with good communication.


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The Aftermath

I survived the 30-minute call. But as soon as it ended? Back to sobbing. The energy was still too intense. I spent the rest of the day in and out of emotional waves, and honestly, maybe I needed it. Maybe it was months of repressed emotions finally demanding release. Maybe I need to get back to running.


But one thing is clear—the only way past something is to go through it.

She also mentioned; Thanks for showing up ♥︎


Note: I know my stalker brother is worried because I didn't want to reply to his text yesterday, and here's a tiny explanation of why (just leaving space for assumptions) - I know he will read this through anyway =.=  I'm okay, I'm always going to be okay, it is just a strong rain, I'm fine with rain, I survived worst weather. Chill.


Little Thing 286: Assembling the Mess

March 26, 2025


I've been really into puzzles lately.


Last month, I started with a 500-piece set. Finished it three times. So, naturally, I leveled up to a 1,000-piece one. My intense focus has always been my superpower—depending on where I aim it. So when work drains me, I turn to puzzles. They quiet my mind.


Every right piece is a tiny dopamine hit, and I’m hooked. My wind-down routine now? Puzzles. Books and streaming feel too loud after a long day at work. I needed something that slows me down, something that lets my brain breathe.


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Reflecting on that:

Life is like one of those giant, complicated jigsaw puzzles—the ones with 5,000 pieces and no picture on the box. At first, it’s just a mess of scattered bits, and you're not even sure where to start. Everything is jumbled together. Some pieces fit easily—like the corner pieces of responsibilities, you can’t ignore. Others? You swear they should fit, but no matter how much you twist and shove, they just won’t. That’s the tricky part.


But here’s the thing—eventually, the picture starts coming together. It’s not perfect, but it’s yours. And you realize that maybe the missing pieces weren’t meant to fit, or maybe the edges can be a little wobbly, and that’s okay. Then, there’s that one rogue piece you couldn’t place—until suddenly after everything else falls into place, it just clicks. You also start noticing the small things—the gradient of colors, the tiny details, the missing spots. Slowly, you learn the pattern. It takes time, but you get there. Somehow, you always do.


Maybe life, like puzzles, isn’t about rushing to complete the picture. Maybe it’s about learning to sit with the mess, trusting that the missing pieces will show up when they’re meant to. Some days, you find the perfect fit right away. On other days, you stare at the same piece, turning it over and over, until you finally see where it belongs. Either way, you keep going. You learn to enjoy the process.


Just remember—the missing pieces will find us when we’re finally ready for them.


Tell me what piece you’re working on right now. 

Be it a puzzle, be it something in life.


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Love, 

AE ✨

Taiwan Trip: Finding Solitude in Taiwan

March 21, 2025

I've never really shared much about the Taiwan trip. I mentioned sharing more about that in January, but I didn't have the energy to write as planned. Taiwan felt too personal in my self-growth journey, and other than repeating the story of the nature hikes that I loved so much, I felt like perhaps every exploration would feel like a repetition in one way or another. I did the over-thinking for awhile, so I didn't write anything.


Public bicycles to rent

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This morning, I woke up to one of Craig Mod's newsletters. If you are not familiar with that name, well, Craig is a writer, photographer, and an avid walker. He did so many walking expeditions across Japan and those newsletters kept me hoping high throughout the Covid phase when everyone was stuck in the house. I craved nature walks ever since. His writing was the catalyst of my own walking journey post-covid. 


So when I woke up this morning, I noticed that he is still writing to these people who subscribed to his newsletters even after all these years, not knowing whether we still read them, right? Then, I decided to sit and continue this draft anyway, to you, my invisible readers. It's early in the morning, there's a soft morning breeze through the window next to me, and I'm off from work. I'm going through my Papershoot camera folder while reimagining what happened in Taiwan that worth mention to you. 


I wish I could have coffee. 



At the peak of one of the first hikes in Taiwan

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The hikes

The nature walks and hikes were incredible. Honestly, it wasn’t as wet, muddy, or wild as you might imagine. Most of the trails I found were surprisingly well-maintained, lined with beautiful wooden, stone, or even metal railings guiding the way. It’s easy enough—if you don’t mind a solid relationship with stairs and hilly climbs. 


Honestly, calling it “hiking” almost felt like cheating. It was more like leisurely inclined walks... but hey, I still earned those peak selfies and stair-climbing bragging rights. No shortcuts, no regrets. 


We’d usually head out early in the morning, scrolling through Google Maps to find the nearest mountain near wherever we were staying. We’d walk there, conquer the trails, then head back to the hotel—ready to kick off the real day. I explored mountains in Taoyuan, Beitou, and Taipei. Each one had its own flavor, but all of them left a mark. I like to keep things spontaneous, so I’d intentionally limit how much research I did ahead of time. It felt more like an impromptu adventure than a boxed-in, overly structured itinerary. My daily goal was simple: explore. 


Hiking in Taiwan’s soft winter? Absolutely magical. Words fail me. 

I fell in love.



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The Art Scenes 
 
I did not expect it to be this good. Throughout the trip, I stumbled upon a treasure trove of pop-up markets, independent creative events, and quirky art hubs tucked away in every city. Art sculptures casually lounged in parks and public spaces, and even everyday things—from signage to coffee cup designs—oozed creativity. It’s like the entire island has a low-key obsession with art, and honestly? I was here for it. 
 
Some personal highlights: 
 
One of my own illustrations—yep, something I drew and uploaded to Freepik—was right there across Taipei’s Metro stations! The pregnant lady illustration? That’s mine. A little reminder for passengers to give up their seat for expecting moms. And as if that wasn’t enough of a “mic drop” moment, on my last day, I spotted a pregnant lady wearing a pin with my design on it. Wild, right? What a surreal and humbling surprise. 

And the exhibitions? I feasted on them. Taipei served up plenty, but the standout for me was the “Art Nouveau: Light and Shadow” Exhibition—think Gaudí, Mucha, Klimt, but with a modern twist of light and shadow installations. As someone who has dreamed of seeing Mucha’s work since forever, this was a full-circle moment. 
 
I probably spent a solid hour wandering around, soaking up the colors, the curves, the intricate beauty of every piece. It was like stepping into a living painting—vivid, whimsical, and completely hypnotizing.



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You know, I’d love to head back to Japan. Really, I would. But lately, it feels like everyone has the same idea. Have you seen that viral video of tourists swarming the streets of Kyoto? Just watching it gave me secondhand anxiety—and I’m usually chill behind a screen.


But hey, to be fair, I kinda got a taste of that in Taiwan too. We visited Jiufen Street in Taipei early in the morning, right as the shops were just rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. The crowd was mellow, totally manageable. But by the time we were ready to head back during peak hour? Boom. Human tsunami. Waves of people squeezed into a narrow, crammed, twisty alley. Picture sardines in a can—but sweating and taking selfies. Claustrophobic doesn’t even begin to describe it.


Moral of the story: tourist hotspots? Timing is everything. Get there early, beat the crowds, and enjoy the calm before the selfie sticks rise.


Honestly, I’m not built for big crowds. 

Give me quiet mountains, open trails, and chirping birds over-packed streets and elbow-dueling any day. Nature wins.


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Maybe that’s why this trip felt different.


I steered clear of the crowds, found myself wrapped in nature more than I had originally planned, and I wasn’t glued to my brother 24/7. We made space—deciding when to explore together and when to wander solo. It gave the trip this personal rhythm, one where I felt free but grounded. Less anxious, more me.


Traveling alone is a strange cocktail—equal parts nerve-wracking and liberating. I’m not exactly a thrill-seeker; honestly, I’m a homebody through and through. Give me a cozy corner and some tea, and I’m golden. But here’s the paradox: I crave nature walks and the thrill of discovering someplace new. It’s this weird push and pull, and finding that balance? That’s the journey in itself.


And you know what?

I want more of this.


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Love, 
AE ✨

Little Thing 285: On Time

March 19, 2025

You can tell exactly how much people value you by how they treat your time. Important people don’t get left waiting—because their time is the gold standard. 


If someone sees you as less important, they’ll waste your time without blinking: keeping you waiting, flaking on plans, brushing off the effort you put in. You’ve seen it, you know the pattern. 

So stop handing out your time like free samples at a grocery store. Don’t waste it on people who wouldn’t even budget theirs for you. Time’s non-refundable—and newsflash, if they don’t respect yours, you’re just not on their VIP list.

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“By the time, in fact, humanity is in the loss, except those who have believed and performed righteous deeds and are mutually advised to patients”. [Quran, 103: 1-3]



 

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Love, 
AE ✨

Little Thing 284: Taming Chaos

March 10, 2025

Since January, somehow, things have slowly changed. I noticed a change in my own perspective, realizing I'm accepting things that I used to avoid. These breadcrumbs of little incidents slowly lead to phases of realization. And now, I'm just slowly letting go and accepting my story. I'm no longer in pain, no longer attached, and it is a weird sensation to feel. I thought I'd be losing a part of me, but I feel like I'm truly getting myself back, something that I missed for what felt like an eternity. I feel free and lighter, like I've been released from an invisible chain, and I'm not used to it. 



In February, life has been quieter and quieter, and now I'm reaching the second week of March, I feel like I'm in a long silent meditation camp. Other than having to socialize for work (I can't avoid that), I've been enjoying my own company. It is the total opposite of what I've been pushing myself towards la kan, I said I wanted a bigger circle this year. But, maybe, it is just not the right time yet, or the right people, I've tried, and it was leading nowhere. I got tired of trying to reach out to people who didn't want to be reached. So I'm heading back to my own path again. (Fun note: My main vision board get-go that I've been repeating every night before I sleep for years is the trail hike in a very light Japanese forest, so that's what I imagine my path looks like. Very friendly, very calm, very peaceful).

Not sure how long I can avoid drama and triggers in my life. Eid is coming soon, and that is usually a very stressful season, so I'll be avoiding that this year. I'm hoping to pursue a much calmer Eid, away from expectations, triggers, disappointments, and family drama. UB said that every drama or chaos is a chance for us to learn and grow. Ugh, I still wish I could have a very uneventful, silent, boring life for as long as I live and at the end, I'll say that "I lived a good life". But a girl can only wish.

Salam Ramadhan 
Eat responsibly.

Mini note: Zakat paid, a week of fasting done. 
Time for a little treat