Since January, somehow, things have slowly changed. I noticed a change in my own perspective, realizing I'm accepting things that I used to avoid. These breadcrumbs of little incidents slowly lead to phases of realization. And now, I'm just slowly letting go and accepting my story. I'm no longer in pain, no longer attached, and it is a weird sensation to feel. I thought I'd be losing a part of me, but I feel like I'm truly getting myself back, something that I missed for what felt like an eternity. I feel free and lighter, like I've been released from an invisible chain, and I'm not used to it.
In February, life has been quieter and quieter, and now I'm reaching the second week of March, I feel like I'm in a long silent meditation camp. Other than having to socialize for work (I can't avoid that), I've been enjoying my own company. It is the total opposite of what I've been pushing myself towards la kan, I said I wanted a bigger circle this year. But, maybe, it is just not the right time yet, or the right people, I've tried, and it was leading nowhere. I got tired of trying to reach out to people who didn't want to be reached. So I'm heading back to my own path again. (Fun note: My main vision board get-go that I've been repeating every night before I sleep for years is the trail hike in a very light Japanese forest, so that's what I imagine my path looks like. Very friendly, very calm, very peaceful).
Not sure how long I can avoid drama and triggers in my life. Eid is coming soon, and that is usually a very stressful season, so I'll be avoiding that this year. I'm hoping to pursue a much calmer Eid, away from expectations, triggers, disappointments, and family drama. UB said that every drama or chaos is a chance for us to learn and grow. Ugh, I still wish I could have a very uneventful, silent, boring life for as long as I live and at the end, I'll say that "I lived a good life". But a girl can only wish.
Salam Ramadhan ♥
Eat responsibly.
Mini note: Zakat paid, a week of fasting done.
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