Run : Moving

I lied, I said I'd reintroduce moving in my life. 

But I not only walked, I also ran and rode a bicycle, did yoga and meditation, rope skipping, and tried weight training. Anything I could do to move my body, especially when I didn't feel like it - every time I contemplate whether I should move or not, I just turn off my mind and get ready because I don't trust my brain to choose.

For self-validation, I screenshot my awards from Fitness because they are beautifully designed, and I closed so many rings this month (+ you can turn the 3D medal back and forth to see the engraved date you when achieved it) :

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In September:

• Walk - 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 5 km ✔
• Walk - 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 10 km ✔
• Walk - 16,000 steps in a day ✔
• Run - 3 km ✔
• Run - 5 km ✔
• Run - 7 km ✔
• Ride bicycle - 10km ✔
• Rope Skipping - 100x ✔
• Practice Yoga - 15 mins ✔
• Practice Yoga - 30 mins ✔
• Meditation - 10 mins ✔
• Meditation - 20 mins ✔

Accumulated steps: 192,750 steps

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Physical Body:

I used the 'fancy' weighing scale at my sister's house and found out details about my body - I am practically underweight, with only 5% fat - that's around 2kg of fat in my body (can you imagine how flat I am without fats as a woman? ok don't imagine it then). No wonder I was always cold and feeble and fragile. 

My skeletal muscle is in perfect condition, but my muscle percentage is quite low - so I need to focus on getting physically stronger because I'm done with people forcing me to eat. I'm not anorexic, I'm just a bit too mellow in the heart, it will get better one day when it is ready, but I can't force it to not feel, kan? It is just something that comes in a package. At this point, it is just an annoyance when people only ask me whether I eat. So I focus on getting stronger and fitter, the healthy weight gain will come slowly as I workout. In the past, I did gain weight when I started to actively run. 

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The gym is less than 100 steps from my house, so I have no excuse not to go, even on rainy days. Even on school holidays when I can't walk as much, I tried other methods to move. I only rested when I got my period because I was often light-headed during this phase and needed some TLC, good food, and rest. I even surprised myself by running a 5k non-stop (but on a treadmill). I didn't think I could do it, but my body seems to remember how it works. And the physical pain of running is what I crave. The body remembers. The good thing is I had no other option but to refuel for energy and recovery. I was constantly hungry, so I had to eat.

And I realized this maybe the route I had to take to heal. 

I did this before, and it worked the last time. Hopefully, it will work this time, too.

I'll take as much time as needed and build as much muscle as needed.

So, cheers to that.

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I'll move as much as God gives me the will and good health to continue.

So, let's pray for that, in abundance.

Plus, I needed a new playlist, this feels too last year. 

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That's to wrap up this year's post, and I'll be on hiatus now.

Take care and have a nice end of 2024, see you next year. 

Keep reading and stay moving.

Little Stories 301 : School Holiday and Activities by the End of Sept •ᴗ•

It was the school holiday.

I let Sofi stay with me the whole week even though daycare was still open. Sofi was sick a lot these past few months, so I wanted her to have healthy morning sessions under the sun for the whole week and more outings so she could play outside.

We were at my sister's most of the time because I worked with her the whole week, so I could still do some packing, Sofi could still entertain herself and came to help me every time she was bored, and I got a buffer so that Sofi doesn't cling to me 24/7 (she went off and kacau mamaja or unke is all the time). Between work, we did a lot of things during the school holiday. 

I packed + pre-packed around 400 parcels during the school holiday.

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School Holiday Activities:

1. We went to play at the playgrounds in Aja's house area almost every morning when it did not rain - we went to 3 different ones to try them all out. It was raining most early mornings, so we could only go out after 8 am. The best one is the one nearest to her home because I can just walk back when I need to use the toilet :p

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2. We played tanglong and fireworks during the Supermoon Lunar Eclipse - I bought tanglong at IOI while searching for Ma's birthday present. Kinda reminded me of last year's lunar eclipse celebration at Angelbell, so I wanted to give her something to play that night at the verandah. Pretty moment ♥︎

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3. We went to Sofi's first karaoke session - Aja brought us here, of course. 

We had our first official singing session together (mostly Disney's songs). She looked sooooo darn cute. She has this one-tone low voice that she uses for singing, I wonder if she is as tone-deaf as her uncle and Tokma ♡  

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4. We went to Sofi's first dentist visit - She complained about tooth pain, I know 3 of her molars had holes. I've been slowly telling her that we should have our first dental visit, and she was convinced. I promised the first visit would be only the consulting session. 

The first visit was good, the doctor knew how to talk and entertain her, although she was nervous. So, based on the consult, she needs 3 molar fillings, right now one of the molars is infected, and that caused the pain. Sofi had to be on antibiotics, and later when she finished it, she would have her first simplest molar filling to introduce the procedure. The next 2 fillings are a bit complicated because the dentist will need to do some drilling so, those would be next in line. 

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5. We went to watch The Wild Robot - The movie came out the day before, and I wanted to watch it (because the trailer was sooooooo beautiful, it's crazy). I asked Aja whether she wanted to join, and then, Is also joined us. Thank you, Af for the school holiday movie treat. 

The movie was undeniably beautiful, like those illustrated storybooks that I loved so much. A lot of moments can be screen captured and be my computer's wallpaper. They looked like paintings. 

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6. We did a quick visit to Tokpa's The Plot during MAHA - this was an impromptu visit, I was mentally not ready (did not bring a hat or water bottle or a mask, or just mentally prepared for the crowd lah). So, if you knew me, "knew me", I am someone who is often easily triggered by my surroundings. I don't go mingle in a place that I know has a lot of stimulation without being mentally prepared - or I will be overwhelmed. 

MAHA is a very hot, very crowded place. 

And it is very overwhelming - I tried my very best to play along with the impromptu visit because Aja needed to restock her stuff from The Plot. But yeah, it was ok - we managed to stay around 1 hr + and I went back home without a migraine. 

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7. Oh, and I'm watching my first Korean melodrama - Tell Me That You Love Me, because it is visually beautiful and tells a story about silent lonely people, which is always my fav topic in the world. Lagi pulak watak pakcik2 - tp versi korea pulak dah.

8. This month, I only managed to finish 2 books - The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness by Kyung-Sook Shin on my Kindle. I felt like it was such a loooong, dreary read, and also, The Vegetarian by Han Kang, it was so weird and an uncomfortable read.

School holidays felt long and short, both at the same time.

Right after it ended, I had a 12,000 steps walk in the city alone to recharge, and I bought another Yasuwari Kawabata's book as a present for myself because I packed 400 parcels last week. I bought The Sound of the Mountain, it's my third, and I just love it. I hope no one buys the copies in Kino, I got another 2 books that I need to buy from there and there is only a single copy each left :F

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Post School Holiday:

9. Sofi had her first molar fixed. It was a success, although the night before, she had a tantrum and cried all the way before her bedtime (apparently, she was scared). Later that night, I explained to her many times about the procedure that she was going to face. It was the simplest filling on the surface of her left molar. It took less than 10 minutes, no cries. 

What I did was:

• Introduce her to the place and dentist
• Choose the same dentist (esp when he/she knows how to deal with kids)
• Build up their connection (to develop trust)
• Explain to her whenever needed (so she will be mentally prepared)
• Ask the dentist to explain to her about the procedure (so she knows what to expect)
• Hold her foot and baca lah all the d'oa to give her courage (so she knows I'm there with her)

I know a lot of people are scared of dentists or any dental procedure, but what I can assure you is that, it is much much better to have early exposure to healthy dental care. So, I'm teaching Sofi early to not be afraid of meeting a dentist. Itu pun kira da lambat la, 3 molar dah berlubang.  

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10. I went to LitBooks. Not an easy place to reach - the whole 1 hr + train ride to MRT Surian and then a bus ride to Tropicana Avenue. It was Miss Chin's idea to check up on the place, and it did not disappoint. I mean, the bookshop is not big, but the book listings were good and curated. I asked the man whether they have any of Yasuwari Kawabata's collection because they are hard to find, but most of his books were sold out and yes, he confirmed that it is quite hard to restock his book. 

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11. Sofi's Sports Day was held at Footballhub@Rimbayu on the last Sept's weekend. It was a humid afternoon (it rained for a while before the event started). Sofi didn't cry this time, she was much more composed than last year. She stayed with her team, and she played well. I'm really proud of her. I know I shouldn't compare, but seeing obvious differences between a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old was an eye-opening experience. 

It gets easier; they are learning things, and in a mere one year, a lot of things could be learned and achieved. I could use this as a reminder when things are tough kan, to not see hardships as something impossible to get through, maybe what I need is time and a space to learn and grow so I can be better next time. When we were small, we had our parents to remind us that, but now we are grown-ups, we just need to remind ourselves this because there is no one else better than you, to know what you need to move forward. 

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12. We went to Petrosains KLCC on Monday, because the teachers decided to give an extra school holiday after the sports day. So, I made an impromptu plan. It has been 25 years since my last visit (when I was still in school). I don't usually do things unplanned, but with a kid, I need to relearn this to manage my anxiety better. So, just little plans - like packing snacks from home, dedicated rest and snack time, with a smaller list to achieve, and a few warnings and reminders to Sofi.

It actually went really well. She was in such a good spirit, she was enjoying the whole 2 hours experience, and even when she had to take a long train ride and walk a lot, and have a late lunch, she was still chatty and excited to the end. No ngada2 - I warned her if she ngada2, there won't be any outings like this, hahah. So we had such a lovely time together. Jalan more than 5km, takda angkat2 ok. 

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Ok that's it for end of September post •ᴗ• 

Little Stories 300 : Home-Made Nasi Lemak Luncheon

Nasi Lemak at Makcik Aja's

Last weekend, our "extra" cooking session was held at Aja's house. The theme is kampung-style, and our main food is nasi lemak. I was there to help Aja (tiny helps because I was also packing at the same time). I just suggested that we have home-made nasi lemak for lunch that weekend, and the little plan turned into an extra fun eating session - like I said before, kalau tak extra, tak sah. When I checked back on last year's posting, we also did something like this in the exactly same month - read here. 

The extra parts are :

• the table deco (ma bawak kain batik from Nilai)
• ma wore baju kurung (to fit the theme, lololol)
• ma tried her best to find local fruits (nanas, manggis, buah mata kucing)
• siap beli daun pisang to alas our foods
• siap pasang lagu2 traditional on the background while we eat

But it was a fun little family gathering, nice food, nice chat, nice time spent together - with us, the original clan. The dessert was pengat pisang and cream puffs (Ra bought them). I even ate lactase to enjoy the cream puffs (this is a reminder to restock my lactase pills).

What I didn't tell them is that I started all these after I watched The Bear, hah hah. I started to appreciate the eating experience, my aim was to rewire the eating experience with something nicer for me so that I could enjoy eating. Because I've been having a hard time eating for several years - that every time I eat, I feel awful and bloated. Maybe due to stress and anxiety. So I don't really eat or enjoy eating, because my brain seems to associate food with feeling sick - then I lost a lot of weight lah. I want to change that.

So, I'm a social eater, I eat when I'm with people. 

I try my best to put in a good effort and enjoy the cooking process with them, then I eat slowly. I still can't eat as much as everyone else without feeling a bit uncomfortable but I think it is working - I am enjoying these little home-cooking sessions, I think I should let Sofi help us too so she can improve her eating habit as well (I think she is as fussy-eater as me, this might be good for both of us).

Anyway, I hope you can enjoy our little home-cooked sessions and my beaaaaautiful colourful food posts because I'm always so excited to compile my own pictures from these experiences. Hah hah. 

Happy eating.

Little Stories 299 : Glasshopper, Physically Moving & my Secret Hideout

Beautiful Breakfast - Outing Edition

That morning, we rented and rode bicycles in Putrajaya for almost an hour (10km). Then Aja brought me to Glasshopper in Putrajaya and treated me to a beautiful breakfast. Renting a bicycle near Taman Seri Empangan is much cheaper (RM 10), but the bicycles are old and not in good condition - need to choose wisely.

Look at my colorful fancy breakfast (walaupun both of us masam2 macam kain buruk) :

I'm part-timing with my sister for the time being.  

I think it is an excuse for her to make me stay over at her house, always :F

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Slowly Moving 

I started moving again. I promised myself that after I recovered from vertigo and the viral cough, I would use up my body well to move and try not to forget what it felt like to be sick. 2 long months felt like an eternity, but I fully recovered. So I started exercising again. 

• I aimed to do at least 5,000 steps daily
• When I reached 5,000 steps, I tried to reach 10,000 steps
• When I reached 10,000 steps, I tried to reach 10 k distance

At this moment, I only walk because I'm reintroducing moving again to myself, and my aim is not to lose more weight. If I started running, I might shed more weight. I'm really skinny right now, so if I could gain more muscle and healthy fats instead, that would be good. Also, Sofi was off-school for a week (school holiday), so I couldn't walk daily and had to improvise.

In September:

• Walk 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk 5 km ✔
• Walk 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk 10 km ✔
• Run 3 km ✔
• Ride bicycle 10km ✔
• Practice Yoga for 15 mins ✔
• Meditation 20 mins ✔

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I changed my mind.

I don't want to openly tell people that I'm writing again. I would rather have my peace and quiet here, only with you, my tiny people. This is my secret hideout - if you know, you know. 

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I think giving assurance is a rare skill. 

I didn't know I needed them until I had several falls in the past few years. And when life is so tough kan, so terribly cursed, so darn miserable, we don't usually have anything on us left, all stripped bare and naked on the floor, drained to the core, and at that moment, sometimes you only want words of assurance. Not a promise, not a sympathy, not a full package of support & time commitment, just assurance. Just so you can stay a little bit longer, persevere.  

To continue striving to survive the difficult phase. 

Have something to believe in. Sprinkle some hope. Turn on the string light along the dark tunnel. 

After all, it's free.

All you need is empathy and your words.  

Little Stories 298 : MOSS Fest 2024

Read last year's event post here - Moss Fest 2023

I got another invite from Mossery and despite fighting with a deep urge to hide in my cave - forever, I accepted the invite. The night before I woke up at 3.30 am and had been having a bad morning to start the day. But, the best day to go out is when you don't feel like going out.

This time, they had the event at their HQ in PJ.

It was quite far, not that accessible by public transport.

The train ride there took around 1 hour, plus another additional 1/2 hour on Grab. 

I arrived, registered, picked up my free goody bag, took videos and pictures for the content, submitted my free customized Mossery cover, ordered the free Yuzu Matcha at the stall, waited awkwardly, looked at the rejected notebook booth, waited some more until my book cover was ready. It took a while, I was hungry by the time I finished my task of the day.

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Then I took the Grab again and stopped to find something to eat for lunch. 

I had ramen at Sushi Jiro - but unfortunately, it was bad. I haven't eaten any spicy things for the past 2 months since I had the epic viral cough, and this was my first celebratory spicy ramen, and it was bad. I didn't even finish it and I was disappointed :F Kesian.

Anyway, afterward, I went to bookstores to see whether the latest Sally Rooney / Haruki Murakami / Elif Shafak are now available locally. Exciting year kan, a lot of releases from my fav authors (that I personally collect). 

I completed my 10k steps walk.

Tiny win ♥︎

Little Stories 297 : Another Garden Breakfast, More on Slow Reading September and Books

 

Repeat Breakfast in the Garden:

I was back at Ma's again when Sofi was off school due to the allergy episode that lasted 5 days (which might be scabies because the doctor prescribed her scabies medication, and all went well after the 12-hour treatment). Last Sunday, my sister was back, so Ma wanted to repeat the breakfast in the garden thing we did the previous weekend. But this time, she went ahead of me and prepared the table beforehand so that she could use the purple tablecloths. Hah, tanak kalah. 

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September Slow Reading Session:

• Must I Go by Yiyun Li
• The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness by Shin Kyoong-Sook

What did I learn from the 5 books I read last month?

• I love Elena Ferrante for her honest writing, she can be considered a female Dostoyevsky - sure, she touches upon topics of womanhood, parenting, relationships, all the touchy-feely stuff. But she wrote them bluntly, unforgivingly, like she really meant them. I will read all of her books. 
• Banana Yoshimoto and Yoko Ogawa's books were a bit too plain for my taste. But I have several more of their books to try. 
• Yasunari Kawabata is my new fav as well, I would probably collect his Penguin edition books. Short novella, classic, beautiful writing, sudden ending, sure, why not. From his writing, I know that Yasunari Kawabata was an emotional being, very observant, and very sensitive, he wrote about the surroundings delicately. He created some sort of slow vibe to match the story. He killed himself in his 70s, among other famous Japanese writers; Yukio Mishima, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and Osamu Dazai.

I learned that writers tend to have internal chaos in their psyche and I love it when it shows. 

I mean, I'm reading Yiyun Li and Shin Kyoong-Sook's books now, and boy, the emotions uproared in their character's silent demeanor. 

Imagine if I chose not to ride my drama, I would probably only write something bland - all the time. But the thing is, I practice writing in every spectrum of emotions - except anger (I don't write when I'm angry; I write after I have done a full, thorough reflection). Sad - write, anxious - write, happy - write, excited - write, confused - write, thinking - write, bored - write, lonely - write. It is good practice. 

If I want to read something zen, I wouldn't choose fiction, I would read the Qur'an (I do, I read it daily now). 

Kan I told you, fiction makes me feel connected with others, reminding me that I'm not the only one dealing with all the drama. That the chaos whispering in my thoughts is normal - because I am a complex human being. I contain multitudes. 

And this energy, if used in the right way, can produce good fiction :F Kalau tak, why on earth do people say Dostoevsky is one of the best writers of the 19th century? He was a very dramatic writer - ada baca White Nights? Ya ampun drama, that was in the span of 5 days kot. Yes, the same for all his other books; Notes from Underground, or the Double, or The Dream of a Ridiculous Man, etc. 

Oh yes, I also reached my 37 books goal this month (3 months ahead):

Recommended Books:

• Beauty and Sadness by Yasunari Kawabata
• The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante
• Elastic by Leonard Mlodinow
• Greek Lessons by Han Kang
• Invisible by Paul Auster
• Please Look After Mom by Kyung Sook Shin
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in this Strange World by Elif Shafak
• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante

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Perpustakaan Negara:

I also went to Perpustakaan Negara with Af for the first time in a really long time (not knowing that they are currently doing the whole renovation, so they temporarily moved to the next building for the unforeseeable future). Af said I didn't mention him enough in the blog, well, he got a week gap this week, and so he accompanied me to the library (because I never tried going there myself), I even completed a 10 km walk that day. Thank you.

The building is very old, and all the staff were very helpful and friendly, but the books are also quite old, and unfortunately, there was no English fiction and hardly even English non-fiction. Mostly everything is in Malay or translated to Malay. I know, I'm biased. The food in the cafeteria is nice though. 

To get there on MRT: MRT Raja Uda (head to IJN) - around 15-minute walk

I decided that the only library I love at this moment is Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur (they just need a great donor for more latest and classic books). 

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Sunset :

How strange / When life unfolds this way / In the driftless zone / Sky's are prone to stay off-gray / Clouds are omens too / Fading at the rate / Most pleasant memories do / This is a lost taste ♪

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Outing with Mi: I know my siblings have been trying to "be there" for me lately - that explains the random outings and treats and messages, a lot of them (like they personally text me to ask how I'm doing :F And I have to reply or they would be worried). It felt a bit weird, but I accepted any help I could get, maybe this would be good for me kan. 

So Mi took me out for lunch, a feet massage session, and dessert at Chloe that Saturday.

The ramen was really good ♥︎

BUT, on Sunday, I had the worst food poisoning (self-diagnosed). I don't know what happened, just that I had a stomach ache the whole 2 days later, persistent diarrhea for 12 hours - nothing worked (twice charcoal, once Chi Kit Teak Aun, ginger tea), I was feeling feverish, I laid on my bed the whole day feeling sick and in pain, can't eat anything solid for the whole day. Later that night, after he bought me a medication from a pharmacy, then it finally stopped.

Then, the next morning, I was okay. 

Only crampy, not crappy.

Epic.

Note: The next day, I went to the gym to walk because it felt terrible to be reminded of sickness again - after being sick for 2 months. The viral cough, the sinusitis, the vertigo, then stomach flu? Like I said, epic. At this point, even though I hide from everything and tried to lay as low as possible, dramas keep on stalking me any where I go.