I also found a bookish safe haven, in Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur, for half of 2023, I spent a lot of time in the bookstores all around KL but hardly bought any books. So when I found a reliable library to hide in, I was so excited.
I ended my 2023 by reading all the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles ❀ and it was a 5 stars experience ⊹ ࣪ ˖
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On Walking:✦
I stopped running and I started walking. The running doesn't align with my soul at this moment, so I started walking and it seemed to calm me a bit. I'm trying to walk in the city at least once every week, taking the whole day off and just having a long walk the whole day. I love it.
I created a good EDC bag that I bring with me on my walks and it holds all my necessities. I think I'll share that in another post because I took months of walking to slowly develop a good EDC based on my needs.
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On Work:✦
This year, I aimed to work with a fintech kan.
I got the job - it is still new, I got offered a full-time job with a fintech company starting Jan (been working as a freelancer with them this year) and am still on a project with a finance-related agency (due early Jan).
So for now, hopefully, the work part is okay.
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On health:✦
Can't sleep, this year is the year I am sleep-deprived (eh, probably sleep-deprived since I got Sofi kan). But other than sleeping issues, I don't have that much constant body pain compared to the last few years. Less episodes with neck strain, and shoulder/back pain. My advice is, if you have recurring body pain issues, try to look deeper into your mental health, whether you are experiencing constant stress, anxiety, unspoken unresolved issues, etc.
What changed this year, is I confronted my issues and talked with my people - I no longer keep them aside, I choose to face them, and the load that I was carrying alone, is now shared. So the usual stiffness in my upper body due to these unresolved issues that I was keeping, has lessened. There is a term called 'somatization', the expression of psychological or emotional factors as physical (somatic) symptoms. For example, stress can cause some people to develop headaches, chest pain, back pain, nausea, or fatigue. It is real and I had them for several years because I tried to handle everything myself, it was eating me from the inside.
Well, this year for me was better regarding the body pain issues.
However, I now have a sleeping problem - I wake up too early, to manage this, I try to sleep in early (around 8ish pm). But I still wake up around 3 - 4 am, sometimes even around 2 am. Then I toss and turn until 4 - 5 am to start my day. This is new, so I don't know how to solve this problem yet.
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On Writing: ✦
I wanted to write 8 posts every month on this blog and I managed to do that.
I also write in my journal (when I can) and do some kind of fiction writing, so I think that's a good start.
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Honestly, I'm not excited for anything in 2024, I just want it to be a better wholesome year for me, less struggle, less drama, less pain.
This was from the Thai theme weekend at my brother's last week. Zakuan went back home to Penang so we had a small mini-gathering together. I forgot all the names of the food, but the Thai squid salad that my sister made was so good, then the green curry and tom yam were also great (those were made by my brother). I was a bit busy this time around, so I only made tofu fried egg and helped around - hehe:
On Spending Time with Sofi During School Holiday:
Af and Sofi were supposed to go back to Raub on Monday, but Af accidentally injured his back when he tried to pick up the luggage the wrong way. So he had a back strain (and I know what that feels like), so he can't go back like planned.
To improvise the plan, I postponed all my datelines and I went back to Ma's with Sofi because we already promised Sofi about going back to kampung several times. So we spent 3 days at Ma's - Sofi had a blast, and I had semi-anxiety thinking about work (apparently I'm quite bad at compartmentalizing, hah). We went to Seremban, I cooked, and I cleaned the toilets, not that many activities in 3 days but at least Sofi had real fun with Atuk and Tokma outdoors (she even said ok to the idea of leaving me at home to go jalan2 with Tokma - betrayer) =.=
Af rested well, on Wednesday he drove to pick us up, and then they went back to Raub the next day until the weekend.Leaving me to focus on work. I was home alone for 4 days and this cheeky little girl didn't even want to come back home afterward because all her cousins were there =.=
So, Sofi managed to spend a week in both kampungs before school started (mission accomplished).
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On Work:
I completed the guidebook and passed the draft to the team before the week ended.
I started on the Noko project for the colouring part sample.
I finally managed to start working on last week's task by my boss - this was postponed twice, but I completed one part of it. I have several more different tasks that I haven't finished and started.
I'm supposed to start working full-time starting in January.
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On Staying At Home Alone:
I've been running low on my social energy all throughout the school holiday because Sofi was super-clingy with me. As an introverted person, I need the time to recharge or I'll be overwhelmed and irritable. Especially if I'm with such an energetic person and Sofi, yes, she's an adorable kid, but her energy is so loud and radiant.
Then Af and Sofi went back to Raub.
I was home alone for the first time in forever.
So I worked and worked, and worked. I didn't take care of the food intake for sure because it was work time kan, then I felt awful because perut masuk angin, then I started to properly make time to cook and eat, I still slept in early because I still woke up super early, then I had to put it stretches and workout rep in the schedule as well, sebab I can go on working long-hours and it is unhealthy. Then I started having neck and shoulder pain because I didn't have a healthy relationship with work (so I had to use my acupressure mat every night before sleep). This cycle is ridiculous, you can feel the old-age is coming.
Then, I started my period and things went haywire - I was having so many annoying symptoms like fatigue (so I couldn't work), then bloating (so every time I eat I feel awful), then some mixture of mini anxiety, then the lightheadedness and of course, the most epic one, the crying. And yess, the pimple series. I knew it was coming because I had a migraine several days before, then the random palpitation even though I'm off caffeine. But this time, it was a bit dramatic because there were too many symptoms in one shot, by the end of 2023, I was just miserable. I was mentally and physically miserable. But that's what being a woman is.
I recharged my social battery and missed my bb so much.
Thank you Af for giving me time to work and recharge.
It was a nice early-birthday present for me.
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On Cooking for Myself:
I looove soup, so I decided to make a chowder - originally a seafood chowder, but I only have salmon in the fridge and I used that. I used all the veggies I had to make the base: onion, garlic, potato, cauliflower, pakchoy, tomato, and mushroom. Boiled them up together and blended them for the base, also, the trick is to put some of the salmon fats and skin in the base soup to give the taste and smell. I didn't have to use any cream, the base was creamy enough from the potato and cauliflower. Put some salmon chunks later. So, all fibers and protein in a soup - easy food cheat for people who are too lazy to eat.
Then sprinkle some black pepper, mushroom seasoning, and butter for the taste.
I also made a nice tomato soup just baked tomato and garlic for 40 minutes for the soup base. I tried sautee-tomato for the tomato soup base before but it doesn't taste as flavourful as the baked ones:
Note: I've been drafting this post since the early final week of 2023, but I felt awful by the end of the week because of my period so I just kept it in draft until I did the final editing. Bye bye 2023 !
I finalized and passed all the files for the Raya project with a skincare company next year.
I submitted draft 2 of the guidebook project this week during a school holiday and moved on to complete the whole book by the weekend.
Also, I had more incoming design tasks for freelance work but I can't do them yet (and I asked to postpone the due date because it's the school holiday)
I wake up early in the morning to start my day early, and then I try to do as much as I can while getting distracted every now and then. (even though I can start work at 4 am, she can wake up as early as 5-6 am when she finds out I am not sleeping next to her). So, yeah, it's a phase. It is extremely challenging to work during a school holiday because Sofi is around 24/7 and really clingy. But I made it so far.
My initial plan is to finish up the whole guidebook draft by this weekend or maybe early next week (I asked Af to take care of Sofi during that time so that I could focus on finalizing the complete draft). Then I can submit the draft to the team by next week, and they will probably revert back next year because most people are already on long extended holiday until next year kan.
So that's my initial plan, for now, one step at a time.
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On Spending Time with Sofi During a School Holiday:
1. We watched a movie at a theater for the first time. Aja wanted to bring Sofi to watch 'Wish' so we went there on a Tuesday morning - the first viewing was at 1020 am but the ticket was not listed as 'early bird' and it cost RM 28 each for an adult (agak pricy di situ compared to TGV).
We were around 1/2 hour early so Sofi already stuffed her poyot with half of the sugary popcorn by the time the movie started. When it started, the cinema theater was empty except for the 3 of us - and Sofi, clearly having a sugar rush from all the popcorn she had just eaten, couldn't really sit still throughout the movie. But it was manageable la, she stood up and swung in front of her chair when there were songs, explored the stairs next to me, sat on me, and continued eating her popcorn. Minor stuff like that.
No extreme stuff like crying or whining, feeling bored, and wanting to go out or leave the movie. She was well-behaved and it was another level unlocked! Thank you Mamaja ⋆˚✿˖°
2. Most of the time, I had to remind Sofi that she needed to play by herself because I had urgent work to catch up on. So, I know she is bored most of the time but it was just bad timing - hopefully next week I'll be free if I can finish up everything early and wrap it all up. Have you noticed how much a toddler can eat during a school holiday?
Here are some of the foods that she prepared for me while I was working (Note: She said it is a burger, then a juice and a cupcake):
3. The Ghibli week. 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝 𓆟
Sempena musim Ghibli, I wanted to watch Ponyo with Sofi.
My sister and I grew up with Totoro and Kiki, they were the essence of our early imagination (because we passed our toddler years in Japan and it was huge back then). I wanted something that resembled that early childhood thing with Sofi so we could have a good memory together.
So we finally watched Ponyo together, it was great. Why I have not watched it before, I don't know. It was visually stunning, the story was engaging, and suitable to watch with a younger audience. I loooved it, and highly recommended it. Compared to princess stories, I liked this one much better.
We also watched Arriety together and she continued with The Cat Returns.
We also watched Earwig and the Witch the night we slept over at Aja's house - but didn't finish it because I was too sleepy to stay up (end up waking up at 4 am as usual and scrolling over the IG the whole early morning).
Other than the '10 Years with Hayao Miyazaki' documentary on NHK, I also found another documentary from 2013 - after his 2nd retirement announcement (found someone shared it on Youtube, maybe this will be taken off YouTube later so you should definitely watch it while it lasts):
I love how unapologetic he is, being a grumpy old man. Radiating an 'introverted aura', a pure genius at his work, and stubborn as hell. Like all geniuses in their department, he only focuses on his art to survive, so to learn that he was an absent parent while Goro was growing up, was not shocking (I mean, Steve Job was one, I'm sure Haruki Murakami and Paolo Coelho are also the same if they had children). It seems like an innocent curse in exchange for their magic, huh.
He is a warm person in heart but a bit too serious about life, and that is relatable. I think January babies are just bound to have serious personalities. We can't help it, we are born to be a bit too serious and honestly, I don't think we are fun to be with, and we don't care about having 'fun' or being happy, we care about having a fulfilling life though T^T
4. Sofi's First Outing with Mamaja:
Another level is unlocked!
Aja asked whether she wanted to go 'jalan2' with her and by the next day she agreed. I was surprised as well because she NEVER ever wanted to be away from me/Af. I told her that I'd be working the whole day, and if she wanted, she could go have fun with Mamaja instead.
I don't know what made her agree, but she was so excited. She mentioned that she is a 'big girl already' and she is 'not scared' T^T So then we went back, showered her, and got her ready for the outing. They went out for several hours, had lunch, and played at the play park for 3 hours (not sure where Mamaja said it was a secret - but somewhere in IKEA Cheras).
I think she had so much fun, she is still catching up with her speech delay, so she can't really tell her story that much to me. When asked, she only said, "I play, I jump so much, I play with friends in a house, I got slime".
Well, I'm so excited for her too.
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Oh yes, somehow on Friday we ate out at After Seven in Tamarind Square. Even though every food here is dairy-packed, and I was pretty sure I would face the consequences the coming week, I just put my social-food hat on and played my part (because the food was good and I love cheese).
I did eat my lactase pill, and the bloatedness was mild later that day. But several days afterward, I felt bad and couldn't really eat well. Let's see if pimples will come out by my birthday week (for that, I don't blame anyone but me).
That's the end of the first school holiday week .𖥔 ݁ ˖
This year I finished reading all Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles manga.
This Japanese manga series was written by the female manga artist group called Clamp in the early 2000s. There are 28 volumes in the original edition, I read the compilation version so there were 10 Omnibus version books in total. It takes place in the same fictional universe created by Clamp ie; Cardcaptor Sakura, xxxHolics, Chobits, Clover, Clamp School Detectives, Angelic Layer, and many more. So if you are familiar with Clamp's works over the years, this would be an amazing universe to be in because you can see all these beloved characters from different comics in this one series. Tsubasa was conceived when these four Clamp artists wanted to create a manga series that connected all their previous works and decided to take the main character from Cardcaptor Sakura to lead the story.
When I was in school, I was obsessed with Cardcaptor Sakura. Then in the uni, I continued with Chobits and Clover, and I read some of xxxHolic and the Tsubasa series but didn't finish it. This year, I found that I could borrow the series from Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur so I decided to end my 2023 book goal by finishing up the manga from my old favorite series.
Note: Tsubasa has taken a much more serious tone than Cardcaptor Sakura. So please don't expect to read a fun heart-warming comic like CCS because this one is pretty serious.
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The Plot:
It follows Sakura, the princess of the Kingdom of Clow.
She loses all her memories and they are scattered all through multiple universes. She has to collect all her memories again to survive, with help from Syaoran, her childhood friend, a young archeologist working at a ruin in the kingdom. As she is dying, Syaoran asks for help from the dimensional witch, Yuko (from xxxHolic) to help him save Sakura's life.
Yuko is also visited by two others with their own wish: Kurogane, a ninja banished from his world, and Fai Flowright, a magician who wishes to run from his world. So to grant their wishes for the ability to travel across multiple universes, each needs to pay for the price. Kurogane offers his sword, Fai offers the tattoo that holds his magical power, and Syaoran, not having anything to offer to the witch, has to exchange all of Sakura's memories that involve him. So when he gets the first memory and passes it to Sakura, she wakes up and she doesn't know who he is. Even though they've been secretly in love with each other all their lives.
So the four of them travel across multiple universes in search of the lost memories. There were many universes throughout the series, it made me feel like reading a sci-fi, horror, or fantasy, back in historic-Japan, or a futuristic one, a mystery detective or a vampiric world, all according to where they landed in finding Sakura's memory. Oh yes, these memories are in the form of magical feathers that hold several supernatural powers according to where they are landed. It's really hard to explain in detail.
Slowly throughout their adventure, they grow closer and attached to one another.
Then the plot thickens and it gets really hard to explain because it involves cloning and soul separation from the body, back to the future, then changing the future, hiding in the dream world, battling in space and time, and getting stuck in the same cycle. As I said, it is really complicated :F It has a lot of action (perhaps not even my genre, but it was intriguing).
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But I'm so amazed. This was a series on multi-verse, created by a group of female Japanese mangaka in the early 2000s compiling all their characters from different mangas in one series, and it is heavy with complicated plot.
I cried reading some of it.
The love story. I mean, being in love with someone who forgets who you are and sacrificing his own life to save her but not being able to tell her anything. Tsk. Then slowly falling in love again with the same person, but then the person you fall in love with is not the real person?
The bonding. Then the four of them become like a real-tight family, a bunch of people that didn't even match characteristically but formed a bond that can't be broken. I was so touched by some of the sacrifices that they had to make for one another. I think the main theme of this whole series is 'sacrifice' sebab each of them sacrifices themselves for the other then everyone terhutang hidup with one another (like a huge sacrifice).
"Nothing in this world is a coincidence. Everything is hitsuzen."
I cried, weyh. Power power.
I don't think I've ever cried over manga.
But this was impressive and the timing is good. I'm glad I read this in my 30s, imagine if I read this in my teens, I don't think I can appreciate the seriousness.
Kudos to Clamp, for making me cry, for reusing my favorite characters in an alternate universe, and for giving me a chance to see them grow up and have adventures together (even though it was a painful one), but my childhood memories were revisited and completed nicely. I can close the chapter now with a smile.
5 stars .𖥔 ݁ ˖
Note: I donated the Tsubasa manga that I have to the library, plus the Vol. 6 & 8 Omnibus versions are not available there.
I returned all the books I borrowed from the library before the school holiday started (but I accidentally borrowed one more when I went there - I will extend the time for this book and return it next year). Thanks to Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur for existing ✿
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Cut My Hair & Watched 'The Boy & The Heron':
1. I roughly planned to cut my hair earlier, then suddenly on Friday, I was near my usual saloon after meeting a client. So I decided there and then to cut my hair - at first I thought I just wanted a short shoulder-length cut, but then I decided to do a boy cut. It wasn't even a pixie cut and it is unflattering. Now I look definitely like a teenage boy in the '90s again.
Just needed to do something with my hair fall issue and perhaps want the new year to start fresh. Plus, I feel a bit off with my feminine side lately because this year has been super tough and challenging.
2. Then I went to dPulze to watch The Boy & The Heron - the latest Miyazaki film (he said it is his last, but he announced his retirement 3 times already). I planned to watch it the day before, but apparently, it is only shown at certain TGV. So the reachable ones in my area were dPulze & Mines.
It was an amazing but weird story, nothing like I've ever seen before. It was strange and metaphorical, something I needed to sit and think through. But on the first watch, you can know that it lingers on the topic of grieving, saying goodbye, and moving on.
It tells a story about a young boy who enters a magical world to save his aunt. In the magical dream-like world, he undergoes challenges and psychological transformation, like Alice in Wonderland but a Ghibli version. Maybe I can revisit this again, the symbolism is worth exploring and perhaps make a post on this one day.
Several huge things happened to me this week, but it is still ongoing and I'm still processing it, so I don't feel like I should share them here. But this has been a really overwhelming week to end 2023. At this point, I can't eat and I'm trying to figure out how to actually face it with the calmness and wisdom of an adult.
I realized that problem on top of more problems came upon me like stacked stones. A lot of times, I'm so scared of these chaotic changes that I have to go through because I really don't want any dramas in my life but they keep on inviting themselves in. I have no other choice but to face them and force myself to level up. But at the same time, I'm so angry about this chaos perhaps because I have not built any resilience towards it yet - or have not learned the wisdom that they would bring, yet.
So, one way or another, I had to learn how to navigate this. I told myself that it's okay to feel scared, or to feel angry or overwhelmed because that's what humans do. But I'm not giving up, tp it feels like a bit of a nuisance lah because 2023 has been so challenging.
Ma always asks me whether I'm okay, and what is okay even means? It's the rollercoaster ride of the world, the never-ending tough level on Super Mario and I'm bitter because I have not reached the winning flag yet (and it has been so long and I'm exhausted).
I had to ask for help a lot these past few years and I also don't like to ask for help, so this is another challenge for me to get through because every time I had to ask for help, I'd be angry at myself and I'd be bitter. Ugh, the cycle. I think I'm in the transitioning phase, like a chrysalis waiting for the time to be reborn as an adult. But to be reborn, I would need to leave the caterpillar phase and I won't be the same person anymore. Maybe that's what I'm scared about because I can feel my shell harden, and my perspective changes.
No one likes changes, or most people, well I don't. But life keeps on telling me to grow up perhaps because it is time to level up and learn a new wisdom. Well, I am here to tell you that I'm okay, but life isn't as perfect as it seems to be on social media, and that is also okay. I'm struggling a lot, but it is a manageable struggle :F
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I drew this sometime back in the early 2023. The purple moth represents a metamorphosis or a transition, a new beginning. It's a symbol of change, transformation, and growth. But now it is already the end of 2023, and I don't feel transformed yet. I guess, because all through 2023, my main question to myself is 'What do I want' and honestly, I can't answer that. So I've been playing with the question all through the year, toying with the answer, hiding behind the obvious, and so scared of making any changes.
Like I said, I don't like changes.
Then without changes, how would I grow?
Someone said that expression is the opposite of depression.
So as long as I can express it in my writing, I think I'll be okay.
Sekian, thank you for coming to my TEDtalk ʚïɞ ⋆ ˚ ✿ ˖ °
“In the midst of hate, I found there was, within me, an invincible love. In the midst of tears, I found there was, within me, an invincible smile. In the midst of chaos, I found there was, within me, an invincible calm. I realised, through it all, that… In the midst of winter, I found there was, within me, an invincible summer. And that makes me happy. For it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger — something better, pushing right back.” - Albert Camus
Several weeks ago, I went to KL and saw someone using the IPC shopping mall tote bag (that I illustrated in 2021 but never really saw up close because you can only redeem it at IPC mall as a gift if you shop there).
I posted the picture of me with the man holding the tote bag in the background, he did not notice that I actually wanted the picture of that moment. After posting it on my IG story, Vickie, the person who was in charge of the project contacted me again and asked whether I wanted the tote bag because she had 1-2 pieces left at the office. Of course, I wanted it. Then she invited me to meet last weekend.
And so, we set the day to visit the mall to hunt for all the illustrations that I did.
First, we met Jatte, the 7.5 m tall giant inflatable Dala horse that they have installed for their 20th anniversary:
I saw the giant umbrella at the customer service counter and Vickie said I could bring one home :
Then we saw some more horses at the 20versary Ferris Wheel:
Here is more stuff that they made last year for the Christmas season, these are just the remaining that she got for me, some wrapping papers, a tote bag, and a badge:
They are planning on making more stuff like socks and round hats next.
I would definitely come to get some socks for sure.
I needed a short visit to the library because it is near the end of the year and I still have 7 more books to reach my 100 books (unofficial goal). I decided to read the Clamp's Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles manga (the Omnibus version) because I've read too much fiction and non-fiction this year, so I needed something lighter to end the year.
Manga counts because some manga is heavy with content, depth, and drama. The ones that I'm reading - each book is about 600 pages long because it combines 3 books. To summarize, it is about a mission to search for missing memories flown over to different inter-dimensional worlds, written and drawn by a group of woman mangaka (called Clamp) in early 2000.
I wanted to borrow the whole manga but number 5 & 8 was missing from the shelves since I first found them at the library. So I decided to ask from the counter and the man taught me how to check the book lists from the system. Apparently, numbers 5 & 8 are not listed because they don't have them. Really inconvenient.
I have some of the individual manga that I kept for years, I think I will try to donate them to the library after I finish reading them.
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KL Art Book Fest:
I got another invite from Mossery. This time to attend the Kuala Lumpur Art Book Fest 2023 at Kuala Lumpur & Selangor Chinese Assembly Hall on Friday. The event started on Friday and it continues throughout the weekend, so they asked me to give a shoutout about the event on IG & FB.
That Friday, I got ready early. I went out right after I submitted my work draft.
Love how the artwork on this door slowly reaches the top, they are from Sofi during her daycare:
I wasn't sure about how to reach there, so I used Moovit (despite having to change from MRT > LRT > Monorail, I arrived there just fine in less than 40 mins). Thank you to Af for explaining the route beforehand, because I got overwhelmed with names of places that I'm not familiar with.
But it was quite straightforward lah.
I arrived, and I waited until the event started because I was early. Then I went to the Mossery booth to inform them (because I was a guest, I got a free tote bag that I could claim at their booth. I also got a free ticket to enter the event). Then I browsed through all the booths and did my work :F
It was quite inspiring to see. I love the feel of various paper types and printing, I touched everything I could T^T I talked when I could socialize, and then eventually I slowly disappeared into the abyss. I felt overwhelmed after a few interactions. Hah hah hah.
Here are my new socks in olive green and the Susuwatari's version from Ghibli (found them at Uniqlo and just had to buy them). The funny thing is, I wore it on Sunday and met my sister unplanned, and then she noticed that we both wore the same Susuwatari socks together.
I have achieved my goal of writing 8 posts every month for a year, even when I didn't feel motivated to do so. Despite struggling with my thoughts and not always writing what I intended to, I pushed them through. But I'm not doing it again next year.
I'll write, but I'll write more in my book. I'll write, but not the 8 posts every month. I'll write here, but only if I feel like sharing something honest and perhaps the things that I can nerd up about, because who would listen to a woman's rant on topics that they are passionate about? About things that matter to her, or about random thoughts that didn't matter to anyone, about life, about confusion, about questions, about love, about death, about curiosity, about mundane things in our day-to-day life?
Everything feels so frivolous.
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Sofi's Graduation & Sending Stuffs to Stickerrific :
We went to Sofi's first 'graduation' day at the Garden on Saturday. The theme was Disney's magical world, so Sofi had to wear Pinocchio's & Woody's outfits for her group dance performance.
It was a really flawed day with overwhelmed toddlers and chaotic preschoolers.
Every time the 3-year-old group came down on the stage, the music was blasted loud and these toddlers were crying all together in their group - and seeing these toddlers crying, I would automatically cry too because they were so cute and so anxious on the stage (I'm hormonal and I'm sensitive). They cried, I cried. It was a disaster. I had a migraine afterward.
But Sofi was in her 4-year-old class, so she wasn't as anxious as the little ones, and she did well (no crying). She performed dances for "Hey Diddle Dee Dee", "You Got a Friend in You", & "Colour of the Wind". It was so precious.
When I was 4, I remember Aja and I had to perform as well. We were in Tadika Ho, the Chinese kindergarden in Serdang next to my high school. We both wore our kimono with double ponytail hair and straight fringe. Aja played her keyboard and sang on stage while I just sat next to her - mostly confused. Oh yes, during that time we couldn't even speak in Malay or English, we only spoke in full Japanese.
I also restocked some of my zines and December gift box at Stickerrific afterward:
Here's my bb :
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Summary of The Little Prince:
This is a summary taken from Emily Esfahani's book The Power of Meaning:
The prince lives on a tiny planet where he spends his time tending the plants and flowers in his garden. "It's very tedious work," he says, "but very easy." One day, he notices a rose that is growing on its surface--a flower unlike any he's seen on his planet before. The prince falls in love with the mysterious rose, whom he devotedly waters and shields from the wind. But she is a vain and needy flower, and the prince eventually grows weary of her, deciding to leave his planet and explore the broader universe.
He is on a quest for knowledge and understanding and sees many strange sights during his travels. After visiting a few other planets, the prince finds his way to Earth, where he comes across a rose garden. Though the prince left his rose behind, he still cares for her, and seeing these other roses makes him disconsolate; he thought that his rose was the only flower of its kind in the universe, but now he sees that there are hundreds of others like her. Just as he has reached the bottom of his despair, a wise fox calls out to him. The fox teaches the prince many lessons, but the most important one concerns the rose the prince left behind. The rose is not just another rose out of many, he tells the prince; it is special because of what the prince gave to the flower: "It's the time you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. You become responsible forever for what you've tamed. You're responsible for your rose."
When the prince returns to the field of roses, he takes the fox's wisdom with him and addresses them: "You're lovely, but you're empty," he tells them. "One couldn't die for you. Of course, an ordinary passerby would think my rose looked just like you. But my rose, all on her own, is more important than all of you together since she's the one I've watered. Since she's the one I put under glass. Since she's the one I sheltered behind a screen. Since she's the one for whom I killed the caterpillars. Since she's the one I listened to when she complained, or when she boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing at all.
Since she's my rose."
I love this.
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Creative Morning's Dec Theme: Pain
// Muscles grow stronger after exercise tears the tiny fibers of muscle cells and the body repairs those damaged fibers. We know that physical wounds can heal with time and proper care. But we often ignore the fact that emotional pain can too.
If you need a little relief from whatever pain you’re carrying, talk to someone, make something, or help someone else in need.
Pain can point the way to growth. // - CreativeMorning
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From that one outing morning with Miss Chin:
Not a new one, just from one of the pictures taken a while back.
2 weeks ago I had Covid, and then a week later Af got it too. Despite not being in contact with him, he caught it. I'm not sure whether Sofi had Covid, because on the day that I had the test positive, Sofi had a high fever for 2 days but tested negative on both tests.
But I didn't want to risk it, so Sofi and I went back to my mom's and we had an extended weekend stay there.
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A Walk in the City:
Then I needed to return the books to the library because it was reaching its 2-week limit, so I went there on a Tuesday - that I mentioned in the previous post.
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Then I had another date with myself:
On Wednesday, none of my clients updated me with any feedback yet, so I decided to make an impromptu plan to watch The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I am one of the Hunger Games trilogy fans (not the books, just the story in general). So as a fan, I need to know what Suzanne Collins had to share with the world.
I booked the ticket at 11am and arrived right when the cinema displayed the gate was opened for entry. I bought myself an americano, drank half of it throughout the movie, got heart palpitations and shaky hands due to getting myself highly caffeinated on an empty stomach, and enjoyed the movie while trying to ignore my shaky chair (due to the back audience's feet) and listening to constant random conversation by a group of friends behind me.
All in all, I was entertained by the movie. I tried writing an essay about the movie, but I found myself lacking the information needed to understand Snow better (ie in the book, you can actually read Snow's inner monologue). It is a villain origin story, and please, if you say that Snow turned into a villain because he felt betrayed by Lucy Gray, then you obviously need to sharpen your observation more. He chose to be one because of his hunger for power, money, and status. He is mistrustful towards others, he betrays, he manipulates, and he cheats. He is ambitious and narcissistic, he wants to earn his right to entitlement as his father's son.
A sad past, a difficult life, or a partner that chooses to leave you, shouldn't be a reason for anyone to do evil things in life. Of course, we want to blame others for our fall, but in reality, everyone is responsible for their own decision. His authoritarian convictions grew out of his experiences while growing up, he developed his ideas about the world and human nature and chose to be influenced by the different people that he met.
He always has a choice and he finally chooses evil.
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Then it was the PMS:
So it was the bad sleepless night, the random cries, the bloatedness, the sudden urge to eat sweets and salty foods, the headache, and the fatigue. All the things I had to go through during the emotional rollercoaster ride.
Note: NEVER make any big decisions during your PMS weeks. You can cry, you can rant, you can whine, you can curse, you can question, but you can't make any big decisions during these weeks.
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An Ode to my fav Flannel:
After 10 years together, exploring the city, drenched in my sweat, it is finally reaching its end of life. I saw a big hole on my left sleeve last weekend, not salvageable by sewing because I know I used it as much as I could throughout its life.
Thank you my dear dear purple flannel. You were my favorite in those sweaty journeys because you hid my sweat-stain well, or my flat-chested sweaty chest, and you were clinging on me with such precious loyalty. It was always comfortable to wear a cotton flannel on an active day out, and I thank you so much for your service.
Lepas ni jadi pakai jadi baju kebun :
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Spotify Wrapped:
These songs will be forever engraved in my mind as the year I was so emotionally invested in pain.
How to Think More Efficiently by The School of Life
Big Wild Love by Jill Sherrey Murray
The Presence of Absence by Simon Van Booy
The Border of Paradise by Esme Weijun Wang
Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicles - Omnibus 2
A Man's Place - A story about Annie's father, a practical man who showed his family little affection.
In Search of Silence - I gave this book 4 stars on Goodreads because it was good. Would reread it again in the future. It is a book on grief and letting go.
Satellite Love - This started well but it kinda went sideways by the end of it (I feel like the tone of the book resembles Murakami's Kafka on the Shore). But I took almost 2 months to finish it off, and it wasn't even a thick book. So, not for me.
Shame - I think this book should not be printed as a book, but rather, a post in a blog. There was no access to free internet in 1997, thus, Shame is printed as a book. Ha.
Tsubasa Collection 1 & 2 - ok, I've been trying to read Clamp's Tsubasa since I was in my early 20s, but I don't like reading on screen and I didn't want to collect the manga (ie: buy them). So when I found the series available at the library, I borrowed them right away.
How to Think More Effectively - It is a compilation of different thinking skills that can be used in life. I copy this summary from Selim on GoodReads:
strategic thinking - We rarely think about why we do what we do. We make even major decisions with little forethought. Yet a little forethought can prevent a lot of pain later.
cumulative thinking - thoughts come in bits & pieces, if we don't take notes, they will lost in the wild. Make a habit of writing your thoughts down.
butterfly thinking - a lot of good ideas come while you are walking, taking a shower, or commuting. Good ideas are like butterflies, they come near when you are not consciously aware of them.
independent thinking - We are searching for wisdom in books and talks. We seem to believe that other older, wiser, cooler people already sorted things out. It is not. Your own reflection on your latest anger will provide you more insight than some brilliant writing on anger. Similar to the other emotions and the human condition. You have already a lot of experience, your own life is full of insight. Dare to think for yourself.
focused thinking - The mind seems to like to generalize. We describe things vaguely. When we say a nice person, a great job, or a fun date, well this is not false but not specific. Being vague prevents us from truly understanding people and situations. So focus, and ask yourself what you really think.
philosophical meditation - Meditation is about feeling the moment and clearing the mind. Thinking and writing are great ways to meditate and clear mind. Asking yourself questions, thinking about them, and writing down the answers clarifies worries, dissolves hard feelings, and brings calm. The answers will reveal and clarify many untold worries, regrets, and hopes and you will feel relaxed.
mad thinking - Disregard the constraints. What would I do if couldn't fail? if I had infinite time? if money were not a concern? What if I knew I would die this year?
friend thinking - Listening and speaking clarifies thoughts, so taking a walk and speaking with a friend is a great way to think.
reading - The aim of reading is not to accept and agree with all we read. We should think about the material, and draw our own conclusions.
envy - Society shames envy, yet we all feel it and don't talk about it. Whenever you feel envious, get specific. What exactly are you envious of? Mostly it's just a small part of a life. Getting specific enables you to replace envy with understanding.
analogies - Great tools, use them, yet an analogy is only partly true, so they are not to be taken too literally.
empathy - Look inside. What you understand from your own feelings mostly applies to others. Almost all people fear death and rejection, we all have regrets, mistakes, insecurities, and silly moments. The ancient advice has some truth, treat others as you want to be treated.
death - Remember death, it makes life much easier. In a dead-end job? In a stuck relationship? Putting off things? Not showing kindness to loved ones? Life is short and you may not be here tomorrow morning. Do whatever you wish today.
love - We all need to feel heard, loved, understood, and respected. No one is completely foolish, and we are all foolish in some regard. Before dismissing a person or judging too harshly, remember we are all human, and to err is human.
skeptical thinking - Even being hungry or not getting enough sleep clouds our judgment. Our thoughts and values are changing. Imagine sincerely, what you believe might be wrong. Sleep on decisions. Don't be indecisive but not too certain either. Build a broad margin of error into your moves.
Big Wild Love - It is a self-help book for women who struggle in a relationship, the writer tries to 'convince' or show you how to let go, believe in yourself, and pursue a better life. She keeps on saying "big wild love" throughout the book and it is very annoying. I didn't like it.
The Presence of Absence - It is a bit underwhelming, but I think I need to reread this again when I'm in my 50s. It touches on dying, acceptance, and the afterlife - collected from random scrap notes of a dying author from his hospice bed.
The Border of Paradise - I think this deserves a shoutout. It is better than RF Kuang's Yellowface or Babel. It is disturbing, a bit difficult to digest, and touches on topics like mental health, generational trauma, racism, and old money. How everything is linked. I never thought it leave me engaged throughout the 2nd half of the book.
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On Books:
I found a reliable library in Klang Valley where I can borrow non-fiction and manga, hideout, and do work. That's in Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur. I went there twice in Nov (to borrow & return books). It is around 12-minute walk (less than 1 km) from MRT Pasar Seni.
I read two 4-star books: In Search of Silence (non-fiction) and The Border of Paradise (fiction).
I am currently trying to borrow all the series from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. A complete individual set has 28 volumes, but the Omnibus collection has 10 volumes and the library got all 10 volumes. Each book from the Omnibus collection combines between 2-3 mangas so it exceeds 500 pages. My shoulder was sore on the day I walked in the city while bringing thick books in my tote bag.
I'm going to spend a lot of my time reading the whole series, so I should make a dedicated post on Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles once I finish it. I read 2 from the Omnibus version, so that's 6 volumes :
