Is this an age thing? Is it because I just starting to leave my mid-30s? Is it because of the work stress I've been facing? Is it because of just the pure pain of missing something? A lot of mixed emotions that I'm trying to understand. Bitter and confused.
I tried finding books that can put my feelings into words but I haven't found them yet. Been living in my subconscious a lot lately and it is not a good sign.
I need a good distraction for now, like perhaps a Herman Hesse's book, or maybe Elif Shafak. Honestly, I think Fyodor Dostoyevsky is a depressed pessimist that I can't handle this year.
I got no title for this. Let me just post this to the Maya world and I'll get back to it in another 10 years' time.Here is my post exactly 10 years ago.
And those people you'd thought about, call them, text them, meet them.
Tell them that they matters to you, and having them is the best thing that happened in your life. Be thankful for having those people in your little circle.
Live like it's your last day, and you will never see people in the same way again.
Nope, apparently, I don't want to listen to my own writing. This is not applicable to every situation.
4. Taman Tasik Titiwangsa
Crowd: Crowded on weekends and 5-7pm on weekdays
Distance: 2.5km per loop
Level: Easy, flat track
Public transportation: MRT Titiwangsa
Night: Open until 10pm
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5. Taman Tasik Perdana ( Botanical Garden )
Crowd: Normal, crowded on weekends
Distance: Vary, the park is huge
Level: Vary - Stairs, hills, flats
Public transportation : MRT Muzium Negara, LRT KL Sentral
Night: Closed
You need to cross the small road, towards the museum. There is a pathway between of MRT construction side and the museum that lead to the small entrance to the park :
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6. Putrajaya
Crowd: Not so crowded except on event days and weekends
Distance: Putrajaya is huge, fewer cars, and you can try new routes every time
Level: Vary, open road, mostly flat sometimes hilly
Public Transportation: No trains, just bus
Night: It's an open road, quite calm
Paths to try: Putrajaya Botanical Garden, Taman Saujana Hijau, Putrajaya Wetland, Taman Putra Perdana, Taman Canseri, Taman Wawasan, Taman Empangan
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7. Taman Pemaisuri, Cheras
Crowd: Normal, crowded on weekends
Distance: Vary, the park is huge
Level: Vary - Stairs, hills, flats
Public transportation: LRT Cheras, but you need to walk 15 mins more
Night: Not quite sure
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8. Perdana Lake, Cyberjaya
Crowd: Normal, crowded on weekends near the playground
Level: Easy - Flat
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9. Desa Park City
Crowd: Normal, crowded on weekends
Distance: 2.2km loop
Level: Easy - flat
Night: Open
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10. Taman Botani Negara, Shah Alam
Distance: Vary (Short 5km, Medium 10 km, Long - over 15 km)
Level: Moderate - Hilly
Night: Closed
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11. Kepong Metropolitan Park
Distance: 3.8km loop
Level: Easy - moderate
Night: Closed
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Hiking or Trail :
1. Bukit Kiara Park, KL
Distance: Vary
Level: Vary - several kinds of trails: Mont Kiara entrance or TTDI entrance
NOTE: Book Depository closed down in 2023, so Amazon bought it, then decided to close it down - perhaps to remove one of its biggest competitors. I hate you, Amazon. TheBookDepository, there is nothing like you T^T
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Hey guys,
I think I need to update this post, it's been 8 years since I wrote this original post about The Book Depository review and people keep coming to this particular post when they are having problems with TBD or thinking about buying books there + worried about the shipping all the way to Malaysia.
I first started to buy books from TBD in 2011
I ordered >30 books from them (18 orders)
1 parcel was missing and I got a full refund (in 2011)
Other books arrived safe and sound
I also ordered a book during Covid19 pandemic in Sept 2020 and got the book a month later in Oct 2020
I ordered again during the pandemic on the 23rd of April 2021, and I received the books on the 25th of May 2021. This time the postman left it right in front of my apartment door (anyone can actually take it - but thankfully another postman was sending another parcel and we noticed the parcel). I ordered 3 books by Beatrice Blue from the same publisher, they were bigger than A4 size but quite thin, so they were packed together in 1 parcel.
I ordered the last Carlos Ruiz Zafon book on the 30th Jan 2022 and received my book on the 15th of Feb (around 2 weeks later)
I preordered Hanya Yanagihara's To Paradise in Nov '22, it was released and posted on the 1st of Jan 2023 and arrived in my letterbox less than 3 weeks later.
These are some of the books that I bought from TBD in 2 different orders :
So let me update this posts :
Shipping: Yes, they are still sending books without any shipping fees. From what I can see, whenever I bought 3 books, 3 different individual parcels would arrive, they were never packed into one parcel. I think that's how they manage to send parcels for free (I'm assuming). So don't worry about the postman can't send your parcel safely when you are not at home. As long as you have a 'locked mailbox', those parcels will be safe. Pos Malaysia will deliver it to your home.
It is safe to send it to your uni/office? : Reminder, anyone can take your parcels. No one will have to sign anything, so if you trust your co-workers or people from your mailing centre, please do so. But you can't blame anyone when it goes missing.
Book quality: They are all new books, I don't think they are selling second-hand books.
Tax: No tax fees. You just have to pay for the book.
How long it will take? : I once received a book 2 weeks after I bought it, and I once received a book 2 months after I bought it. So it depends on the shipping situation I guess.
How to pay for the books: Credit/debit card (default) + Paypal (You can change to Paypal payment after you set the currency setting to USD$ )
Lost/missing parcels: Please write to their support centre after 2 months of the order. I'm not sure how they deal with this problem nowadays. In the older day (several years ago), I once lost one order and I asked the support centre. They gave me a full refund. I double-checked my address and my mailbox was locked, so I genuinely didn't receive any parcels. No lost parcels afterwards.
For me, TBD is still the best place to buy books online.
They are way cheaper (with sales) and have free shipping. Cheaper than books sold in bookstores in Malaysia. Plus, you can find books that are not sold here / hard to find locally (especially graphic novels and visual books). I don't mind waiting longer ❤
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The old post was written on the 23rd of March 2012 :
Yay! 2 weeks ago I ordered this book from Depositorybooks and it arrived last weekend from the UK.
With :
1. Free shipping
2. Fast delivery
3. Discount
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This is my second attempt with The Book Depository. I've been searching for online websites that sell books and offer free shipping, and this caught my eye. Several months ago, I ordered 2 discounted graphic books from the web but they never arrived. After 2 months of waiting, I reported to them about my books and got a full refund in a week. Pretty neat. No fuss.
Email I received :
Dear Azreen, I am very sorry to hear that your order has not yet arrived; As this is clearly overdue we are happy to offer you a refund or a replacement whichever you prefer?
Kind Regards, Customer Advisor
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2 weeks ago, I decided to try it again. I was not convinced that their management is bad because I've read several good reviews about this website *and they offer free shipping! Who would refuse that? So I ordered again anyway. I was willing to give a second chance to answer my curiosity! :E
The payment was made via PayPal and credited to maybank2u, which was super easy.
Postage fees = free. Ordered, confirmed and waited. It arrived home after 2 weeks. Satisfied :)
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Anyhow, I did read some bad comments on Depositorybooks. So, it depends on your luck! Just be patient, they offer a full refund, you won't lose anything and you'll gain experience. Try to take from the good side of everything :)
It was a bleak birthday for me, so I didn't write anything about my birthday right away because it was a bit of a meh. But I should want to remember this as it is an important turning point in my life.
I got a birthday day off from work, so I scheduled a home body massage for an hour from the Sentuh app. Sofi was at kindergarten for her half-day playschool. Then after picking her up from kindergarten, I treated myself to a lunch meal from Fishermanhatten - Af and Sofi were there, but I remember it as a bleak lunch as well. Then my brother came by and treated us to croissants at Cristine's. We also took a picture of the machine, so that I would remember the day well.
That was the day I said to myself that I wouldn't want to wait anymore.
Note: I also used all the present money I received from Ma and my siblings that I was supposed to buy myself a new reading chair, to survive later on.
I finished Andor. I waited for a year for the release and subscribed to Hotstar just to watch the whole series - love it. Although I'm not into sci-fiction that much, I was intrigued by Rogue One from the start (it is the only movie in the Star Wars franchise that I watched more than once). Well, I am probably biased because I love Diego Luna. Finding out that he got his own back story was an excitement that I can't hide, and this whole writing is probably biased towards him playing Andor.
But, hear me out.
Warning - Spoilers ahead **
1. Andor and Rogue One weren't stories about superheroes/superpowers, this is a story of normal flawed people (and I really don't like superheroes' stories). These are normal people that are trying to make a change. This is the story of Andor, a thief, a refugee, an outcast, an accidental murderer (?) - that decides to become a revolutionary and joins the Rebellion.
The Star Wars franchise itself is based on a political theme of resistance and oppression. About fighting the big battle, the rakyat vs the oppressed totalitarianism, about making sacrifices and believing in a cause. At this age, Andor is relatable. A lone survivalist that decides to become an activist. If we scratch the Star Wars layer aside, you can see a normal battle we see in our own country. Also, it shows the consequences of inaction when dealing with a regime. Do you choose not to participate? Do you choose not to pick a side?
Even though it is one of the Star Wars movies, there's hardly any mention of Jedi (which I appreciate). I can't connect well with special people (with superpowers, with connections, with evil money), Andor feels more relatable, just a mere human being. It felt fresh compared to all other Star Wars movies.
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2. The script for Andor (the series) is amazing, you can get a lot of strong beautiful quotes from the series. You need to watch it to understand what I mean by this. At times it might feel a bit too scripted but the characters did them so well, it was just nice.
Have you read/heard Nemik's manifesto?
Nemik is a rebel and he wrote his thoughts on Imperial oppression and the need for rebellion, this was his manifesto :
There will be times when the struggle seems impossible. I know this already. Alone, unsure, dwarfed by the scale of the enemy. Remember this. Freedom is a pure idea. It occurs spontaneously and without instruction. Random acts of insurrection are occurring constantly throughout the galaxy. There are whole armies, battalions that have no idea that they've already enlisted in the cause. Remember that the frontier of the Rebellion is everywhere. And even the smallest act of insurrection pushes our lines forward. And then remember this. The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear. Remember that. And know this, the day will come when all these skirmishes and battles, these moments of defiance will have flooded the banks of the Empire's authority and then there will be one too many.
One single thing will break the siege. Remember this. Try."
I mean, this is a manifesto for us, for the ordinary people.
Not like the one that Yoda passed to Luke :
Can you see the difference? Luke gets the burden of his responsibility on his shoulder alone, he can't 'try', he is special, and it is expected of him to 'do'. But in Nemik's manifesto, it's for the normal people, for us, the small beings, for each individual that can make a difference, make a change. We need to 'try'. Andor came out right before the 2022 election, and it correlates well. We are still not over the GE 14 political fiasco and I know almost everyone remembers that well. If we want to make a change, try, even how small.
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And how about Luthen's words when asked about sacrifice?
"I'm condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them. I burn my decency for someone else's future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I know I'll never see. And the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror or an audience or the light of gratitude. So what do I sacrifice? Everything!"
"And the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror or an audience or the light of gratitude". Oh my, this is an explosion to the ears.Will never have a mirror because he is too ashamed to look at what he has done, or an audience or light of gratitude, because everything he does, he does it in secret. He is the two-faced spy.
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This is like reading a passage from a book, words by Kleya Marki:
I don't have lately. I have always. I have a constant blur of plates spinning and knives on the floor, and needy, panicked faces at the window, of which you are but one of many.
A constant blur of plates spinning and knives on the floor, and needy, panicked faces at the window, of which you are but one of many?
"Constant blur of plates" - like juggling balls, spinning plates needs constant movement and precision to avoid them crashing own, "knives on the floor" - the need to be careful, to constantly watch your step, "panicked faces at the window, of which you are but one of many" - there are many things on her mind to worry about. This is a gem!
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This is Kino Loy's words of strength :
.."There is one way out. Right now, the building is ours. You need to run, climb, kill! You need to help each other. You see someone who's confused, someone who is lost, you get them moving and you keep them moving until we put this place behind us. There are 5,000 of us. If we can fight half as hard as we've been working, we will be home in no time. One way out! One way out! One way out!"
And Maarva's final speech? :
.."There is a wound that won't heal at the center of the galaxy. There is a darkness reaching like rust into everything around us. We let it grow, and now it's here. It's here, and it's not visiting anymore. It wants to stay. The Empire is a disease that thrives in darkness, it is never more alive than when we sleep. It's easy for the dead to tell you to fight, and maybe it's true, maybe fighting is useless. Perhaps it's too late. But I'll tell you this... If I could do it again, I'd wake up early and be fighting these b*stards from the start. Fight the Empire!
This is top-notch scriptwriting.
I'm in awe of the proses mostly because I love how beautiful spoken/written languages can be in conveying a message. In this case, this might relate to my own personal love of words as a reader/listener of a story. If I noticed such things in a movie, that probably means they put extra effort in the script-writing to make someone like me notice this (because I usually do multiple things when I watch something, not 100% commit to only watching it).
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3. Complex and growing characters.
The characters are complex, they have multiple facets of personalities, morally grey, and their development slowly grows with the story.
Cassian Andor starts off the series as a thief and he accidentally murders 2 guards, then becomes a fugitive. He doesn't care about anything bigger than his life and his close circle. As the series progress, we can see his personal development. There was incident upon incident to make him realize the need to step up and be reborn. Even after the robbery in Aldhani takes place, even after he is stuck in the prison in Narkina 5, he then decides to change in the end. After a defeat. A death. A reminder.
Syril Karn is an odd character worth mentioning as well. An ambitious inspector with a strong need to accomplish something, his need to impress, and his obsession with trying to do something right (right in his case doesn't always mean right to everyone else). He takes his duty very seriously, he loves order, discipline, and justice. Remember the one mention about his tailored uniform to fit his body right and added pockets? Who would put such detail into creating a character? I laughed at this scene when I saw it, because we can see how anal he is about everything (an anal-retentive person is a person who pays such attention to detail that it becomes an obsession and may be an annoyance to others). Aside from that, we can see why he is like that after the Ferrix incident when he is fired from his job and returns home. A nice side story to see when he is home with his mother (it all makes sense !).
Almost every character in this series is morally grey characters: Andor, Syril, Dedra, Luthen, Maarva, and Mon Mothma. We can't decide whether they are purely evil or purely good. The heroes that would cross the line for the greater good (even by deciding to sacrifice 50 people in order to send a bigger message), or seemingly villains of the story but with a strong point that they are holding on to (like Syril and Dedra - I think they really believe in being in the right place, just doing their job, a bit too obsessively), are they in the evil side? Andor himself is a thief and fugitive, when he decides to pick a side, does this means he is now on the good side? Luthen sacrifices people for a greater message, does this mean he is on the good side?
These are all moral questions worth debating.
Who decides what is good and what is evil when we are fighting a big battle? Isn't both sides will do something that crosses the line? In Andor, we don't only see the bigger evil power lurking at every side controlling the lives of the universe, we also see the people trapped in the situation - the political side (Mon Mothma), in their job (Dedra and Syril). These people on the seemingly evil side believe they are on the right side. Is Dedra truly evil because of her dedication to her work?
I appreciate them making each character with their own little story to make sense of everything, to humanize them. Nicely progressed character development. What makes good character development good? They have backstories, goals, flaws, personalities, world views, personal traits, values, and beliefs. I think Andor hits that part well.
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It's a bit weird for me to post this on my 36th birthday, but here it is, finally finished this post after 2 weeks of drafting it. A short review of 3 things that I want to mention about Andor: the relatable political wars between the rakyat and the oppressed government, the beautiful script-writing, and the fictional morally grey characters with complex & growing development. I'm not a Star Wars fan, but I'm glad I ended 2022 with a great story.
Here is the official trailer :
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And the small downside :
Half of the early part of the series is slow, the characters are slowly developed and it was a bit boring. Nothing much really happens. The next half is good and strong. I didn't know it was separated into 3 chapters (1-3, 4-6, 7-9) when I first watched it, if I'd known from the start, maybe I expect the pace better. I think I was bored for the first 5 episodes.
I read & listened to 100 books. Before you start judging whether my ‘greedy’ consumption this year is good or not (as people looove to mention quality over quantity every time I mentioned how many books I finished each year).
In 2022 :
I didn’t socialize, so I had extra time (same as all the years before, lol)
I didn’t binge-watch movies & series as much this year, so I had the extra time
I borrowed a lot of books from my friends, so I had the pressure to read instead of keeping other people’s books for long
I tried to make it my habit to read every night (I’ll be sitting on my bed by 8 pm, trying to read, no longer in front of my computer after a long day of work)
I listen to an audiobook during cooking and sometimes while working
1 year = 365 days, so roughly 1 book around every 3 days, which is fairly manageable.
If you are an avid reader, you will understand how hard it is to find a ‘GREAT’ fiction that you will want to reread over and over again, if you are lucky you might find 1 in every 30 books, so in order to find more great books that suit your exact taste, you had to read a lot, there is no other way. People can recommend books, but good for them doesn’t usually be good for you. Was it a high-quality reading/listening experience? - Not all, of course. But among those 100 books, I found at least 15 books that I might reread for a slower reading experience, but many of them that I won’t want to reread - ever.
Back in 2018, I read 114 books, so this isn't my first time. But in 2018, I consumed a lot of non-fiction books and I didn't write down about each book. So I tend to forget which book is which. I wanted to make a change from that past experience, and I wanted to remember the things that I learned from each book. That's why I created the Notion book club :
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What do I do to read better?
I have my Notion book club to write my thoughts, ideas, personal arguments, analysis, and yes, perhaps reviews (for me, I feel like reviews are very subjective so I usually don’t focus on that).
By having to keep track of my reading/listening experience, I have to stop and put myself into a thinking mode, then I have to sit to do some light research and then write about it. It’s like a personal practice to learn how to think and hone my writing skill.
I also have a commonplace book where I write things that capture my interest, words that I don’t understand, or lovely quotes that I want to reread later
My good book list this year :
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens
The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greaves
I Remain in Darkness by Annie Ernaux
Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman
The Invisible Life by Addie LaRue by VE Schwab
The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller
The Unseen Body by Jonathan Reisman
How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee
Non-fiction books by Ann Patchett & Rachel Cusk
Books that make me stop & think :
Huge-gap relationship, the age of consent, abusive relationship - Consent by Vanessa Springora, My Dark Vanessa by Kate Elizabeth, The Enchanter by Vladimir Nabokov
Mental health - Piranesi by Susanna Clarke, The Dream of a Ridiculous Man by Vladimir Nabokov, The Upstair House by Julia Fine
New ideas - The Scent Keeper by Erica Bauermeister - the idea to store memories in smell, Briefly, A Delicious Life by Nell Stevens - POV of a ghost falling in love with a writer, Meet me in another Life by Catriona Silvey - Deja Vu, stuck in the unconscious mind
Why did I cry ? - The Reader by Bernhard Schlink, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
Good entertaining story-telling: The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes, The Story of Achilles by Madelline Miller, Magic Lessons by Alice Hoffman, The Story of Gilgamesh by Yiyun Li, The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue by VE Schwab
On long marriage, separation - The Silent Treatment by Abbie Greves, Aftermath by Rachel Cusk, The Good Mother by Sue Miller, This is the Story of a Happy Marriage by Ann Patchett
The Life in the 1900s - Anne of the Green Gable series
Losing & grief - I Remain in Darkness by Annie Ernaux, Farewell Ghost by Nadia Terranova
Motherhood, post-partum depression, parenting - Black Milk by Elif Shafak, I’ll Show Myself Out by Jessi Klein, The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine N Aron, The Good Mother by Sue Miller, The Upstair House by Julia Fine
Friendship - Truth & Beauty by Ann Patchett, The Book of Goose by Yiyun Li, A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
On health - The Unseen body by Jonathan Reisman & How to Make Disease Disappear by Dr Rangan Chatterjee
What gives a bad taste? - The Maidens by Alex Michaelides, A Cold Trail by Robert Dugoni, The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins, Regretting You by Colleen Hoover
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All the page covers in my Book Club Notion were done by me, each and every one of them (look at the whole year's dedication !), I am so proud for reaching the end of 2022 with one thing that I promised I do throughout the year. The writing was a pain - I DIDN'T KNOW WRITING MY OWN OPINION IS A SET OF SKILL ONE NEEDS TO LEARN :F There are books that I didn't write anything in - those are the books that didn't leave any thoughts that I want to remember or it was so dull I just don't want to write anything about.
Anyhow, the one book that gave me the experience to remember in 2022 was A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. It took me 1.5 months to finish it - a book that makes me feel so much. Thank you, Hanya for writing such a masterpiece. One day I will want to reread it again, in the meantime, I'm waiting for my preorder copy of To Paradise early next year.
Thank you 2022, to finding more good books next year! ⚘
Check out my Year in Books compilation (Goodreads). If I were at school and there was another reading competition, I would probably win this again ❤
Remember in 2021 I had severe anxiety that I collapsed? Well, it took around 6-8 months for the anxiety to clear up. Even after that, I started having chronic pain for another half of the year, which I think was related to anxiety. I spent thousands to recover/manage/heal.
But I learned a lot. It taught me resilience, it taught me to understand that some things need to be experienced, it taught me humility, it reminded me of the shortness of life, and it taught me to have more backup plans than I already have.
But I'm well now, and my health in 2022 was better.
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2. On finance :
We struggled throughout the year, it was a slow year, financially. As a freelancer, there are months with no money and there are months with doubled/tripled from what I usually get. But all in all, we struggled a lot this year, which led to a decision to make a change in my career.
Note: I spent a lot of my savings surviving and recovering in 2022, so I wish to earn more in 2023 to financially recover and prepare for the future.
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3. On projects, career, and work :
In Nov, I started working full-time again. This decision was made out of necessity and although I was the one that made the decision, I'm actually still very disappointed with this. But we have to be ready for the economic downturn, we need to have enough to survive without having to struggle on a monthly basis kan. This is the sacrifice that I need to make.
It has been 2 months and I'm adapting well. We are still working full-time remotely in the comfort of our own house. We got connected through Slack and Zoom, we have office lunch every month and weekly get-togethers for a seminar/talk, all online. They actually make an effort to connect us together even though we are separated by countries.
They offer a good salary, enough annual leaves, 3 months maternity leaves, birthday day off, flexible-work time, trust us as a fully responsible adult (I mean, we are fully remote and all work are manageable), work-life balance, no OT needed, etc etc etc. All the things I wanted in a work environment.
I work as a designer/illustrator where I can use my skills in different projects. It's a remote office where all are treated like an adult and I like it.
I also did several more projects with Noko this year and most of the things came out before Christmas.
In mid-Dec, I joined Comic Fiesta but it was not as fun.
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4. On Sofi :
I waited for 2 years and 8 months to hear her call me "mami". She finally started learning to talk 3 months before she turned 3. Soon she started to catch up, she mimicked us and 6 months later she can even use up to 4 words in a sentence.
It wasn't just her time yet and we waited ever so patiently :F
She is also potty-trained and no longer uses nappy except at night time. She stops drinking milk lying down, she wants me to read her books every night, and she refuses to nap during the afternoon. She started her 1-week trial at a kindergarden in Nov as well.
A lot of major changes.
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5. On passion :
I consumed more than 100 books this year.
Letting myself nerd out and doing research on books and writers feels so good (I usually write something in the early morning before Sofi gets up). I learned something from reviewing these books, I decided on certain matters that I was not sure about before, and I discovered things about myself that I didn't know.
It is so good to still like something so passionately even after 30 years. Also, it feels good to nerd up and write about books with invisible audiences.
The Book of Goose by Yi Yun Li
Gilgamesh by Yi Yun Li
Briefly, a Delicious Life by Nell Stevens
Black Milk by Elif Shafak
The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller
The City of Mist by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
The Prince and the Dress Maker by Jen Wang
The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak
At this point in my life (mid-30s), I'm beginning to enjoy reading classic literature, and fiction with beautiful prose and calm slower vibes. Life is already too messed up, I just want to read/listen to something soothing for my mind.
The Last of Us series will be out in mid-January, but it's on HBO Max.
I am waiting for the time to watch The House of Dragon - because I've been so busy for the past couple of months.
I'm also extending my stay at Disney Hotstar to finish up Andor - and write something about it because I'm inspired. Fun fact: I waited for a year+ to wait for the release of Andor. (DONE)
The home massage session on my birthday, I pre-booked on Sentuh App :F
Getting my Kindle back and reading Hamnet (I bought it in Aug). I expected it to be returned to me in Dec, but I guess getting it returned wasn't in her main plans.
After 5 years of working full-time as a freelance independent designer/illustrator, I decided to find a full-time permanent job under a company. This decision was made after almost a year of struggling trying to take care of the whole family, wanting a proper plan to send Sofi to kindergarden and saving enough money to build a house in rural area.
I am actually disappointed, because it leads me to this. I loved my flexible time, the fun time I had creating art and working with client projects. But we were in a desperate phase, and I needed to sacrifice my freedom to have a better living. I know with my experience and skills, my salary can reach to a 'comfortable' level. But the catch is, I had to let my freedom go.
I applied to many jobs in October, by the end of October I received a job offer from a Singapore-based agency which I accepted. Since then, I've been working with them, at home, but full-time. Even with all the perks, benefits and high-salary, nothing can be compared to the joy I had with having freedom to do anything I want. And I miss that, so much.
I am still adapting I know.
But I tried the taste of freedom and I'm still remembering the after-taste.
What changed since then ? :
we sent Sofi for a trial week at a chosen kindergarden to prepare her for next year
I've been working at home 8 hours a day, 5 days a week
we expended our working setup, now I got 2 work desks : 1 for office's iMac (which took the whole table) and another one my old original setup
I turned off the Patreon monetization, so I just update free contents when I have the time
I've been having a mild vertigo again, due to the long hours sitting/drawing and I'm trying to use a pomodoro method to remind myself to move every once in a while
my mind is always at work because I have so much to do, but now, I have money and security
I started reading less, and perhaps taking a slower time to finish a book because I already reached 95 books and I'm not competing with anyone (but I miss reading)
I started to have a proper better skin-care routine because I am now 35 (hahahaha), honestly for almost my whole existence, I only use face wash, perhaps toner (when I remember). Now I'm in my mid 30s, and I noticed that I'm beginning to show a sign of aging: my skin is no longer supple (like in my 20s), maybe wrinkles will start showing (it might take few more years if my skin is this oily for long), maybe hair will start turning grey. I don't know, I don't really mind much. But this year I added spf, serum and eye-cream. Still can't convince myself to use moisturiser because my skin is so oily :F
Oh, I found this drip coffee that is 'just enough' to start the day. I stopped drinking coffee since I had Sofi, and after the anxiety, it somehow triggers the coffee-jitters. But I needed stronger caffeine than matcha, but not too strong until I got the jitters or palpitation, so I tried this and it works for now ! I drink it early when I started working at 9 am.
Note : Also, it is so cool to be working with a full-remote Singaporean agency kan, I was curious at first too. But since then we had so many online meetings, briefing, discussion, also once-every-month online makan2 and seminar as well. Plus, I am the only Malay for now (it's hard not to notice this).
Okay. Let me let it out in the maya (because I need to let this out to free up the burden of talking alone in my head, did I forget how I manage the last 15 years - I've been writing to the invisible people in the internet as a coping mechanism kan). Plus, lately it's been mentally hard to survive one more waking day. I'm not depressed yet, just really stressed out, surviving. And I don't have friends, so I need a channel to express.
Anyway, random sharing session.
Last week I went out twice to focus on work. I've never left Sofi for work in the past 3 years+ so this is a start. I searched for any coworking space in the area but couldn't find one suitable for me so I spent 4 hours sitting in my brother's cafe, finishing up my first draft for the Noko project I'm currently working on. I even brought my own matcha powder and soy milk (so my brother can make it for me - I'm lactose intolerant and I can't drink coffee anymore). Oh, I also already cooked foods in advance for the 2 days I'm away for work.
4 hours of uninterrupted working hour is a bliss. I forgot what it feels like, to focus solely on your task alone (I've been working while trying to take care of a toddler, so you can imagine if you tried doing that, not impossible - just chaotic).
Then after the 2 days of working, I went out to socialize (for the first time in a loooooong time). I went out with Ms Chin, we watched Where the Crawdads Sing, we walked, we ate ramen, we chatted, after Ms Chin went back, I sat at a cafe for another 1 hour to continue on another client project. It's like, I actually have a life outside being a mother to a toddler. I forgot what it felt like.
The two things I bought when I went out that day were Muji's open-flat notebook for me to start writing a proper journal to manage my stress + anxiety, and also a croissant.
Next : one more thing I want to do is spent few hours at Kinokuniya. My current physical book wishlist : Hanya Yanagihara's To Paradise and Nell Stevens' Briefly, A Delicious Life in small paperback version. The 2 times we went to Kino, Sofi didn't even give me a chance to browse through and decided to play run and tag in the maze of books.
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Well, it is then decided that I'm going to send Sofi to a play-school next year and I'm going to start working full-time again (because I'm getting ready for the recession). She's finally potty-trained (except at night when sleeping and for poopoo - still refuses to take it out in the loo). And she can't wait to make friends and have a teacher, so I guess she's ready to socialize. She's a total opposite of us, so we had to provide what we can't offer ourselves.
Okay I just put Sofi to nap and reread the draft for the final time before clicking on publish.
I finally finished my 1000 pieces Intergalactic Flora puzzle by a local illustrator and an online friend, @eurekartstudio.
The gold hot stamp on the black background, the various colours from the amazing floral on galaxy illustration, it is beautiful! I took probably around 2 weeks (on and off) to finish up the puzzle. I took my sweet sweet time. There was a time when I spent 3 hours at night straight listening to an audiobook (I remember it was 'My Dark Vanessa'), then I had neck and shoulder pain the next few days later.
It is my first 1000 pieces puzzle and surprisingly I learned a lot from this experience.
The first few hours were overwhelming. I felt like it is impossible to finish such a huge puzzle. 1000 pieces puzzle is crazy, whose idea was it to start a puzzle this big? I didn't think I can do it. I even felt anxious during the first week.
Then slowly, I took the smallest step : separating the puzzle into different colours. Different coloured flowers, leaves, gold stars, the black background.
I chose the smallest flower and tried to do that, slowly. Step by step, it started to become a bigger piece.
I felt less overwhelm and became excited. The endorphins started kicking in every time a flower is formed.
Sometimes you can just put a random piece next to another random piece and it is somehow the right piece. Sometimes you have to come back to the same piece over and over again because it is not the time yet.
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It felt like a metaphor to life.
The 1000 pieces puzzle is connected but we need to find a way to connect each piece with one another. It feels overwhelming and impossible at first, but you need to take the smallest step and keep on moving forward. You'll feel like you won't make it and at times, you'll even stop and ignore it for a while. But sometimes, you can just sit and try again, ever so slowly, piece by piece, and it will form a bigger piece. Then you'll see the puzzle more clearly and everything will make sense. It gets easy when you know how to play the game.
I'm happy I tried my first 1000 pieces puzzle. I'm off to find other next challenges for me to try next.
Here are other great illustration puzzle pieces that you can buy online my personal favorite from Mideer
I'm teaching Sofi to play puzzles (since she turned 1.5 yr old), now she's 3 and she's currently up to 48 pcs puzzles. I'm surprised that she still gets excited about puzzles, and she plays puzzles daily. I usually buy puzzles from Mideer, Mr Diy, or Shopee (anything with good illustrations). She calls it "Pazo".
