Run : Moving

I lied, I said I'd reintroduce moving in my life. 

But I not only walked, I also ran and rode a bicycle, did yoga and meditation, rope skipping, and tried weight training. Anything I could do to move my body, especially when I didn't feel like it - every time I contemplate whether I should move or not, I just turn off my mind and get ready because I don't trust my brain to choose.

For self-validation, I screenshot my awards from Fitness because they are beautifully designed, and I closed so many rings this month (+ you can turn the 3D medal back and forth to see the engraved date you when achieved it) :

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In September:

• Walk - 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 5 km ✔
• Walk - 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 10 km ✔
• Walk - 16,000 steps in a day ✔
• Run - 3 km ✔
• Run - 5 km ✔
• Run - 7 km ✔
• Ride bicycle - 10km ✔
• Rope Skipping - 100x ✔
• Practice Yoga - 15 mins ✔
• Practice Yoga - 30 mins ✔
• Meditation - 10 mins ✔
• Meditation - 20 mins ✔

Accumulated steps: 192,750 steps

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Physical Body:

I used the 'fancy' weighing scale at my sister's house and found out details about my body - I am practically underweight, with only 5% fat - that's around 2kg of fat in my body (can you imagine how flat I am without fats as a woman? ok don't imagine it then). No wonder I was always cold and feeble and fragile. 

My skeletal muscle is in perfect condition, but my muscle percentage is quite low - so I need to focus on getting physically stronger because I'm done with people forcing me to eat. I'm not anorexic, I'm just a bit too mellow in the heart, it will get better one day when it is ready, but I can't force it to not feel, kan? It is just something that comes in a package. At this point, it is just an annoyance when people only ask me whether I eat. So I focus on getting stronger and fitter, the healthy weight gain will come slowly as I workout. In the past, I did gain weight when I started to actively run. 

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The gym is less than 100 steps from my house, so I have no excuse not to go, even on rainy days. Even on school holidays when I can't walk as much, I tried other methods to move. I only rested when I got my period because I was often light-headed during this phase and needed some TLC, good food, and rest. I even surprised myself by running a 5k non-stop (but on a treadmill). I didn't think I could do it, but my body seems to remember how it works. And the physical pain of running is what I crave. The body remembers. The good thing is I had no other option but to refuel for energy and recovery. I was constantly hungry, so I had to eat.

And I realized this maybe the route I had to take to heal. 

I did this before, and it worked the last time. Hopefully, it will work this time, too.

I'll take as much time as needed and build as much muscle as needed.

So, cheers to that.

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I'll move as much as God gives me the will and good health to continue.

So, let's pray for that, in abundance.

Plus, I needed a new playlist, this feels too last year. 

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That's to wrap up this year's post, and I'll be on hiatus now.

Take care and have a nice end of 2024, see you next year. 

Keep reading and stay moving.

Little Things 264 : Let Me Share with You a Secret About Running

I want to share one of my good methods for recovering from a broken heart. Heartbreak is a unique kind of pain, it hurts but you can't see it, some studies even show that it actually activates the same areas in the brain as physical pain. Whether it is from a major life crisis, death, breakup, any kind of loss, or dealing with a serious illness. The pain, you don't have to explain it to people, it is valid, if it is there, it's there.

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My way of coping with heartbreak is by running. Not running away from the heartbreak itself, but physically running. I know, no one wants to work out when they are in pain. But, it helps, it seriously does.

I want to write this down, so that if you are still young and you don't know how to cope, or perhaps if for Sofi, one day, when you have to face your first heartbreak, remember, to start running. Take out your running shoes, and go outside. Do it 5 times a week, do it consistently, and take how long you need to recover.  It might take months, it might take years. But it is one of the best ways to cope. 

I went through a serious phase of running from 2013 - 2017 to deal with heartbreak, cope with major life changes, and get through the change of phases in my life. Running helps me be in control of my own body, it gives me some space to have a serious conversation in my mind, it gives hope, it shows me that I can get through the phase, and whatever pain I was having, I will recover.

Running also releases endorphins and serotonins, so you'll get the 'high' - BUT you won't feel this on your first run, or even your second one, you'll probably start feeling it after a month of running consistently. You don't have to push yourself (some people like those challenging runs), I don't, I run really slow, but consistently and hopefully much longer soon. I love the runner's high, it gives me hope.

All these will help you get through your pain. 

Whatever problems you might have to deal with at this stage, running, might help you cope with it. But you need to remember to at least give a month of consistent running before deciding that it is not working for you. That's the catch.

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For a while, I didn't want to write about this. But it's been 10 years, and I feel like this is something that people actually might benefit from. That when you are in pain, in distress, or in any complicated phase in your life, you NEED to start running to cope. Don't binge-eat, don't abuse alcohol, drugs, or any form of addiction, and don't channel it towards something that can pull you in inside the deep hole. Find a way for you to make it work. 

Go outside and run. You'll feel like shit.

But it gets better.

Little Story 239 : Why I Stopped Running

It's been 8 days since my vertigo started. I've been to 3 physiotherapy sessions in a week and I've healed from my neck and shoulder strain. But not vertigo, not the spinning sensation, not the imbalance world within every move.

It is definitely frustrating, if it weren't for my experience throughout 2021, I would definitely whine and be more stressed out about this. I can't run, I can't even walk properly. I entered a 10km virtual run (because I want all the merchandizes I designed) but I can't even run. I've already walked 6 km for the run all while I was having light vertigo. Can you imagine that? No, of course, you can't.

I told my physiotherapist: "I use to run a lot, I ran, I do yoga, I'm fairly an active person. Now I can't even walk properly". This year was supposed to be the year I started running for fun again, the year I take a yoga license. But I couldn't do any of that. I've been sick on and off throughout the year. 

One thing I have to learn to let go of is the belief that I can do anything. Time is very limited, and sometimes our stories are written in a way that we don't really want to happen. I definitely do NOT want to be sick and fragile, but I am, right now. I had to let go of certain things at this moment. I learn not to hold on too much to goals, but only focus on the stories and the lessons. 

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I stopped running in events because I feel like I'd been trying to catch something at the finish line just to prove something to myself. I've come to this realization when I was training for my half-marathon and I ran 10 km every day - but without the crowds, without the medals, without the cheers, and I felt fine. I thought "oh so this is what a 10 km run should really feel like, uneventful and plain". 

After my 2 half-marathons, I decided to stop running in events because I know. I know I can run, I can train for a marathon, and spend my days doing rigorous training, I know I can because I'm a very strong-willed and goal-oriented person. If I can learn to do 5km, 10km, and 21km, I know what I needed to do for a marathon. That is not my purpose to start running (at least not in events). I loved running, but I didn't feel fulfilled after the goals were reached, I just pushed for more goals - and boy, I love goals (look at how much I read every year). 

And so I stopped running in events. 

But I still love moving, and I realized that I love walking and hiking more. I told Af that I really really would want to walk. I want a long walk, a really really long walk. I don't want a marathon, I don't want another run with the crowds. I didn't need the numbers telling me whether I can reach them or not. But I still want to move. I want a long walk, from one city to another city, to the countryside and the forest, alongside the beach and the silence of the old villages. 

I don't really want to run anymore, but I want to have long walks. The ones that I spend the whole day just walking, the ones that make me wish for home, the ones that make my feet hurt, the ones that make me question my existence and the meaning of the world, I want to spend the nights scrapping off the muscle tensions for the next day, and I want to write. 

That's what I want, for now. 

For the past 4 years since I stopped running in events. 

I just want something uneventful, just a really long walk and to write. 

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Image : https://unsplash.com/@enioku

Run : 50km Rimba Alam Relay Run (not)

In February I registered for a 52.5km relay run in Putrajaya (with Af). 

The main reason I felt like 52.5km relay run is possible : we had to take turn to run in the laps, passing baton, every lap is 3.75km run mainly flats unused roads in Taman Rimba Alam and 2 up-hills (one long uphill run when we just started and one climbing path before we ended each lap). That looked reasonable kan? 

But it wasn't - if you didn't train for the running and climbing :F

The whole 4 laps over 7 laps that I did was simply awful - for the first time in my running experience, everything felt wrong. Each of us ran :

• 4/7 laps
• 15/25 km 
• in 5 hours 
• Total : 30/52.5 km per team  

Here's my excuses :

1. Since we moved back to my old apartment and started living with my family - we hardly have time to work-out. I think I stopped in January (it started well, I was running every week - and then we just stopped for 3 months).
2. February was fast and March was even faster. The Japan trip, the booths, the restocking items at Salt x Paper, the freelance works, everything was too fast to catchup. So I didn't run.
3. We didn't trained for it, let just say that for the past 3 months, I've been slacking off. No training at all even though I registered for the 50km relay run.
4. On the running day, I wasn't feeling well. Even after the first laps - I already knew that the run felt different. My stomach was aching, I felt nauseous throughout the whole run (which was an insane feeling - I assure you). I never felt like this ever before in any of my runs. 
5. So because I wasn't feeling good inside. I didn't eat - I just drank (water+Revive). No breakfast, no short snacks. Just empty stomach for 16 hours, since we had dinner the night before.
6. It was really hot day (before the heavy rain) - my eyes aren't so good with the sun's glare (it gives me a really bad headache like a strong pounding in the back of my eyes). If you been following my blog for years, you must have noticed this constant sun's headache of mine. THIS will take over my whole day, so I've decided that from now on I will only enter night run.
7. I can't, I just can't.

So, after the 4th laps - I decided to quit. It was already 5 hours and Af was continuing his 4th laps, so I texted him and said that I can't continue. I felt awful, nauseous and my body wasn't cooperating. I was having shivers because of my stomach ache and imagining I had to run another 3 more laps.. O.O Af said okay, I searched for the organizer and told him about my condition, and we quit the run.

We returned the baton and ankle bib, drank a gallon, and went back home. 

After a big lunch, we slept for the whole afternoon. When I woke us just before 7pm, my head was pounding so loud I couldn't stand. I felt like throwing up because everything turned around crazily in my head, but we had to go out for Af's birthday dinner with the family. I didn't even ordered any foods because I didn't feel well - just ate bits of everyone's food :D

Aftermath :

The next day, on Sunday was still awful. It was the aftermath of a trail run, so our body ached. But, my family was moving out and the lorry came - it was the day to help them move out! :F We had to help, nothing felt good. All the muscles in the body sores - sneezing was awful (because of the muscle along my stomach sore), bending down (my back), moving items (my shoulder & hands), walking up & down the stairs (my thigh, knee, ankles). That took the whole Sunday off, and by night I had to clean the apartment a bit (just the hall and the kitchen). We arrived home back after sending my little sister, at 11pm. Our weekend ended with exhaustion and muscle sores all over.

Monday - We both took a day off from work =.=

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Extra :

I never quit a run, so this felt like a little failure. But having to push myself to run for 4 laps, in heat and unwell body as much as I could - did feel like a little achievement. It wasn't a great running experience for me, but at least I tried. There are around 10 teams that didn't finished the 50km run including us, while all 100km Ultra runners finished their course :F  

Anyway, I already registered for a half marathon night marathon in Cyberjaya (next 5 months) and still waiting for another night marathon in Putrajaya (maybe in the next 7 months). So I need to start my training when I recover from this run :F

Things I learned from this event :

• Go training every single week
• Train for uphill run (please)
• Don't do endurance run without any food intake
• No more long run under sun

Run : The Fitness Story in a Year, July - Oct 2016

The first half of 2016 can be read here.
This is the second half of the fitness story for this year :

July :

• Total run : 5.5 km
• Goal update : 194/250km
• Super lazy + busy month.

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August :

• Total run : 50 km
• Goal update : 200/250km
• We trained for the up-hill track because our 10km trail run in Bromo was getting near. We went to Bukit Jalil park, Bukit Komanwel Park, and Putrajaya for our training during the weekend. Sometimes we went to the gym when we can't go out running. 

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September :

• Current total run : 37.5 km, 
• Total walk : 3 km
• Goal update : 250/250km - completed !

• New running goal : 365km by 31st December 2016
• Bromo Marathon 2016 - Af and I entered the Bromo 10km Run, read here for the full story.
• I just bought a new running shoe from Power : Play On at Bata after I got back from Indonesia. The old one has been over-worn, it's time for a new running shoes. I've been using Power since I first started running in 2013. The second shoe lasted almost around 600km of running + jogging, for the past 2-3 years without any injuries. Even though it was cheaper than most famous running shoes, for me, these shoes are the best running shoes that I've used. Personally I feel that what matters is a workable shoes for my running sessions. For less than RM 70, I can run for 2 more years. I believe that anyone can run, using how much they afford to spend, be it Power shoes, be it second-hand running shoes from pasar malam, be it hand-down shoes from your siblings. Those famous brands they printed outside of the shoes doesn't represent anything in your runs, so don't ever feel bad or ashamed of what's there on your body because none of the materialistic items represent who you are. Remember, that the early marathoners in those old days never wear any running shoes or fancy equipments. So you can just use what's enough for you :) 

• Since I can no longer use my iPhone for running tracking because my iPhone is getting older and not-so battery efficient. I bought a pedometer to track my running distance and Casio watch to track the time. I'm pretty sure I won't be buying any smartwatch anytime soon in my life, except if one day they will make a kiddy-size watch for my super-small wrist. So I opted for a small size digital watch like the ones I wore in high-school. 
• Bought the pedometer before I went to Indonesia, it worked like magic, stopped when it needed to, activated again when I continue running/walking. Pedometer is an old-technology, so anyone can get it, it's quite cheap. It tracks the distance, the steps, and the calories burned. I've always wanted to buy it since I first started running. Only less then RM 20. We are now best-friends :  

• I also signed up for my first half-marathon this November - seeing that I run 10km by myself in most of my weekly training, I think I can try to upgrade my running length. Training starts already, I have 2 months to go. I have to train for more than 10km runs from now on. Managed to ask my brother to join the event as well, for moral support. I might need it. 

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October :

• Current total run : 55 km, 
• Total walk : 10.5 km 
• Goal update : 317 / 365 km
• I already started my training - a bit late, because I was having vertigo and rested for a week. I'm trying to go running at least 3 times per week. But then, I went running only 9 times this month, mostly on weekends because I'm too lazy to go after work on normal week day :D

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November :

• Putrajaya Night Marathon - I signed up for my first 21 km - half marathon

Run : 2015 Running Journey

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Running is still the only active outdoor activity that I do, so I'm keeping track of my progress throughout the year. There are several things that I managed to achieve :

• Running minimum of 200 km in a year
• Increase my running distance

There are 3 phases of running in my 2015 :

• 3 - 5 km : during the early half of 2015
• 5 - 7 km : in October 2015
• 7 - 10 km : in November 2015

Things I learned from the running activities :

• There will be a point when my body starts to feel nothing after working out. What I had to do is either increase my pace, increase my running distance or variation of running styles. What works for me during my weekly running routine are increasing the distance and running variations. I started with 3-5 km in each run, 5-7 km for the whole month of October and started my 7-10 km in each run in November. 
• It's always about the mind and body, when you have 1 goal in your mind you need to stick with it until you achieve it. Your body will adapt to it if you can turn it into a routine. Then you can start on a new goal afterwards. One step a time :)
• I can't increase my running pace without getting headaches afterwards, so I had to cross that one out at this moment.
• What I do in my 7 - 10 km? I usually change my pace from 5.5 (jogging) and 7.0 (running) every 500 meter. That way, my body won't adapt too quickly with the constant pace. Sometimes I do sprint too, but it's not my favorite :|
• Running on a treadmill can be boring, especially when I run for 10 km (around 1 hour 30 mins). I need to find things to distract my boredom. What I tried : experimenting with running pace and how long I took to recover from it.
• I crave a lot and I am constantly hungry. It's supposed to be normal, because I started running almost daily. I need to remind myself to eat healthy stuffs all the time and this is not easy. I am still struggling with this issue.
• Don't think, just go. Bring your running clothes to work every day. 
• I ran more than 100 km since I bought the Groupon coupon to the gym. The money spent on paying for the gym is my main motivation for now. I realized that running events costs too much lately and it is no longer worth it. Comparison : RM 59 for unlimited run in the gym and RM 60 for 1 time 10km event. I am cheap, so I chose the unlimited run every week.

• I still love running, after years of it. ♥

And I live to the idea of running for myself, a dedication of constant efforts in living my live to the fullest, one step at a time : 

"All I do is keep on running in my own cozy, homemade void, my own nostalgic silence. And this is a pretty wonderful thing. No matter what anybody else says.” H.Murakami

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Excerpt 12 : The Important Thing About Becoming a Runner

From NR Project :

What you have to understand is that most runners out there have no special abilities, we all started somewhere and we all struggle – present tense. It doesn’t get easier, not for anyone, but you get better, you always do. If you run – you are a runner, and every runner you meet will respect you and accept you because they know what it is like, they understand what you are going through. If you are out of shape and you go running, you may feel that other runners are judging you – they don’t. They celebrate and admire you, because what you are doing isn’t easy.  

What they are doing isn’t easy either, they just had more practice in making it look easy. If you want to be a runner, be a runner. Even if you have never done it before, haven’t got any special gear and not entirely sure what you are doing. The form, the speed, the ability to cover serious distance will come to you eventually if you keep at it. Remember that a large part of it, all of the excuses and the reasons why you can’t do it or can’t do it today, are in your head.  

Sometimes the best thing you can do is to stop questioning and just go and run.

Read full text here. 

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PS : I like those writings a lot *in the blog, it doesn't feel like I'm reading an article. I feel like the writer is talking to me directly - and that is what we call a good writing :D 

No I, I, I just you, you, you. 

Little Things 115 : Connected

When I run, I feel connected with my body. 

The inner strength and physical movement combined to achieve something. I don't like to run, really. I don't like how the hot sun makes me darker, the smell of my sweat dampening my shirt, the huffs of my breath and my aching heart pumping blood rapidly throughout my whole body. 

But it makes me feel connected. 

The way our body says it is time to stop when our mind plead to keep on moving. I love how it makes me feel. I love the silent understanding, when both my mind and body agree that they need to work with each other to finish up the whole session. 

People forget this. 

The good connection that they need between the soul and the physical body. When you run, you'll get the connection. It's your personal time. I can hardly remember how many people did I asked to try running, even for once. I want people to notice this. The first few weeks are always the toughest, but when you get the routine started, it will all fall in accordingly. 

The thought of sitting in front of the computer whole day and night is just, amusingly disturbing.

PS :

I did my 8th run several weekends ago at UPM and just signed up for several more this year. How about you?