A year ago, my marriage ended.
Since then, I’ve been living the single motherhood life. In the span of twenty months, I’ve metaphorically died a few times, stumbled through anxiety, fallen into depression, gotten sick, lost my best friend, and been slapped around by uncertainties. At this point, I’m as bitter as I can be but also strangely content. I don’t have the same wild energy I carried in my teens. Honestly, I don’t even know how I managed all this. But I did. And I’m quietly impressed with myself.
In the middle of all that heartbreak, I’ve learned something unexpected: I’m falling in love with myself. I’ve accepted singlehood, and the fact that I’m fully responsible for my own life. It feels liberating not to report to anyone, not to beg for validation, not to justify every choice. I’m at the stage of womanhood where my insecurities don’t run the show anymore. That, I think, is its own kind of freedom.
Every time people ask about my “husband,” I awkwardly have to say I’m single now and give a quick summary of our separation - not ideal way of sharing the news. My brother keeps telling me I shouldn’t treat this like a secret. And I don’t. It’s not a secret. It’s just not something I feel the need to headline on social media.
Still, it’s an important phase in my life, and my blog is a testament to that. So here it is, a year later. A lot of things remain tangled with this new reality, so being transparent here just feels easier. My Patreon community knew earlier this year, and I can count on one hand the people I’ve told directly (when asked). Beyond that, maybe some gossip “atas angin,” as usual. Even most of my extended family doesn’t know yet. Tapi, it is not a secret lah, it is a fact, I'm not ashamed of it.
Even then, I couldn’t help but arch a brow when I saw “Cik Azah Azreen” on a wedding invitation. A quiet acknowledgment of my changed status, thoughtful, but it stirred mixed feelings nonetheless.
So here it is, laid bare.
A part of my life I’m no longer afraid to put into words.
Post Comment
Post a Comment