Dear MC,
You left me four days ago. Yesterday was supposed to be your birthday. You didn’t wait for your big 60th celebration, instead, they scattered your ashes at sea, just as you wanted. We had two weeks. It felt too short, yet somehow just enough. We had time to say goodbye. We talked about this, remember? I think it happened the way you would have wanted it to.
I’m still grieving. I can’t believe how quickly it all happened after we found out. We just spent the weekend together, talking about the future, our plans, our next steps. This doesn’t feel like your usual travel gaps. This good bye is forever.
I know you wouldn’t want me to wallow. You never liked a fuss. You wanted to leave quietly. But the problem is I chose you. You were in my circle. The only one I let that close. You had the key. You were my best friend. And now, suddenly, you’re gone. It sounds like I'm romanticizing this. But this pain, it’s unbearable. Because this time, you’re not coming back. We won’t see each other again, not like we used to. I don't have any dates to look forward to anymore.
Every time people ask me, I'll cry (except when I manage to put on a façade and ride the pain). And even if no one ask me, I will still cry. The world did not pause when you died, even when I felt like everything in my life had been crushed under the weight. You left a big hole in my heart.
It’s a bit fucked up that anyone I care for just leaves. It feels like a curse.
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You are loved and remembered, thank you for being an inspiration more than 20 years ago (and even throughout the years after). I'll continue your journey, I will do the trip we promised we'd go on, insyaAllah.
I'm glad we chose each other.
Safe travel, Miss Yann Li ❤︎
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