Parenting moment tested:
Sofi had a long day outdoors, but she came home with a sugar rush from our Tealive session. She was jumping up and down the sofa, making a mess, singing, dancing, and being her silly self. I was trying to write next to her (lol, nerd mom). I told her she could make all the mess she wanted, but she needed to clean it up herself — no help from me. Then she proceeded to make even more mess, and I kept reminding her of the rule over and over.
Fast forward to bedtime:
I told her to wrap it up, clean all the mess, and get ready to sleep.
She refused and started throwing a tantrum. (This rarely happens now that she's almost six.) But I knew she was tired, and she probably just needed to have her meltdown session — it had been a while.
So she wailed, "I'm too tired, Mami, too tired~" and the whole drama went on for about 10–15 minutes.
But I stood my ground.
I told her the rules beforehand — she chose to make the mess anyway — so the lesson I wanted her to understand was: we are responsible for the mess we choose to make, because no one is going to clean up after us. Of course, being six, she threw a full-blown tantrum lah. It became a power struggle between a six-year-old fireball and a tired Mami battling a migraine and period cramps.
Of course, if I wanted the easy way out, we could've left the mess for tomorrow and cleaned it up when we were refreshed. BUT, because I had reminded her so many times about the consequences, I chose to prove a point. I chose drama. 😎 I just sat there next to her, letting her wail, waiting for her to clean up. (Fire signs will always with their tantrums, and Earth signs will always stand firm, waiting for the drama to subside. I'm degil on that level — I can wait all night if needed.)
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| In this case, I am Sophie, and she is Calcifer |
Long story short:
She eventually cleaned up the mess while wailing (which was just putting back six zabuton in their place and all the throw cushions back on the sofa — that's all). After that, I comforted her and explained (a.k.a. membebel) what just happened and why she needs to be responsible for her own choices. Hah.
Explaining the concept of consequence and responsibility to a six-year-old is huge, but really important nonetheless.
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I'm pretty firm on certain values I believe in — so moments like this are golden.
It’s a chance for her to learn something important.
I don’t condone tantrums or letting her get spoiled, but I do give her space to feel her emotions and figure out how to manage them. Sometimes, she needs to "test the waters" with me — and yes, it triggers me too. But every time, both of us end up learning something new about ourselves.
Sure, I'm garang, but it's not for nothing.
There's always a reason behind the tough love ❤️
"you choose Sofi, you kemas, or you sleep with your mess" - tsk tsk kejam
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