Little Thing 280 : Early Year Reflection

New year, big stuff.

I've been on hiatus for 3 months, and I have a lot of things to catch up on, but I don't feel ready to. So let's avoid that uncomfortable part. 

But one huge part of my 'rediscovery' is relearning how to open myself up to join the work market, connecting with people, teaming up, collaborating, making meaningful relationships, and hopefully inspiring others. I've been working for myself for the past 7 lonely years, and although this is a huge change, I'm trying my best to be positive and flexible with the changes. 

Moving forward, I would want to work with the team at least until I reach my targets. They are achievable, sure, but I will properly sit down, write them all on paper, and make a commitment to these goals. I learned a lot in the past 2 months with them, they are very inspiring. I feel supported and safe with them, they make me feel okay to be a flawed human ♥

If you've been here for a while, you've seen me grow, you've seen me in a tunnel, you've seen me fall and tall, I shared a lot of my different phases here - 18 years is a very long time but I'm still here somehow. Ridiculously loyal to something I committed when I was much younger. But blogging has been a blessing, it feels like a free therapy session, even though most of the time, I feel like I am talking alone to the void. This platform has always been my hiding place to 'almost' be myself. I do a lot of filtering, sure, and can't share everything online, but most of the nerd stuff that I wanted to share is here, and I do reread them from time to time, just to see and compare how much I've grown since I wrote that, or whether I still have the same opinion on that matter. 

I'm very excited about 2025, mostly because I felt like I was stuck for so long, and now I have somewhere I want to be, things I want to do, books I want to read, goals I want to achieve, people I want to connect and things I want to buy. I finally feel like I'm walking under the sun in a big green field, and I have prepared the equipment that I need if I ever need to walk in a dark tunnel again, you know. That depressive phase was challenging and I struggled a lot, but I'm happy that I can still feel so hopeful for the future. Hope is a very powerful thing but when you are depressed, you can't see that. 

So, Alhamdulillah, I am here, and you are here.

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Small task: What I want you to do is take a piece of A5 paper and make a list of things you want to do this year. Be clear, don't be vague. I usually do a really basic one every year. But I changed a bit last year, I intentionally think them through like promises I want to keep and put them up -  just a daily reminder, every time I sit at my table, I can definitely see this commitment on the wall. This is very powerful stuff, and it helped me when I was struggling. 

No cheerleader in your life is more supportive, more loving, more understanding than you. So, be that person for yourself, and of course, we are not here in this world to be alone, so find your people as well and trust them enough to be in your circle (I need to work on this). 

Let's do this together ok. 

If you ever feel alone, just reach out. I'm not good with small talks, but I'm pretty good with handling the big topics, so, feel free to contact me ♥ Let's see how 2025 goes.

Little Stories 302 : New Year 2025, I'm Back !

I senyap2 went to Taiwan, unplanned. 

Well, not impromptu, but only around 2 weeks of planning. I returned from meeting Miss Chin for our usual update session, and she convinced me to just book a ticket to Taiwan, as I've always mentioned (every time I meet her, kahkahkah). She even reminded me and asked for updates several days after, just to see whether I did it or not. I've been wanting to go to Taiwan since I found out about its hiking spots years back during Covid.

So I booked the flight ticket.

My office was closed for 2 weeks, and that 2 weeks will go by with nothing big unless I make it big. So I did it, and I can't cancel it because there was no refund ticket. I was contemplating whether I should proceed with the plan because it was a peak season during the Christmas and New Year holidays, but I did it anyway. That was my motto for last year; "it is okay, do it anyway" and I've been holding on to it. I consider this as my birthday present to myself - no one can top this! Hahah!

I didn't tell the office, and other than Miss Chin, only my immediate family knew (last minute). I asked Af to take care of Sofi during my travel, I arranged the best as I could because it was the first time in 5.5 years that I left her to go somewhere. But she managed it well (it wasn't as dramatic as when Af was outstation, boo). 

Getting accommodations was a hassle because everything was almost fully booked. So, I had to jump from Airbnb to hotels almost every day. So because it was a very unplanned thing, I spent around RM 3.5k for this 8-day trip - I know I can do it for RM 2.8k if I plan it much earlier because Taiwan is much cheaper than Japan. BUT, this is a very last-minute thing and a last-minute plan costs a lot. 

I can tell you a lot of things that I love about this trip, but I'm going to write them in different posts (so I can easily refer to travel posts in the future). Note: I went to Taiwan with my brother, for my mom's peace of mind. 

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So, in the first week of Jan, I already:

• Started my week with a morning hike in Taipei (quick start for ticking my wish list in 2025)
• Celebrated my 38th birthday
• Saw Sofi off for her orientation week - she's now 6!
• Started work again after 2 weeks of holiday

I just want to let you know that I'm back, hello 2025, and happy new year.

♥︎

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2024

Let's continue with the yearly personal wrap-up that I've been doing since 2017. In 2024, I made a small vision board, and on this vision board, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do/achieve. I did achieve more than half of it by the end of 2024, but it was pretty slow earlier on. So, I'm pushing the things that I did not achieve this year to next year and hopefully, I will complete them then. I won't share it here because it is a bit personal, but here's the generic version of things I usually share by the end of each year.

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On Books ✦

This year is a good book year. My best friends were books, I spent so much time with books in general, I went to the library every so often, bought some books, and borrowed some more. I spent my loneliest time with books, trying to understand the poignant part of living - macam they can somehow help me understand things, thus explaining why I read books that evoke hard feelings.

I consumed 47 books from Jan - Oct, and stopped reading once I started working full-time, it was a nice bookish journey.

Here are my top 5 books:

• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• Please Look After Mom by Kyoong-Sook Shin
• Greek Lesson by Han Kang
• Beauty and Sadness by Yasuwari Kawabata

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On Living ✦ and Surviving

Ugh, this year has been a total disaster. Fell into a hole, stuck in there for a while, struggled to get going, and went into a very sad, anxious, and depressed phase. Finally, I worked things out, made changes, and forced myself to be more flexible, adapted, and more resilient, I guess, but in return, I got bitter as well. 

Oh, I hate being bitter, but that's the way my life is going at this moment, and I'm finding joy and love in other things, trying out new things, exposing myself to new environments, meeting new people, challenging my way of doing things and just try to enjoy living. I need good vibes, people. Shower me with good vibes, I just can't do ugly vibes at this point. I think I deserve a break, I finally came out of the hole kan, and it's been more than 2 years.

So, I'm trying my best to just focus on good energy.

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On Work ✦

I don't want to jinx this, but I love my new job, and I love the team and the vibes and the things that they are doing. They are just shooting good vibes from all sides and I am openly showing my vulnerable side upfront in hopes of getting more support from wherever I can. T^T Like, "Please adopt me, everyone, I need your love and support, no pressure" - I'm ready to put in the effort in growing my circle because life will always be shitty every once in a while (or all the time - depending on where you are right now), so if you could have one thing, have a good support system that can be there for you. 

I'm done doing things alone. 

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On health and moving ✦

Yes, compared to where I was in early 2024 and now. I am in much better health, mentally and physically. I can run, and I manage my stress and anxiety better, sure I run a lot, but at least I'm not spiraling anymore. The weight didn't improve, probably because I ran a lot, but whatever works lah. 

I'm good, Alhamdulillah, I'm in a much better state. I can sleep better as well (ps: magnesium spray!)

Total Distance: 244 km

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On making friends ✦

I reconnected with an old friend about a month ago and was as nervous as I would when I cared too much. We met, and we exchanged old stories, and later, we followed each other on IG. One morning, I noticed that I was blocked and unfollowed. There must be reasons for this to happen just a month later kan, I know, I know, I knooow, but I am very insecure about making connections with people because I have my "issues", so I cried macam budak kesian, this felt too much like school. I care, I care, I stupidly, insecurely care, and I can tell 1001 feel-good things to my own ears, but at the end of the day, I still care anyway. 

Then I sweated it off with a 13km session because it was just a bit too painful, how else do you healthily manage a roller-coaster emotional ride other than to sweat it off. Well, I could just simply ask, but at this age, why would we force something that isn't wanted.

This year is a very odd year where I accidentally met a lot of people that I know from my past. 

But that's ok, I'll try to make new friends (like I will make an effort again, I promise I will try next year!)

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On being vulnerable ✦

I will always try my best to be upfront with my vulnerable side, I wear it on my sleeve because we are human with flaws anyway. Some people just choose to pick the happy beautiful side to focus on and only share that on social media, I totally get it. But at the end of the day, the darker shades of emotions are still there with you in the shadow, and those, too, are YOU. I choose to bring both to the table even if they make people uncomfortable. 

You need to be humbled by life to understand that pain will always be here, and it is totally ok to accept and befriend it like a bitter friend. I'm ok with being imperfect. 

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Coming into 2025 ✦

If life could be about one thing, I want it to be about spreading love and more positive vibes to people. So, let's bring it to the table.

Let's welcome 2025 and I hope you have had a blast! .𖥔 ݁ ˖

Run : Moving (Final Quarter 2024)

I know, I missed writing too.

The hardest part about not writing here is the lack of clarity about my state of being because I usually used this channel to sit, take a breather, and focus on putting words on the page. I intended to really craft what I wanted to share, even behind all the filtered words (I usually know what I'm talking about behind what I talked about). Hah, the double meanings are intentionally there to make me remember "where I was" when I was writing it down. But since I stopped doing so for 3 months, I didn't even have the discipline to write in my own journal - because no one was there to remind me of the commitment kan. 

So, yeah. 

I took note of the moving commitment, sure, a lot of things changed since I stopped writing, but the moving commitment was still there through it all - to manage my stress, sadness, and anxiety. It kinda worked, I didn't have any incidents, and I wasn't spiraling. So, if you are going through a hard phase, please, move, pick your weapon, and go fight your shadow. 

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September:

• Walk - 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 5 km in a day ✔
• Walk - 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 10 km in a day ✔
• Walk - 16,000 steps in a day ✔
• Run - 3 km ✔
• Run - 5 km ✔
• Run - 7 km ✔
• Ride bicycle - 10km ✔
• Rope Skipping - 100x ✔
• Practice Yoga - 15 mins ✔
• Practice Yoga - 30 mins ✔
• Meditation - 10 mins ✔
• Meditation - 20 mins ✔

Accumulated steps: 192,750 steps

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October:

• Walk - 20,000 steps in a day ✔

Accumulated steps: 234,376 steps

Note: I've developed a blister on my left toe due to the crammed shoes and walking a lot more than usual. Then, I had a hard time walking because it was uncomfortably painful.

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November:

• Run - Ultron Run 12 km (running event) ✔

Accumulated steps: 214,147 steps

Note: I wanted a solid 5 k run where I just ran and did not walk. I was not aiming for a personal best; I just wanted to have fun finishing up a 12k run by the end of the month. So by the end of Nov, I did feel confident with my 5k run, and I started working full-time as well, so I didn't have much time to train extensively like I planned (I stopped running 10 days before the run).

The Ultron Run 12k, 30th Nov 2024 : My last running event was in 2017 before I had Sofi, so this event meant a lot to me. The training was done in the gym only, I didn't even have time to train outside in the wild, I just had to make do with everything that I had. Booked it in September, and trained whenever I could. The impressive thing I could do in this run was to know exactly how long I'd run, even without checking on the tracking. I told my brother that we reached our 5k and when he asked how I knew, I said to him that I knew my body well enough and that I trained for a 5k (I checked the phone afterward to prove a point and it was right). Soon after, I knew every km we reached because I could tell how long I had run through it all. It was surprising for me as well.

The special: In this run, I did not listen to any music, only focused on my breath and my run. I treated this run as a closure for the phase I was stuck in for a while, and I'm hoping that I proved myself and everyone else wrong - for having all the doubts and anxiety, in thinking that I couldn't do it, in thinking that I'm physically "weak and feeble" person, that I wasn't strong enough to get through this. I dedicated this run to the person I was 2 years ago when I opened the portal to the unknown. 

Well, I made it out baby. 

Yes, I did, and I did it alone.

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December:

It has been mostly a slow month. After the Ultron Run, I had my slow healing phase (for a week), and then I went to a group yoga and sound bath healing session the next weekend. I did not push to run right after; there was nothing I was training for, kan. Then, there was a phase when I started running again whenever I could. I do a run and a digital bike ride back to back. I struggled with managing my stress in December because of the many decisions I have had to make lately. I hate it, I hate that I am struggling. Langsung tak best. 

So I run, and I run some more sampai sore. I am so proud of myself for pushing myself forward, for all the runs, and for making efforts - every single time. I will get through the hard times, and hard times will come again for sure, and I will go through that as well. With God's will, InsyaAllah.

Will probably update the summary on the 31st Dec, kalau rajin. Kalau tak rajin, here's up until 25/12/24:

For that, I'm wrapping up the year 2024 and I see you again in 2025 🌸

Run : Moving

I lied, I said I'd reintroduce moving in my life. 

But I not only walked, I also ran and rode a bicycle, did yoga and meditation, rope skipping, and tried weight training. Anything I could do to move my body, especially when I didn't feel like it - every time I contemplate whether I should move or not, I just turn off my mind and get ready because I don't trust my brain to choose.

For self-validation, I screenshot my awards from Fitness because they are beautifully designed, and I closed so many rings this month (+ you can turn the 3D medal back and forth to see the engraved date you when achieved it) :

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In September:

• Walk - 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 5 km ✔
• Walk - 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 10 km ✔
• Walk - 16,000 steps in a day ✔
• Run - 3 km ✔
• Run - 5 km ✔
• Run - 7 km ✔
• Ride bicycle - 10km ✔
• Rope Skipping - 100x ✔
• Practice Yoga - 15 mins ✔
• Practice Yoga - 30 mins ✔
• Meditation - 10 mins ✔
• Meditation - 20 mins ✔

Accumulated steps: 192,750 steps

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Physical Body:

I used the 'fancy' weighing scale at my sister's house and found out details about my body - I am practically underweight, with only 5% fat - that's around 2kg of fat in my body (can you imagine how flat I am without fats as a woman? ok don't imagine it then). No wonder I was always cold and feeble and fragile. 

My skeletal muscle is in perfect condition, but my muscle percentage is quite low - so I need to focus on getting physically stronger because I'm done with people forcing me to eat. I'm not anorexic, I'm just a bit too mellow in the heart, it will get better one day when it is ready, but I can't force it to not feel, kan? It is just something that comes in a package. At this point, it is just an annoyance when people only ask me whether I eat. So I focus on getting stronger and fitter, the healthy weight gain will come slowly as I workout. In the past, I did gain weight when I started to actively run. 

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The gym is less than 100 steps from my house, so I have no excuse not to go, even on rainy days. Even on school holidays when I can't walk as much, I tried other methods to move. I only rested when I got my period because I was often light-headed during this phase and needed some TLC, good food, and rest. I even surprised myself by running a 5k non-stop (but on a treadmill). I didn't think I could do it, but my body seems to remember how it works. And the physical pain of running is what I crave. The body remembers. The good thing is I had no other option but to refuel for energy and recovery. I was constantly hungry, so I had to eat.

And I realized this maybe the route I had to take to heal. 

I did this before, and it worked the last time. Hopefully, it will work this time, too.

I'll take as much time as needed and build as much muscle as needed.

So, cheers to that.

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I'll move as much as God gives me the will and good health to continue.

So, let's pray for that, in abundance.

Plus, I needed a new playlist, this feels too last year. 

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That's to wrap up this year's post, and I'll be on hiatus now.

Take care and have a nice end of 2024, see you next year. 

Keep reading and stay moving.

Little Stories 301 : School Holiday and Activities by the End of Sept •ᴗ•

It was the school holiday.

I let Sofi stay with me the whole week even though daycare was still open. Sofi was sick a lot these past few months, so I wanted her to have healthy morning sessions under the sun for the whole week and more outings so she could play outside.

We were at my sister's most of the time because I worked with her the whole week, so I could still do some packing, Sofi could still entertain herself and came to help me every time she was bored, and I got a buffer so that Sofi doesn't cling to me 24/7 (she went off and kacau mamaja or unke is all the time). Between work, we did a lot of things during the school holiday. 

I packed + pre-packed around 400 parcels during the school holiday.

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School Holiday Activities:

1. We went to play at the playgrounds in Aja's house area almost every morning when it did not rain - we went to 3 different ones to try them all out. It was raining most early mornings, so we could only go out after 8 am. The best one is the one nearest to her home because I can just walk back when I need to use the toilet :p

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2. We played tanglong and fireworks during the Supermoon Lunar Eclipse - I bought tanglong at IOI while searching for Ma's birthday present. Kinda reminded me of last year's lunar eclipse celebration at Angelbell, so I wanted to give her something to play that night at the verandah. Pretty moment ♥︎

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3. We went to Sofi's first karaoke session - Aja brought us here, of course. 

We had our first official singing session together (mostly Disney's songs). She looked sooooo darn cute. She has this one-tone low voice that she uses for singing, I wonder if she is as tone-deaf as her uncle and Tokma ♡  

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4. We went to Sofi's first dentist visit - She complained about tooth pain, I know 3 of her molars had holes. I've been slowly telling her that we should have our first dental visit, and she was convinced. I promised the first visit would be only the consulting session. 

The first visit was good, the doctor knew how to talk and entertain her, although she was nervous. So, based on the consult, she needs 3 molar fillings, right now one of the molars is infected, and that caused the pain. Sofi had to be on antibiotics, and later when she finished it, she would have her first simplest molar filling to introduce the procedure. The next 2 fillings are a bit complicated because the dentist will need to do some drilling so, those would be next in line. 

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5. We went to watch The Wild Robot - The movie came out the day before, and I wanted to watch it (because the trailer was sooooooo beautiful, it's crazy). I asked Aja whether she wanted to join, and then, Is also joined us. Thank you, Af for the school holiday movie treat. 

The movie was undeniably beautiful, like those illustrated storybooks that I loved so much. A lot of moments can be screen captured and be my computer's wallpaper. They looked like paintings. 

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6. We did a quick visit to Tokpa's The Plot during MAHA - this was an impromptu visit, I was mentally not ready (did not bring a hat or water bottle or a mask, or just mentally prepared for the crowd lah). So, if you knew me, "knew me", I am someone who is often easily triggered by my surroundings. I don't go mingle in a place that I know has a lot of stimulation without being mentally prepared - or I will be overwhelmed. 

MAHA is a very hot, very crowded place. 

And it is very overwhelming - I tried my very best to play along with the impromptu visit because Aja needed to restock her stuff from The Plot. But yeah, it was ok - we managed to stay around 1 hr + and I went back home without a migraine. 

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7. Oh, and I'm watching my first Korean melodrama - Tell Me That You Love Me, because it is visually beautiful and tells a story about silent lonely people, which is always my fav topic in the world. Lagi pulak watak pakcik2 - tp versi korea pulak dah.

8. This month, I only managed to finish 2 books - The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness by Kyung-Sook Shin on my Kindle. I felt like it was such a loooong, dreary read, and also, The Vegetarian by Han Kang, it was so weird and an uncomfortable read.

School holidays felt long and short, both at the same time.

Right after it ended, I had a 12,000 steps walk in the city alone to recharge, and I bought another Yasuwari Kawabata's book as a present for myself because I packed 400 parcels last week. I bought The Sound of the Mountain, it's my third, and I just love it. I hope no one buys the copies in Kino, I got another 2 books that I need to buy from there and there is only a single copy each left :F

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Post School Holiday:

9. Sofi had her first molar fixed. It was a success, although the night before, she had a tantrum and cried all the way before her bedtime (apparently, she was scared). Later that night, I explained to her many times about the procedure that she was going to face. It was the simplest filling on the surface of her left molar. It took less than 10 minutes, no cries. 

What I did was:

• Introduce her to the place and dentist
• Choose the same dentist (esp when he/she knows how to deal with kids)
• Build up their connection (to develop trust)
• Explain to her whenever needed (so she will be mentally prepared)
• Ask the dentist to explain to her about the procedure (so she knows what to expect)
• Hold her foot and baca lah all the d'oa to give her courage (so she knows I'm there with her)

I know a lot of people are scared of dentists or any dental procedure, but what I can assure you is that, it is much much better to have early exposure to healthy dental care. So, I'm teaching Sofi early to not be afraid of meeting a dentist. Itu pun kira da lambat la, 3 molar dah berlubang.  

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10. I went to LitBooks. Not an easy place to reach - the whole 1 hr + train ride to MRT Surian and then a bus ride to Tropicana Avenue. It was Miss Chin's idea to check up on the place, and it did not disappoint. I mean, the bookshop is not big, but the book listings were good and curated. I asked the man whether they have any of Yasuwari Kawabata's collection because they are hard to find, but most of his books were sold out and yes, he confirmed that it is quite hard to restock his book. 

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11. Sofi's Sports Day was held at Footballhub@Rimbayu on the last Sept's weekend. It was a humid afternoon (it rained for a while before the event started). Sofi didn't cry this time, she was much more composed than last year. She stayed with her team, and she played well. I'm really proud of her. I know I shouldn't compare, but seeing obvious differences between a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old was an eye-opening experience. 

It gets easier; they are learning things, and in a mere one year, a lot of things could be learned and achieved. I could use this as a reminder when things are tough kan, to not see hardships as something impossible to get through, maybe what I need is time and a space to learn and grow so I can be better next time. When we were small, we had our parents to remind us that, but now we are grown-ups, we just need to remind ourselves this because there is no one else better than you, to know what you need to move forward. 

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12. We went to Petrosains KLCC on Monday, because the teachers decided to give an extra school holiday after the sports day. So, I made an impromptu plan. It has been 25 years since my last visit (when I was still in school). I don't usually do things unplanned, but with a kid, I need to relearn this to manage my anxiety better. So, just little plans - like packing snacks from home, dedicated rest and snack time, with a smaller list to achieve, and a few warnings and reminders to Sofi.

It actually went really well. She was in such a good spirit, she was enjoying the whole 2 hours experience, and even when she had to take a long train ride and walk a lot, and have a late lunch, she was still chatty and excited to the end. No ngada2 - I warned her if she ngada2, there won't be any outings like this, hahah. So we had such a lovely time together. Jalan more than 5km, takda angkat2 ok. 

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Ok that's it for end of September post •ᴗ• 

Little Stories 300 : Home-Made Nasi Lemak Luncheon

Nasi Lemak at Makcik Aja's

Last weekend, our "extra" cooking session was held at Aja's house. The theme is kampung-style, and our main food is nasi lemak. I was there to help Aja (tiny helps because I was also packing at the same time). I just suggested that we have home-made nasi lemak for lunch that weekend, and the little plan turned into an extra fun eating session - like I said before, kalau tak extra, tak sah. When I checked back on last year's posting, we also did something like this in the exactly same month - read here. 

The extra parts are :

• the table deco (ma bawak kain batik from Nilai)
• ma wore baju kurung (to fit the theme, lololol)
• ma tried her best to find local fruits (nanas, manggis, buah mata kucing)
• siap beli daun pisang to alas our foods
• siap pasang lagu2 traditional on the background while we eat

But it was a fun little family gathering, nice food, nice chat, nice time spent together - with us, the original clan. The dessert was pengat pisang and cream puffs (Ra bought them). I even ate lactase to enjoy the cream puffs (this is a reminder to restock my lactase pills).

What I didn't tell them is that I started all these after I watched The Bear, hah hah. I started to appreciate the eating experience, my aim was to rewire the eating experience with something nicer for me so that I could enjoy eating. Because I've been having a hard time eating for several years - that every time I eat, I feel awful and bloated. Maybe due to stress and anxiety. So I don't really eat or enjoy eating, because my brain seems to associate food with feeling sick - then I lost a lot of weight lah. I want to change that.

So, I'm a social eater, I eat when I'm with people. 

I try my best to put in a good effort and enjoy the cooking process with them, then I eat slowly. I still can't eat as much as everyone else without feeling a bit uncomfortable but I think it is working - I am enjoying these little home-cooking sessions, I think I should let Sofi help us too so she can improve her eating habit as well (I think she is as fussy-eater as me, this might be good for both of us).

Anyway, I hope you can enjoy our little home-cooked sessions and my beaaaaautiful colourful food posts because I'm always so excited to compile my own pictures from these experiences. Hah hah. 

Happy eating.

Little Stories 299 : Glasshopper, Physically Moving & my Secret Hideout

Beautiful Breakfast - Outing Edition

That morning, we rented and rode bicycles in Putrajaya for almost an hour (10km). Then Aja brought me to Glasshopper in Putrajaya and treated me to a beautiful breakfast. Renting a bicycle near Taman Seri Empangan is much cheaper (RM 10), but the bicycles are old and not in good condition - need to choose wisely.

Look at my colorful fancy breakfast (walaupun both of us masam2 macam kain buruk) :

I'm part-timing with my sister for the time being.  

I think it is an excuse for her to make me stay over at her house, always :F

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Slowly Moving 

I started moving again. I promised myself that after I recovered from vertigo and the viral cough, I would use up my body well to move and try not to forget what it felt like to be sick. 2 long months felt like an eternity, but I fully recovered. So I started exercising again. 

• I aimed to do at least 5,000 steps daily
• When I reached 5,000 steps, I tried to reach 10,000 steps
• When I reached 10,000 steps, I tried to reach 10 k distance

At this moment, I only walk because I'm reintroducing moving again to myself, and my aim is not to lose more weight. If I started running, I might shed more weight. I'm really skinny right now, so if I could gain more muscle and healthy fats instead, that would be good. Also, Sofi was off-school for a week (school holiday), so I couldn't walk daily and had to improvise.

In September:

• Walk 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk 5 km ✔
• Walk 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk 10 km ✔
• Run 3 km ✔
• Ride bicycle 10km ✔
• Practice Yoga for 15 mins ✔
• Meditation 20 mins ✔

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I changed my mind.

I don't want to openly tell people that I'm writing again. I would rather have my peace and quiet here, only with you, my tiny people. This is my secret hideout - if you know, you know. 

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I think giving assurance is a rare skill. 

I didn't know I needed them until I had several falls in the past few years. And when life is so tough kan, so terribly cursed, so darn miserable, we don't usually have anything on us left, all stripped bare and naked on the floor, drained to the core, and at that moment, sometimes you only want words of assurance. Not a promise, not a sympathy, not a full package of support & time commitment, just assurance. Just so you can stay a little bit longer, persevere.  

To continue striving to survive the difficult phase. 

Have something to believe in. Sprinkle some hope. Turn on the string light along the dark tunnel. 

After all, it's free.

All you need is empathy and your words.  

Little Stories 298 : MOSS Fest 2024

Read last year's event post here - Moss Fest 2023

I got another invite from Mossery and despite fighting with a deep urge to hide in my cave - forever, I accepted the invite. The night before I woke up at 3.30 am and had been having a bad morning to start the day. But, the best day to go out is when you don't feel like going out.

This time, they had the event at their HQ in PJ.

It was quite far, not that accessible by public transport.

The train ride there took around 1 hour, plus another additional 1/2 hour on Grab. 

I arrived, registered, picked up my free goody bag, took videos and pictures for the content, submitted my free customized Mossery cover, ordered the free Yuzu Matcha at the stall, waited awkwardly, looked at the rejected notebook booth, waited some more until my book cover was ready. It took a while, I was hungry by the time I finished my task of the day.

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Then I took the Grab again and stopped to find something to eat for lunch. 

I had ramen at Sushi Jiro - but unfortunately, it was bad. I haven't eaten any spicy things for the past 2 months since I had the epic viral cough, and this was my first celebratory spicy ramen, and it was bad. I didn't even finish it and I was disappointed :F Kesian.

Anyway, afterward, I went to bookstores to see whether the latest Sally Rooney / Haruki Murakami / Elif Shafak are now available locally. Exciting year kan, a lot of releases from my fav authors (that I personally collect). 

I completed my 10k steps walk.

Tiny win ♥︎

Little Stories 297 : Another Garden Breakfast, More on Slow Reading September and Books

 

Repeat Breakfast in the Garden:

I was back at Ma's again when Sofi was off school due to the allergy episode that lasted 5 days (which might be scabies because the doctor prescribed her scabies medication, and all went well after the 12-hour treatment). Last Sunday, my sister was back, so Ma wanted to repeat the breakfast in the garden thing we did the previous weekend. But this time, she went ahead of me and prepared the table beforehand so that she could use the purple tablecloths. Hah, tanak kalah. 

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September Slow Reading Session:

• Must I Go by Yiyun Li
• The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness by Shin Kyoong-Sook

What did I learn from the 5 books I read last month?

• I love Elena Ferrante for her honest writing, she can be considered a female Dostoyevsky - sure, she touches upon topics of womanhood, parenting, relationships, all the touchy-feely stuff. But she wrote them bluntly, unforgivingly, like she really meant them. I will read all of her books. 
• Banana Yoshimoto and Yoko Ogawa's books were a bit too plain for my taste. But I have several more of their books to try. 
• Yasunari Kawabata is my new fav as well, I would probably collect his Penguin edition books. Short novella, classic, beautiful writing, sudden ending, sure, why not. From his writing, I know that Yasunari Kawabata was an emotional being, very observant, and very sensitive, he wrote about the surroundings delicately. He created some sort of slow vibe to match the story. He killed himself in his 70s, among other famous Japanese writers; Yukio Mishima, Ryunosuke Akutagawa, and Osamu Dazai.

I learned that writers tend to have internal chaos in their psyche and I love it when it shows. 

I mean, I'm reading Yiyun Li and Shin Kyoong-Sook's books now, and boy, the emotions uproared in their character's silent demeanor. 

Imagine if I chose not to ride my drama, I would probably only write something bland - all the time. But the thing is, I practice writing in every spectrum of emotions - except anger (I don't write when I'm angry; I write after I have done a full, thorough reflection). Sad - write, anxious - write, happy - write, excited - write, confused - write, thinking - write, bored - write, lonely - write. It is good practice. 

If I want to read something zen, I wouldn't choose fiction, I would read the Qur'an (I do, I read it daily now). 

Kan I told you, fiction makes me feel connected with others, reminding me that I'm not the only one dealing with all the drama. That the chaos whispering in my thoughts is normal - because I am a complex human being. I contain multitudes. 

And this energy, if used in the right way, can produce good fiction :F Kalau tak, why on earth do people say Dostoevsky is one of the best writers of the 19th century? He was a very dramatic writer - ada baca White Nights? Ya ampun drama, that was in the span of 5 days kot. Yes, the same for all his other books; Notes from Underground, or the Double, or The Dream of a Ridiculous Man, etc. 

Oh yes, I also reached my 37 books goal this month (3 months ahead):

Recommended Books:

• Beauty and Sadness by Yasunari Kawabata
• The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante
• Elastic by Leonard Mlodinow
• Greek Lessons by Han Kang
• Invisible by Paul Auster
• Please Look After Mom by Kyung Sook Shin
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• 10 Minutes 38 Seconds in this Strange World by Elif Shafak
• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante

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Perpustakaan Negara:

I also went to Perpustakaan Negara with Af for the first time in a really long time (not knowing that they are currently doing the whole renovation, so they temporarily moved to the next building for the unforeseeable future). Af said I didn't mention him enough in the blog, well, he got a week gap this week, and so he accompanied me to the library (because I never tried going there myself), I even completed a 10 km walk that day. Thank you.

The building is very old, and all the staff were very helpful and friendly, but the books are also quite old, and unfortunately, there was no English fiction and hardly even English non-fiction. Mostly everything is in Malay or translated to Malay. I know, I'm biased. The food in the cafeteria is nice though. 

To get there on MRT: MRT Raja Uda (head to IJN) - around 15-minute walk

I decided that the only library I love at this moment is Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur (they just need a great donor for more latest and classic books). 

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Sunset :

How strange / When life unfolds this way / In the driftless zone / Sky's are prone to stay off-gray / Clouds are omens too / Fading at the rate / Most pleasant memories do / This is a lost taste ♪

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Outing with Mi: I know my siblings have been trying to "be there" for me lately - that explains the random outings and treats and messages, a lot of them (like they personally text me to ask how I'm doing :F And I have to reply or they would be worried). It felt a bit weird, but I accepted any help I could get, maybe this would be good for me kan. 

So Mi took me out for lunch, a feet massage session, and dessert at Chloe that Saturday.

The ramen was really good ♥︎

BUT, on Sunday, I had the worst food poisoning (self-diagnosed). I don't know what happened, just that I had a stomach ache the whole 2 days later, persistent diarrhea for 12 hours - nothing worked (twice charcoal, once Chi Kit Teak Aun, ginger tea), I was feeling feverish, I laid on my bed the whole day feeling sick and in pain, can't eat anything solid for the whole day. Later that night, after he bought me a medication from a pharmacy, then it finally stopped.

Then, the next morning, I was okay. 

Only crampy, not crappy.

Epic.

Note: The next day, I went to the gym to walk because it felt terrible to be reminded of sickness again - after being sick for 2 months. The viral cough, the sinusitis, the vertigo, then stomach flu? Like I said, epic. At this point, even though I hide from everything and tried to lay as low as possible, dramas keep on stalking me any where I go.