My dream

Last night, I dreamt the whole town turned into vampires. A lot of them.
They were monstrous, evil, with red eyes, and they ran so fast. Yes, they ran, not flew.
And they were so strong.

We were terrified because one by one, the whole town was turning into vampires.
We were the only humans left, so they tracked us down.
But we ran, my whole family, using a caravan.
How weird is that?

Using this old caravan, we stopped at a great wooden gate leading to another old city.
The guard let us in. He stayed in an old wooden guardhouse, hidden from the light.
And I saw those evil red eyes from the guard.
He was a vampire too!

We walked along the road, under the sun. All the houses were creepily quiet.
From the windows, we could see eyes, watching us hungrily.

And then I woke up!!!
It was creepy. I can remember the part where the guard watched us hungrily very clearly!!

Who am I kidding.

Latest book.

Okay. Don’t wanna talk about programming. I’ve been obsessing over it.

Ahaha... so, the latest book I’ve read is Massive by Julia Bell.
The cover of the book caught my attention, so I bought it for Azura, my younger sister.
It’s a simple book, I only took one day to finish reading it.

The story was a bit disturbing. It’s about someone with bulimia who’s obsessed with her weight,
because her mother is obsessed with their weight too.
Okay, the real problem was the mother. In the end, she almost died from dieting,
and was taken to a mental hospital.

I’d give it 1.5/5 stars because it’s too... simple. =p

Feel bad.

You know what makes me feel bad?
Low self-esteem.

When my two geniuses divide their jobs for the PHP programming work,
and I’m just decorating with simple HTML, CSS, and JavaScript.

I’m not taking things for granted.
I’m having a hard time trying to learn all this.
I AM!!

Every day, I do the exercises, I build my own database and stuff...
But I’m too slow compared to them.
And my heart is really aching because the tension is building up.
That feeling, trying too hard to work harder and harder...
The mix of shame and rendah diri... aii...

I’m trying.
I know I am...

Finale. finale.

Final exam is coming...
Assignments and project deadlines...

The project I’m having a hard time catching up with (considering it’s PHP and MySQL).
Islamic Malaysian Studies book to read... and all the related newspaper issues...
C Programming, with so many exercises to re-do...
Web Programming, with the BIG PHP and all those boring codes.

ITheory... ahah~! This one, I got 31/50 for my carry mark.
Consequence of fooling around before midterm. Padan muka.

No more kayaking. Finished the syllabus.
I’m bored of being exhausted.

My mind says I should do this and that...
But my body says I need rest.

People I met when I was in British Council

1. Shane, the Chinese guy. He’s local. Loves to snap photos, and talks with a serious expression—even when he’s joking.
2. Fauzi—he’s also local, from Sabah. Talked with me when our class was ending.
3. Ali from Lebanon. A tall Arab guy. Jokes around.
4. Twey from Myanmar. She owns a restaurant near Kota Raya. Got two children.
5. Farah from Indonesia. Her outfits are cool. Ahah. She loves adventure—rafting, hiking, speeding. Name it. Ayy.
6. Ammar from Yemen. He’s nice.
7. Stephanie—local Chinese girl. Annoying brat who thinks she’s so superior.
8. Karyn—also local Chinese girl, sits next to Stephanie. She’s nice. Works at Isetan, KLCC.
9. Kana from Japan. She’s kind of a more sophisticated Japanese woman… and she also smokes. Not very friendly though. 28 years old. Going to Australia to continue studying. Has been to lots of places, and done bungee jumping several times. Cool.
10. Asyraf, a guy from Yemen. Laughs loudly—takes attention a bit. But he’s nice, and jokes around a lot.
11. Abdul Aziz, 19 years old, also from Yemen. He’s nice. Talked with me, smiles a lot. Nice.
12. Alexandro, a guy from Italy. I love his accent when he talks, you know… funny. He has a girlfriend—Monica and I saw them holding hands outside the KLCC building just now. He’s nice. I think he’s the oldest in the class.
13. Ahmad, a local guy. Also nice. He said he’s 24. Talks to me a lot, and always smiles when we meet.
14. Jeon from Korea. 20 years old. Came to Malaysia five years ago to study English at an international school, and now studies Multimedia at LimKokWing. Got his diploma, and will be going to Australia for his degree. Cool. He always makes fun of everything and says “really?” in a funny way.
15. Monica from Indonesia. Sits next to me. She’s 20. Got a diploma in IT. Just came here about a month ago with her parents. Her dad works at the embassy. Went to a lot of places too. Cool. She's now studying in UM.
16. Li Li from China. Studying at HELP Institute. I dunno which course.
17. 
    

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So, that was my class. It was a fun class—the environment was good. Close to all kinds of information, and I got the chance to know a lot of people from other countries too.

At this moment, I’ve already met four teachers:

• Mrs. Heather, from Canada. Early 30s. Probably the nicest among all the teachers. Funny, a little like Teacher Sherry from SI.

• Mr. Ben, 28 years old, from Britain. He hates tea. Speaks with a British accent. Interesting. He told me “good luck” for my job interview.

• Mujahida, from the U.S. Converted to Islam 25 years ago. She’s nice. Quite old, very experienced.

• Terri, from New York. Looks African. Also Muslim. So tall and skinny. God, I love her accent. So good.

How to reach my dream?

My dream since I was small is to be a traveler, to take pictures of many great places and experiencing different cultures. To be on the Eiffel Tower, to see the big cathedrals in France, to visit Turki and Romania, the ancient city with beautiful gothic buildings, morning market in Indonesia, busy road of Japan, tall wall of China, wide greenery in New Zealand.

Not to be attached with the work in the office and meet clients and projects and due date.

Just to be a freelance photographer or a journalist. 

Learn new things, languages, cultures, foods, see friendly faces, make lots of frens..

But I feel like my whole future already been written off and tied up on my feet,.

After I finish my degree year, I'll have a debt about RM 40k, with no job or money to pay and I need to work for a lot of years to finish it off.. and at the same time, thinking about having a family and settle down. Then children on the way, more responsibilities.. until the day that I die..

I'm not sure if I want that.. not to enjoy go to places and reach my dreams.

I can't imagine, having to bury my dreams because of that.. call me selfish, call me ignorant..

Of course I want a good happy family and good income..

but not yet.. wait, I need to achieve my dreams first..

aaaaaaaahh.. what to do?

A month of rest from writing.

At last, after my semester break = at home, working with my mom.
I was busy and hardly got time to online,
aaaaaaahhh~!!

Kenangan.

Kita mungkin mampu pandang belakang
dan teringat balik semua kenangan silam
belajar dari kesilapan
berjanji takkan terjatuh semula ..
Tapi kadang-kadang,
apa yang kita ingat kita mampu lari
dan lupakan tu,
akan datang balik,
tarik kita sekali lagi,
untuk turut jatuh bersama, kembali..

Siapa kata kita kuat?
Siapa kata kita lemah?
Semuanya dalam diri sendiri.
Yang dikejar tu kita.
Yang mengejar tu juga kita.
Tanya diri sendiri, sampai bila?

Kami.

I watched all seven episodes of Kami, a new project by Red Films. I visited their homepage, it's interesting and unique. What makes them different from other production companies is, of course, their creativity and uniqueness. They stand out from the typical Malay series I’ve seen on TV, not like Sembilu or Gerak Khas.

These are more like Gol & Gincu or Impian Illyana, beautiful design, colourful graphics, things like that. Nice storyline. Not too much drama-for-the-sake-of-drama, but showing real-life issues. I mean Kami, not the other series.

Even though it’s probably more reflective of life in KL rather than other parts of Malaysia. KL lifestyle. Because, obviously, I know I’m not like that. My school isn’t like that. My friends aren’t like that… heh.

So basically, the series is about friends, life, and music interests, people struggling to keep on living. No matter what they’ve been through in the past, they try to forget it and live a new life.

I’m not going to judge anything just from watching this series. Just because they speak in KL slang, go to gigs, show scenes with drugs and other stuff like that. That’s life. I know there will be reviews in the newspapers later, saying we shouldn't make stories like this because it sets a bad example, drugs, social life, stealing, etc.

Malaysians really love to complain, I’m aware of that. But I think we should see it from a different perspective, what they’re actually trying to show us. Every “bad” act shown in the story eventually leads to a consequence. If you notice. There’s a moral value in that.

So before judging, I think we should really think deeply. Not just main-lepas-cakap. Please, think. Don’t just complain.

Like the issues with Yasmin Ahmad’s films. Her movies always get so many critiques. We’re so quick to see the negative parts, but too blind to notice what she’s actually trying to show us.

So please, think before you judge things.

A dream..

Last week, I finally owned a DSLR, using my money, plus my mom’s money and my siblings’ sponsorship. I was excited. I read the whole manual. I read reviews from users all around the world (I mean, online), and started learning the techniques.

This is my first time holding a DSLR, so of course I’m excited. I bought the Nikon DSLR D40, which cost around RM2k. I know the D40 isn’t a really great camera, but I guess it’s good for a beginner like me. A new learner. A student. Who needs to pay apartment rent every month and is literally dieting to save money for a dream.

Basically, it isn’t that bad. I’ll do a lot of experiments later and become a professional photographer, even though I don’t have a degree in this. I’m learning it by myself. This should be exciting.