Year-end Wrap Up
My ultimate stressful project is finally happening next week. I’ve finished almost all the designs, especially the printed materials, after all the chaos of preparation and planning. These two wild months passed like an epic rainstorm and somehow I survived. Lots of tears, zero sweat (I had no energy to run), no caffeine (GERD said “hi” the moment stress peaked), and way too much ranting to the poor souls who had to listen. I don’t even know how many times I said, “I want to quit and move somewhere rural.”
But hey, I made it. (Not yet, but almost)
And right after I hit “send” on those files, I applied my long leave. I wasn’t even sure I’d dare to, but I clicked it anyway.
I’m going to shut off from all the work stress and recalibrate.
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Padang & Bukittinggi Trip
I still can’t believe that two weeks ago I was in Indonesia.
I didn’t even have time to process it in the middle of all the project chaos. But surprise, surprise; the trip was actually okay. Everyone behaved, everyone tried. We were all relieved it went well. But mother nature was not in the mood. It rained heavily even before we arrived. We had gloomy hours, then drizzle, then heavy rain again, repeat on loop. We went through episodes of landslides, floods, broken branches everywhere. Our driver was a legend, always finding safe detours and getting us from point to point without fail.
The trip was honestly scary and a little dangerous (I hated that I was bringing Sofi into something like that), so I stayed tense until the very last day. But our tour guide? He was calm as a monk with a mic. He talked non-stop; stories, history, culture, geography, food, religion, language. He sang, joked, kept us entertained for hours, even in the rain and pitch darkness on those wet, hilly roads. He distracted us; never once mentioned his own worries. He just did his job incredibly well.
Despite the really bad weather and temperature below I could handle, we came home in one piece.
And that family trip, was an eye-opening experience. My dad asked us what did we learned on this trip. I learned that when someone wants to make an effort, they will. Full stop. Being accountable for your behaviour is something you learn, not something you dodge by saying, “I can’t change, this is just who I am,” and wearing it like a badge.
Because, to be real, every single day of my life is a deliberate choice to be a better person than the version I’d be if I stopped trying. I’m not perfect, I’m just someone who tries to show up, adjusts, reflects, apologises, and tries again. Accountability isn’t a personality trait. It’s a practice. Do you seriously think I’d still have any trust in humanity if I didn’t rein in my own thoughts?
I was still the party-pooper.
But I'm glad, we all had a decent time.
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Machine vs Human
We had a conversation at the office about how I mostly work with machines and honestly, I prefer it that way. We were talking about dealing with different types of humans, based on their nature of work, and I realized how thankful I am that I don’t have to interact with clients directly anymore.
And then I started noticing a pattern in how I’ve been shaped; how the little sequences of my childhood were imprinted on me and now feel woven into my personality. I love machines, and I prefer avoiding human drama. I think it comes from growing up with parents who had very distinct personalities; I learned early on to avoid conflict and unnecessary interactions. I preferred burying my face in books, shutting the world out with earphones everywhere I could.
This isn’t to justify my anti-social tendencies, because I do make an effort to carve out space for human interaction from time to time. That’s also why it’s rare for me to genuinely like anyone. And when I do, I’m often surprised by the very human nature that can emerge - even from someone like me. My sister has been asking me to try to meet new people, but ugh, the idea.
Machines don’t ask for much.
Humans do, and we are awfully reckless creatures.
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