Little Stories 296 : Random Over-sharing Session

On Secretly Existing:

I'm having an internal argument about whether to let people know about the re-existence of this blog (since last year, I was quite actively writing) or let people who know, know, and there's that. I've gone off the radar among my friends for a while now, and they might know my little secret hideout if I let people know that I'm back on the blogosphere. I don't think they care now, but they might come to prove a point - that I'm a lousy friend. Which isn't a shocker, I have a habit of muting the world and creeping into my cave to hibernate for years at a time. It's my unhealthy coping mechanism.

It's easy to let strangers read your writing, but friends that you've stopped texting? Hm. But then again, it is so good to see people commenting kan. Perhaps, a taste of validation or some sort of communication when my social life is as dry as my jokes. Ada I tried making friends with these local bookish Instagrammers and artsy people on the internet, I personally DM-ed them and tried to have a conversation and exchange books, but I was ghosted several times. Hah hah hah. I can't deal with that many friendship rejections, my heart is as fragile as cheap washi papers. 

So, I have been secretly existing here for the past 17 years and perhaps, oversharing at times.

Talk about a capricorn being ambitiously consistent and here's the proof. 

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On Trying to do Something Other Than Reading:

I'm slowly streaming series, cleaning up as I go. I watched the series that I had started, but I didn't finish before. I'm too lazy to watch anything, most of the time, I rather read. But, I needed another alternate home activity. Here's the series:

• Peaky Blinders - worth your time
• Acolyte - untuk cuci mata
• Good Girls - fun first 2 seasons
• The Bear - worth your time, recommended
• Mad Man - just started, no comment yet

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Books in August: I read a lot of Asian Literature this month, so straightforward, so direct, so blunt, am I missing something? Is this due to the translation and writing style or is it a cultural thing?  

• How Do You Live? by Genzaburo Yoshino
• The Lost Daughter by Elena Ferrante
• Snow Country by Yasunari Kawabata
• The Premonition by Banana Yoshimoto
• The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yoko Ogawa

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I think the most beautiful thing about being human is our ability to feel. 

On one side, I feel the most vulnerable, on the other, I feel like I'm standing in front of a door that can lead to the universe.

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Please Universe Show Me A Sign:

In one week alone, Sofi had cough, then fever, then watery nose, on top of that, yesterday she started having rashes like a skin allergic reaction after school, we had a dramatic night and it got worse in the morning when little bumps spread the whole body turning into small maps. We had to bring her to the clinic to get it checked, the doctor can only prescribe calamine and cold medication (that works like anti-histamine to reduce the allergic reaction, no jabs because she is a bit too young). 

She wailed the whole way; "I kenot tahan, I kenot tahan mami please help me", I felt like I died a little. 

But after putting calamine on her whole body, and giving her the medication, she started to get better and chatty again. Then she fell asleep because the medication was making her sleepy, and then I could breathe again. Then I make breakfast for myself, hang all the clothes from the washing machine (because perhaps there's something that bit her), submit a work task, and reply to work emails. 

She's off from school again, so please, universe, let me know, how to become a full-time mother and still work full-time in an office. Ma said that this isn't a unique problem; everyone with kids faces this, I need to figure out the work arrangement and still be a mother - situation. I've been a full-time freelancer for quite a while, and it is hard to imagine being full-time in the office again. 

I'm having anxiety just thinking about this.

ربي يسر ولا تعسر ,ربي تمم بالخير

Being depressed is not even an option:

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Last night I finished The Housekeeper and the Professor, it was draggy because it talked too much about mathematics and numbers and formulas and baseball. I finished it, feeling like I just had a crash course before taking an exam.