Tiny Thoughts : Tiny Dot

If you feel insecure about people reading your blog,
might as well make it a private blog or 'by invitation only',
after all, you write to share with the world.

What's there to lose?

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I'm back healthy, woohoo! 

Doodle : Inside a Hoarder's Drawer

I promised myself to recover by tomorrow so that I can go to work. I can't pretend that I'm enjoying too much time at home, nothing is fun when your body movements are limited. Plus it's summer, I'm sweating all the time at home.

Here I compiled another old illustration of mine, when I was too rajin to draw every single things in my drawer. I've had this since 2 years ago. Haaaha. I didn't realized I was such a hoarder until I draw them all out, 3 USB wires, old pens, pins, stones, random nails and lockets?

I posted the full version in my behance, click here.

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Doodle : AF

I'm still stuck at home.

So I tried to digitize one of AF's doodle of himself. Even for this simple stroke took 3 times resting after every several minutes because my neck is not fully healed yet. My shoulders are still in pain. I'm bored.

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Little Stories 88 : Muscle Strain & Stiff Neck 3

Fourth day,

all I can think about is the pain.

I can't even focus on the movie I've been watching or the book I've been reading. I can't do anything much even though I'm taking painkillers to ease the pain. I'm bored and I don't know how to not do anything. 

I finally went to see a doctor and he said all things that I already knew with his bored look. He gave me 2 types of painkillers, medication to relax my muscles and 1 day MC. It was 5 minutes with RM40 fees.  

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Challenge 1 : Distract the mind from the pain

Challenge 2 : Focus on doing something while relaxing

Challenge 3 : Keep calm and take a rest

Little Stories 87 : Muscle Strain & Stiff Neck 2

The pain was unbearable yesterday so I only worked for half day. I told my boss that I can't focus on my work because it was too painful and I can't even lift my hands to put them on the desk. So how else should I work without using the computer? She asked me to stay at home and rest until I recover.

An hour later, it became worse and I had to take a painkiller pill prescribed by the doctor. It was like a heavy pressure collected behind my right head and neck from upper most behind my eyes to my right shoulder. Every moves was painful.

The painkiller kicked in after 2 hours when I was at home =.=

And because I was in-denial thinking that I recovered from those muscle strains, I continued my day with cleaning up my cupboard. Half an hour later I was feeling light-headed and the pressure on my upper body was quite tense, indicating that my body was actually in a lot of pain but my mind doesn't feel like it - all because of the painkiller. 

I guess that's why some people are addicted to certain medications.

It makes us feel good. 

I took a nap and when I woke up,

the pain was back.

Padan muka. 

PS : The neck brace is an ugly looking thick foam in nude colour. 

I wish they design it better. My colleague called me : C-3PO. Ha-ha.

Little Stories 86 : Muscle Strain & Stiff Neck

I'm having a stiff neck since yesterday. Muscles alongside of my neckline, shoulder and almost all my upper body are affected. It didn't stop me from having a usual day yesterday with minimal limited movement but today, at 3.30am I woke up. The pain was unbearable, I was stuck in one position : laying on my back with a low pillow. I guess I reached my critical moment, I knew it was quite bad. I texted Aja and asked whether she was awake and got no reply.

For 15 minutes I tried to lift my body in sitting position and I failed. My hands were locked in limited movement and you can try yourself : trying to lift your body without bending anything is almost impossible. So I put both my legs down next to the bed, when my upper body was lifted tiny bit, I put fluffy pillow slowly on my back and try to support my neck with my hands. Then I crawled my body down until I got into a sitting position. That took another 10 minutes and I was sweating. I was feeling a bit like drugged Leonardo in Wolf of the Wall Street, when he was crawling back to his car *if you know what I mean :

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Those were some glimpse of what body paralysis can do and it wasn't even half bad. Imagine if your full body is paralyze and it will no longer response to your need. Hm.

Well later I managed to go to Aja's room and asked for a neck brace. She gave me some massage with minyak gamat to relax those muscles and reduce bloating, even though a doctor once told me to not touch it and let it subsides. I drank my own honey and ginger with hot green tea. Now I'm stuck in this stiff sitting position with limited movement and all I can do is blogging. 

PS : I'll definitely watch The Theory of Everything later to imagine what it feels like to be Stephen Hawking. And right now I need to take a shower before going to work, it's already 8.00am. 

Plant Project : At the Office

I put my 2 pet plants on my table at the office : Pothos and Philodendron. Among the easiest breeds to grow for indoor planting, the one you can find in the public toilet's little vases. I put it right next to me so they will always be in my reach.

I turn the glass pot every few hours because those Pothos tend to follow the sunlight quite fast and I don't like how they stretch almost unnaturally for the light.

I love the soft skin of new baby leaves and its fresh light green colour that look so innocent especially philodendron's. How the leaf curls and slowly opens up to the world.

I planted one unknown seed in the Pothos' vase. I took it from my colleague last week. My colleague was about to drink her healthy-seed-drink that was given by her mother. We both didn't know what kind of seed it is. It grew within 3 days, it is almost 3 inches by this time I'm writing this. I'm excited to find out what kind of seedling it is and I'll find a new pot for it tomorrow.

I also secretly trimmed and watered my boss's dying plant at the verandah. It was all brown, too dried up. I cut all the dried leaves and dying parts so it won't go too far. My boss found out about it and she thanked me - *she actually asked people around about the mystery person who trimmed her plant. Kantoi.

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Book : Books I read in the 1st quarter - 2015

It's quarter of a year!

Here's a list of books that I've read for now :

1. Pinball, 1973 by Haruki Murakami
2. After Dark by Haruki Murakami
3. The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris
4. Damn Good Advice by George Lois
5. Rework by Basecamp
6. South of the Border, West of the Sun by Haruki Murakami
7. Displacement, Travelogue by Lucy Knisley
8. Underground by Haruki Murakami
9. Red Dragon by Thomas Harris
10. The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk
11. Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World by Haruki Murakami
12. Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult
13. I'll be Seeing You by Mary-Higgin Clarks
14. The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami

My personal favorite are : 

• Underground, a non-fiction writing by Haruki Murakami. I wrote about it in this post.
• The Museum of Innocence, a fiction about love obsession by Orhan Pamuk. I post it here.
• Leaving Time by Jodi Picoult. 

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For now, I only read 3 non-fictions. When writing a paper for a Coursera's assignment, I realized that I was having a hard time writing an actual formal academic writing. I had to answer in my own usual writing style. While doing peer assessment, I also realized that I was having a hard time understanding other students' essay. I'm not sure whether it was because of the jargons/bombastic words or my incapability to understand academic writing or because they didn't even understand what they were trying to explain : in other word, the-longer-essay-the-better. 

In this case, I tried to relate to the real life. If academic writings are written in such way that is hard for normal people to understand, then what's the point? How can people like me, learn stuffs from their findings without feeling intimidated by so many new terms and big words? 

But as Neil Gaiman said; to be the next Tolkien, don't read big Tolkienesque fantasies, he didn't read big Tolkieneque fantasies, he read books on Finnish philosophy. Go and read outside your comfort zone, go and learn stuffs.

So, I'm challenging myself to read more non-fictions and academic writings this year. 

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I bought almost all Murakami's books and I downloaded several copies of his books (Pinball 1973, After Dark & After the Quake) because those books are too expensive and way too short for the price - less than 400 pages. How can 800 pages and 200+ pages cost the same? It doesn't make any sense at all. I can read that in a one way commute =.= 

I feel bad but I still don't want to buy it so I downloaded it from my friend. In a way, it is an illegal softcopy with several spelling errors and annoying format. Didn't read it full-heartedly because it was all crushed in a small screen of my old iPhone instead of an actual physical book. I promised myself to buy Murakami a coffee and lunch if I ever meet him, as a treat - because I didn't pay for those books :F

Current read : After the Quake and Hannibal

Little House : Studio Apartment

It's another one-month+ before the wedding, I'm back at my hometown for good. I had an interesting life renting a studio apartment alone before actually committing to a life with an officially declared partner. Mihmihmih. 

Now, is anyone searching for a small studio apartment ?

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Description :

The apartment is located right next to the LRT - Ampang line. 

Around 100 steps to the train station. Very easy to commute to work/class daily.

It is on the fourth floor, so you'll be exercising everyday.

1 bedroom + 1 living room + 1 toilet + 1 kitchen + 1 small verandah 

Door and windows fully grilled, double lock on the main door

Security on the main gate and every 2 blocks 

Bunk-bed + stand fan available 

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The apartment is unfurnished :

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Things I like about the house :

The house is well-lighted naturally, it got more than 10 windows. *great place for product photography project.

The privacy and nice environment.

Near public transportation.
There is something melancholic about hearing the train early in the morning. But I loved it.

It got a really nice view of the city. *You can see clear fireworks view at KLCC on the New Year :

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Money related :

The renting price is RM 1100

Deposit = 2 + 1 + utility RM 100

Access Card = RM 20 *if needed - 1 covered parking

The owner prefers :

Small family or single/partner friends and students

Long term, minimum 1 year contract

Malay Muslim *sorry for the mention guys - this is what requested by the owner

If interested, please contact me via azreen_31@hotmail.com or leave a comment down below.

Previous posts on the little apartment : See here
and while I was here :

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Little Things 183 : Understanding Certain Things

One of the student asked Mahzarin Banaji on "What are the benefits when we know and understand certain things?", in this case we were learning about social psychology. 

I once told my friend about how interested I am in psychology and philosophy because well - I am forever interested in human kind. He told me about how meaningless it is to understand how the human works and how useless it is to put us in categories - it is like putting us in a cage of limitation. He also told me about the Westerner's tendency to put a 'label' on every single thing in this world. I was half-heartedly offended, that's why I remember it until now. But in order to understand ourselves, find things that annoy or disturb our circle, we'll learn more about ourselves that way. 

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So this was how Mahzarin Banaji answered the question :

You'll know how to deal with it better. Like in medicine, there were times when people don't know how the body or brain works, like for an example, they assumed people are making decision using their stomach when they are hungry, instead of their brain telling them that they are hungry and decide to eat something.  But those were the time when we didn't learned those findings yet.  

When people learn stuffs, like how the brain works, they will understand better and learn more useful things better. 

It is never a waste of time to learn things.

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Social psychology is useful when we are living in a community like in a working space, in business or in a family eg: understanding your spouse or teaching your children the essential stuffs and understanding how they learn things. 

Things like autism, dyslexia, introversion, anorexia are unseen stuffs. Things like how we grow up in a society, how we learn, how we communicate, how we interpret information, handling racism and why we break social rules, are also unseen stuffs. If we are traumatized by something and we don't learn to understand, we don't learn to heal, how would we possibly heal from it? If we feel super-uncomfortable when working in open space and we don't know any better, how would we deal with it? How to make our working life productive and meaningful? 

Hm hm hm. 

Little Things 182 : Wabi-sabi and the Idea Exploration of Its Meaning

I like the idea of Wabi-sabi, the art of imperfection, that I read from Rework. 

It values characters and uniqueness, every scratches, bumps, asymmetries, cracks and things that we normally call as flaws. The Japanese embraced all forms of original outcomes, even with all the imperfectness. It doesn't end with physical looks, it also goes with the invisible parts like how it feels inside.

"Nothing lasts, nothing is finished and nothing is perfect. ", Richard Powell.

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Physical example: 

I always wonder how some Japanese potteries are a bit odd, with bumps, patches and random cracked-lines, and they sell it for fortunes. Imagine if I do pottery and the outcome is something that look like this ceramic work *image below by Shiho Kanzaki, I would probably hate it. I think about what I did wrong and what makes it looks like that because I don't really see the beauty in it.

This is something that I never thought to accept as beauty, as something as it is. Apparently, people who appreciate the art of pottery can see things that I can't see.

I once saw a documentary on pottery and they talked about how difficult the process of making it as natural as possible and how beautiful it is for every each one of its unique outcomes. They talked about every bumps and cracks; "how this earthly crack came out" or "how this patches-colours formed".

I watched the documentary feeling confused.

The closest to what can be seen nowadays is the appreciation of manual photography. Some perfectionist photographer might say that the clearest, perfect-timing meaningful photos are what considered as a good photo. But we can also see people who appreciates Lomography, images taken by analog camera, all distorted, odd colour combos, pixelated, diffused or anything you want to call it as 'art'. Some people can see the beauty in those images as well. "Don't think, just shoot"? Well I can bet a lot of 'professional' photographers won't agree with you on that.

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But that, is what I wrote 2 weeks ago. 

The more I read and do research about the word itself, the more I learn about other possibilities of the meaning of wabi-sabi. Some people actually write academic writings on this topic and the thought of it is as much interesting as the word itself. We have people that want to explain a single word, to the world. People actually care about a word. 

At first, I thought wabi-sabi as minimalism, when I read based on Rework alone. And then, after several Google searches, I thought it is something like appreciating the flaws in this material world and accepting something as it already is like the thoughts I wrote in the earliest part of this post. I wanted to understand more, so instead of reading things people shared on the Internet, I started reading academic writings from people who actually researched the topic deeply. The meaning changed to something deeper than the material or superficial appearance. 

It is like finding beauty and imperfection in the nature, something that we can't control like a decaying process of a leaf in the autumn season when we sit in the park alone. That feeling of melancholy and acceptance that everything dies eventually. Or finding appreciation in poverty like there is a feeling of liberation and beauty in leaving the material world even though it is not something that we normally can appreciate.

So it is important to what we feel and see inside.

"Wabi sabi is not a style defined by superficial appearance. It is an aesthetic ideal, a quiet and sensitive state of mind, attainable by learning to see the invisible, paring away what is unnecessary, and knowing where to stop." Tim Wong & Akiko Hirano.

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I like the idea of how information evolves because in this world human is finding the meaning of everything. The great thing is the more we know, the more we realized that there are more things we don't know. Knowledge is something amazingly beautiful because it is infinite ❤

Little Things 181 : Coursera - Soul Beliefs

I'm currently taking a class from Prof. Daniel M. Ogilvie, Professor of Psychology at Rutger University on Soul Beliefs : Causes and Consequences.

I'm at Module 8 now, answered 2 quizzes, reviewed several peer papers and submitted 1 assignment. I'm trying to finish this course and get the certificate of accomplishment for this one. I'm curious about the Coursera's verification method for the certificate - so I'm doing this as an experiment.

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There are several things that I'm fascinated about this lecture :

1. On the earliest part, the professor started the lecture course by calling all the student upfront according to their beliefs : Protestant, Catholic, Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, Hindus, and Atheist. He then asked them to tell the crowd 'what they were told to believe when they were young?". So everyone told the crowd about what they were taught when they were small instead of what they believed in now.

What I found out roughly throughout the 1 hour session is every belief teaches human almost the same thing even for Atheism eg : be kind among all the creature in this world, do what's best for human kind, reach enlightenment or pure understanding about life. Well, generally every religion teaches us to be a good person. No religion tells us to kill or hurt one another.

2. The history of popular religions of the world and the idea of soul existence in it. I personally like the Greek philosopher's view on God and religion because those are quiet new to me compared to other religions that I'm already familiar with. I also like the idea of Buddism as a teaching rather than a religion - because even history tells us about Siddhartha as a normal human that taught principles of life.

3. Atheist's arguments. What are their argument points, their thoughts and why they stand on their beliefs just as we stand on our beliefs? Why is it okay for religious people to condemn atheist's point of view but it is a taboo for an atheist to even question anything about any religions?

4. The thought of how over 28 years of living, I've never really learn anything about other religions even though I know for real that everyone evolves around the idea of unique personal beliefs. In order to understand human, we need to learn about one another. How ignorant can we possibly be, when we condemn about people with different beliefs without understanding what they believe in?

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PS : I'll update this post throughout the whole course, another 5 hours lecture, 2 quizzes and 2 assignments to go.

Little Stories 85 : Old Aunt

I was reading Angela's Ashes when an old woman walked pass.

She wore an old grey t-shirt, with black short and faded black cap. She had a really short boyish hair. She held a plastic bag and she walked fast. She stopped by every fence's pole, raised her heels high to reached the upper part of the pole, put something and went to the next pole. 

Everyone was curious. We looked at her, looked at the plastic bag and look at the pole. She finished her last pole and walked away fast, leaving the station without even taking the upcoming train. 

It took me several minutes to connect the dots.

She put pieces of sliced breads on every pole.

For the crows. 

❤

Little Things 180 : Wandering Soul

I believe in good music. 

Here is my carefully curated music playlist from my temporary Spotify account since last year :

>> Wandering Soul <<

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All songs are somewhat between mellow and relaxing. 

I imagine being away from people when I created the playlist. 

A serene solitary feeling. 

I'm using this account for temporary use since I work at TRP, hence explains the fake name *if you find it. I'll close the account again when I end my service with them.  

So, do enjoy the music mix while it is still available :D 

Little Things 179 : Mass Media

When Mahzarin Banaji was asked about her thought on current state of mass-media in a Google Hangout session for one of the social psychology class I took, she answered something like this :

"I am super excited with the huge possibilities of our current technologies. It may seems too much to handle because we can get input from our computer, smartphone, radio, television, the internet and so much more. The most important thing for everyone is the skill to shape what you listen and accept from media. Media is like the food to the brain. You can choose healthy food for your body, so what do you choose to feed your mind? You can filter them, of course! You can learn to choose only good information for your mind, but for that you need to learn to differentiate them both." 

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Well, I couldn't agree more. 

That's the main reason I deleted my Facebook account almost 2 years ago. At first, I only hid posts on my Facebook feeds when it came to insults, negativities, complains, trolls, politics and all things that make me sad or angry or offended. Then later I noticed that there were more posts that I rather not read from my friends than the one that makes me happy. Less shareable positive energies. Maaaaybe I've given up on humanity, or maybe I just don't want to upset myself anymore with all the screams and shouts. So I decided to close the account. Filtered my thoughts a bit. 

So I don't have to whine to my brother about every racist remarks random people posted or cry about every evil comments across any social media platform. Yes, I am that fragile.

Ditto twitter.

PS : I can't simplify my thoughts in 140 words. Less is more? 

Maybe that's not for me. Written words are my food.