Most time I look at people around me, imagining I am out of the invisible frame that separates us. I see how people talk, react, portray feelings, solving problems. I give that silence a space, a time to think to myself. Not to judge, but to learn.
When I am in a group of people, this is what in my head :
Come on Reen, talk. Think about something funny to say. Laugh. Okay, it least smile a bit, give some reaction. Don't snort! Stop making those uncomfortable faces. You should talk a little bit. No. It is simple, just say something!
It's exhausting. The inability to connect with others and respond. I rather sit and be myself. Most of the time I stare at the window, or I watch them like I watch TV. Intently and quiet.
Sometimes I feel awed by people who talks brilliantly. They know what to say, how to respond, to give polite pauses when the time is right, little smiles, loud sincere laughs. *envy*
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All my life I've felt on the outside wherever I am - out of the picture, the conversation, at one remove, as though I were the only one able to hear the sounds or words that others can't, and the deaf to the words that they hear. As if, I'm outside the frame, on the other side of a huge, invisible window.
ReplyDelete- Delphine De Vigan's, No and Me