I'm obsessed with improving myself. Did I ever write about that? I’ve known this for a while now. I noticed it when I looked back and found several of my own dictionaries books where I collected all the words I wasn’t familiar with, not just writing them down but also their meanings. I read a lot too. I make a list every year and count how many books I’ve read.
In high school, I used to write extra essays just so the teacher could read and give feedback. I love learning languages. I can speak Malay, English, a bit of Japanese, and some basic French. I would love to master Japanese, Arabic, Mandarin, and French. I don’t even know why. I just really love languages.
I’ve had my own savings account since I was born and I try to update it every few months, even just a bit. I draw a lot too because I want my talent to be something people would pay for.
So yeah, in conclusion, this is obviously not really normal. Ngahaha. What am I even talking about? I'm so freakin' bored. I want to write something deep and thoughtful, but I end up talking gibberish. No one’s going to get what I mean anyway.
I feel like my boyfriend isn’t really interested in listening to me anymore. Do I talk too much? Yeah... sometimes. I know that. And I really like annoying people. Ahaha. But that’s a part of me. It can’t be separated, you know?
How do I really make someone listen?
Like, do guys hate it when girls talk nonsense? I mean, I’m not nonsense all the time. Just sometimes. When I get all cheery and full of ideas and opinions. I just want to be heard. I love being listened to, not by a crowd, just one person. One person is enough. Is that too much to ask?
A blog is where I express feelings, right? So here's a confession: I accidentally told U (my ex) that I’m sorry I ignored him all these years. I also said sorry for acting like crap. And then I told him we could meet and just talk as friends. But at the same time, I was like, “What am I saying? I can’t meet him!” Yeah, I made a mistake. Yeah, I feel sorry. But I can’t really meet him as an old friend. It’s complicated. It’s not fun.
So now he probably thinks I’m double crap, ignoring his texts and pretending I forgot what I said. Great. Just great. Talk about evil.
I’m a selfish freak. And I know that. And I’m not going to change that. Because I am selfish. Screw it.
My head feels like it’s going to explode. I want to say some really bad words. My eyes are tired. But I want to keep going. I want a Polaroid camera. Does that even make sense? Maybe it does.
I’m desperate. I am. Right now I’m just desperate to be heard.
salaam,
ReplyDeleteI LOVE LANGUAGES TOO!
i think i dream way too much about learning languages. i only fluently know english and arabic, and basic french, but i want to learn japanese, farsi, italian, and thai. i must be obsessed.
i'm sure what you say to your boyfriend isn't nonsense haha. guys are just impatient most of the time and don't wanna listen. haha well, not all of them, of course! =P anyways, always remember that balance is the key: talk about things regarding him and talk about things regarding your life too. too much of anything is never good, but neither is too little. =)
salaam!
-nada
but dont you think sometimes it's fun to talk about every little thing around us. and yeah, there will be time when talking is just plain annoying. ah well, it's hard to find someone who really want to hear me talking non-stop, right. ehehe.
ReplyDelete