Little Stories 260 : The Fall, the Rain and Oct in General

Some stories collected since last week:

The fall:

Early last week, it was raining when we were walking back after I picked up Sofi from kindergarten. Then we walked past the shop's corridor, and because it was raining heavily, 3 dogs were resting along the corridor so we couldn't pass through - they conquered the space. I stepped back in the rain while holding Sofi's hand, umbrella, and her bags. 

Then we were climbing down the wet slippery stairs from the corridor, I accidentally slipped in slow-motion and fell down right on the stairs in the rain - still holding Sofi's hand. She was okay, still standing, she became my anchor (lol, that's the metaphor in my life - me slowly falling but having her to be my anchor). 

My butt was still floating but my back was on the steps, and it wasn't a hard crash but still, I slipped on the wet stairs. Thank God it was 'almost' in slow motion, so nothing was broken or slipped. Things could be worst but it didn't and thank God for that. I was sore for 4 days after that, and after a week it felt fine but there was still a tiny sensation in my left pelvis when I walked fast.

I haven't run for almost 2 weeks because it has been a bit overwhelming lately, the fog, the fall, the rain, and the workload.

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October:

For several months everybody ghosted me - clients, bosses, people in general. It was weird, frustrating, and sure, it made me question my existence. I was angry a lot because I had to go through the process of stagnance - I don't have patience with not being productive, or feeling stuck. 

Then October came and my life started to change its course. From constant dullness into a full-speed change: I got client work projects (more than 3 different clients in a fortnight), I got contacted for interviews and I got job offers, then I accepted a job offer for a full-time spot. So I had to finish up client work that I accepted in a month before reporting to duty. That's one. Update: My boss decided that he needed me to come in a week early.

It's a lot, I only have less than 2 weeks to go. We had to find a solution for many things like how to pick up Sofi from kindergarten when I'm working full-time. A 3-hour-per-day babysitter costs as much as RM 1,200 per month when asked for a quotation, Sofi is already in a full-day daycare until Dec, and even that costs around RM 800 per month. That's two.

Sofi isn't reacting well to the daycare program. I can see that she starts to refuse to go to school and she cries in the morning - we never had that problem in the past 8 months before she started going full-day. She was usually excited about school. But she has been having tantrums and attachment issues lately. She is not adapting well and it has been 1.5 months. That's three.

It's tough, ok. 

So if one day, Sofi is all grown-up and she reads all this: 

To Sofi, I would want you to know, that we've done many things together in the past 4 years in your newborn & toddler phases. Now comes the time that I need to sacrifice my time with you so that I can provide a better life. I'm just following the flow that is created for me, and at this moment, this is the best that I was offered and I'm accepting it. We won't have that much time together but I hope, we can make do with what we have at this moment and probably there will be new opportunities in the future that could provide a better option for us. So please don't hold on to this. 

I'm writing this because I know, I held on to the fact that my parents weren't there during my childhood and teenage years when I needed them the most - but they were just human and surviving, just like me, just like you will one day in the future. 

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Ma's Birthday:

We celebrated my mom's birthday last weekend.

It was weird and I was just physically there but in my mind, I was elsewhere. I had a bad stomach issue that day, we were at a hi-tea and supposed to eat a lot - but who still can eat a lot in their late 30s? I can't, it was not a good decision. I only ate a plate and took a small bowl of noodles that I couldn't even finish, then I started going to the toilet, 3 times in those 2 hours we were there. I was sweaty, I confused it with anxiety but it was probably just a bad stomach issue. 

After we passed the cake and presents, I walked along the corridor. I did several rounds and reached 3 km in those walks. Then they all sat on the sofa along the hotel corridor and opened the presents there because I was not feeling good and had to walk. Needed to be near the toilet. Tsk. 

So I was not mentally there because I was dealing with my gut issues.

But in pictures, I looked good because of the technology: the filter and the built-in auto-correct feature in my mom's phone or whatever that was that made me look younger and radiant. Don't trust anything you see online. I was miserable. 

But happy birthday ma.

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Toys:

I really wanted to play with bricks toys specifically Lego. Not only for Sofi but for me.

But Sofi got so many toys and we had to deal with that first. So I'm selling her old toys that she didn't want to play with anymore on Carousell and I'm surprised that people are buying. 

So I ordered a pastel Lego classic because of the colours, of course. How would I design cute blocks without pastel coloured bricks kan. It felt ridiculous to say this, but I felt like my childhood dreams were redeemed once I started playing with Sofi. I didn't know how fulfilling it could be. But, although they are in pastel and have special items: various eyes, antennas, whiskers, triangles, and odd shapes, they weren't as many as I needed to make a big building. So, I'm searching for used Lego classics on Carousell to add to our Lego bricks. 

You can buy it from Shopee: LEGO 11028 Classic Creative Pastel.

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The Gaza Genocide:

This is not rocket science, you don't have to think twice to know that what's happening in Gaza is a genocide, they should stop pretending like this is a war. It is obvious, that they are killing every Palestinian in Gaza. No one is safe, no children, no healthcare providers, no journalists, no hospitals, no neutral space, no food, no water, nothing. 

So take a stance. 

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The Rain :

It rained heavily again yesterday, and I was picking up Sofi from school like usual. We were stuck at the kindergarten for some time, and then I said to Sofi that we needed to try walking home. Sofi didn't like the wet feet, or the feel of dirt on her wet slippers, those tiny sands, you know, wet slippers in the rainy day kinda thing - I wholly understand because I was also a sensory-sensitive child, I don't like wet slippers or sand. Ha.

So halfway through she refused to walk, she let go of her umbrella, and she cried because what do you expect when it is just not a good sensation for a 4-year-old to have her feet wet with water and dirt. Sabo je lah. We had to stop at the school and I comforted her and told her that we needed to walk back home. She refused, of course. She cried and she wanted me to carry her. I eventually had to carry her halfway walk home, in the heavy rain, with a small umbrella, and 2 of her bags. We were almost fully drenched by the time we got home, my arms were shaking because 14 kg weight is quite a lot for untrained arms. 

Practicing gentle parenting is hard, but I refuse to use an authoritarian style on a toddler because I know, I know what it felt like and the effects on us - my dad was one, and his dad was one. But then, you know how toddlers love to challenge us kan, like I said, sabo je lah.

Mommy Post : Kids-friendly Places in Klang Valley

Places we went to in Klang Valley after the lockdown was lifted:

Note : Most of the places we went to are outdoor, we also opted for weekday and at the earliest time possible (right when it is opened) to avoid the crowds. Usually people start coming in around noon (11am+).

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1. KL Bird Park ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 35 (adult, Mykad) , RM 15 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 3 is free
• Opening Hours : 9 am - 6 pm, open daily

Extra notes :

• Wear light & airy clothes, it is hot, some places are shaded, some are open under the sun
• Drink water, there is also several little cafes/shops inside.
• The place is huge, we spent almost 3 hours inside the park

You can see the clip starting from 8:30 - KL Bird Park Outing from this video. During this time, it was our first proper outing and we didn't make any dedicated video for it :

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2. Farm in the City, Seri Kembangan ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 39 (adult, Mykad) , RM 32 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 90 cm is free
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 6 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

Extra notes :

• Wear light & airy clothes, it is hot but mostly shaded. 
• Drink water, there is also an indoor cafe in the farm to rest.
• You can have direct interactions with the animals so wash your hands frequently, there are a lot of sinks in the farm.
• You can buy foods for the animal/birds/fishes 
• We spent 2 hours at the farm.

So far, this is the best farm/zoo experience that we had. It is not too big and not too small, it is hot but mostly shaded, there were a lot of direct interaction (we were in the huge cages with the animals), it is near our home, it feels very interactive and personal. 

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3. KL Tower Mini Zoo & Blue Coral Aquarium ★★★

• Ticket Zoo : RM 45 (adult, Mykad) , RM 35 (children + senior, Mykad) , below 3 is free
• Ticket Aquarium : RM 15 (adult)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 9 pm,  Monday - Sunday

Extra notes :

• At the zoo, wear light & airy clothes, it is hot.
• Blue Coral Aquarium is a small aquarium, it is a bit depressing and dark, indoor but no aircond. 
• Prepare yourself for the toy shop in the middle of the zoo
• Love the entrance, direct interaction indoor petting zoo, that was fun

We didn't really like it. It was hot and Sofi didn't cooperate much. There was a shop in the middle of the zoo and you know how kids react to toy shop - it was her biggest distraction and she started to throw tantrum because she wanted something. Usually toy shops are the last stop before we go out and it should be, with that exact reason. 

Well, it wasn't a good experience for us.

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4. Aquaria KLCC, Kuala Lumpur ★★★

• Ticket : RM 52 (adult, Mykad) , RM 42 (children + senior, Mykad)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

This was one of the place that we went with 'many people', even though we went on weekdays at 10 am and after the school holiday ended. We couldn't avoid the crowd, so most of the time, we walked fast and didn't enjoy as much as all the other places that we went to before. But Sofi enjoyed the experience so far, there were a lot of sharks and huge fishes and it was her first big-tunnel aquarium experience. 

Unfortunately we only spent around 40 minutes inside.

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5. Kidzoona ★★★★

• Ticket : RM 14 - RM 18 (kids, weekday) , RM 22 (kids, weekend & holiday)
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

Extra notes :

• Need to bring your own socks, or buy at the entrance
• Fill in a form before entering
• Guardian can enter for free
• Maximum 3 hours per entry

We went to the IOI Putrajaya one, right after it is opened at 10 am. The place was empty, no kids except for Sofi. It was her first time so she explored the place first. The place was clean & very organized, all toys were arranged neatly, we even put them back nicely after play. I looooooved it and Sofi seems to enjoyed it too. We spent around 1.5 hours in there, oh, there is a massage chair inside as well, so I had the chance to get a short 10 mins massage when Sofi was playing. 

Sofi at Kidzoona, IOI City Mall Putrajaya :

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6. IKEA ★★★★

• No tickets needed
• Sofi explored and tried out the kids' room setup
• We ended the playful exploration with soy ice-cream & frozen yogurt

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7. Jungle Gym, Bangsar Mall ★★★★

• Ticket (toddler) : RM 25 (weekday) , RM 35 (weekend & holiday)
• Ticket (kids) : RM 48 (weekday) , RM 66 (weekend & holiday)
• Ticket (adult) : RM 10
• Opening Hours : 10 am - 7 pm, closed every Tuesday (except on public & school holiday)

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Other places we haven't visited together with Sofi :

• Pusat Sains Negara
• Zoo Negara
• Butterfly Park
• Kidzania
• Petrosains
• KL Forest Eco Park

Little Story 241 : Surviving Sofi's first Flu

Sofi had her first viral flu - her first cold and cough. The last time she had fever was more than a year ago. We aren't fully equipped in managing Sofi while she's sick because she hardly fall sick (Alhamdulillah), so it is expected for me to deal with this with anxiousness and worries. She's 2.5 years old and we are so glad that it took this long for it to happen (I've been anxiously waiting for the time). She needed her body to react and create antibodies for the future :F

She was weak at times and active when the medicine kicked in. She was fussy, clingy and very picky when it came to her food intake, but she still drank her milk. We fed medicine through her milk and yogurt - it was not ideal but at least she won't throw up.

There were nights when we hardly sleep and I was in alert mode, catering to her needs and uncomfortableness. The night when her nose was stuffy and she can't breathe. When we can hear her fighting over her phlegm and fever. 

On day 4 of her fever, we went to the doctor, got her blood and covid test, got cleared from dengue, covid or bacterial infection. So the doctor said it was most probably a viral infection.

What helps other than her medicine :

• Kool fever baby (refreshing mint) - to help her breathe and reduce the heat
• Nasal spray (Sterimar Baby) - to unclog her nose
• Nose aspirator - haven't used it yet, at this moment the nasal spray helps a lot
• Essential Oil (Eucalyptus, peppermint, lemon, tea tree) - to diffuse throughout the day
• Vicks Baby Balsam (the pink one) - also to help her breathe
• Small napkins (a lot of them) - to use for snot and what not, wash daily

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It took 6 days for the on-off fever to go away and today is day 11 of her cold and cough. 

She is still on medication (twice daily), I'm still using the nasal spray twice daily to help her unclog her nose and I gave her honey when she cough too bad. 

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Our go-to children clinic is Klinik As-Salam in Bangi (24 hours).

First visit : RM 164 - Consultation, medication, blood and Covid test.

Second visit : RM 96 - Sofi's fever spiked to 38.9 °C at 3 am , so we went straight to the clinic, doctor inserted suppository (anal paracetamol). I also bought the nasal spray and aspirator there.

There is no clinic more friendly, more welcoming than Klinik As-Salam, in handling worried parents after midnight. I went here twice after midnight and I'm always thankful for their hospitality. 

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She hates to cough so much because it made her puke and so she always restrains herself from coughing by clenching her teeth. It is odd and uncomfortable to see her so determine to not cough, we can hear her breathing through her phlegm. So I always tell her that it is okay to cough it out, and it is okay to puke. We are still using the nasal spray to help dissolve thick mucus. She only refused to get her nose sprayed during the first 2 days, then later she seems like she enjoyed it (like a game).

Here are all the random toys I bought to bribe or calm her when we had to go to the clinic, or asked her to try the medicine, or when she puked all over. 

Mommy Post : The night

// Note : This is a long kept post. When I posted this, Sofi is already 10 months old.

My contraction started one day before I was supposed to be admitted to the hospital. I was having much intense Brixton-Hicks contractions and pelvic pain for over 2 weeks before the date - making me question whether I was in labour or not every day. When it started to really happen, I thought that it might still be false labour. 

My back pain started to get intense throughout the day and around 4 pm I started to get the first real intense contraction. I had to stand out and breathe through the contraction (that's how I know it was different). Sitting down was uncomfortable. I told my mom-in-law and she told me to slowly walk around the house. Then I told my sister because she was in the area (she came right after). Af was getting ready to come back home from work, so I didn't want him to worry. I told him when he arrived home, "it's happening".  

The contraction faded in the evening, and slowly built up again. I rested around 9 pm to get ready (just in case), and around 11 pm it got super intense and I no longer could sleep. We then decided to go to the hospital that night.

I remember we stopped by at 7/11 in Putrajaya near the hospital so that I could buy some bread to eat.

When we reach Hospital Putrajaya :

• I registered
• The nurses asked me to change to their hospital clothes
• They took some blood, checked my pulse, put something like a belt on my tummy to check the baby's heart rate and my contraction level (the nurse mentioned that my contraction was really intense and how was I holding up ? - it was mostly around 80%+ )
• It was late at night, so there weren't any doctor around except intern. 2 intern doctors tried to do vaginal examination on me and wasn't sure how dilated I was =.= ( It was around 1 cm ). 
• I was admitted and sent to a room (shared with another Chinese woman with a baby). Af came to the room later with my bags.
• I didn't sleep much, it was an intense night. My contractions were strong and long, I remember holding on to AF, tears falling down on my cheek without I realized I was crying, silently. I guess I was in pain.
• Morning came, I was exhausted. The nurse checked my blood pressure and my contraction level. The nurse asked me to walk around the corridor, so I spent the morning walking. 
• At 3pm, I finally met my doctor. She did another vaginal examination, it was only 3 cm. I'm not sure if I'm right, but she had to do a 'membrane sweeping' to help induce the labour. In this procedure, the doctor wore a glove, and swept the inside of the cervix in circular motion. It was painful. This was the most traumatic moment during my whole stay at the hospital. I cried afterwards because I felt somewhat abused (by the procedure). Later I decided to take an epi.
• Things moved fast after 3 pm, I was already 24 hours into contraction. They took me for an epi, prepared me, I waited in the labour room shaking (because I was cold due to the epi and had really strong surges), they also gave me something on a drip to induce the labour and they broke my water as well. Most of the time I was just trying to follow the surges. Already too tired to function, I haven't eaten for so long.
• At 8 pm, the doctor came. I think Sofi came out in less than 10 minutes *by the doctor's help. She did sucked the head, because I was losing it. I became too tired, I knew to push when they asked me to push, but I didn't know how far did I go - with epi I don't really feel the piercing pain, just a lot of pressure.
• By the time they put Sofi on my tummy and she cried, I was too tired, I can't open my eyes. 
• I didn't see her until they cleaned us up. 

The two days after was chaos. I fainted in the bathroom after I tried to pee, I was still too tired. No one mentioned how much blood that I'll be seeing afterwards, huh. The whole experience was surreal and exhausting. I just wanted it to be over.

Sofi had jaundice so she had to be put under the light. She won't sleep without sucking, so I hardly slept. We stayed a bit too long before the doctor released us *due to the jaundice. Af didn't sleep for 2 days. Things were a bit overwhelming. 

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Personally, the whole 6 months after Sofi came out was physically and mentally challenging. I was trying to heal, and at the same time cope with a new baby in our lives. Writing this down is odd, because I didn't enjoyed the process much. But it became much better after 6 months. 

I could write so many things that I struggled during the early phase, I guess I really don't like to be weak and unpredictable. I am someone that need to plan things and want to be in control. This situation put me in an odd phase of "just follow the flow". It was so painful to endure. I had to ask for help, a lot. I didn't like that, at all. 

I always thought that I was ready. 

But motherhood is a life-long learning phase. 

And I don't think we will ever graduate from one.  

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Do you want to know what I remember that intense night ?

Apocalypse, by Cigarette After Sex :

I can't thank Af enough for helping me get through the night, and Aja for so many things in my life post-pregnancy.

Mommy Post : Sofi and Her Sleep

I started writing this when Sofi turned 4 months old :

We are currently sleep training Sofi.

I do the reading and the researching, and Af is actually working on training her because Sofi likes to sleep on Af's arms (and I can't do everything, I need support). It usually takes twice the effort for me to make her sleep. It is always a struggle, a fight, a drama, or lot's of cries before she actually falls asleep. 

The 4 months sleep regression has just ended, and she's already reaching the 3rd week of 5 months (while I'm writing this). Af been training her since the 4th month after she graduated the forth trimester and ended the newborn phase. It is still a struggle, but we can now put her to sleep by herself after she fell asleep instead of sleeping in our arms for most of the time. She still cries at least once every hour throughout the night before her deep sleep phase (after 3am). Af does all that, the training, giving her bottled milk (at least twice), changing the diaper (once), attending to Sofi's every need - all through the night while I'm resting until 4am. Then I'll take the next shift until she is awake and starts her day. 

We are currently on the 7th week sleep training and still struggling. 

Major achievement : we can now finally put her to sleep on her own after she fell asleep. Baby steps.

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Sofi's sleep journal :

First month : 

The first 2 weeks while she was having jaundice - she slept all the time and we had to force feed her. We thought she was an easy sleeper.

Afterwards - her personality arose, we were wrong : she is a super-light sleeper. It is hard to make her sleep for more than an hour without waking up. The sleeping pattern was all over the place, we were sleep deprived and exhausted.
She needed to be soothe most of the time, so I decided to find a pacifier. We tried several, she accepted the third pacifier : Philips NICU Soothie Pacifier for newborn. It was a success :F I can finally leave her side while she was asleep.

Second month :

She started sleeping through the night - there were several more than 3 hours sleep moments at night. We were hopeful :F We can put her to sleep laying down on her own at night.

Third month : The struggle started. She wanted to be held, all throughout the day and night. I can't do anything, at times, I didn't eat or had to run to go to the toilet, I was stressed out, sleep-deprived and depressed. Af helped me taking care of Sofi when he got home, but it wasn't enough. I was still healing and Sofi wasn't cooperating. She was still having colic many many times and it was bad. The fourth trimester was really challenging for me.

I also bought several essential oils for babies to help her sleep. Well, I don't know whether if it was working, because her sleeping was still a struggle.

Things I use :

• Bedtime by Audelia Naturals  ( I put behind her ears / neck after shower )
• Resty Oil by Tasneem Naturals (Spray onto her sleeping space before sleeping time)
• Oil diffuser + Lavender (15 minutes before sleeping time, for 1 hour)

I can't give reviews about these items, because it was still really hard to make her sleep and she was the worst sleeper. I just hope it helped her a bit (at least if she understand the cue for sleep time).

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Forth month :

The 4-months sleep regression started. She started wailing at night, she cried at least once every hour. We also started sleep training her during this time. The night-wails went on for about 7-8 weeks. During this time Af started working at home, so we took turn taking care of her while working. He helped me a lot. I got better, mentally and emotionally. I started working again. 

Fifth & sixth month :

We can now put her to sleep laying down instead of letting her sleep in our arms while she is sleeping.
She naps 2-3 times during the day, usually around 30-60 minutes (sometimes can even stretch to 2 hours - rarely). She will be awake around 1-3 hours depending on her mood and sleepiness, still gets super cranky when she wanted to sleep but usually gave up and let us help her sleep when we stretched her awake time.

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7th month : Basically it is still the same. Af will put her to sleep quite easily nowadays - but she needs Af to pick her up and walk her several rounds in the living room. She still naps 2-3 times a day (usually 30-60 minutes). She mostly sleeps through the night, but will cry several times to be soothe by Af or she probably needs milk. There are nights when she cries at night and can't be soothe, maybe because of teething or it's too hot to sleep comfortably. We had to turn on the A/C nowadays :F

Her nap time actually improved after she started eating.
She can now nap 1-2 hours (this is a great improvement).

After the 4th month, she no longer can sleep on her baby car seat during long drive. She will get super fussy and wants Af (it is still a struggle for me to make her sleep because she has her 'favorite'). But I have to pick her up and help her sleep (she will sleep on me for an hour). A struggle, but still possible.

Note : I am still using all the essential oils that I bought in the fourth trimester (so even though they are crazy expensive, I'm still using those everyday until today).

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Will continue this post until Sofi is 1 !

Baby Story: Surviving the First Month

I had a baby 6 weeks ago, on the 23rd of July 2019.
We named her Ana Sofi (I am wisdom).

People always say that the fourth trimester is the hardest phase. I wasn't fully prepared for this phase - it was definitely not as easy as the months during my pregnancy. Although I finally got my body back and it slowly starting to feel like myself, the emotional and physical changes after the pregnancy phase was a bit tough on me.

Let me share some of it with you :

1. The Pain & Exhaustion - My body was really weak in the first few weeks, even by the second week I still have to be aware of all my movements. My back was in a lot of pain after the delivery and even though 5 weeks passed and all my stitches were healing well, my back was still in pain (I can't sit properly and I had limited movements). I only took a 4-days confinement massage sessions, and I don't think it was enough (added extra massage session).  
• What you can do : Get a 5 / 7 days confinement massage sessions, get help from your mom / sister / hire confinement lady in the first + second week after the delivery, ask your husband to take a full week off to help around (you will need the help and moral support). 
2. The Jaundice Phase - Sofi got jaundice on the first day but nobody told us about how to get better from jaundice right-away, that she needed to drink a lot of milk and the more she pee/poo, the faster she will heal from jaundice. We thought she was an easy baby because she slept through most of the time (we found out later that it was one of the symptom), so we didn't wake her up during the first few days. Later when her jaundice spiked, Sofi was admitted, got blue-screened for the whole day, I tried to fed her my milk (and it wasn't enough). We got the hang of it after a week, we had to monitor her poo + pee, forced feed her every 2 hours, and went to the clinic to get it checked every few days. After 2 weeks of the routine, she was finally discharged. It was a tough phase for a person healing from delivering a baby.  
• What you can do : You need to start milking up at least a week before the delivery, get milk supplements / booster. Pump it out and keep in your fridge so you can feed your baby first thing after the delivery. Don't wait because it might take days after the delivery for some people and babies with jaundice need milk every 2 hours.
3. The Milk Issue - in order to reduce jaundice level in babies, babies need to drink a LOT of their mommies' milk and for some of new mommies, milk production takes some time. I had that problem, my milk wasn't enough and Sofi needs my milk to get better. What she had wasn't enough, so the first few days we had to combine with milk formula to cater to her every 2 hours feeding time. It was such a difficult time for me, because I felt like I wasn't enough for her that I can't even feed her. I was stressed out and exhausted, on the verge of crying all the time :F 
• What you can do : Get supplement or milk booster : kurma, milk, halba, brown rice, horlicks, honey, etc. I tried the hot halba + honey (and it worked), now I also take milk supplement (MaMom) so I can get ahead of Sofi's need. I got myself an electric pump and pump out my milk every 3 hours to activate the milk production.
4. The Breast Engorgement Phase - I wanted to produce milk as much and as soon as possible so we tried one of the nurse's tips : drink a mixture of hot halba + honey. A day after 2 drinks of the mixture, I woke up with a prickling pain all over my body, my mom in law said it was because of the milk accumulation and if I didn't treat it soon, it will caught on with fever (and we were avoiding that). Thank God my confinement lady was scheduled that day, and so I had the most worst breast massage session (because of the pain) but she taught me a great way to do breast massage myself to avoid future engorgement. I will never forget this lesson. 
• What you can do : I don't want anyone in the world to ever have to experience this to know the seriousness of breast engorgement. Breast engorgement will happen to you if you keep the milk for long - so we need to avoid this. Just let your baby drink it up and don't forget to religiously pump it all out every few hours. Learn breast massage to let the milk out and on emergency cases when breast engorgement happened to you, please call in the professionals to help you out. In my case, here's a number : Kak Effa, Opah Heritage : 017 272 7278.
5. The Sleepless Night - I thought we were ready for this. No. Sleepless nights meant waking up at random hours when your baby cries or when it is time for you to feed your baby (jaundice babies need milk every 2 hours). So the random hours were the tough part, sometimes every few hours, sometimes every hour, and sometimes even minutes right after we closed our eyes. There is no planning here, we weren't getting proper sleep for weeks now.
• What you can do : Take turn, do it together with your husband. You are in this together. 
6. The Postpartum Depression Scare - it was tough on me. I kept on getting anxious, my hormones weren't stable yet, I cried almost every day during the first 2 weeks. It was too much. I was constantly afraid of making mistakes, anxious every time I hear her cry, still in a lot of pain, I felt weak and helpless, I miss my husband so much - even though he was with me on the first week, I felt so far from him, I didn't feel like myself, I didn't feel connected with Sofi, everything felt wrong. I kept on repeating the past over and over again, and I shared all this with Af. Every time I talk about it, I cried. When I pumped my milk, I cried. Af was really worried with my condition - but we talked about postpartum depression or baby blues before and usually it will end in 2-3 weeks. I also shared + whined to my sister and Tasya (she just had a baby few months back). By the end of the 3rd week, I felt okay :F
• What you can do : Share with your partner, or your close friends. In my case, I shared my whines and cries with my sister and my best friend Tasya (she just had a baby few months back and she survived the fourth trimester without whining to me). Without them, I don't know how I can survive this phase. Af also seen me cry the most during this 2 weeks - and I almost never cried in front of him in our 4-years of marriage :F
7. The Postpartum Hives - This was weird. I got an allergic reaction for 3 days, and it was really bad (it attacked my whole body : lower body, upper body, head, face, back, lips). Everything went red, super itchy, and hot. Like huge maps all over my body. Nothing worked, I just had to stop myself from touching it and I can't even sleep at night. 
• What you can do : Please please please avoid stress. It takes a toll on your body. 
8. The Colic - Be ready for a colic phase. It is a tough phase, for the baby, for you as parents because your baby will cry and cry for hours. Nothing seems right and they will look uncomfortable and in pain. She cried, I cried T^T This is a normal phase for newborn (0-3 months), so be patient and try to avoid it at any cost. 
• What you can do : Burp your baby after every feeding, bicycle leg exercise before feeding, essential oil massages to avoid gas. Every burp matters, invest your time in those small exercises and massages to avoid this awful situation. 
9. The Awkward Public Breast Feeding - I hate it. It is so public and Sofi is crying :F
• What you can do : Buy a nursing cover and practice. Try it while standing up, try it while sitting down, practice latching the baby under the cover, during stressful moments when your baby is crying like crazy. If lucky, go and find nursing room.

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If I don't push myself to write all this down, I'll probably forget this after several years. But I don't want to forget this phase, I want to remember and remind myself (so I'll consider if I want to keep making babies) :D Surviving the first month for new parents is tough, depressing and super stressful, but you'll adapt and it will be over soon.

May the force be with you.

  via Gfycat