I think I've been postponing the part where I need to make new connections for quite a while now. Every quarter during our team's check-ins, we share one commitment for our personal growth. Mine is almost always the same: I want to build more meaningful connections. And almost every quarter, I have to admit that I didn't really do much about it. For years now, I've been a hermit by choice.
But I think I've run out of excuses. So I've decided to treat socializing the same way I approach learning any other skill: intentionally, with small experiments. Lately, I've been trying uncomfortable things simply out of curiosity, almost like watching myself in a self-experiment to see how I react and what I learn from it. Mostly in controlled settings, where I still feel somewhat in control.
The funny thing is, I've become so comfortable with solitude that I forgot how much practice conversation actually takes. I don't like feeling anxious around new people. I don't want to lose the ability to have thoughtful conversations just because I stopped having them.
So I've been giving myself small, ongoing challenges.
Meeting an old friend again for playdates with our daughters.
Asking my boss out for coffee, with one rule: no talking about work.
Downloading a dating app, mostly to see if I'd stumble across someone worth having an intellectual conversation with.
Applying for volunteer work.
Running a mini sharing session with our interns.
Babysitting my neighbour's daughter so she and Sofi can play together.
If I'm being completely honest, I'd still rather spend an uninterrupted afternoon at home with a good book. But I've also started putting conversations on my calendar. Because one thing I've quietly missed in adulthood is having adult conversations.
There are still more things I can to try:
Going to events as participants
Coffee meetups with strangers.
Public reading sessions.
More sharing sessions with like-minded people
Like I shared on Ig after downloading the dating app, I'm probably too serious for casual dating, too cynical for surface-level conversations, and maybe a little too lazy to build new relationships. None of that is particularly helpful if the goal is to socialize.
But I also know how much I've changed since joining my current team. Before this, I worked mostly alone as a freelancer. Having people around challenged me in ways I didn't know I needed. I refuse to make myself small again. Maybe that's all this is, another skill. And like every other skill, it gets better with practice.
Please don't offend me with saying that "You are lonely", you have no idea how much fun I had being by myself all these time and not having to deal with human drama - it is so peaceful. But I've simply realized that meaningful human connection deserves to be part of the life I'm trying to build. I'm doing this for Sofi, she needs bigger reliable circle in her life.
So again, I will try to make an effort.
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