Compilation Post : End of the Year 2024

Let's continue with the yearly personal wrap-up that I've been doing since 2017. In 2024, I made a small vision board, and on this vision board, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do/achieve. I did achieve more than half of it by the end of 2024, but it was pretty slow earlier on. So, I'm pushing the things that I did not achieve this year to next year and hopefully, I will complete them then. I won't share it here because it is a bit personal, but here's the generic version of things I usually share by the end of each year.

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On Books ✦

This year is a good book year. My best friends were books, I spent so much time with books in general, I went to the library every so often, bought some books, and borrowed some more. I spent my loneliest time with books, trying to understand the poignant part of living - macam they can somehow help me understand things, thus explaining why I read books that evoke hard feelings.

I consumed 47 books from Jan - Oct, and stopped reading once I started working full-time, it was a nice bookish journey.

Here are my top 5 books:

• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• Please Look After Mom by Kyoong-Sook Shin
• Greek Lesson by Han Kang
• Beauty and Sadness by Yasuwari Kawabata

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On Living ✦ and Surviving

Ugh, this year has been a total disaster. Fell into a hole, stuck in there for a while, struggled to get going, and went into a very sad, anxious, and depressed phase. Finally, I worked things out, made changes, and forced myself to be more flexible, adapted, and more resilient, I guess, but in return, I got bitter as well. 

Oh, I hate being bitter, but that's the way my life is going at this moment, and I'm finding joy and love in other things, trying out new things, exposing myself to new environments, meeting new people, challenging my way of doing things and just try to enjoy living. I need good vibes, people. Shower me with good vibes, I just can't do ugly vibes at this point. I think I deserve a break, I finally came out of the hole kan, and it's been more than 2 years.

So, I'm trying my best to just focus on good energy.

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On Work ✦

I don't want to jinx this, but I love my new job, and I love the team and the vibes and the things that they are doing. They are just shooting good vibes from all sides and I am openly showing my vulnerable side upfront in hopes of getting more support from wherever I can. T^T Like, "Please adopt me, everyone, I need your love and support, no pressure" - I'm ready to put in the effort in growing my circle because life will always be shitty every once in a while (or all the time - depending on where you are right now), so if you could have one thing, have a good support system that can be there for you. 

I'm done doing things alone. 

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On health and moving ✦

Yes, compared to where I was in early 2024 and now. I am in much better health, mentally and physically. I can run, and I manage my stress and anxiety better, sure I run a lot, but at least I'm not spiraling anymore. The weight didn't improve, probably because I ran a lot, but whatever works lah. 

I'm good, Alhamdulillah, I'm in a much better state. I can sleep better as well (ps: magnesium spray!)

Total Distance: 244 km

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On making friends ✦

I reconnected with an old friend about a month ago and was as nervous as I would when I cared too much. We met, and we exchanged old stories, and later, we followed each other on IG. One morning, I noticed that I was blocked and unfollowed. There must be reasons for this to happen just a month later kan, I know, I know, I knooow, but I am very insecure about making connections with people because I have my "issues", so I cried macam budak kesian, this felt too much like school. I care, I care, I stupidly, insecurely care, and I can tell 1001 feel-good things to my own ears, but at the end of the day, I still care anyway. 

Then I sweated it off with a 13km session because it was just a bit too painful, how else do you healthily manage a roller-coaster emotional ride other than to sweat it off. Well, I could just simply ask, but at this age, why would we force something that isn't wanted.

This year is a very odd year where I accidentally met a lot of people that I know from my past. 

But that's ok, I'll try to make new friends (like I will make an effort again, I promise I will try next year!)

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On being vulnerable ✦

I will always try my best to be upfront with my vulnerable side, I wear it on my sleeve because we are human with flaws anyway. Some people just choose to pick the happy beautiful side to focus on and only share that on social media, I totally get it. But at the end of the day, the darker shades of emotions are still there with you in the shadow, and those, too, are YOU. I choose to bring both to the table even if they make people uncomfortable. 

You need to be humbled by life to understand that pain will always be here, and it is totally ok to accept and befriend it like a bitter friend. I'm ok with being imperfect. 

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Coming into 2025 ✦

If life could be about one thing, I want it to be about spreading love and more positive vibes to people. So, let's bring it to the table.

Let's welcome 2025 and I hope you have had a blast! .𖥔 ݁ ˖

Run : Moving (Final Quarter 2024)

I know, I missed writing too.

The hardest part about not writing here is the lack of clarity about my state of being because I usually used this channel to sit, take a breather, and focus on putting words on the page. I intended to really craft what I wanted to share, even behind all the filtered words (I usually know what I'm talking about behind what I talked about). Hah, the double meanings are intentionally there to make me remember "where I was" when I was writing it down. But since I stopped doing so for 3 months, I didn't even have the discipline to write in my own journal - because no one was there to remind me of the commitment kan. 

So, yeah. 

I took note of the moving commitment, sure, a lot of things changed since I stopped writing, but the moving commitment was still there through it all - to manage my stress, sadness, and anxiety. It kinda worked, I didn't have any incidents, and I wasn't spiraling. So, if you are going through a hard phase, please, move, pick your weapon, and go fight your shadow. 

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September:

• Walk - 5,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 5 km in a day ✔
• Walk - 10,000 steps in a day ✔
• Walk - 10 km in a day ✔
• Walk - 16,000 steps in a day ✔
• Run - 3 km ✔
• Run - 5 km ✔
• Run - 7 km ✔
• Ride bicycle - 10km ✔
• Rope Skipping - 100x ✔
• Practice Yoga - 15 mins ✔
• Practice Yoga - 30 mins ✔
• Meditation - 10 mins ✔
• Meditation - 20 mins ✔

Accumulated steps: 192,750 steps

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October:

• Walk - 20,000 steps in a day ✔

Accumulated steps: 234,376 steps

Note: I've developed a blister on my left toe due to the crammed shoes and walking a lot more than usual. Then, I had a hard time walking because it was uncomfortably painful.

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November:

• Run - Ultron Run 12 km (running event) ✔

Accumulated steps: 214,147 steps

Note: I wanted a solid 5 k run where I just ran and did not walk. I was not aiming for a personal best; I just wanted to have fun finishing up a 12k run by the end of the month. So by the end of Nov, I did feel confident with my 5k run, and I started working full-time as well, so I didn't have much time to train extensively like I planned (I stopped running 10 days before the run).

The Ultron Run 12k, 30th Nov 2024 : My last running event was in 2017 before I had Sofi, so this event meant a lot to me. The training was done in the gym only, I didn't even have time to train outside in the wild, I just had to make do with everything that I had. Booked it in September, and trained whenever I could. The impressive thing I could do in this run was to know exactly how long I'd run, even without checking on the tracking. I told my brother that we reached our 5k and when he asked how I knew, I said to him that I knew my body well enough and that I trained for a 5k (I checked the phone afterward to prove a point and it was right). Soon after, I knew every km we reached because I could tell how long I had run through it all. It was surprising for me as well.

The special: In this run, I did not listen to any music, only focused on my breath and my run. I treated this run as a closure for the phase I was stuck in for a while, and I'm hoping that I proved myself and everyone else wrong - for having all the doubts and anxiety, in thinking that I couldn't do it, in thinking that I'm physically "weak and feeble" person, that I wasn't strong enough to get through this. I dedicated this run to the person I was 2 years ago when I opened the portal to the unknown. 

Well, I made it out baby. 

Yes, I did, and I did it alone.

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December:

It has been mostly a slow month. After the Ultron Run, I had my slow healing phase (for a week), and then I went to a group yoga and sound bath healing session the next weekend. I did not push to run right after; there was nothing I was training for, kan. Then, there was a phase when I started running again whenever I could. I do a run and a digital bike ride back to back. I struggled with managing my stress in December because of the many decisions I have had to make lately. I hate it, I hate that I am struggling. Langsung tak best. 

So I run, and I run some more sampai sore. I am so proud of myself for pushing myself forward, for all the runs, and for making efforts - every single time. I will get through the hard times, and hard times will come again for sure, and I will go through that as well. With God's will, InsyaAllah.

Will probably update the summary on the 31st Dec, kalau rajin. Kalau tak rajin, here's up until 25/12/24:

For that, I'm wrapping up the year 2024 and I see you again in 2025 🌸