I'm obsessed with improving myself. Did I ever write about that? I’ve known this for a while now. I noticed it when I looked back and found several of my own dictionaries books where I collected all the words I wasn’t familiar with, not just writing them down but also their meanings. I read a lot too. I make a list every year and count how many books I’ve read.
In high school, I used to write extra essays just so the teacher could read and give feedback. I love learning languages. I can speak Malay, English, a bit of Japanese, and some basic French. I would love to master Japanese, Arabic, Mandarin, and French. I don’t even know why. I just really love languages.
I’ve had my own savings account since I was born and I try to update it every few months, even just a bit. I draw a lot too because I want my talent to be something people would pay for.
So yeah, in conclusion, this is obviously not really normal. Ngahaha. What am I even talking about? I'm so freakin' bored. I want to write something deep and thoughtful, but I end up talking gibberish. No one’s going to get what I mean anyway.
I feel like my boyfriend isn’t really interested in listening to me anymore. Do I talk too much? Yeah... sometimes. I know that. And I really like annoying people. Ahaha. But that’s a part of me. It can’t be separated, you know?
How do I really make someone listen?
Like, do guys hate it when girls talk nonsense? I mean, I’m not nonsense all the time. Just sometimes. When I get all cheery and full of ideas and opinions. I just want to be heard. I love being listened to, not by a crowd, just one person. One person is enough. Is that too much to ask?
A blog is where I express feelings, right? So here's a confession: I accidentally told U (my ex) that I’m sorry I ignored him all these years. I also said sorry for acting like crap. And then I told him we could meet and just talk as friends. But at the same time, I was like, “What am I saying? I can’t meet him!” Yeah, I made a mistake. Yeah, I feel sorry. But I can’t really meet him as an old friend. It’s complicated. It’s not fun.
So now he probably thinks I’m double crap, ignoring his texts and pretending I forgot what I said. Great. Just great. Talk about evil.
I’m a selfish freak. And I know that. And I’m not going to change that. Because I am selfish. Screw it.
My head feels like it’s going to explode. I want to say some really bad words. My eyes are tired. But I want to keep going. I want a Polaroid camera. Does that even make sense? Maybe it does.
I’m desperate. I am. Right now I’m just desperate to be heard.
