Little Stories 304: The Concert ✦⋆

The Concert:

Last weekend I went to Yuna's concert. 

It was eventful; it was my February highlight. I waited since 2010. I wore something shiny, I put on glitters and diamond stickers, and I sang with her. It is good that I can just let my guard down and wear something I wouldn't wear when I want to (it used to be a struggle). 

I enjoyed those 2 hours of songs collected over years of heartbreaks, confusion, and pain. It was magical, her voice was beautiful, and her performance was amazing. My early adult self must be so happy that we managed to wait this long. I'm thanking myself for buying the ticket, it was worth it.

You know what's missing? A printed ticket- it would be so nice to have something tangible to commemorate the event ✦

Here's from her latest EP:

 

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The Exhaustion:

 

I've been pilling up activities upon activities in my already busy schedule. I am somewhat exhausted, but I don't even listen to myself anymore. I run or bike every busy week that I am having. I don't want to, but I do it anyway. Definitely managing my stress better, but perhaps I am feeling extra exhausted and probably under-nourished, and I can't seem to find the balance. I am always hungry, but I don't feel like eating. And I know what it is, sure. But I can't seem to manipulate my mind into handling it better. Having human emotion is so exhausting. 

Here I am, educating myself, self-explaining these conditions that I'm having like a third-person would because I'm well aware of this. I don't even want to ride this emotional rollercoaster, but all my efforts to navigate this better were tossed elsewhere, hidden, ghosted. I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. And I don't know what I should do. I'm not good at being stagnant in one place. 

I can't read because I'm also mentally exhausted due to the busy week we've been having lately. In my free time, I play Sofi's game (Hello Kitty Island Adventure) and collect all the tiny tidbits that we need to loot all around the island. I can't even watch anything online. 

I run or I bike, then I work, and I manage Sofi, on repeat. 

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Random:

• Here, I designed the ebook - free to download. 
• Have you tried Notion's Faces? So cute, I did mine. It is a custom portrait that you can use as your profile photo. Love the illustration ‪‪❤︎‬
• Baca AlMulk at night and AlWaqiah in the morning - every day. It helped me; it might help you too.

Little Stories 303: My First Gathering

Hosted my first housewarming party last weekend:

I convinced myself in thinking that I need to host something for the first time at my house, to bring in good energy, to start the year with good vibes, and to make an effort to have more people in my life. I prepared for months (since Dec to be exact). Slowly, but it was definitely something that I've been mentally preparing for a while. 

I bought the furniture I believed I needed for future gatherings, ordered, waited, pushed the heavy boxes to my house, and assembled them myself with sweat and determination. Like you would be proud kalau tengok how I was pushing myself macam this was a paid small project. Then I cleaned up the house little by little, even thinking through the details of where to put the lights (there were several btw) and how many extension cords I should prepare, or where to put the charging station, or where should they solat, or crafting the e-invite (on the new Apple app: Invites) or what should Sofi wear. A lot of prepping, because I honestly never hosted any gathering at my new place (and perhaps the last one was during the Pilihan Raya several years back in the old house).  

Plus, it can be overwhelming because I will go through everything in my head, and I annoyingly plan everything. I recognize this pattern; this came from my Ma, she's super intense when she plans. It's not that I wanted everything to be perfect; on the day of the event, I flowed well; I just don't want any surprises. I used to have a channel out when I was overwhelmed, now, I need to figure everything out myself, so I rather prepare.

Technically, it was a potluck party, so I didn't have to cook everything alone, but they all chip in and cook/bought something that we can eat together ♥️

The gathering was great; there were around a dozen people. 

But it was mostly a chill session. I don't know who started with the yuna karaoke, but that happened. Ha.

Alhamdulillah, it was a great sussess.

I bangun at 5am to masak2, kalau tak best, I don't want to host anything again. Hm. 

Note: I had eaten leftovers for several days after that :D

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Aside from that:

I've been feeling unwell since last week. It started with a sore throat, sandy, but no cough. I lost my voice on Friday. I was feeling physically fine most of the time, but later on the weekend, I started feeling chilly. I hid in the comforter, but I sweated because the night was hot, so it was double chilly. My body was feeling cold, but the weather was hot. Feeling a bit uncomfortable, but fairly manageable. I definitely caught something, right?   

Little Thing 283: Relearning Conversation ♥

 

On Learning How to Make a Meaningful Conversation:

Just like learning how to dance with someone new, it will usually be awkward the first few times because you'll need to learn the steps, to feel how the body fits with each other, learn the movements and the flows, where both ends need to contribute to make the dance flow effortlessly. It is a two-person activity.

So the more we practice dancing with that person, the better it gets. Some people can dance the first time together and get everything flows effortlessly, that's beautiful - the chemistry feels divine, kan. Tapi for most of us that don't do that much dancing, they might feel slightly wonky, awkward, you don't know when you should do something, you don't know how to take the cues or take the lead.

Every time you dance with other partner, it is totally different, you will need to restart, and it is important to be open to learn about each other. Some people just don't want to dance with you, some people take a lot of time to be okay with the idea of dancing, some people love to dance but they don't know how to dance with a partner, some people love to lead a dance, some people feel awkward to dance with others but okay with dancing alone. You know, there is this level of openness. 

I am not exactly talking about dancing, but that's how I relate to it in making sense to myself when I'm trying to have a meaningful conversation with people. I am at this stage where I have to make an effort to put myself out there and face the fear of connecting with people, and it needs a lot practice. So, I had this moment yesterday when I relate the similarities between making a conversation and having a 1-on-1 dancing session. 

When I see it this way, it kinda make sense kan. Why having a conversation is actually hard (for me), I can be quite intense and honest, but I can also be totally out of it as well, depending on who I'm talking with. When they put me in this challenge, it make me think about how to make conversation more intentional, so I do need to make some sort of research beforehand, to think through what I want to know and ask, and how to make the conversation 'meaningful' for both of us. 

My supervisor asked me; "What's about conversation that you feel you want to learn, because the scope is wide." 

That also make me ask myself, "what do I feel I'm lack of and what do I want to improve?". 

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It is hard enough to reach to other souls and put your heart bare on a silver platter each time, but at the same time, as D put it; "Don't care too much", as long as you get the clarity and the message right, just do you. Don't focus on sounding stupid or ashamed of what/how you think/feel or assume what others might judge you for, because you will never know unless you try, plus, you can't ever stop people from judging you anyway.

I found the advice quite useful.

So, I'm going to bare my soul to reach others souls as much as I needed lah, and be okay with difficulties and challenges, because I am not perfect and this needs a lot of practice to be better with. You know how Howl gave Calcifer his heart in exchange of magical power, that also make Howl detached from any emotional attachments and his tendency to avoid relationship - because he got no heart? 

Yes, putting your heart on a silver platter is needed to form a meaningful relationship, as being honest and open are needed in forming a good conversation. I guess I need to keep on trying until they accept my hands and try to have a dance with me. And if they don't, it is also fine. 

Happy Friday.

Glad to be back ♥

Little Thing 282 : TLC for Ladies ✿

 

Okay, I'm going to share with you life necessities for women (or men, as long as you have a wife, sisters, mothers, or any ladies that you care about in life). This might be useful.

1. The Soothing Tea - Learn to make this warming and soothing tea for your hard days (pre-menses and during menses). So I bought this in bulk, poured everything out in a big container, mixed it, and kept it in the fridge. Every time my body needs some TLC, I make this for myself. Click on this list to buy it on Shopee, this is from my go-to shop:

• Ginger slice
• Red dates slices
• Longan kering
• Rosebuds
• Goji berries
• Peach gum
• Lemon slice

If you are too lazy to do this, you can buy the cube version of Ginger Tea with Molasses (bloaty and nauseous phase). It is a bit too sweet for my taste, but try it. I love it when I wake up early in the morning and can make this tea, especially when I'm bloated from hormones and everything. 

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2. Magnesium Spray—I have a sleeping problem. I always wake up earlier than I should. Maybe it is hormonal, or maybe it is stress; I don't know. So, this magnesium spray helps me have a much deeper, longer sleep. Sometimes, it works, and sometimes, it doesn't, count the good days. 

But I always appreciate the nights when I have a completely 'full blackout' session. 

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3. The Weighted Blanket - I got this for my birthday, my blanket is 4kg. It is supposed to help you get a high quality sleep, yes, it feels like a hug, and it feels good when your body is sore from physical activities. I'm always cold, so I'm a blanket person. Get this blanket, lay on your sofa, and rerun Pride and Prejudice or Bridgerton (your pick). 

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4. MOOM's - cramp/less or de/bloat 

My cramps are manageable, so I don't take anything. But my bloaty phase is really bad and I needed a quick fix, I take Moom and it usually works. I bought it several times already because it just works compared to all the other things in the drugstore - and this is natural. 

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5. Good soup. The basic one is the egg drop soup, very easy to make.

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All my life, I wish someone would take care of me when I'm having my menses (sebab it can be awful and dreary), but I buat sendiri je lah semua.  So, I share this with you, go do something nice for your closest family and friends because this cycle repeats every month kan. Cmana la we can go on living our normal lives when our body is feeling so awful, I don't know how we do it every time, we are just amazing. 

If you have anything else useful to add, feel free to add in the comment! ✿

Little Thing 281 : January Highlights

The Taiwan Trip

Got back home from Taiwan in the first week of Jan and apparently left a part of my heart there.

The Birthday Month:

• Celebrated my birthday with the family
• Bought myself a bunch of yellow and white flowers - of hopes and dreams
• Did manicure for the first time - it was weird, but my nails were all clean and shiny, love it. 
• I finally bought my own sofa. I wanted a comfy sofa for the longest time but it is such a huge purchase kan. So, this year, I decided to just buy one, I make my own decision and bought one without asking for anyone's opinion. So proud of myself. My sofa's name is Mr Danny Sir. That's another present for myself. I also bought some furnitures and assembled them myself. 

Social Meetups (every social meetup is a small win for me, because I am not a social person and this is a very uncomfortable thing for me - but I assigned myself this challenge since last year to make an effort in connecting with more human):

• Met AP after more than 10 years - AP texted me, wished me a birthday wish and I think that was a sign that I might need to try to make more friends again, so, we finally met during one of the weekend. I thought AP would never meet me again after what I did post-uni (I was MIA forever)
• Met MC after our trips to update - we spent 3 hours at Flaaah, then we visited some lanes in Petaling Street, walked over to CM to checkout the booths and then spent another hour eating gelato. I don't know what I did to have this privilege. Tqiu MC - now that we can agree that I can call you my friend instead of my former English teacher kan. 
• Oh yes, and I also saw Aina at CM, that was exciting. She has this lovely vibe that I always love.
• The siblings meetup (but without Aja) - we talked about our plans, reflections, latest gossips, doubts and decisions. It's so good to be able to just faking adulthood together. 
• Siti's wedding - went to Seremban for their wedding. Sofi was sick so that was not so fun.
• Birthday teatime potluck party - with my dad :F , my other mom, my siblings, and family friends. 
• CNY gathering - with my mom and my siblings. I was rather socially exhausted to be honest, and spent the next day managing migraine and the pain. 

Run: 

• I did my first 10k of 2025 (MAIWP Run Putrajaya), it was slow - 1:31 but the important thing is I did it, it rained heavily halfway during the run and the wind blew hard. I was drenched and cold. Took the train back home and was shaking all the way. I had a nice loooooong hot shower and had a short nap afterwards. I was off running the whole week post 10k.

Work:

My probation is up, I was offered a full-time position and I accepted it! I told them to let me observe and join all the meetings because I need to learn to participate in human interaction practice as much as I could - that explains a lot of meetings and zoom call with clients. Hah hah hah. I even make a LOT of awkward conversations with the people from NZ and AU team because they do really push me to make the 'connection' outside of work (this is a huge struggle - but I consider this as a part of my job that I was paid for). 

Books: Time to read is a privilege, I will forever miss you, time ❤︎

• On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong
• The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo

Random:

Since I've been working full-time, I really pushed myself to do a lot of uncomfortable stuffs, things that I rather not do, activities that I know will drain me, I make efforts to really put myself out there, within the society - just to get a hang out of it, as practice, as a skill that I might need to polish or will find useful. 

But, but, but, even though I am doing all these things out of my comfort zone (which sounded great - my IG is colourful with activities now), I still 50 times rather pursue my quiet, slow pace normal life. I rather bloom in the background, invisible to the public eyes, I rather have intimate close-knit people that I can be myself with, but I don't have that. So I had to play this game, just to push myself out there every week, as a challenge to myself. 

So I've been diligently making weekly activities that I could do to spend the time outside, than spending more time in front of the screen. I make an effort to meet people during my off days and do activities outside of work. It is a massive change for me. 

 

Taiwan Trip : The Winter Trip Summary

Pre-Planning: I did this last minute and booked the ticket just less than 3 weeks before the trip. No extensive pre-planning like I usually do, I got 2 weeks of holiday from the office, and I decided to use it to complete one of my 2024/25 goals - The Taiwan Trip. 

I used Notion to plan and track everything, I also make used of their AI function to ask what/how I should make use of the week I was in Taiwan. I went there during the busiest holiday (Christmas & New Year), so there was a difficulty in finding accommodation, had to jump from Airbnb and hotels 5 times during the short stay. I left Sofi with Af and went on this trip with my younger brother.

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Itinerary:

• Day 1: Taoyuan, Taipei
• Day 2: Jiufen, Taipei
• Day 3: Taoyuan
• Day 4: Taipei > Taichung
• Day 5: Taichung
• Day 6: Taichung > Taipei
• Day 7: Taoyuan 
• Day 8: Beitou, Taipei

If I could repeat this again, I probably wouldn't go to Taichung on that date because everything was closed on that one free day we were in Taichung, and Taichung was far from Taipei - but, we had no other choice but to go out of the main city during those busy holidays. 

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How much we walked: I walked and hiked around 75 km in that week. Love it. I walked around 7 - 14 km per day. I wore good walking shoes, so my legs were not in pain, but my back was sore because I brought my backpack everywhere. I guess this is a sign that I need to strengthen my upper body. Also, extra socks, always bring extra socks and of course, shoe deodorizer.  

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Return flight tix: This also includes 7kg+ extra carriers, side-by-side seats, and flight insurance.

Total: RM 1920 / 2 = RM 960 per person

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Accommodation: I planned this last minute, during the busiest season in the year (Christmas + New Year holiday). So everything was almost fully booked, we had to book from Airbnb, Agoda, and several hotel from Trip app : 5 places in a week. 

Total: RM 1643.26 / 2 = RM 821.63 per person

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Camera: I bought a pre-loved Papershoot Camera as a backup - sempena we were going to Taiwan, it would be fun to use a Made in Taiwan product (as I was aiming for one for a while now, and it was my early birthday present). I'm planning to use the pictures I took from this camera in the zine.

Preloved Camera = RM 300

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Insurance: I bought the insurance from TnG app brought to you by AIA.

Total: RM 58 for a week in Taiwan

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Winter Attire: I used my old winter attire (still works wonderfully even after 6 years from the only trip I managed to use). So, for the winter season above 15°C, these worked for me:

• Uniqlo heat tech shirt long sleeve +
• Uniqlo Ultra Light Down +
• Uniqlo Winter Coat
• Long john + jeans

But below 0 - 15°C back in the day, I also added another thick winter sweater + long johns + extra shirt. Even then, the coldness crept in and I can't function. 

What I would change in the future for my winter attire? I would exchange jeans for something more comfortable and versatile. So I can have pants with more pockets during long walks and hikes, stretchy for happy tummy and not as rigid as jeans (maybe dah tua) and sweater for sleeping/home use sbb tanak campur dgn baju luar during travel kn, lupa. Tido mcm cocoon dah every night. 

I think it is easy to create a capsule wardrobe for winter trip sebab I managed to only use 2 long sleeve shirts tukar2 the whole week: the dark brown one and the black one. 

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On App:

Klook: To avoid using cash and queue up + I wanted to collect points, I just used klook app to see any attractions that I wanted to go to and bought the ticket from Klook. Very useful. 

• Easycard Taiwan - RM 40.90 (this card is like TnG, buy it early and pick it up at the airport, can topup at their machine)
• Bus Ticket Taipei - Jiufen - RM 12.35
• XPark Taiwan Aquarium Ticket - RM 80.95
• "Art Nouveau" Light & Shadow Exhibition - RM 61.39

Trip.com: It is my first time, yes, I booked all the hotels through Trip. I compared all the basics: Agoda, Booking, Airbnb but found all my accommodation through Trip.com. 

Google Maps: To find places to eat, to hike, to explore. 

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Internet: Just did roaming for 8 days, I think it was around RM 100 from Hotlink app. 

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Payments: As a pre-caution, I made sure I activated 3 debit cards (hahaha, I know, a bit extra kan). 

• So I used up almost all payments in Family Mart, 7/11, Uniqlo, Cosmed, Watson and Daiso using my TnG Debit Card. It is easy because I could just topup the ewallet and control my spending (and to avoid any scam ke accidental big payment). 
• I linked my Wise debit card to Uber when we needed to use Uber there. 
• As for my Maybank debit card, that was "in case of emergency card" (if we needed to book something bigger like flight ticket or hotel). 

I brought RM 800 cash but it wasn't enough - most of the restaurants and small shops asked for cash or Line Pay (if I'm not mistaken). So, bringing more cash would be the best way to shop locally. But you can definitely use cards in the city - local Muslim restaurants, no cards, mostly cash. 

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Bag: I used Bellroy Workpack together with me throughout the whole travel (probably around 2kg daily) - this is where I keep all the important stuff and basic necessities (map, passport, money, daily snack, tissue, book, camera, and water bottle). Then I borrowed Ma's luggage for the other stuffs like clothes (sebab her luggage is only 2.5kg when empty). Paling mencabar is keeping winter clothes in such a small luggage (answer: compression pack/vacuum bag). 

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Food: Tayah la bawak Brahim's ke anything pre-cooked, semua kena rampas kat airport T^T It would be advisable to bring snacks (energy bar, kurma, kismis, nuts sbb very useful for outing). Also, bring daily fiber + vitamin sachets. Other than that, we dined out because we stayed in hotels, mana boleh masak2 pun. At this age, sapa larat makan meggi lagi. Halal foods were easy to find on Google Maps (esp in main cities), just be ready to walk 1-3 km from train stations. 

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Note: I would definitely wanted to come again, like seriously considering to return to enjoy more slow hikes and nature walks. I've never loved any other place since Japan tau T^T Nasib bawak adik yang boleh layan pergi hiking, tqiu Mi :F

Little Things 281: Opss, More on That

 

I've been making a lot of plans, just because it is new year and I had to think through what I wanted to focus on this year. I was way too distracted these past few years. It is unhealthy and not sustainable for my mental well-being. So I decided to learn to refocus, make use of my seriousness and discipline bit, splurge on self-growth, and put aside the irrational part in a box and lock it for now. 

More weekly reflection (because apparently I have too much time thinking):

• I learned that stalking isn't healthy, learned that lesson yesterday so from now onwards (sabo je lah), I will not do this anymore. I will only channel my curiosty towards something worth my energy.
• I learned that being sick is ok. Sofi fell sick, then I fell sick, I had to take 3 days off and that was stressful because I didn't know how to navigate the situation. I told my team the whole thing and my worries as well, and they just asked me to properly rest and they will manage everything just fine. I was surprised and glad and thankful, because they understood and I didn't have to choose between being a mother and my work. Aroha ♥
• Meeting my younger siblings last weekend was good. I didn't realize how much trauma affects us as a person, I thought it was just awful that we had to go through the things that we did. But I see how much we've grown, how much we are making an effort, how much time we are spending in improving ourselves and making better choices and accepting that we are faking this adulthood together. I see both my younger siblings growing up into someone mature, that I would definitely go to if I have problems. I didn't tell them this, but if they read this, well, you are loved and appreciated, I see your effort.
• I think I work out a lot lately, but I don't fuel up my body properly - so I'm super skinny and I'm hungry all the time (plus the fatigue/lightheadness). I enrolled in a Sports Nutrition course from AKK, it is actually for coaches and doctors/nutritionist, but never mind. It might be useful for the certificate that I'm taking soon. 
• Confirming on all the commitments that I'm making this year is a good start, I know it is still early on, but I just wanted a more stable base to start on. I can't deal with more uncertainties and open plans. I had to start strong somewhere, so I've been making commitments for myself. Yes, making step by step plans, ticking up boxes, be mindfully present because nobody else is doing that for me, kan. 
• I reconnected with Ahli Kelab from Matrix and AP from Uniten. A huge pat on my back for the effort. I also addressed my struggles to my 'supervisor' regarding making meaningful connection and she gave a lot of useful points that I could practice. 
• I really miss the hikes in Taiwan, I would want to be back, hopefully soon. 

So, may I know what have you been up to ?

Little Thing 280 : Early Year Reflection

New year, big stuff.

I've been on hiatus for 3 months, and I have a lot of things to catch up on, but I don't feel ready to. So let's avoid that uncomfortable part. 

But one huge part of my 'rediscovery' is relearning how to open myself up to join the work market, connecting with people, teaming up, collaborating, making meaningful relationships, and hopefully inspiring others. I've been working for myself for the past 7 lonely years, and although this is a huge change, I'm trying my best to be positive and flexible with the changes. 

Moving forward, I would want to work with the team at least until I reach my targets. They are achievable, sure, but I will properly sit down, write them all on paper, and make a commitment to these goals. I learned a lot in the past 2 months with them, they are very inspiring. I feel supported and safe with them, they make me feel okay to be a flawed human ♥

If you've been here for a while, you've seen me grow, you've seen me in a tunnel, you've seen me fall and tall, I shared a lot of my different phases here - 18 years is a very long time but I'm still here somehow. Ridiculously loyal to something I committed when I was much younger. But blogging has been a blessing, it feels like a free therapy session, even though most of the time, I feel like I am talking alone to the void. This platform has always been my hiding place to 'almost' be myself. I do a lot of filtering, sure, and can't share everything online, but most of the nerd stuff that I wanted to share is here, and I do reread them from time to time, just to see and compare how much I've grown since I wrote that, or whether I still have the same opinion on that matter. 

I'm very excited about 2025, mostly because I felt like I was stuck for so long, and now I have somewhere I want to be, things I want to do, books I want to read, goals I want to achieve, people I want to connect and things I want to buy. I finally feel like I'm walking under the sun in a big green field, and I have prepared the equipment that I need if I ever need to walk in a dark tunnel again, you know. That depressive phase was challenging and I struggled a lot, but I'm happy that I can still feel so hopeful for the future. Hope is a very powerful thing but when you are depressed, you can't see that. 

So, Alhamdulillah, I am here, and you are here.

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Small task: What I want you to do is take a piece of A5 paper and make a list of things you want to do this year. Be clear, don't be vague. I usually do a really basic one every year. But I changed a bit last year, I intentionally think them through like promises I want to keep and put them up -  just a daily reminder, every time I sit at my table, I can definitely see this commitment on the wall. This is very powerful stuff, and it helped me when I was struggling. 

No cheerleader in your life is more supportive, more loving, more understanding than you. So, be that person for yourself, and of course, we are not here in this world to be alone, so find your people as well and trust them enough to be in your circle (I need to work on this). 

Let's do this together ok. 

If you ever feel alone, just reach out. I'm not good with small talks, but I'm pretty good with handling the big topics, so, feel free to contact me ♥ Let's see how 2025 goes.

Little Stories 302 : New Year 2025, I'm Back !

I senyap2 went to Taiwan, unplanned. 

Well, not impromptu, but only around 2 weeks of planning. I returned from meeting Miss Chin for our usual update session, and she convinced me to just book a ticket to Taiwan, as I've always mentioned (every time I meet her, kahkahkah). She even reminded me and asked for updates several days after, just to see whether I did it or not. I've been wanting to go to Taiwan since I found out about its hiking spots years back during Covid.

So I booked the flight ticket.

My office was closed for 2 weeks, and that 2 weeks will go by with nothing big unless I make it big. So I did it, and I can't cancel it because there was no refund ticket. I was contemplating whether I should proceed with the plan because it was a peak season during the Christmas and New Year holidays, but I did it anyway. That was my motto for last year; "it is okay, do it anyway" and I've been holding on to it. I consider this as my birthday present to myself - no one can top this! Hahah!

I didn't tell the office, and other than Miss Chin, only my immediate family knew (last minute). I asked Af to take care of Sofi during my travel, I arranged the best as I could because it was the first time in 5.5 years that I left her to go somewhere. But she managed it well (it wasn't as dramatic as when Af was outstation, boo). 

Getting accommodations was a hassle because everything was almost fully booked. So, I had to jump from Airbnb to hotels almost every day. So because it was a very unplanned thing, I spent around RM 3.5k for this 8-day trip - I know I can do it for RM 2.8k if I plan it much earlier because Taiwan is much cheaper than Japan. BUT, this is a very last-minute thing and a last-minute plan costs a lot. 

I can tell you a lot of things that I love about this trip, but I'm going to write them in different posts (so I can easily refer to travel posts in the future). Note: I went to Taiwan with my brother, for my mom's peace of mind. 

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So, in the first week of Jan, I already:

• Started my week with a morning hike in Taipei (quick start for ticking my wish list in 2025)
• Celebrated my 38th birthday
• Saw Sofi off for her orientation week - she's now 6!
• Started work again after 2 weeks of holiday

I just want to let you know that I'm back, hello 2025, and happy new year.

♥︎

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2024

Let's continue with the yearly personal wrap-up that I've been doing since 2017. In 2024, I made a small vision board, and on this vision board, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do/achieve. I did achieve more than half of it by the end of 2024, but it was pretty slow earlier on. So, I'm pushing the things that I did not achieve this year to next year and hopefully, I will complete them then. I won't share it here because it is a bit personal, but here's the generic version of things I usually share by the end of each year.

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On Books ✦

This year is a good book year. My best friends were books, I spent so much time with books in general, I went to the library every so often, bought some books, and borrowed some more. I spent my loneliest time with books, trying to understand the poignant part of living - macam they can somehow help me understand things, thus explaining why I read books that evoke hard feelings.

I consumed 47 books from Jan - Oct, and stopped reading once I started working full-time, it was a nice bookish journey.

Here are my top 5 books:

• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• Please Look After Mom by Kyoong-Sook Shin
• Greek Lesson by Han Kang
• Beauty and Sadness by Yasuwari Kawabata

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On Living ✦ and Surviving

Ugh, this year has been a total disaster. Fell into a hole, stuck in there for a while, struggled to get going, and went into a very sad, anxious, and depressed phase. Finally, I worked things out, made changes, and forced myself to be more flexible, adapted, and more resilient, I guess, but in return, I got bitter as well. 

Oh, I hate being bitter, but that's the way my life is going at this moment, and I'm finding joy and love in other things, trying out new things, exposing myself to new environments, meeting new people, challenging my way of doing things and just try to enjoy living. I need good vibes, people. Shower me with good vibes, I just can't do ugly vibes at this point. I think I deserve a break, I finally came out of the hole kan, and it's been more than 2 years.

So, I'm trying my best to just focus on good energy.

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On Work ✦

I don't want to jinx this, but I love my new job, and I love the team and the vibes and the things that they are doing. They are just shooting good vibes from all sides and I am openly showing my vulnerable side upfront in hopes of getting more support from wherever I can. T^T Like, "Please adopt me, everyone, I need your love and support, no pressure" - I'm ready to put in the effort in growing my circle because life will always be shitty every once in a while (or all the time - depending on where you are right now), so if you could have one thing, have a good support system that can be there for you. 

I'm done doing things alone. 

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On health and moving ✦

Yes, compared to where I was in early 2024 and now. I am in much better health, mentally and physically. I can run, and I manage my stress and anxiety better, sure I run a lot, but at least I'm not spiraling anymore. The weight didn't improve, probably because I ran a lot, but whatever works lah. 

I'm good, Alhamdulillah, I'm in a much better state. I can sleep better as well (ps: magnesium spray!)

Total Distance: 244 km

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On making friends ✦

I reconnected with an old friend about a month ago and was as nervous as I would when I cared too much. We met, and we exchanged old stories, and later, we followed each other on IG. One morning, I noticed that I was blocked and unfollowed. There must be reasons for this to happen just a month later kan, I know, I know, I knooow, but I am very insecure about making connections with people because I have my "issues", so I cried macam budak kesian, this felt too much like school. I care, I care, I stupidly, insecurely care, and I can tell 1001 feel-good things to my own ears, but at the end of the day, I still care anyway. 

Then I sweated it off with a 13km session because it was just a bit too painful, how else do you healthily manage a roller-coaster emotional ride other than to sweat it off. Well, I could just simply ask, but at this age, why would we force something that isn't wanted.

This year is a very odd year where I accidentally met a lot of people that I know from my past. 

But that's ok, I'll try to make new friends (like I will make an effort again, I promise I will try next year!)

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On being vulnerable ✦

I will always try my best to be upfront with my vulnerable side, I wear it on my sleeve because we are human with flaws anyway. Some people just choose to pick the happy beautiful side to focus on and only share that on social media, I totally get it. But at the end of the day, the darker shades of emotions are still there with you in the shadow, and those, too, are YOU. I choose to bring both to the table even if they make people uncomfortable. 

You need to be humbled by life to understand that pain will always be here, and it is totally ok to accept and befriend it like a bitter friend. I'm ok with being imperfect. 

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Coming into 2025 ✦

If life could be about one thing, I want it to be about spreading love and more positive vibes to people. So, let's bring it to the table.

Let's welcome 2025 and I hope you have had a blast! .𖥔 ݁ ˖