BB - Sofi is 4

Sofi turned 4 last weekend ♡

We celebrated at my mom's in Nilai to cater larger crowd that we invited (but mostly none came, hah hahaha). From now on, Sofi's birthday party is family-only party until she gets her own friends that she wants to invite ok - no more open party. I was so bitter last weekend I felt like canceling the event, but it was not 'my' party and we did have fun eventually. Seriously, I can't believe now I had to care whether I have friends or not just so Sofi has same-age friends to play with. 

Anyway, it was not my day, it was Sofi's day and I'm glad she had so much fun.

Thank you to my ma & siblings for all the homemade foods ♡- I requested a potluck party so we each had to make something ourselves. I woke up at 5 am just to make trays of macaroni + cheese, Aja made quiche and peach strudel, ma made mi kari, bubur jagung durian and prepared fruits, Azmi made the cake, the tarts and the cupcakes, and Azura made the sandwich. 

We all wore Ma's purple Zanubah shirt, so it coincidently match Sofi's Twilight Sparkle theme. This is the year she 'requested' for her little pony's birthday party. So we all played along with the purple theme as well. She was so excited to be the main character of the event - she wanted to wear 'the party hat', or 'the cape'. She knew it was her birthday, her cake, her candle, her spot. All, quite interesting for me to watch because she is my total opposite and she's developing her own personality that is alien to mine. She is so expressive and she voices it out, while I'm timid and I don't say much in public. I'm figuring out a way to guide her the best that I can but she always surprises me. 

Look, look, look, all the homemade foods :

These are the little achievements or changes for the past year between 3 and 4:

• she started talking
• she started kindergarten
• she got friends at her school
• she improved in night sleeping (this took 3 years..) 
• she stopped wearing diapers altogether (no more night/poopoo pampers)
• she got obsessed with My Little Pony
• she chooses her own clothes nowadays
• she can ride her scooter up to 2+ km while I'm running
• she has her own 'makeup' routine before she goes to school
• she knows her ABC and 1-10 (in 3 languages)
• she can write her name
• she's very clingy to me (she used to be clingy with Af)
• oh, she exchanged her best friend 'baba' for the new pony plushie 

She has 2 more years before starting school, and yes, the toddler years went by quite fast once she gained more confidence in doing things herself. Lately, she's been saying that she is no longer a 'bb' (baby) and she is a 'big girl'. She told Af not to pokpok her to sleep because she wants to sleep herself or she will take the weighing machine, weigh herself and show me that she is now 'big'. I don't know where this obsession with 'growing up' came from, because I never really pushed her if she is not ready. 

Anyway, she's my darling and I hope I will be her best friend as long as she needed me to be.

Happy birthday, bb.

Little Story 241 : Surviving Sofi's first Flu

Sofi had her first viral flu - her first cold and cough. The last time she had fever was more than a year ago. We aren't fully equipped in managing Sofi while she's sick because she hardly fall sick (Alhamdulillah), so it is expected for me to deal with this with anxiousness and worries. She's 2.5 years old and we are so glad that it took this long for it to happen (I've been anxiously waiting for the time). She needed her body to react and create antibodies for the future :F

She was weak at times and active when the medicine kicked in. She was fussy, clingy and very picky when it came to her food intake, but she still drank her milk. We fed medicine through her milk and yogurt - it was not ideal but at least she won't throw up.

There were nights when we hardly sleep and I was in alert mode, catering to her needs and uncomfortableness. The night when her nose was stuffy and she can't breathe. When we can hear her fighting over her phlegm and fever. 

On day 4 of her fever, we went to the doctor, got her blood and covid test, got cleared from dengue, covid or bacterial infection. So the doctor said it was most probably a viral infection.

What helps other than her medicine :

• Kool fever baby (refreshing mint) - to help her breathe and reduce the heat
• Nasal spray (Sterimar Baby) - to unclog her nose
• Nose aspirator - haven't used it yet, at this moment the nasal spray helps a lot
• Essential Oil (Eucalyptus, peppermint, lemon, tea tree) - to diffuse throughout the day
• Vicks Baby Balsam (the pink one) - also to help her breathe
• Small napkins (a lot of them) - to use for snot and what not, wash daily

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It took 6 days for the on-off fever to go away and today is day 11 of her cold and cough. 

She is still on medication (twice daily), I'm still using the nasal spray twice daily to help her unclog her nose and I gave her honey when she cough too bad. 

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Our go-to children clinic is Klinik As-Salam in Bangi (24 hours).

First visit : RM 164 - Consultation, medication, blood and Covid test.

Second visit : RM 96 - Sofi's fever spiked to 38.9 °C at 3 am , so we went straight to the clinic, doctor inserted suppository (anal paracetamol). I also bought the nasal spray and aspirator there.

There is no clinic more friendly, more welcoming than Klinik As-Salam, in handling worried parents after midnight. I went here twice after midnight and I'm always thankful for their hospitality. 

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She hates to cough so much because it made her puke and so she always restrains herself from coughing by clenching her teeth. It is odd and uncomfortable to see her so determine to not cough, we can hear her breathing through her phlegm. So I always tell her that it is okay to cough it out, and it is okay to puke. We are still using the nasal spray to help dissolve thick mucus. She only refused to get her nose sprayed during the first 2 days, then later she seems like she enjoyed it (like a game).

Here are all the random toys I bought to bribe or calm her when we had to go to the clinic, or asked her to try the medicine, or when she puked all over. 

Pregnancy Story : FPP Experience in Putrajaya Hospital 2019

This is my FPP experience in 2019.

Full-paying patient or FPP is a program where we can choose to pay for a 1st class service with a choice of specialist in hand (copy-pasted from their website). I wanted to share about this because I researched a lot of blogs when I was pregnant with Sofi and I found the reviews were so useful. So here's my input :

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I chose the FPP program because I wanted to really have a spot at the hospital when the time comes and I wanted to choose my own specialist. It was my first pregnancy and everything was really scary, so I needed to have the comfort of knowing who would handle the delivery and I needed to have Af by my side (all the time). I can't imagine having to deal with it alone :F Heard a lot of stories about that from public hospital experiences. 

I made my first booking through the phone when my pregnancy reached the 2nd trimester. I made an appointment with the doctor of my choice; Dr Hamidah at Hospital Putrajaya. My first appointment was scheduled for May 2019 (my delivery was due in July 2020).

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First appointment: When we first came, we had to register as FPPatient (fill in a form) and make a payment of RM 235 (including registration, consultation, and scan). Then I had to take a number at the gynecologist counter and did a urine test. Then the waiting began. Meeting the doctor was quick (maybe around 10 minutes if you don't have many questions), updated her on my case, did a scan to check on the baby, and set for the next appointment. That's it - it took around almost 3 hours.

We did 3 compulsory checkups before the delivery date. 

38th week: I met my doctor and we decided on the procedure, the date, and the time to induce the baby - because I have gestational diabetes so we can't postpone or wait for long (everything needed to be planned). We decided to have a natural birth. 

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This is what happened on the day (based on my previous post) :

When we reach Hospital Putrajaya :

• I registered (it was at midnight)
• The nurses asked me to change to their hospital clothes
• They took some blood, checked my pulse, and put something like a belt on my tummy to check the baby's heart rate and my contraction level (the nurse mentioned that my contraction was really intense and how was I holding up ? - it was mostly around 80%+ )
• It was late at night, so there wasn't any doctor around except an intern. 2 intern doctors tried to do a vaginal examination on me and weren't sure how dilated I was =.= ( It was around 1 cm ). 
• I was admitted and sent to a room (shared with another woman with a newborn baby). Af came to the room later with my bags.
• I didn't sleep much, it was an intense night. My contractions were strong and long, I remember holding on to AF, tears falling down on my cheek without I realized I was crying, silently. I guess I was in pain.
• Morning came, and I was exhausted. The nurse checked my blood pressure and my contraction level. The nurse asked me to walk around the corridor, so I spent the morning walking. 
• At 3 p.m., I finally met my doctor. She did another vaginal examination, it was only 3 cm. I'm not sure if I'm right, but she had to do a 'membrane sweeping' to help induce the labor. In this procedure, the doctor wore a glove and swept the inside of the cervix in a circular motion to stretch it out. It was so painful. This was the most traumatic moment during my whole stay at the hospital. I cried afterward because I felt somewhat abused (by the procedure). Later I decided to take an epidural as the doctor suggested because the doctor said that "the delivery will be much much worse than that pain that you just felt". Hah.
• Things moved fast after 3 pm, I was already 24 hours into contraction. They took me for an epi and prepared me, I waited in the labor room shaking (because I was cold due to the epi and had really strong surges), they also gave me something on a drip to induce the labor and they broke my water as well. Most of the time I was just trying to follow the surges. Already too tired to function, I haven't eaten for so long. Oh, was the Epi shot painful? Not so - for me. I'm used to taking shots because I donated blood many times. 
• At 8 p.m., the doctor came. I think Sofi came out in less than 10 minutes *with the doctor's help. She vacuumed the head because I was losing it. I became too tired, I knew to push when they asked me to push, but I didn't know how far I go - with Epi, I don't really feel the piercing pain, just a lot of painful pressure.
• By the time they put Sofi on my tummy and she cried, I was too tired, I couldn't open my eyes. 
• They took Sofi out to clean her, and Af was asked to wait outside. He said he probably waited for 30 - 60 mins, he wasn't sure. I delivered the placenta, and the doctor stitched and cleaned me up. I can't remember much because I was groggy but I was awake for the whole procedure.
• I didn't see her again until they cleaned us up, then the nurse passed Sofi to Af for him to sing iqamat to her and passed it to me so I could 'try' to breastfeed her (guided but it was so hard). 
• Then I was wheeled to my room back with Sofi in my hand :D

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About money :

First appointment: RM 235 (including registration, consultation, and scan)

Monthly checkup consultation fees: RM 100 or RM 60 for the repeat cases, and maybe more if you need to do a checkup scan.

You'll need to put in a deposit of RM 3,000 upon your admission, be ready if there are extra fees that you'll need to pay once you are released, and don't worry you'll get back the balance if it doesn't reach RM 3,000.

Normal delivery : RM 1,200 - RM 3,000

Caesarean : RM 3,500 - RM 4,900

I checked the detailed receipt and here's the information if you are curious about the payment, I was curious when I was pregnant and I was really worried if it would go over our budget. But it didn't.

During the hospital stay :

Admission fees: RM 10

First class (double beds): RM 300 per day x 2 = RM 600

Labor room delivery: RM 250

Consum/disposables: RM 84.60

Pharmacy: RM 94.30

Consultation fees (ward visit): RM 60 x 3 = RM 280

Consultation fees (ward visit) - after office hours: RM 120 x 3 = RM 360

Procedure :

Cardiotocograph : RM 30 x 2 = RM 60

Cervical ripening (sweep & stretch) = RM 30

Epidural: RM 300

Vacuum delivery: RM 750 

Full Blood Count - Follow up: RM 30 

Total: RM 2,748.90 

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About the room :

We didn't choose the room, I think they just put us by availability at that time. When I was admitted that night, I got the double-bed twin room with a personal toilet that I shared with another lady with a newborn baby. We hardly see each other because of the curtain, so we had privacy during the whole agonizing night. 

Sure, it was comfortable and Af could even stay and sleep next to me on the chair. But we didn't rest much because of the contractions. So the staying experience was a bit blurry in my memory. Now that I can think about that back, I realize that what we had was pretty comfortable. Love the privacy, the personal toilet, the space, and the calm environment. The nurses were always there outside our room. I forgot about the food because those parts are also a bit blurry. The best part was Af, he could stay with me almost all the way (except when I had procedures before the delivery and also some checkups ).

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Pro :

• You can choose your specialist who will be handling you throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and post-delivery
• First class ward - I can't compare because it was my first experience staying in a hospital but my KK experience kinda warned me about the public hospital :F 
• Your husband can stay with you through the night
• You can choose your procedure, and the doctors will guide you. 
• Great services, nice doctors and nurses. They will guide and help you when needed.
• You can choose for female specialist if she is not fully booked. 
• Oh, people mentioned that you can pick your food - yes, there are some options to choose from, but when I stayed there, food wasn't my priority at all. I can't remember much about the food. 

Cons :

• Every single thing will be charged in full, but it is not as expensive as compared to private hospitals. So if you have the budget, go for it. 
• No children below 12 - so if you have other children, they can't visit you.
• You need to book early, good timing is when you just entered the second trimester

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How to :

• 'Walk in' or enquire at the FPPS counter
• Call them: 03-83124316
• Sending email: hpj_info@hpj.gov.my

Note: I called them when my pregnancy reached the second trimester, asked them questions, chose a specialist, and agreed to book an appointment when my pregnancy reached the third trimester. You need to book it early to ensure that you'll have a spot. You need to know your estimated due date (edd) as well - it is needed to set your date of appointment. 

Mommy Post : The night

// Note : This is a long kept post. When I posted this, Sofi is already 10 months old.

My contraction started one day before I was supposed to be admitted to the hospital. I was having much intense Brixton-Hicks contractions and pelvic pain for over 2 weeks before the date - making me question whether I was in labour or not every day. When it started to really happen, I thought that it might still be false labour. 

My back pain started to get intense throughout the day and around 4 pm I started to get the first real intense contraction. I had to stand out and breathe through the contraction (that's how I know it was different). Sitting down was uncomfortable. I told my mom-in-law and she told me to slowly walk around the house. Then I told my sister because she was in the area (she came right after). Af was getting ready to come back home from work, so I didn't want him to worry. I told him when he arrived home, "it's happening".  

The contraction faded in the evening, and slowly built up again. I rested around 9 pm to get ready (just in case), and around 11 pm it got super intense and I no longer could sleep. We then decided to go to the hospital that night.

I remember we stopped by at 7/11 in Putrajaya near the hospital so that I could buy some bread to eat.

When we reach Hospital Putrajaya :

• I registered
• The nurses asked me to change to their hospital clothes
• They took some blood, checked my pulse, put something like a belt on my tummy to check the baby's heart rate and my contraction level (the nurse mentioned that my contraction was really intense and how was I holding up ? - it was mostly around 80%+ )
• It was late at night, so there weren't any doctor around except intern. 2 intern doctors tried to do vaginal examination on me and wasn't sure how dilated I was =.= ( It was around 1 cm ). 
• I was admitted and sent to a room (shared with another Chinese woman with a baby). Af came to the room later with my bags.
• I didn't sleep much, it was an intense night. My contractions were strong and long, I remember holding on to AF, tears falling down on my cheek without I realized I was crying, silently. I guess I was in pain.
• Morning came, I was exhausted. The nurse checked my blood pressure and my contraction level. The nurse asked me to walk around the corridor, so I spent the morning walking. 
• At 3pm, I finally met my doctor. She did another vaginal examination, it was only 3 cm. I'm not sure if I'm right, but she had to do a 'membrane sweeping' to help induce the labour. In this procedure, the doctor wore a glove, and swept the inside of the cervix in circular motion. It was painful. This was the most traumatic moment during my whole stay at the hospital. I cried afterwards because I felt somewhat abused (by the procedure). Later I decided to take an epi.
• Things moved fast after 3 pm, I was already 24 hours into contraction. They took me for an epi, prepared me, I waited in the labour room shaking (because I was cold due to the epi and had really strong surges), they also gave me something on a drip to induce the labour and they broke my water as well. Most of the time I was just trying to follow the surges. Already too tired to function, I haven't eaten for so long.
• At 8 pm, the doctor came. I think Sofi came out in less than 10 minutes *by the doctor's help. She did sucked the head, because I was losing it. I became too tired, I knew to push when they asked me to push, but I didn't know how far did I go - with epi I don't really feel the piercing pain, just a lot of pressure.
• By the time they put Sofi on my tummy and she cried, I was too tired, I can't open my eyes. 
• I didn't see her until they cleaned us up. 

The two days after was chaos. I fainted in the bathroom after I tried to pee, I was still too tired. No one mentioned how much blood that I'll be seeing afterwards, huh. The whole experience was surreal and exhausting. I just wanted it to be over.

Sofi had jaundice so she had to be put under the light. She won't sleep without sucking, so I hardly slept. We stayed a bit too long before the doctor released us *due to the jaundice. Af didn't sleep for 2 days. Things were a bit overwhelming. 

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Personally, the whole 6 months after Sofi came out was physically and mentally challenging. I was trying to heal, and at the same time cope with a new baby in our lives. Writing this down is odd, because I didn't enjoyed the process much. But it became much better after 6 months. 

I could write so many things that I struggled during the early phase, I guess I really don't like to be weak and unpredictable. I am someone that need to plan things and want to be in control. This situation put me in an odd phase of "just follow the flow". It was so painful to endure. I had to ask for help, a lot. I didn't like that, at all. 

I always thought that I was ready. 

But motherhood is a life-long learning phase. 

And I don't think we will ever graduate from one.  

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Do you want to know what I remember that intense night ?

Apocalypse, by Cigarette After Sex :

I can't thank Af enough for helping me get through the night, and Aja for so many things in my life post-pregnancy.

Mommy Post : Sofi and Her Sleep

I started writing this when Sofi turned 4 months old :

We are currently sleep training Sofi.

I do the reading and the researching, and Af is actually working on training her because Sofi likes to sleep on Af's arms (and I can't do everything, I need support). It usually takes twice the effort for me to make her sleep. It is always a struggle, a fight, a drama, or lot's of cries before she actually falls asleep. 

The 4 months sleep regression has just ended, and she's already reaching the 3rd week of 5 months (while I'm writing this). Af been training her since the 4th month after she graduated the forth trimester and ended the newborn phase. It is still a struggle, but we can now put her to sleep by herself after she fell asleep instead of sleeping in our arms for most of the time. She still cries at least once every hour throughout the night before her deep sleep phase (after 3am). Af does all that, the training, giving her bottled milk (at least twice), changing the diaper (once), attending to Sofi's every need - all through the night while I'm resting until 4am. Then I'll take the next shift until she is awake and starts her day. 

We are currently on the 7th week sleep training and still struggling. 

Major achievement : we can now finally put her to sleep on her own after she fell asleep. Baby steps.

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Sofi's sleep journal :

First month : 

The first 2 weeks while she was having jaundice - she slept all the time and we had to force feed her. We thought she was an easy sleeper.

Afterwards - her personality arose, we were wrong : she is a super-light sleeper. It is hard to make her sleep for more than an hour without waking up. The sleeping pattern was all over the place, we were sleep deprived and exhausted.
She needed to be soothe most of the time, so I decided to find a pacifier. We tried several, she accepted the third pacifier : Philips NICU Soothie Pacifier for newborn. It was a success :F I can finally leave her side while she was asleep.

Second month :

She started sleeping through the night - there were several more than 3 hours sleep moments at night. We were hopeful :F We can put her to sleep laying down on her own at night.

Third month : The struggle started. She wanted to be held, all throughout the day and night. I can't do anything, at times, I didn't eat or had to run to go to the toilet, I was stressed out, sleep-deprived and depressed. Af helped me taking care of Sofi when he got home, but it wasn't enough. I was still healing and Sofi wasn't cooperating. She was still having colic many many times and it was bad. The fourth trimester was really challenging for me.

I also bought several essential oils for babies to help her sleep. Well, I don't know whether if it was working, because her sleeping was still a struggle.

Things I use :

• Bedtime by Audelia Naturals  ( I put behind her ears / neck after shower )
• Resty Oil by Tasneem Naturals (Spray onto her sleeping space before sleeping time)
• Oil diffuser + Lavender (15 minutes before sleeping time, for 1 hour)

I can't give reviews about these items, because it was still really hard to make her sleep and she was the worst sleeper. I just hope it helped her a bit (at least if she understand the cue for sleep time).

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Forth month :

The 4-months sleep regression started. She started wailing at night, she cried at least once every hour. We also started sleep training her during this time. The night-wails went on for about 7-8 weeks. During this time Af started working at home, so we took turn taking care of her while working. He helped me a lot. I got better, mentally and emotionally. I started working again. 

Fifth & sixth month :

We can now put her to sleep laying down instead of letting her sleep in our arms while she is sleeping.
She naps 2-3 times during the day, usually around 30-60 minutes (sometimes can even stretch to 2 hours - rarely). She will be awake around 1-3 hours depending on her mood and sleepiness, still gets super cranky when she wanted to sleep but usually gave up and let us help her sleep when we stretched her awake time.

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7th month : Basically it is still the same. Af will put her to sleep quite easily nowadays - but she needs Af to pick her up and walk her several rounds in the living room. She still naps 2-3 times a day (usually 30-60 minutes). She mostly sleeps through the night, but will cry several times to be soothe by Af or she probably needs milk. There are nights when she cries at night and can't be soothe, maybe because of teething or it's too hot to sleep comfortably. We had to turn on the A/C nowadays :F

Her nap time actually improved after she started eating.
She can now nap 1-2 hours (this is a great improvement).

After the 4th month, she no longer can sleep on her baby car seat during long drive. She will get super fussy and wants Af (it is still a struggle for me to make her sleep because she has her 'favorite'). But I have to pick her up and help her sleep (she will sleep on me for an hour). A struggle, but still possible.

Note : I am still using all the essential oils that I bought in the fourth trimester (so even though they are crazy expensive, I'm still using those everyday until today).

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Will continue this post until Sofi is 1 !

Baby Story: Surviving the First Month

I had a baby 6 weeks ago, on the 23rd of July 2019.
We named her Ana Sofi (I am wisdom).

People always say that the fourth trimester is the hardest phase. I wasn't fully prepared for this phase - it was definitely not as easy as the months during my pregnancy. Although I finally got my body back and it slowly starting to feel like myself, the emotional and physical changes after the pregnancy phase was a bit tough on me.

Let me share some of it with you :

1. The Pain & Exhaustion - My body was really weak in the first few weeks, even by the second week I still have to be aware of all my movements. My back was in a lot of pain after the delivery and even though 5 weeks passed and all my stitches were healing well, my back was still in pain (I can't sit properly and I had limited movements). I only took a 4-days confinement massage sessions, and I don't think it was enough (added extra massage session).  
• What you can do : Get a 5 / 7 days confinement massage sessions, get help from your mom / sister / hire confinement lady in the first + second week after the delivery, ask your husband to take a full week off to help around (you will need the help and moral support). 
2. The Jaundice Phase - Sofi got jaundice on the first day but nobody told us about how to get better from jaundice right-away, that she needed to drink a lot of milk and the more she pee/poo, the faster she will heal from jaundice. We thought she was an easy baby because she slept through most of the time (we found out later that it was one of the symptom), so we didn't wake her up during the first few days. Later when her jaundice spiked, Sofi was admitted, got blue-screened for the whole day, I tried to fed her my milk (and it wasn't enough). We got the hang of it after a week, we had to monitor her poo + pee, forced feed her every 2 hours, and went to the clinic to get it checked every few days. After 2 weeks of the routine, she was finally discharged. It was a tough phase for a person healing from delivering a baby.  
• What you can do : You need to start milking up at least a week before the delivery, get milk supplements / booster. Pump it out and keep in your fridge so you can feed your baby first thing after the delivery. Don't wait because it might take days after the delivery for some people and babies with jaundice need milk every 2 hours.
3. The Milk Issue - in order to reduce jaundice level in babies, babies need to drink a LOT of their mommies' milk and for some of new mommies, milk production takes some time. I had that problem, my milk wasn't enough and Sofi needs my milk to get better. What she had wasn't enough, so the first few days we had to combine with milk formula to cater to her every 2 hours feeding time. It was such a difficult time for me, because I felt like I wasn't enough for her that I can't even feed her. I was stressed out and exhausted, on the verge of crying all the time :F 
• What you can do : Get supplement or milk booster : kurma, milk, halba, brown rice, horlicks, honey, etc. I tried the hot halba + honey (and it worked), now I also take milk supplement (MaMom) so I can get ahead of Sofi's need. I got myself an electric pump and pump out my milk every 3 hours to activate the milk production.
4. The Breast Engorgement Phase - I wanted to produce milk as much and as soon as possible so we tried one of the nurse's tips : drink a mixture of hot halba + honey. A day after 2 drinks of the mixture, I woke up with a prickling pain all over my body, my mom in law said it was because of the milk accumulation and if I didn't treat it soon, it will caught on with fever (and we were avoiding that). Thank God my confinement lady was scheduled that day, and so I had the most worst breast massage session (because of the pain) but she taught me a great way to do breast massage myself to avoid future engorgement. I will never forget this lesson. 
• What you can do : I don't want anyone in the world to ever have to experience this to know the seriousness of breast engorgement. Breast engorgement will happen to you if you keep the milk for long - so we need to avoid this. Just let your baby drink it up and don't forget to religiously pump it all out every few hours. Learn breast massage to let the milk out and on emergency cases when breast engorgement happened to you, please call in the professionals to help you out. In my case, here's a number : Kak Effa, Opah Heritage : 017 272 7278.
5. The Sleepless Night - I thought we were ready for this. No. Sleepless nights meant waking up at random hours when your baby cries or when it is time for you to feed your baby (jaundice babies need milk every 2 hours). So the random hours were the tough part, sometimes every few hours, sometimes every hour, and sometimes even minutes right after we closed our eyes. There is no planning here, we weren't getting proper sleep for weeks now.
• What you can do : Take turn, do it together with your husband. You are in this together. 
6. The Postpartum Depression Scare - it was tough on me. I kept on getting anxious, my hormones weren't stable yet, I cried almost every day during the first 2 weeks. It was too much. I was constantly afraid of making mistakes, anxious every time I hear her cry, still in a lot of pain, I felt weak and helpless, I miss my husband so much - even though he was with me on the first week, I felt so far from him, I didn't feel like myself, I didn't feel connected with Sofi, everything felt wrong. I kept on repeating the past over and over again, and I shared all this with Af. Every time I talk about it, I cried. When I pumped my milk, I cried. Af was really worried with my condition - but we talked about postpartum depression or baby blues before and usually it will end in 2-3 weeks. I also shared + whined to my sister and Tasya (she just had a baby few months back). By the end of the 3rd week, I felt okay :F
• What you can do : Share with your partner, or your close friends. In my case, I shared my whines and cries with my sister and my best friend Tasya (she just had a baby few months back and she survived the fourth trimester without whining to me). Without them, I don't know how I can survive this phase. Af also seen me cry the most during this 2 weeks - and I almost never cried in front of him in our 4-years of marriage :F
7. The Postpartum Hives - This was weird. I got an allergic reaction for 3 days, and it was really bad (it attacked my whole body : lower body, upper body, head, face, back, lips). Everything went red, super itchy, and hot. Like huge maps all over my body. Nothing worked, I just had to stop myself from touching it and I can't even sleep at night. 
• What you can do : Please please please avoid stress. It takes a toll on your body. 
8. The Colic - Be ready for a colic phase. It is a tough phase, for the baby, for you as parents because your baby will cry and cry for hours. Nothing seems right and they will look uncomfortable and in pain. She cried, I cried T^T This is a normal phase for newborn (0-3 months), so be patient and try to avoid it at any cost. 
• What you can do : Burp your baby after every feeding, bicycle leg exercise before feeding, essential oil massages to avoid gas. Every burp matters, invest your time in those small exercises and massages to avoid this awful situation. 
9. The Awkward Public Breast Feeding - I hate it. It is so public and Sofi is crying :F
• What you can do : Buy a nursing cover and practice. Try it while standing up, try it while sitting down, practice latching the baby under the cover, during stressful moments when your baby is crying like crazy. If lucky, go and find nursing room.

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If I don't push myself to write all this down, I'll probably forget this after several years. But I don't want to forget this phase, I want to remember and remind myself (so I'll consider if I want to keep making babies) :D Surviving the first month for new parents is tough, depressing and super stressful, but you'll adapt and it will be over soon.

May the force be with you.

  via Gfycat