There have been many instances in my life lately that have humbled me to the point where I feel as though I'm having an out-of-body experience. I'm watching myself navigate these multifaceted life dramas with an observant eye, neither passing judgment nor actively reacting to them.
I'm not sure whether I'm suppressing my human emotions or simply curious about where I am right now: how I'm responding to these events, how I'm feeling, and how I'm managing it all. I could list everything here, but to what end? What would I gain from complaining? Would I just be releasing wasted energy into the universe?
It is not in my nature to be seen, and I still prefer to pack my stuff and walk away.
Not to run away, but because I choose to spend the little energy I have elsewhere. I've been thinking a lot about capability lately, trying to understand whether my bitterness and melancholia stem from having too little to give because my own cup is running low. How do you replenish something you've felt you've lacked all your life? How do you give when you feel you have nothing to offer?
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Other than that, I am in real need of a good outdoor run. This haze has been taking up too much space in our lives. I miss nature, and I miss the freedom of being able to walk outside. Quiet walks, greenery and lots of reading. That's what I need now that the move is done.
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