Little Things 267 : Drowning On The Land

I'm having a hard time falling asleep, and I keep waking up around 3 - 4 am, a bit too early to start my day. Crampy stomach pain, tense shoulder, dissociation, moody, and a bit too stressed out. This keeps on repeating every few weeks like a pattern. I know myself too much to not notice this - I'm struggling, right? I don't have to talk my mind out of it or try to talk in riddles to lessen the impact. It is what it is, even the mere attempt to convince me to believe in the process is stressing me out.

Look what I found last night - so beautifully written, it sums up my whole existence in one poetic line : 

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Note : What was it, the dream that I had between the wake at 3 am and the next wake at 4 am just now? Oh, Alex Turner, practicing session at my uni, and was it Tian, coming down for a bombing? Nothing is more random than having them both in my dream, working. 

Little Things 196 : Believe

I believe in the small things I randomly write in my book, in the unfinished stories, in those drafted posts, in those repetitive shots in my mind that still waiting to be written down. I believed in the whole process of reading and more reading, and buying books that I don't have enough time to read. I believe in being surrounded by people who write for a living. I believe in those short moments of hiding in the toilet, or while waiting for my husband to arrive, or when the euphoric caffeine-effect kicks in.

I believe that some people just enjoy writing as it is. 

And those promises of finishing up a piece are just promises that we tend to ignore, just because the thought of having to end it depresses us. We don't write for those who want to read, we write for ourselves. That's the thing. We don't want to end it, like putting a full-stop on something that has been in our mind for so long.

We want it to keep on living.

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Image from Pinterest

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*Believe is inspired by Megfee's post

Little Things 126 : Silencing the World

Shy rain and dusty hot wind. Everything looks grey and unhealthy. Another hot season and sleepless sweaty nights, I've aged more than I should in a short time. I can't wait for my time to be away from the city heat. 

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I almost finished reading H.Murakami's short stories compilation in Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman. In the mid-way through the book, I realized something that I've been missing. My written words. It has been so hard to write nowadays, and I've been wondering why it feels more like a task than a passion. And I figured that maybe I am clouded by unfiltered world of thoughts by the society. I knew social media can do so much harm than good to me.

I started with deactivating my Facebook and my Facebook page. Next thing I know, I logged out from Twitter and Instagram. Still considering whether to stop using Tumblr all-together or just try to avoid using it for awhile. Like all addiction, I keep on accidentally 'clicked' on the Ig icon but the login process takes too much of my subconscious mind so I cancelled right-away.

And I began writing again.

Writing : Niche

On writing topic :

I read twice from writing articles about 'finding your niche' in blogging. Roughly, the idea is to write your blog specifically only on topic/s that you chose to write about.

You can have a fashion blog and talk about all the latest fashion, what people wear, what you should not wear, which colours suit you, how to combine patterns, and so on. You can write a travel blog and ramble about your travel experiences, tips and tricks, how to save and spend money, what to bring, interesting inspirational little stories along your journey and such.

Personally, when I try to think about which labels I should bring to give readers a tunnel to my life's interests, I failed. If I ever have to write about one topic alone, I'd probably cringe badly to the idea itself. What is it that I love so much that I'll write forever ? I can't choose !

Like what Leo Babauta said in zenhabits :

Focus, minimize, it's al about the energy of focusing on one thing alone.

Writing : 750words - 2

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Does 750words a day improve my writing?

I've participated in 20 daily pages.

I've completed 17 daily pages.

I've written 14,432 words in 26 days.

Maybe my writing is still the same. But I learned about myself more than I usually do. When I need to write 3 pages long daily, I had to put extra efforts in thinking of ideas. I had to ask myself daily, somehow it pushes me towards my subconscious mind : things that I don't have time to think about, things that I thought did not matter, things that worry me, or make me happy.

And days after, when I read it back, it was like stories that had been told by someone else. I never knew how deep I went into to write those things I wrote. 

So, by writing daily, I learned about more about myself.

I guess people can use it for self-theraphy.

Previous Post : 750words

Inspiration : Haruki Murakami

Haruki Murakami's on Writing :

When I’m in writing mode for a novel, I get up at 4:00 am and work for five to six hours. In the afternoon, I run for 10km or swim for 1500m (or do both), then I read a bit and listen to some music. I go to bed at 9:00 pm. I keep to this routine every day without variation. 

The repetition itself becomes the important thing; it’s a form of mesmerism. I mesmerize myself to reach a deeper state of mind. But to hold to such repetition for so long — six months to a year — requires a good amount of mental and physical strength. 

In that sense, writing a long novel is like survival training. Physical strength is as necessary as artistic sensitivity.

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Such discipline needs a very strong will.

You can read on other artist, writers and other interesting people on their daily routine , here.

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Aiming for Haruki's IQ84 ,

hopefully I'll find it at BigBadWolf next month.

Writing : 750words

750words is a website I used to practise my writing skill. Basically the idea is to write 3 pages long post on anything that pops into your head every morning. The unfiltered, spontaneous, daily private post on anything. It is to make writing be a daily habit. 

The idea is if you start your day with 3 long pages , it can help you clear your mind and keep the ideas flow all day long. Like morning exercise to keep you stay fresh the whole day, same concept.

It is not blogging. It is just a free style writing on anything. No particular rules. And it is private, only for you, by you.

3 pages = 750 words. 

I've tried it, and it was not as easy as I thought it would be. It needs a bit effort to keep on ideas flowing. Somehow I need to connect with my subconscious thoughts and it was always interesting to read later afterwards. More like a journal I guess, easy to say. 

For people who love numbers, you can also check out a statistic of your daily writing. For example, this is my statistic on today's post :

I even challenged myself in writing daily for November. Try it.

It was created by this guy.

Other :
Read what other people's thought on 750words.

Movie : Premium Rush and I

I missed writing terribly. In this past 17 days without writing, I tried my best to consider it as my days with real life experiences and stories. I told myself that I needed this to be a better writer and observer.

I've read around 5 books, including novel graphics and travelogues. I've been to many places. I met people. I joined group activities such as watching television that make me felt dready after several hours. I shopped and walked and talked and cooked and all those social activities.

All without any drawing, doodling or writing.

It almost kick my patience, I was nearly attacked by anxiety.

And I'm back again!

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This topic reminded me of yesterday's movie I watched with Mr. S : Premium Rush.

Wilee is an example of an adrenaline junkie. Adrenaline junkie is a person that enjoys and addicted to the thrill of adrenaline rush. Usually it is also associated with extreme sport and typical activities like river rafting, rock climbing, bungee jumping. Anything associated with danger, and is highly risky. 

You know the feeling when you are out of breath, heart rate increases, the '"act now or die" moment. It will give you extra oxygen, energy, hormones. and euphoric feelings. 

The movie gave an interesting view from adrenaline junkies. I knew such people existed but I didn't really understand their condition. Maybe due to my almost serene and slow pace life I cherished so much. 

In the movie, Wilee chose to be what we call "reckless cyclist". He chose to use the most basic condition in a bike ; no brake, no gears. He chose not to be trapped in the normal life behind office desk like his friends. He wanted to be on the road, constanly moving, where he needed to think and act fast all the time. 

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How is this movie be connected with the introductory paragraph I just wrote above?

Well, It opened my eyes a bit. 

Although I don't wish for fast pace life, I know I am addicted with doing and producing something. The need to write or draw or doodle or read or anything as long as I am not lazying around. The foolish act of waking up from unplanned afternoon sleep with my heart beating up so fast because I feel like I've just wasted my time, sleeping. Is that even normal?

I do wish to be a little reckless once in a while. Knowing I plan almost everything, gives me a little feeling of being trapped in my own invisible rules. 

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PS : I love Joseph Gordon-Lewitt