Compilation Post : End of the Year 2024

Let's continue with the yearly personal wrap-up that I've been doing since 2017. In 2024, I made a small vision board, and on this vision board, I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do/achieve. I did achieve more than half of it by the end of 2024, but it was pretty slow earlier on. So, I'm pushing the things that I did not achieve this year to next year and hopefully, I will complete them then. I won't share it here because it is a bit personal, but here's the generic version of things I usually share by the end of each year.

-

On Books ✦

This year is a good book year. My best friends were books, I spent so much time with books in general, I went to the library every so often, bought some books, and borrowed some more. I spent my loneliest time with books, trying to understand the poignant part of living - macam they can somehow help me understand things, thus explaining why I read books that evoke hard feelings.

I consumed 47 books from Jan - Oct, and stopped reading once I started working full-time, it was a nice bookish journey.

Here are my top 5 books:

• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante
• The White Castle by Orhan Pamuk
• Please Look After Mom by Kyoong-Sook Shin
• Greek Lesson by Han Kang
• Beauty and Sadness by Yasuwari Kawabata

-

On Living ✦ and Surviving

Ugh, this year has been a total disaster. Fell into a hole, stuck in there for a while, struggled to get going, and went into a very sad, anxious, and depressed phase. Finally, I worked things out, made changes, and forced myself to be more flexible, adapted, and more resilient, I guess, but in return, I got bitter as well. 

Oh, I hate being bitter, but that's the way my life is going at this moment, and I'm finding joy and love in other things, trying out new things, exposing myself to new environments, meeting new people, challenging my way of doing things and just try to enjoy living. I need good vibes, people. Shower me with good vibes, I just can't do ugly vibes at this point. I think I deserve a break, I finally came out of the hole kan, and it's been more than 2 years.

So, I'm trying my best to just focus on good energy.

-

On Work ✦

I don't want to jinx this, but I love my new job, and I love the team and the vibes and the things that they are doing. They are just shooting good vibes from all sides and I am openly showing my vulnerable side upfront in hopes of getting more support from wherever I can. T^T Like, "Please adopt me, everyone, I need your love and support, no pressure" - I'm ready to put in the effort in growing my circle because life will always be shitty every once in a while (or all the time - depending on where you are right now), so if you could have one thing, have a good support system that can be there for you. 

I'm done doing things alone. 

-

On health and moving ✦

Yes, compared to where I was in early 2024 and now. I am in much better health, mentally and physically. I can run, and I manage my stress and anxiety better, sure I run a lot, but at least I'm not spiraling anymore. The weight didn't improve, probably because I ran a lot, but whatever works lah. 

I'm good, Alhamdulillah, I'm in a much better state. I can sleep better as well (ps: magnesium spray!)

Total Distance: 244 km

-

On making friends ✦

I reconnected with an old friend about a month ago and was as nervous as I would when I cared too much. We met, and we exchanged old stories, and later, we followed each other on IG. One morning, I noticed that I was blocked and unfollowed. There must be reasons for this to happen just a month later kan, I know, I know, I knooow, but I am very insecure about making connections with people because I have my "issues", so I cried macam budak kesian, this felt too much like school. I care, I care, I stupidly, insecurely care, and I can tell 1001 feel-good things to my own ears, but at the end of the day, I still care anyway. 

Then I sweated it off with a 13km session because it was just a bit too painful, how else do you healthily manage a roller-coaster emotional ride other than to sweat it off. Well, I could just simply ask, but at this age, why would we force something that isn't wanted.

This year is a very odd year where I accidentally met a lot of people that I know from my past. 

But that's ok, I'll try to make new friends (like I will make an effort again, I promise I will try next year!)

-

On being vulnerable ✦

I will always try my best to be upfront with my vulnerable side, I wear it on my sleeve because we are human with flaws anyway. Some people just choose to pick the happy beautiful side to focus on and only share that on social media, I totally get it. But at the end of the day, the darker shades of emotions are still there with you in the shadow, and those, too, are YOU. I choose to bring both to the table even if they make people uncomfortable. 

You need to be humbled by life to understand that pain will always be here, and it is totally ok to accept and befriend it like a bitter friend. I'm ok with being imperfect. 

-

Coming into 2025 ✦

If life could be about one thing, I want it to be about spreading love and more positive vibes to people. So, let's bring it to the table.

Let's welcome 2025 and I hope you have had a blast! .𖥔 ݁ ˖

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2023

Here's a 2023 Compilation:

 

On Books: I consumed 99 books this year  ✎

Here are my top 10 books:

• The Border of Paradise by Esme Weijun Wang
• In Search of Silence by Poorna Bell
• Your Story by Joanne Fedler
• Bittersweet by Susan Cain
• Reproduction by Louisa Hall
• Women Talking by Miriam Toews
• Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
• The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton
• From Darkness Into Light by A Helwa
• If An Egyptian Cannot Speak English by Noor Naga

I also found a bookish safe haven, in Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur, for half of 2023, I spent a lot of time in the bookstores all around KL but hardly bought any books. So when I found a reliable library to hide in, I was so excited. 

I ended my 2023 by reading all the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles ❀ and it was a 5 stars experience ⊹ ࣪ ˖

-

On Walking: ✦

I stopped running and I started walking. The running doesn't align with my soul at this moment, so I started walking and it seemed to calm me a bit. I'm trying to walk in the city at least once every week, taking the whole day off and just having a long walk the whole day. I love it. 

I created a good EDC bag that I bring with me on my walks and it holds all my necessities. I think I'll share that in another post because I took months of walking to slowly develop a good EDC based on my needs. 

-

On Work: ✦

This year, I aimed to work with a fintech kan.

I got the job - it is still new, I got offered a full-time job with a fintech company starting Jan (been working as a freelancer with them this year) and am still on a project with a finance-related agency (due early Jan). 

So for now, hopefully, the work part is okay.

-

On health: ✦

Can't sleep, this year is the year I am sleep-deprived (eh, probably sleep-deprived since I got Sofi kan). But other than sleeping issues, I don't have that much constant body pain compared to the last few years. Less episodes with neck strain, and shoulder/back pain. My advice is, if you have recurring body pain issues, try to look deeper into your mental health, whether you are experiencing constant stress, anxiety, unspoken unresolved issues, etc. 

What changed this year, is I confronted my issues and talked with my people - I no longer keep them aside, I choose to face them, and the load that I was carrying alone, is now shared. So the usual stiffness in my upper body due to these unresolved issues that I was keeping, has lessened. There is a term called 'somatization', the expression of psychological or emotional factors as physical (somatic) symptoms. For example, stress can cause some people to develop headaches, chest pain, back pain, nausea, or fatigue. It is real and I had them for several years because I tried to handle everything myself, it was eating me from the inside.  

Well, this year for me was better regarding the body pain issues.

However, I now have a sleeping problem - I wake up too early, to manage this, I try to sleep in early (around 8ish pm). But I still wake up around 3 - 4 am, sometimes even around 2 am. Then I toss and turn until 4 - 5 am to start my day. This is new, so I don't know how to solve this problem yet. 

-

On Writing: ✦

I wanted to write 8 posts every month on this blog and I managed to do that.

I also write in my journal (when I can) and do some kind of fiction writing, so I think that's a good start.

-

Honestly, I'm not excited for anything in 2024, I just want it to be a better wholesome year for me, less struggle, less drama, less pain. 

Also, saying hello to 37 with open hands .𖥔 ݁ ˖

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2022

A 2022 compilation :

1. On health :

Remember in 2021 I had severe anxiety that I collapsed? Well, it took around 6-8 months for the anxiety to clear up. Even after that, I started having chronic pain for another half of the year, which I think was related to anxiety. I spent thousands to recover/manage/heal. 

But I learned a lot. It taught me resilience, it taught me to understand that some things need to be experienced, it taught me humility, it reminded me of the shortness of life, and it taught me to have more backup plans than I already have.

But I'm well now, and my health in 2022 was better.

-

2. On finance :

We struggled throughout the year, it was a slow year, financially. As a freelancer, there are months with no money and there are months with doubled/tripled from what I usually get. But all in all, we struggled a lot this year, which led to a decision to make a change in my career.

Note: I spent a lot of my savings surviving and recovering in 2022, so I wish to earn more in 2023 to financially recover and prepare for the future. 

-

3. On projects, career, and work :

In Nov, I started working full-time again. This decision was made out of necessity and although I was the one that made the decision, I'm actually still very disappointed with this. But we have to be ready for the economic downturn, we need to have enough to survive without having to struggle on a monthly basis kan. This is the sacrifice that I need to make.

It has been 2 months and I'm adapting well. We are still working full-time remotely in the comfort of our own house. We got connected through Slack and Zoom, we have office lunch every month and weekly get-togethers for a seminar/talk, all online. They actually make an effort to connect us together even though we are separated by countries. 

They offer a good salary, enough annual leaves, 3 months maternity leaves, birthday day off, flexible-work time, trust us as a fully responsible adult (I mean, we are fully remote and all work are manageable), work-life balance, no OT needed, etc etc etc. All the things I wanted in a work environment.

I work as a designer/illustrator where I can use my skills in different projects. It's a remote office where all are treated like an adult and I like it. 

I also did several more projects with Noko this year and most of the things came out before Christmas.

In mid-Dec, I joined Comic Fiesta but it was not as fun. 

-

4. On Sofi :

I waited for 2 years and 8 months to hear her call me "mami". She finally started learning to talk 3 months before she turned 3. Soon she started to catch up, she mimicked us and 6 months later she can even use up to 4 words in a sentence. 

It wasn't just her time yet and we waited ever so patiently :F

She is also potty-trained and no longer uses nappy except at night time. She stops drinking milk lying down, she wants me to read her books every night, and she refuses to nap during the afternoon. She started her 1-week trial at a kindergarden in Nov as well. 

A lot of major changes. 

-

5. On passion :

I consumed more than 100 books this year.

Letting myself nerd out and doing research on books and writers feels so good (I usually write something in the early morning before Sofi gets up). I learned something from reviewing these books, I decided on certain matters that I was not sure about before, and I discovered things about myself that I didn't know.

It is so good to still like something so passionately even after 30 years. Also, it feels good to nerd up and write about books with invisible audiences. 

1. The Book of Goose by Yi Yun Li 
2. Gilgamesh by Yi Yun Li 
3. Briefly, a Delicious Life by Nell Stevens 
4. Black Milk by Elif Shafak 
5. The Song of Achilles by Madelline Miller 
6. The City of Mist by Carlos Ruiz Zafon 
7. The Prince and the Dress Maker by Jen Wang
8. The Island of Missing Trees by Elif Shafak

At this point in my life (mid-30s), I'm beginning to enjoy reading classic literature, and fiction with beautiful prose and calm slower vibes. Life is already too messed up, I just want to read/listen to something soothing for my mind. 

-

Things I'm excited about :

1. The book I pre-ordered in Nov for my upcoming birthday month: is the paperback version of To Paradise by Hanya Yanagihara. 
2. The Last of Us series will be out in mid-January, but it's on HBO Max.
3. I am waiting for the time to watch The House of Dragon - because I've been so busy for the past couple of months.
4. I'm also extending my stay at Disney Hotstar to finish up Andor - and write something about it because I'm inspired. Fun fact: I waited for a year+ to wait for the release of Andor. (DONE)
5. The home massage session on my birthday, I pre-booked on Sentuh App :F
6.  Getting my Kindle back and reading Hamnet (I bought it in Aug). I expected it to be returned to me in Dec, but I guess getting it returned wasn't in her main plans.

Little Things 244 : End of Year 2018 Compilation !

I'm back for the yearly compilation !

I love this yearly compilation, of my own successes and failures :o This is a reminder of what I reached every year (because I'm a Capricorn - I tend to take notes and have yearly goals :F). So when I look back, I can track back what I did in my younger years (although I said I'm no longer updating my blog - I'm still crawling back to this site everyday. Or is it because this is the landing page for my browser? Hm). 

--

1. Read 50 books in a year goal, upgraded to 100 books (Succeeded) 

I actually managed to consume 115 books this year, thanks to a lot of audio books on Scribd and rereading books that I already loved. Comparing this goal with last year, I only read 15 books - so I wanted to really pushed myself in 2018. I subscribed to Scribd for only 6 months and didn't buy that many physical books this year :D Read 'On More Books but Buying Less'.

But, I have a long lists of books I want next year.

--

2. Travel + Events (Succeeded)

We went to Japan for the third time, had our first event in Japan (Midsummer Design Festa), and I also went to Turkey for the second time (this time exploring way more cities than the trip in 2014). 

I also joined a lot of events from May - August, and did a lot of doodle workshops throughout the year. It helped me in funding my way through all these trips and paying off my loans. 

--

3. Work-wise, freelance life (still surviving)

I started working as a full-time freelancer and independent illustrator in April 2017, and it is already more than a year and reaching 2 years in 4 months. I'm proud of this, my super goal is to reach financial independence, payoff my loans - not to be working for anyone else but me :D

At this moment, I'm having a good time hiding in my apartment.

--

4. Having our own child (still trying)

Yeap, we are still trying. Our forth anniversary will be in 5 months and we are still trying to have a baby - but with no luck! But we are still in honeymoon phase (which is a bliss to be in love and be loved :F ).

Maybe we will consider adoption, I don't mind this. 

Random story : Yesterday I mentioned about telur pindang in our group Whatsapp, and just a few moments after, my sister already ordered those eggs and had someone send it to our apartment. Just like that. That's how serious they are taking about random food cravings that I have - even with no pregnancy in sight. Not sure whether I'm lucky to have 'very thoughtful sister + mom' or it's bad for  me for giving them such hope :D 

-- 

5. More shops and more self-published books (Yess !)

I'm now sending my items to these shops, so you can find my products all over the place :

• Salt x Paper, Kota Kinabalu
• Stickerrific, Petaling Jaya
• MyPaperProjects, Shah Alam
• Ikigai Shop & Smida Paper, Georgetown

I also self-published several books & zines this year : the Wander book (Japan Travelogue), the Doodle Journal mini guide and the latest one Summer & Typhoon (mini travel zine). 

--

A lot of I, how about YOU ?

Did you have a lot of fun this year ?

Little Things 241 : 2017 Compilation

As requested, I'm going to share this 2017 compilation that I drafted since the end of last year. Hahaha, lame joke.

1. Read 30 books in a year goal. (Failed)

I only read 15 books in 2017, guyyyyyys. 

I think the most memorable audio book I listened to was Carried Fisher's - Wishful Thinking, probably because she recently passed away. In loving memory of Princess Leia, one of the most iconic fictitious character. It was a great autobiography and I love that she read it herself T^T I think in 2017 I re-read a lot of books that I know I like : Siddhartha (Hermann Hesse) and a lot of Murakami's.

So there is no favorite book of the year, but as for novel graphics I'm recommending : This One Summer (Mariko + Jillian Tamaki), Nothing is Forgotten (Ryan Andrews) & How to be Happy (Eleanor Davis). 

*

2. Run 450 km in a year (Failed)

Are you kidding me? I only ran the total of 135 km in 2017. I stopped running, I started cycling for fun. I did my second half-marathon last September though.

I think I'll run my third half-marathon next year :D 

*

3. Travel + Events (Succeed)

We did our 2 weeks family trip to Osaka + Kyoto as planned and we went to Sabah too.

I joined so many memorable events this year : my second Etsy Made Local , Jesselton Artisan Market in Sabah, and my very first CAFKL + Comic Fiesta. Fun times :)

*

4. Career (Major changes here)*

I became a full-time designer + illustrator. 

I survived 9 months, the longest time so far ! This is my life-long dream - to be able to work remotely as an independent artist making things and also freelancing as a designer/illustrator at the same time as well. Anything that helps me make money lah. 

My biggest project in 2017 was with Uber Singapore and several books :

I self-published 2 zines : Eskapi + My Doodle Book. I also did a visual travelogue with a local publisher, but they haven't printed it out yet due to their financial difficulties and I finished my Osaka doodle journal (currently being proof-read by my English teacher). 

New stuffs that I make in 2017 : Eid money packets, enamel pins, iron-on patch, self-published zine.

I also have my own Patreon with several loyal people that has been supporting me, thanks guys ❤  I'm trying to have my own Youtube videos and podcast in Patreon page (but with hugeeee difficulties because I'm so uncomfortable with putting myself in the center of attention). I'll try again in 2018.

*

5. Ptptn (Succeed)

In 2016, my Ptptn loan balance was around RM 20,000 ! But in 2017 I decided to pay using EPF account 2 and currently the remaining balance is :  RM 6,638. Huge leap, I'm so proud of myself T^T Not so far from RM 0 education loan. Read on how I paid my Ptptn using EPF here.

*

Artists + illustrators worth mention :

• Local : Cendawankulat | Weiliwonka |
• International : Eleanor Davis | Azisa Noor | Kathrin Honesta |

Favorite movies I watched in 2017 :

• 2017 : Coco | Split | Thor | Logan | Okja
• 2016 : Lion | Hunt for the Wilderpeople | Captian Fantastic

Favorite song of the year : I Get Overwhelmed by Dark Rooms (I can't even explain these feelings when I listen to this song - Have you watched the movie? - Ghost Story)