Little Stories 292 : Fourth Week, Sinusitis, and KK

Came the fourth week:

I'm writing from my mom's house, and I've been staying here for a week now. Originally I went back last weekend to celebrate Sofi's 5th birthday together. But since then, my health has worsened and I was infected with sinusitis, most probably from the same virus that I've been fighting for over a month now. 

This was my first sinusitis, it was bad. I didn't know how to manage it, my face was in pain, not forgetting the headache around my head, the fever, the fatigue, the thick mucus, the tenderness in my face, and the eye discharge. Every time I coughed, my whole head felt like bursting. Every time I lie down, I feel like crying because the pain was everywhere. I was on paracetamol for 3 5 solid days to manage my pain, and the doctor asked me to eat 2 pills to manage the pain so I could rest.

There were days when I was on stronger cough medication, I was feverish, in pain, and too weak to do anything other than lie down trying to rest. I was delirious, I talked gibberish in my on-off sleep. I've never had those, I usually see Sofi like that when she is sick. Not me. 

So then I decided to have my third GP visit - antibody count ok - not bacterial, blood count ok - not dengue, next is to do more tests to opt out TB. I also did flu and covid tests - all negative. So she referred me to the nearest KK for more tests. Thank God I was in my mom's care this week because I can't - I just can't do KK Seri Kembangan. 

I went to 2 different KK in Nilai in 2 days:

• KK KLIA Nilai - Get a consultation, send 3 bottles of phlegm samples, get blood tests for TB, and else - around 2 hours process, RM 1
• KK Nilai - get xray done in 5 minutes, RM 1

The result will be reviewed in 2 weeks. 

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What did I learn from this?

When I was in 3 weeks bad cough phase, I was already miserable but I didn't want to ask for help. Then on top of that, more worse infection happened and I had no other option than to ask for help. I had to push aside my ego and stay over at my mom's and let her take care of me while I was recovering. I asked Af to take care of Sofi because I was too weak to even think. 

I did everything I could to stay focused on the recovery. I was not anxious, anxiety comes when I am stagnant and stuck in a place, but I know I was doing everything I can to recover. So I knew I was moving somewhere.

I'm now skin and bones, and I weighed only 44kg.

But let's put aside the part I can't control yet and let's just focus on the healing and recovery. 

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Note: I have the type of tough Asian mom who focuses on tough love rather than giving gentle love and care ok. Of course, she handles all my food and sends me to doctors, that's how she shows her love. But she feels like I was over-reacting to the pain and she always says that I focused on the sickness too much. Mana ada urut2 kepala kind of thing bagi manja2, tough love bb.

That's why I have an issue with asking for help - because most of the time I rather tahan than let her gas-light my pain and sickness :F But I don't blame her, despite that, I'm thankful for having her take care of me this week. Gentle parenting was not introduced until all of us became parents and we learned from the tough love we had when we grew up kan, so we give our kids what we desperately wanted when we were small to heal from our own past experiences. Betul tak. 

It's ok, I validate your pain. 

We had it all together.