Little Stories 277 : A Bit Tense, Lately

A Bit Too Tense :

I've been having minor migraine for 5 days. I could even feel the pressure on my jaw. Yesterday I had to try the migraine massage in Putrajaya, just to try something. I know I'm stressed out and overbooked, but I have no option but to go through this until the end of March. This morning I woke up anxious, I couldn't eat and felt nauseous. I tried the acupressure mat and my heart rhythm slowed down a bit. 

I tried the massage, I tried the acupressure mat, I tried drinking warm water (supposedly to hydrate), and I tried breathing practices. But I still can't manage my stress and anxiety. That was why I rejected the job in Nov in the first place because I can't deal with a time-constraint work environment - this first happened while I worked with MM then again with JA. Every time I get too stressed with work, my stress and anxiety will go spiralling. 

So right now, I'm trying to write to clear up my head a bit. 

This evening, I will try running. 

I will try every healthy way to manage it until I can learn to regulate my own emotions because I can't let this cripple my career kan. There must be ways to have fun while over-working kot kan. Kah kah kah. 

-

One Day:

 

I knew I wrote it sometime back, ten years ago to be exact. 

It's One Day - on Netflix. I loved it when I first read the book, and I kinda loved it when I watched the movie adaptation. This time, it is a 14-short episode on Netflix. I thought it would be fun to watch it while working, so I did. Just finished it.

Did not make me cry this time - thought it would give me a good cry but it didn't. Maybe the reason was because : 1) I watched it while designing UI and 2) Both characters were not lovable - Emma in the movie was quirky, but in the series, she seems a bit snobbish. Dexter in both the movie and the series were annoying, so I'm not attached to either of them. 

It's about friendship and love. Yes, same as what I wrote before, if it is meant to be, there's no point in running. Maktub. But for them to be together, both of them need to fall, grow, learn, and heal in their own ways. 

People who never read/watched the movie might be surprised by the ending. 

So, perhaps, get ready for a tissue?

-

Random things on books (from draft post):

 

On Buying Preloved Books:

I bought 2 preloved books on Carousell:

• 10 minutes 38 seconds in This Strange World by Elif Shafak
• The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante

I was really hoping that I wouldn't have to buy any books that I might not like - I prefer borrowing, but the options are so limited. So I had to swim through the list of books that people want to sell as preloved and I had to buy them. But I think I can resell them back later if I don't like them. 

Reading in January:

After such a successful reading year in 2023, I decided to have a slow reading year in 2024. Since Jan, I only read 2 books:  Rosshalde by Hermann Hesse + The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. 

“But who can remember pain, once it’s over? All that remains of it is a shadow, not in the mind even, in the flesh. Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind.”

I'm currently reading Anxious People by Fredrick Backman, it is such a boring book =.= So I stopped. Then I didn't have any time to read anymore. 

On Reading More HH's :

I read another one of HH's underwhelming book written in 1914 - didn't like it and it took forever to finish it up even though it was not that long.

Herman Hesse's Books : 

•  1904 - Peter Camenzind 
•  1906 - Beneath the Wheel ✓ 
•  1910 - Gertrude 
•  1914 - Rosshalde ✓
•  1915 - Knulp ✓ 
•  1919 - Demian ✓ 
•  1922 - Siddhartha ✓ 
•  1927 - Steppenwolf ✓ 
•  1930 - Narcissus and Goldmund ✓ 
• 1932 - Journey to the East ✓ 
•  1943 - The Glass Bead Game

-

Note: I have been drafting unfinished posts since Jan, so I decided to post them all here - unpolished. So later if I read back, I can 'feel' the phases that I went through and see how it got reflected in my writings. 

=.=

Dah la, tonight I wanna go cry in my sleep (tapi tak sempat sbb tertidur terus). Zz.

Little Stories 276 : Two Weeks In - Feb

Didn't feel like writing :F

Work-wise:

February is mostly a work month - I'm "supposedly" working full-time with 2 companies. The agency that tried to sue me because I signed a contract but I canceled on working with them before the date started (in Nov) and also the fintech that has been offering me a full-time position since July last year but has not yet given me a proper contract to sign half a year later. Like I said before, career-wise, it is an odd phase for me. I can't say for a fact that I am working officially for anyone - but, yes, I am working unofficially for them. Because of that, I can work 2 jobs right now, both remotely, but double the stress, and time. 

I thought I'd be having a small celebratory holiday for finishing all the client's projects in Dec, maybe going somewhere, but no, I had to continue sitting in front of the screen every day (even on weekends and public holidays). I can't even have my weekly walk. Ok lah, maybe because I'm just a bit physically and mentally drained right now, so I'm a bit bitter. 

Just tired, so I don't have the energy to sit and write. 

I don't even listen to books.

And I wake up at 2-3 am every night. That one time, I woke up at 1 am and couldn't sleep afterward. Can you imagine the stress that I'm dealing with - I'm probably in my unhealthiest condition right now because I'm really bad at managing my stress. I looked old, I feel much older. I'm not in my content phase, so I got disassociated from life a lot. 

That's why I don't write. 

- 

The Small Socializing:

I met Ms Chin again for the latest life updates. Been a while since I last met her, and we had a looong chat. Then we met up with Ma and the siblings (because it had been almost a month since we last met Ma), cooking sessions, balik Nilai, and lepak2 at my brother's. Simple socializing activities with the family. 

The pictures in order:

1. The over-priced 3-hrs breakfast.
2. Syabu-syabu session at Ma's - during the first weekend. I watched the emo-batman (Robert Pattinson version) that weekend and ate ice cream. Never thought I would enjoy the movie. 
3. Unplanned lunch at my brother's - I didn't expect a fancy lunch when he invited me, I thought it was something simple like nasi goreng.

Last weekend, during the CNY holiday - we had a brunch session at my brother's house. I woke up early to make mushroom/cauliflower soup at home. Then we went to my brother's to help with the cooking and prepping. It's cool that we can all work together in the kitchen now seamlessly. It didn't even feel like a chore but more like a family activity that we all seemed to enjoy. 

Tried practicing chess again after I left it in the school years, but can't seem to focus. 

-

Here's a selfie of the day I woke up at 1 am and couldn't sleep back again even after 2 hours of tossing and turning. I promise to manage my stress better this year so that I can sleep better again - this is probably a cry for help from my stressed mind. I should start running again, but I'm just too tired to do anything else:

Note: All in all, I'm just a bit overworked and stressed out about my life in general. Like everyone else on the planet, I am just struggling to find the balance. But I'm grateful, always, because I am not depressed, and my will to live is still burning - it is just not perfect lah. No one's life is perfect kan. 

How are you so far?

Little Stories 275 : The Fancy Reception Dinner

This is the continuation of the last weekend's event.

It was my cousin's reception dinner. Another fancy event to prepare and attend that caused havoc for our whole family the past couple of weeks. 

-

About the face prep:

This time, I did try to make an extra effort - so my sister helped me with the eyeliner because I'm still a noob, I accidentally did it the wrong way because she was observing and I was too nervous. I managed to wipe them off, and she helped me with the 'tail'. I also patched my eye bag with a liquid BB cream - because I don't have concealer (but I think it looked ok). Then I use lip balm because I can't find lipstick and I haven't decided on which colour looks good on my skin (and personality) - plus I don't like the lipstick's texture.

Ok lah, I think it was a good effort to push myself to try something that I'm not good at and I looked decent enough for a function. Everyone else in my family looked divine and cool. 

About the baju:

I finally got my choice of clothes for the event. Somehow that week, Aja found my kebaya that matched the wedding's theme from our old baju raya, we didn't even know from which year because it was a long time ago but still fits me. The zipper from my kain was broken, so I used Ra's kain that fitted me well - and my sister also decided to wear her kebaya with Aja's old kain that somehow fitted her as well. So we found a loophole of not needing to buy anything new for the event! 

And I borrowed my sister's mid-heel because mine was flat - I can't be the only short one outttt.

The women can wear anything: dresses, or kurung or kebaya. The men need to wear a full suit - and because we never really needed to go to a function before, it was a bit problematic. The options were to buy, borrow, or rent. So they went on a long hunt of trying to find a suit that fits. 

-

About the event:

The guest arrival started at 7.30 pm, I was ready with wudhu' at 7pm so that I could pray right-away after azan in my dad's room. Then there were canapes served in the foyer and in the ballroom where people could mingle around - I was not ready to socialized with strangers and my cousins, so we headed to the photo booth first to take our sibling's photo. 

Here is the fancy entrance:

No one was cool, everyone was jakun together because the event was so extra, so fancy, so beautiful. Everyone was taking loads of photos and videos. In this pink phone booth, you can record a speech to the bride and groom :

-

 

My Seating:

I'm thanking God Almighty for giving me such good seating. I got a seat next to my brother and Sara (my cousin) - on a supposedly close cousin's table (we stopped hanging out together in my teenage years), so it was awkward. Both my sisters were scattered elsewhere at other tables.

I also got a table near the front so it was a good seating arrangement. I have my brother, and I didn't have to chat because the background sound was so loud we literally needed to whisper or shout at each other to make a conversation.

Everything worth mentioning:

• This video by ToiFilms
• The dance performance by the bride & groom's friends
• The speeches by the parents (it got me teared up)
• The gift box (it was beautifully designed and we got a reed diffuser with a lovely smell)
• The interior was by Reeka Timor
• Meeting my whole family from the dad's side was also great
• The guest room that my aunt got for each family (the room cost around rm 1.4k per night - which is craaazy expensive. Definitely a T20 experience)

-

The food:

I shouldn't comment on the free food. But my cousin definitely put a lot of thought into choosing the best meal for the guest. I might not even have this chance again so this deserves a mention. 

• Appetizer: Tropical 'kerabu' mango & papaya with prawn 
• Soup: Roasted pumpkin soup with tom yam Cream, served with bread & french butter
• Main: Grilled Beef Tenderloin
• Dessert: Coconut Jelly

I regretted choosing the beef tenderloin because it was so thick and grilled medium-raw. It was supposed to give a juicy texture but at this age, I can't appreciate the rawness because I keep on imagining the creature. It got the flesh smell. I couldn't finish it and passed it to my brother. But now I know that I can only eat overly cooked meat. Lesson learned. 

I now know that I make a better version of thick roasted pumpkin soup. Teehee.

-

Note:

I hope this doesn't make me look like I want to flaunt anything - it was a fancy wedding that I experienced for the first time, but we came as a representation of extended family members. Yes, my dad's siblings are quite successful in their own way. 

I have almost nothing compared to them, but rezeki masing2 kan, and I'm so happy to experience such an event. Happy for Lyssa, happy for Aunty Chu, I'm sure Arwah Uncle Raja would be so proud too. I missed him and his vibes.

Anyway, congratulations to the whole family.

-

Pre-event:

A LOT of mirror photos and selfies. The older gen - always asked us to take their photos, but we the 'younger' ones, take photos mostly ourselves. So, it was the same thing, they take as many photos of themselves as we do, but they use us as the tool instead. 

I guess we can still enjoy being in vain while we can ♥︎ 

May old age treat us lightly, and we can look back on the past with fond memories of our youth.

 

Little Stories 274 : Treatment at Virtue TCM

I went to a de-stress treatment at Virtue TCM in Bangsar South.

My sister paid for a de-stress treatment (guasha + cupping + acupuncture) for an hour. You get a consultation and an explanation about the whole treatment. After I explained my 'whole' health history, the practitioner explained and advised me on how to manage the stress and anxiety, how important it is to overcome the sleeping problem, the bad posture, the gut issues, etc etc etc. She suggested Chinese medicinal herbs for sleeping and gut issues, to help improve my body, so that I can manage my 'emotions' better - which I rejected for now (because I only have the budget for the treatment). 

Well, my stress and anxiety are manageable for now, I mean, we can't really run away from all the 'tests' in life kan. Tapi how I confront it, how my mind waives off, how strong my core is, all depend on a lot of stressor points and situations. I am trying to learn how to manage it, how to ask for help, and how to confront it. It takes time, a lot of slaps on the face, a lot of falling down and standing up again, a lot of reflection. But that's the process. 

- 

About the treatment:

I was asked to change into their clothes (a pair of shorts and a shirt with a button at the back). Then after I was ready, I was asked to lie down on the front.

The practitioner explained everything while doing the treatment, like sanitizing your back, starting off with scraping (guasha), and all the steps. 

What really painful for me was the scraping because I could feel the stone scraping off my bones, especially on my problematic points like my neck and shoulder, also while doing the gliding heat cupping when the suction is a bit too strong, then when I was left with heavy glass cups on my back. The acupuncture was nothing, compared to the other two treatments. 

But honest to say, despite all the destressing treatments that I've been doing since last week, my body is still tense. I could not even relax, I couldn't even sleep it off, I couldn't let gooo. What is wrong with me? There was a point where I couldn't even stay on my acupressure mat for 15 minutes at home because my heart was racing and my thoughts were wild. 

I know I'm a bit tense and I pretend that it's a personal trait, but I think this is also a problem that I need to figure out/manage this year =.=

-

One day post-treatment:

I've done this kind of treatment before in 2021 during my physio, so it was not my first. I remember that I was feeling beat up the next day, everything hurt and sore. It was uncomfortable. Sleeping was a pain, I slept for 10 hours last night. 

The muscles on my neck are sore, I'm tired and most of my cupping bruises are now dark purplish-deep red, which indicates an unhealthy body:

-

I'm not in any way mentally 'relaxed' but based on both of the treatments, they did let go of the muscle tension in my body and perhaps I can avoid neck or shoulder strain. Perhaps I should start yoga again because walking once a week is not enough. 

Oh, and I tried Maruki Ramen, not as great as Kagura Ramen for the first time, but my brother insisted on trying the original ramen next time:

-

Series - Fleabag; by Phoebe Waller-Bridge

 -

Don’t worry it does get better. 

 

You promise? 

I promise. Listen, I was on the airplane the other day, and I realized, I mean, I’ve been longing to say this out loud, so.. Women are born with pain built in. It’s our physical destiny. Uh, period pains, sore boobs, childbirth, you know. We carry it within ourselves throughout our lives. Men don’t. They have to seek it out. They invent all these gods and demons and things, all so they can feel guilty about things, which is something we do very well on our own. Then they create wars so they can feel things and touch each other, and when there aren’t any wars, they can play sports. And we have it all going on in here, inside. We have pain on a cycle for years and years and years. And then, just when you feel you are making peace with it all, what happens? The menopause comes. The fucking menopause comes, and it is the most wonderful fucking thing in the world. And yes, your entire pelvic floor crumbles, and you get fucking hot, and no one cares, but then you’re free. No longer a slave, no longer a machine with parts. You’re just a person, in business. 

 

Oh. I thought it was horrendous. 

It is horrendous, but then it is magnificent. 

Something to look forward to.

-

Watched Fleabag to see what's the hype, and kinda excited over Andrew Scott taking a character of a very humanly-flawed priest. The messiness of the whole series is something that I've been appreciating lately because it's too flawed and too human, so I can't stop relating. Very cynical, very capricious, quite memorable.

Watching something so imperfect and flawed is something else, especially in fiction, where things could be better and great and magical - all the time. 

Good writing, Fleabag. 

// it will pass

Little Stories 273 : The Fancy Solemnization & Teatime at Broom

Last weekend my siblings and I were invited to my cousin's Nikah (it has been a while since I went to a wedding). We were invited as the representative of the bride's family. I think it is one of the most stressful weddings we've been invited to because we had to make extra preparations - like wearing specific matching colours and with limited 'only-invite' seats (no kids event - means no Sofi), needing to arrive at the specific time, and of course, it was my dad's side of the family - so, if you know, you know. 

But it is the fanciest that I've been to so far. 

It was like being in the Crazy Rich Asian x Bridgerton. Everything was beautiful and bright and colourful and nicely designed. I had so much fun because I was off mommy-duty and I was with my siblings. I tried to socialize with my cousins, but like I said, it has been a while since I socialize and I forgot how to talk with people my age - or people in general. The aunts and uncles were fine, but cousins, it was awkward. 

We took tonnes of pictures because the lighting was great. We were the kepochi side of the family, we were all the jakun ones and we were okay with that. I mean why should we pretend when we were truly impressed kan. 

Anyway, the wedding will be held next weekend and that's another stressful event to prepare for because I have not decided what to wear (the bride's family theme colour is gold/bronze - and I don't have anything in those colours). Plus the men need to wear full suits/tux and the women can wear anything but preferably in gold/bronze. Right.

-

About the face and the tudung:

Ah, an interesting note to mention (because my siblings asked - I wish they asked sooner), we were asked to wear pastel blue coloured clothes right, and the tudung needed to be as light as well. As you know, usually wearing lighter-colored tudung needs some kind of preparation or my face will look a bit dull in it. I don't wear makeup right, so I was not confident that I could wear anything in white/light grey. 

What I did was, I used Garnier Vit C serum for the past 3 months just to brighten up my face and to reduce uneven skin tones. That's what I meant by a stressful preparation. But it worked - I looked radiant even without makeup in the lightly-coloured tudung. So, if you need to attend a function and you need to wear white tudung, and you don't want to wear makeup, maybe you could try this too. Don't let anyone tell you that you need makeup when you don't want to wear them :F (but my mom didn't agree, so choose your battle).

-

The Tea-Time:

Takde, we had no excuse. We just wanted to lepak sama-sama at a cafe. We went to Broom in PJ after the event - just because. I ordered a matcha latte (with soy milk) with apple crumble and then I couldn't sleep that night. My brother's apple pie was better I think. 

Super note: I don't think dessert works for me anymore. I'm so sad. 

-

The last week's massage + lunch treat:

I went to a 90-minute massage (as a birthday treat from Aja) last week, it was painful and good. A bit cold, didn't know why the spa was too cold during a massage session. Great session, but a bit too far from home. It was in Honey Spa Bangi. If I could go again, I would.

Then Aja belanja me a samurai buffet in Samurai Yakiniku in Bangi. Basically unlimited yakitori and beef strips for syabu-syabu and yakiniku. They come with rice, miso soup, and salad as well. It was great until we became overly full (then looking at food wasn't that fun anymore). Beef is a rare commodity for me - but that was an interesting session that week. 

-

Then the whole week:

I mostly worked. I've been juggling between a full-time job and several freelance projects these past few weeks. It is almost reaching the finish line, and perhaps I could get a breather after I send all the client projects - then maybe read a book or two or three. 

This was my song at the end of 2023:

Little Stories 272 : The First Week and It Was Our Birthday Week

On my birthday, I was supposed to be working, but I decided to replace it with last month's work day and I was just on standby. I went out with Aja, Mi, and Ma (they picked me up to treat me to a late breakfast and lunch).  

We went for a short 1-hr karaoke session. I'm not much of a singer (because I can't really sing), but I want to continue doing things that I'm uncomfortable with and all the firsts this year. Last year was interesting, and I think it would be fun to continue doing it this year just to loosen up a bit.  

It was a decent day 🎂

-

The Birthday Weekend :

We went to Homst for lunch and later tea-time at my brother's house.

• My sister got me a De-Stress treatment at Virtue TCM in Bangsar South - with acupuncture, cupping, and upper body guasha, plus an add-on of ear seed therapy. The timing is great because I kinda needed it. I booked the date for later.
• Aja got me a 90-minute massage session in Bangi (because I requested it as well), and a lunch birthday treat at Yakiniku & Sukiyaki buffet the next week. Plus the hair oil that I wanted.
• My brother baked me an apple pie (as requested because we both don't eat cakes that often anymore). Other than that he made soft-baked cookies with huge chunks and gave me a new sling bag and gloves (as a reminder for our travel plan).
  
• Ma kinda went overboard and paid for a facial treatment, and a makeup set (she's still trying - so now I finally got makeup and ok, I'll learn but I won't promise that I'm going to use it as often), a new plaid shirt, and some kitchen stuff. 

This time, I actually only requested me-time treats from them, so that's why I got the facial and the massages but they always have extras as well because like I mentioned in my previous yearly birthday post - the sibling birthdays in my family are "our big events" because we only celebrate it twice a year (Azura & I) + (Aja & Azmi).  Plus, Ma always went overboard with the presents - siap ada lucky draw bagai.  

I also went out with Sofi & Af on Sunday, for a lunch treat and outing. 

Note : The desserts were all home-made by my brother & sister ♥︎

Ohh yes, and I just turned 37.

Thank you, everybody!

♥︎♥︎♥︎

Little Stories 271 : New Year 2024 ✶

We spent the early morning in Putrajaya on the first.

It's a family tradition we are still continuing ♥︎

Af still had back pain, so Sofi rode the bicycle with me. Thankfully Putrajaya is not that hilly. 

Almost had migraine afterward because of the heat and light, but the ice pack somehow worked. 

Happy 2024 ✶

Compilation Post : End of the Year 2023

Here's a 2023 Compilation:

 

On Books: I consumed 99 books this year  ✎

Here are my top 10 books:

• The Border of Paradise by Esme Weijun Wang
• In Search of Silence by Poorna Bell
• Your Story by Joanne Fedler
• Bittersweet by Susan Cain
• Reproduction by Louisa Hall
• Women Talking by Miriam Toews
• Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
• The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain de Botton
• From Darkness Into Light by A Helwa
• If An Egyptian Cannot Speak English by Noor Naga

I also found a bookish safe haven, in Perpustakaan Kuala Lumpur, for half of 2023, I spent a lot of time in the bookstores all around KL but hardly bought any books. So when I found a reliable library to hide in, I was so excited. 

I ended my 2023 by reading all the Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles ❀ and it was a 5 stars experience ⊹ ࣪ ˖

-

On Walking: ✦

I stopped running and I started walking. The running doesn't align with my soul at this moment, so I started walking and it seemed to calm me a bit. I'm trying to walk in the city at least once every week, taking the whole day off and just having a long walk the whole day. I love it. 

I created a good EDC bag that I bring with me on my walks and it holds all my necessities. I think I'll share that in another post because I took months of walking to slowly develop a good EDC based on my needs. 

-

On Work: ✦

This year, I aimed to work with a fintech kan.

I got the job - it is still new, I got offered a full-time job with a fintech company starting Jan (been working as a freelancer with them this year) and am still on a project with a finance-related agency (due early Jan). 

So for now, hopefully, the work part is okay.

-

On health: ✦

Can't sleep, this year is the year I am sleep-deprived (eh, probably sleep-deprived since I got Sofi kan). But other than sleeping issues, I don't have that much constant body pain compared to the last few years. Less episodes with neck strain, and shoulder/back pain. My advice is, if you have recurring body pain issues, try to look deeper into your mental health, whether you are experiencing constant stress, anxiety, unspoken unresolved issues, etc. 

What changed this year, is I confronted my issues and talked with my people - I no longer keep them aside, I choose to face them, and the load that I was carrying alone, is now shared. So the usual stiffness in my upper body due to these unresolved issues that I was keeping, has lessened. There is a term called 'somatization', the expression of psychological or emotional factors as physical (somatic) symptoms. For example, stress can cause some people to develop headaches, chest pain, back pain, nausea, or fatigue. It is real and I had them for several years because I tried to handle everything myself, it was eating me from the inside.  

Well, this year for me was better regarding the body pain issues.

However, I now have a sleeping problem - I wake up too early, to manage this, I try to sleep in early (around 8ish pm). But I still wake up around 3 - 4 am, sometimes even around 2 am. Then I toss and turn until 4 - 5 am to start my day. This is new, so I don't know how to solve this problem yet. 

-

On Writing: ✦

I wanted to write 8 posts every month on this blog and I managed to do that.

I also write in my journal (when I can) and do some kind of fiction writing, so I think that's a good start.

-

Honestly, I'm not excited for anything in 2024, I just want it to be a better wholesome year for me, less struggle, less drama, less pain. 

Also, saying hello to 37 with open hands .𖥔 ݁ ˖

Little Stories 270 : School Holiday Version 2 •ᴗ•

This was from the Thai theme weekend at my brother's last week. Zakuan went back home to Penang so we had a small mini-gathering together. I forgot all the names of the food, but the Thai squid salad that my sister made was so good, then the green curry and tom yam were also great (those were made by my brother). I was a bit busy this time around, so I only made tofu fried egg and helped around - hehe:

On Spending Time with Sofi During School Holiday:

Af and Sofi were supposed to go back to Raub on Monday, but Af accidentally injured his back when he tried to pick up the luggage the wrong way. So he had a back strain (and I know what that feels like), so he can't go back like planned. 

To improvise the plan, I postponed all my datelines and I went back to Ma's with Sofi because we already promised Sofi about going back to kampung several times. So we spent 3 days at Ma's - Sofi had a blast, and I had semi-anxiety thinking about work (apparently I'm quite bad at compartmentalizing, hah). We went to Seremban, I cooked, and I cleaned the toilets, not that many activities in 3 days but at least Sofi had real fun with Atuk and Tokma outdoors (she even said ok to the idea of leaving me at home to go jalan2 with Tokma - betrayer) =.= 

Af rested well, on Wednesday he drove to pick us up, and then they went back to Raub the next day until the weekend. Leaving me to focus on work. I was home alone for 4 days and this cheeky little girl didn't even want to come back home afterward because all her cousins were there =.= 

So, Sofi managed to spend a week in both kampungs before school started (mission accomplished). 

-

On Work:

1. I completed the guidebook and passed the draft to the team before the week ended.
2. I started on the Noko project for the colouring part sample.
3. I finally managed to start working on last week's task by my boss - this was postponed twice, but I completed one part of it. I have several more different tasks that I haven't finished and started. 

I'm supposed to start working full-time starting in January. 

-

On Staying At Home Alone:

I've been running low on my social energy all throughout the school holiday because Sofi was super-clingy with me. As an introverted person, I need the time to recharge or I'll be overwhelmed and irritable. Especially if I'm with such an energetic person and Sofi, yes, she's an adorable kid, but her energy is so loud and radiant. 

Then Af and Sofi went back to Raub.

I was home alone for the first time in forever.

So I worked and worked, and worked. I didn't take care of the food intake for sure because it was work time kan, then I felt awful because perut masuk angin, then I started to properly make time to cook and eat, I still slept in early because I still woke up super early, then I had to put it stretches and workout rep in the schedule as well, sebab I can go on working long-hours and it is unhealthy. Then I started having neck and shoulder pain because I didn't have a healthy relationship with work (so I had to use my acupressure mat every night before sleep). This cycle is ridiculous, you can feel the old-age is coming.

Then, I started my period and things went haywire - I was having so many annoying symptoms like fatigue (so I couldn't work), then bloating (so every time I eat I feel awful), then some mixture of mini anxiety, then the lightheadedness and of course, the most epic one, the crying. And yess, the pimple series. I knew it was coming because I had a migraine several days before, then the random palpitation even though I'm off caffeine. But this time, it was a bit dramatic because there were too many symptoms in one shot, by the end of 2023, I was just miserable. I was mentally and physically miserable. But that's what being a woman is. 

I recharged my social battery and missed my bb so much.

Thank you Af for giving me time to work and recharge. 

It was a nice early-birthday present for me.

-

On Cooking for Myself:

I looove soup, so I decided to make a chowder - originally a seafood chowder, but I only have salmon in the fridge and I used that. I used all the veggies I had to make the base: onion, garlic, potato, cauliflower, pakchoy, tomato, and mushroom. Boiled them up together and blended them for the base, also, the trick is to put some of the salmon fats and skin in the base soup to give the taste and smell. I didn't have to use any cream, the base was creamy enough from the potato and cauliflower. Put some salmon chunks later. So, all fibers and protein in a soup - easy food cheat for people who are too lazy to eat. 

Then sprinkle some black pepper, mushroom seasoning, and butter for the taste.

I also made a nice tomato soup just baked tomato and garlic for 40 minutes for the soup base. I tried sautee-tomato for the tomato soup base before but it doesn't taste as flavourful as the baked ones: 

 

Note: I've been drafting this post since the early final week of 2023, but I felt awful by the end of the week because of my period so I just kept it in draft until I did the final editing. Bye bye 2023 !