Little Thing 257 : Vivid Dreams

You know, our subconscious is an unexplored territory. 

There are a lot of mysteries surrounding it. 

Around 10 years ago, I closed the door. I'm not sure how to explain it, but I 'closed' this door to my subconscious so that no one can reach that place and one thing I noticed is that I stopped having vivid dreams, for years. My sleep is just a blank dark void. I fall asleep, sit in the dark void then I wake up, and that's it. I remember chatting with probably my siblings, saying that I don't have any dreams at night.

Last year, I opened the door back again. 

Then I started having vivid dreams. My nights are colourful again. I went on journeys, and I met people. I wonder if I could make any decisions or plans in the subconscious, find anyone that I wanted, or go anywhere that I needed. Or perhaps it is just like being on a boat without any paddle, and we just follow where the water current leads us to? 

Note: 22/2/23 dream 🌸

Photo by: Johannes Plenio

How to reach my dream?

My dream since I was small is to be a traveler, to take pictures of many great places and experiencing different cultures. To be on the Eiffel Tower, to see the big cathedrals in France, to visit Turki and Romania, the ancient city with beautiful gothic buildings, morning market in Indonesia, busy road of Japan, tall wall of China, wide greenery in New Zealand.

Not to be attached with the work in the office and meet clients and projects and due date.

Just to be a freelance photographer or a journalist. 

Learn new things, languages, cultures, foods, see friendly faces, make lots of frens..

But I feel like my whole future already been written off and tied up on my feet,.

After I finish my degree year, I'll have a debt about RM 40k, with no job or money to pay and I need to work for a lot of years to finish it off.. and at the same time, thinking about having a family and settle down. Then children on the way, more responsibilities.. until the day that I die..

I'm not sure if I want that.. not to enjoy go to places and reach my dreams.

I can't imagine, having to bury my dreams because of that.. call me selfish, call me ignorant..

Of course I want a good happy family and good income..

but not yet.. wait, I need to achieve my dreams first..

aaaaaaaahh.. what to do?