Last week was a tough week.
When I looked back, it was around the same week as last month - so, the hormonal imbalance was understandable, the anxiety, the indigestion, the fatigue, the lightheadedness, then came the toothache, plus taking care of Sofi's sickness the whole week while she's missing her out-stationed dadi were all challenging.
When Sofi started to cry at night for missing Af, I had to decide on a plan to distract her, so we went back to my mom's for the weekend. Despite her having a fever and an infection (got tiny little ulcers in her throat) went to see a doctor who put her on antibiotics because her cough exceeded 2 weeks. The night she had the fever, she was delirious, it was scary, she did random odd things, talked gibberish, cried and she couldn't even see me. It happened many times, the final fit was the longest and I managed to calm her down eventually, we both fell asleep, exhausted.
She was clingy and moody, she cried easily, and she had those cough-fit and night cries back the whole week. I didn't sleep well, I was miserable, exhausted, and nervous. During that time, I knew, I knew that I had to ride the wave until the sea calmed down.
94:5 - 94:6
So, surely with hardship comes ease,
Surely with ˹that˺ hardship comes ˹more˺ ease.
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Here's the metaphor:
Anxiety is like the wave on the beach, sometimes it is big, sometimes it is small and sometimes it calms down. I am someone that just learn how to surf, so when the wave is huge, I fell down as much as any noob would. Even though I didn't want to be a surfer, I had to learn how to surf to survive the sea's nature. So, learning how to surf takes time, and for me, to be able to learn to ride well, I need to be on the surfboard and go with the waves, wherever it brings me. Even though I'm scared shit of the sea.
Told my younger sister this, and she agreed - she dealt with anxiety longer than me due to her thyroid problem that has led to hormonal imbalance since her teenage years. She said, ride the waves reen, feel everything, the waves will calm down eventually.
T^T
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Mini Rant:
I had to ask for help because I was struggling last week - but I don't like asking for help from my family because they looooove to call me 'weak and manja'. I told them that if it was not because of Sofi, I wouldn't even tell anyone anything, I would just probably be sick in a room alone the whole week. But, I had to be vulnerable and ask for help because now my life isn't all about me. I have a daughter, and it is different.
So, weak or not, I had to tell my mom everything and ask for her help. I asked her to massage my palm when we were having dinner in the restaurant, because I was lightheaded and nauseous probably due to indigestion or anxiety, or both. I had to ask her to massage my body that night because I couldn't let the 'angin' out and I was in pain =.= Not my proudest moment, but my body is not always reliable, ok. When it happens, I just need a bit of an extra hand.
And asking for help is supposed to be okay.
Don't listen to your pride, especially if you are a Capricorn. Your ego won't bring you anywhere nice, sister.
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Note: Exactly a week later, I had my period.
Kan.. kannnn.. the PMS is evil, I tell you.
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