"I really don't want to bad-mouth people,
but when I do, I can't stop."
I have thoughts, I have opinions, I don't talk much, but sometimes when I do, I burst things that I don't want to say. Have you ever done that? I did, and I know I'll do this many times more. This troubles me. I view myself as the second person in the room, and I know I don't want to do it but I'll do it anyway.
Call me a social-complainer. An act of wanting to be a part of the social activity to have a mutual agreement on certain debated topic ie; other people. This could go on and on.
Why this happens?
1. Disturbing the circle - I have this invisible circle that I've drawn around me, don't cross that line, if you do, then I'll bite. I understand that people can do whatever they want in life and I almost don't care as long as they don't mess with others' circle. Example : you want to smoke a box of cigarette per day, do it, but if 10 years later, you die because of lung cancer that probably caused by your smelly habit and it makes your family sad? - then that is called disturbing other people's circle.
2. You have a bad habit and you flaunt it - You are proud of it, you wear it like a badge on your shirt. I can't just turn blind-eyes and ignore this obnoxious act and complain in my human's mind. I tried that mantra, "Don't let other people control your emotions" or "find your inner peace", it works sometimes, but it is really hard to keep calm all the time.
Possible solutions :
1. "Let's have the talk" - All I want to do is to have 'the talk', like a civilized grown-ups. "Okay, you have this obnoxious-annoying-attitude and I don't feel comfortable with it". I did that several times in the past, but not everyone can handle 'the talk', some people like to use it as 'oh-I-am-the-victim' and be in denial. They can't see that it was a civilized discussion meant to stabilize everyone's circle, that it is an act to stop the bad-mouthing activity to continue. Some people treat it like a threat. Shessh.
2. Ignore - I wish, I can close my eyes all the time. But I have this belief that if I care enough, then I'll tegur. If not, then the cycle will go on and on, people in denial will be forever in denial. How can we let that happen?
This happens all the time.
Everyone, this includes your family, colleague, best friends, random people on instagram, etc. This habit doesn't just fall to 'woman - kuat mengumpat', I don't believe in stereotyping, because I listened to boys bad-mouthing all the time. Tell me what should I do as human? If obvious annoying thing happen to you everyday for the last half a year, what should you do?
I tried : ignoring, joining the session, sitting stoically, totally avoiding social activities.
But I haven't find my peace yet.