Little Things 116 : Detachment



After reading 3 of Haruki books : IQ84, Norwegian Wood and The Wind-up Bird Chronicle, I can see a huge obvious pattern about Haruki, as a person. He is not only an introvert, it is more than that. He can't connect with the human, so he watches from afar, he learns human. That explains his detailedness.  

I know that, because I am like that. I understand the detachment, I understand the failure to connect and unwillingness to commit with other human beings. We understand human because we want to learn and try to be involved in this seemingly interesting social life, but it's like a plug with a different socket, we just can't connect. I can merely look and learn and understand, but it is not the same way as how it works with me. 

I tried. Really. Sometimes I am even pretty good at this whole drama. But the truth is, I just don't get why certain things are like that. Not that I don't feel sympathy, or sad, or angry, I do. But there's this invisible wall that keeping me inside, and I'm not sure whether it is good or bad. It is not protecting me from being hurt, because oh boy I do feel pain - I am overly sensitive being after-all. But with human, I feel the barrier. 

Does everyone feels that? Or am I just traumatized by my childhood experience resulted from my genius psychopathic father? *note this, my dad is not at all violent, but I love to define and categorize human to understand them better. I bet no one can deny my dad is psychopath if they do see him like I do. At certain point, I feel like I also got have these psychopathic behaviours because how else did I noticed him manipulating me. I am aware that only a manipulative person can notice that they are being manipulated by a manipulative person. Eureka ! On second note : the psychopathic behaviors are the ones with incapability of feeling love, guilt, remorse or empathy and really good in manipulating people in getting what they want. They understand human the best. I do feel love and remorse and guilt tho. I'm totally off topic.

The truth is, I believe that I found myself in Haruki's world. I feel like I am not alone. Some people fail to be attached with human, and this is not comforting, but at least we know that we are not alone in this. So I learn him, in helping me learn about myself :F


Fourth Haruki's book : What I talk about when I talk about running. Running is one of his obsession, so let's read something other than his fiction this time. I promise after I finish all his works, I'll find someone else to obsess about ! :D 

Small extra note : 
I read all Jodi Picoult's fictions - that's about 20 novels on various law issues.
I have almost all Shaun Tan's & Craig Thompson's graphic novels and children books.
I read all Mitch Albom's book except the latest one, just because.
I also read all Paulo's journey, except fictions - I think he is not as much as a great fiction writers, he is at his best when he preaches and talks about his journey. 
I also read Cornelia Funke's and Carlos Ruiz Zafon's books, even if it's a young adult's fiction. 

I guess I can be pretty obsessive when I learn stuffs. But that's how I learn, this is totally normal *pat in the back*.

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